GETTING PREGNANT AND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW

[Jael123]

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. I'm trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

Is there really nothing you want to do at 18 other than have a child?

Just assume you will be able to do nothing other than care for your child (then anything else will be a bonus). Is there literally nothing you'll wish you'd have done? Moved to a new city? Learn a language? Make new friends? Learn to cook? Get regular manicures? Live abroad? Get a degree?

Also having a baby at such a young age will increase the risk of disabilities/birth problems because your 18 with the body of an 18 year old that has barely finished puberty and growing boobs let alone being able to grow a baby. just do one OP you're obviously soooooo wise we don't know what we're talking about do we ladies ?? she has a high paid job with loads of savings and she has a car still hasn't told us what this job is though has she .......

And my check list before getting pregnant. ..

Quit smoking
Stable relationship (10 years not 10 months)
Maturity (gained around 25 years old)
Own our home
Perfect victoria sponge recipe
Good mental health
Home set up
Savings in the bank
Car

Plenty of people have children when their situation stinks. I agree, your situation is better than people's who are on drink and drug. Does that mean you're in the perfect place to have for a baby?

No.

Also you will have f all chance of getting back into work in 5 years if you have a child now employer's won't give you a 2nd glance.

Are your parents supportive of your plan?

OP, you've been given some advice on how to TTC, so I won't repeat that.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to jump on the other bandwagon instead.

Your posts seem to revolve around what you want, without much thought of what a baby/child needs. What do you think your baby needs (and deserves) from you?

Ideally, children need parents who are in a solid, stable relationship with each other. They need parents who are solvent and who always know where the next month's rent is coming from. They need parents who are happy and fulfilled, with sound MH.

I'm not suggesting that teenage parents can't provide for these needs, and I'm also not suggesting that parents who can't provide all of this have failed- just that it's foolish to start out from a point where none of these are guaranteed.

What's the harm in waiting a few years? Provided you don't have fertility problems, you have plenty of time- absolutely loads. Why the need to rush it?

Pregnancy and birth can ravage your body. Are you prepared for that?

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide. But if you were my daughter, I'd be horrified that you were planning this.

You said "I have everything going for me right now".

So why 'spoil' it by having a baby? I knew I wanted to be a mum from the age of 14. Luckily I have some common sense, and waited until I was 25 - until I had been through a couple of adult relationships, when I had lived by myself, after I had travelled, got my education, worked hard and partied very hard.

If I were you I would wait until I was at least 20.

It is your choice OP, i think that previous posters are just concerned and trying to give you the benefit of their experience. Just not all have expressed themselves in the most tactful way.

If you're as mature as you say, you'll see the sense in taking things a step at a time. After all, there's no rush at 18, is there? Perhaps try living together for 6 months first, just to see what that's like?

I think the advice is to take folic acid for 3 months before conceiving anyway, so this would give you time to do that. Apart from that, you should start living as cleanly as possible - no alcohol or smoking, cut down on caffeine, make sure you're eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep. All that (apart from the folic acid) applies to your partner as well.

Whether a baby is planned or not doesn't really affect the impact it has on your life. I had my first baby earlier this year at 39, after years of TTC and several IVF cycles. It felt like the emotional equivalent of a nuclear weapon - even at my age, having responsibility for this tiny wonderful person is terrifying at times.

I wish you the best of luck, OP, and hope you make a good decision. I would say that late 20s/early 30s is probably the best time to have a baby if you have the choice, but that doesn't mean that people outside that age can't make good parents. There really is no need to rush into anything at your age, though.

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I lived in student Accomodation (my own flat where I paid my own bills, good etc) for a year, so? Skippingthroughthefarm please grow up or leave the tread. You sound so immature, learn to spell and make sense of what you're saying before you dictate to me on my grammar. Thanks.

What's a tread OP

Honestly, live with your boyfriend for at least six months before you try to conceive. In that time, begin saving, take folic acid, BOTH of you stop drinking and smoking, visit your GP and tell her you want to conceive in the next couple of years,
What kind of jobs to you and your boyfriend do?

At 18 I had been with my boyfriend for three years, been living together for a year, both worked, and I was beginning my degree. I desperately wanted a baby. He told me he did too, but we would wait until 20 - fair enough. At 20, he told me he didn't really want children but had gone along with it to make me happy... We split up a week later, I moved abroad and had an amazing five years of partying hard, living with a couple of different boyfriends, paying bills and being an 'adult'.

(And good point from skipping, having a baby at a young age does increase your chance of having a child with disabilities).

Are you taking folic acid? If not then start today. You can get it from Boots or any chemist /supermarket.

If you're having regular intercourse without contraception then there's about a 25% chance of getting pregnant in any one month.

That's all really. It's not rocket science.

Other than that, if you intend to return to work after the baby is born then you need to check out childcare costs. This is likely to be the most money you'll have for the next 5 or so years so take that into account when you're working out whether you can afford rent & bills.

If you want more than one child and don't want a big gap then you should also calculate what 2 sets of nursery fees will cost. Most people find that it's beyond their income at that point so do your sums to see if you can afford for one of you to stay at home.

My top tip would be to move in with your partner and wait 3 years. Living with someone who isn't your parents takes some adjustment.

What is your job?

People have given you advice, folic acid, quit smoking/drinking etc, ovulation cycles etc. What else is there to say.

Op why aren't you living together yet ?
Surely if you are as sensible and organised as you say you are you can see that's the first step that needs to be taken.
Move in together and see how that goes first.

Once the baby is born what are your childcare plans ? I am assuming you intend to return to work as you claim you won't be relying on benefits ?
Have you researched that yet as its a huge financial strain.
Plus your manager seems terribly vague on your maternity rights. How long are you entitled to ?
You have to check these things out now not once your pregnant !!!

OP you are fixated on having a baby. A cute little baby you will " love forever ". You will have a baby for such a short space of time. You will have a child, another life with all its complications to take care of along with your own. At 18 are you really ready for that because you don't sound it ?

So what if you've been together since you were 14?

My parents met when they were 4&6, got together at 15&17 and even they waited until 27&29 to have kids. I don't see how being together for 4 years since you were 14 has anything to do with it.

I'm bleeding heavily. I assume this is my period.

You don't know?

"I'm bleeding heavily. I assume this is my period.

You don't know?"

I'm not going to dictate what to do with your life since I'm not your mother and I also don't know your circumstances. I'm going to assume that you are mentally mature enough to have a baby and are fully aware of the consequences of your actions. That you have the finances to have a baby now and once it arrives and that you have a stable relationship in which to bring up that child.

Here is a link to some abbreviations used on this forum so you can understand what I'm saying next:
www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

It's ideal to start taking folic acid and vitamin pills as soon as possible before conception. From what I've read about three months is ideal but I have seen conflicting information on this. I'm currently taking his and hers pregnacare vitamins which should help me be in the best possible health when I start TTC, as well as helping the quality of sperm on the way.

As you are already off your pill, you can start charting your cycle. There are lots of period/fertility apps which can help you do this. You want to get to a point where you know when your next AF is due and also when you are next likely to ovulate.

Research has so far suggested that you should be DTD every other day or at least when you are ovulating. This gives the sperm time to regroup if you like, you don't want to be DTD too often and you don't want to be doing it not often enough as the sperm will get old which reduces the chances of conception.

If you have trouble working out when you are ovulating then you can use ovulation prediction kits (OPK's) which you POAS or dip them whichever you prefer and it should tell you when you have a surge of LH (www.fertilityfriend.com/Faqs/Ovulation-Prediction-Kits-(OPKs)-.html)

Other than that, you might want to avoid drinking and cut out smoking just in case.

I think the Netmums crowd might give you a warmer welcome.

Good luck, OP. You're gonna need it

Having a baby puts huge strain on any relationship, Jael - the advice you have been given here, to live with your boyfriend for at least six months before trying to concieve, is very good advice.

Even better would be to get some more life experience than you have now - honestly, you think you have huge amounts of maturity and experience - but in 10 years time you will look back and boggle at how you could have believed that, I promise you.

You talk about taking up your university place in Paris 'in a few years'. If you get pregnant soon, you would be trying to do that with a pre-schooler in tow - how is that going to work? Will you be leaving your child back in the UK with their dad? Or will you take your preschooler to Paris with you, to a country where they don't speak the language at all, and where they will have to be in childcare whilst you do your university work? Not to mention the fact that university is bloody hard work as it is, without adding parenthood to the mix too.

Yes, people do manage to combine university study and parenthood, but it is much harder than concentrating on one at a time - and it is much easier to do a good job of parenthood if you aren't also trying to fit in your studies, and vice versa.

It is also worth remembering that, whatever career you have, taking a career break to raise a child does have an impact on your career progression, and if you are early on in your career, I think that impact would be greater.

I'm 31, married, was on a good wage (now a SAHM), my husband is on a good wage, we have a house, a car each and it's STILL hard.

My pregnancy was exhausting in a way I can't even begin to describe - you're supposed to have an energy pick up in the 2nd trimester but it didn't happen to me. I got home from work at 5pm and went straight home for a nap. I really began to resent the stairs and wish my house came with an escalator/lift. It was emotionally exhausting, my DH often woke up to me crying in bed because I was so worried about it all.

My labour didn't go to plan. They never do, I don't understand the point of having a birth plan... I had an EMCS and needed a significant amount of family support for the first 6 weeks of dc's life. (For example I was not allowed to lift the car seat or push the buggy) - Are you in a position where you would have enough support from GP/DP to cope if this were the case?

The initial weeks/months of breastfeeding are hard. They. Do. Not. Stop. Feeding. My DH really had to pick up the brunt of the housework or nothing would have got done. Is your partner the type to pitch in or would he let you live in a tip?

7 months down the line and we've settled in to a good routine, but they are so expensive! Yes there is highchair, moses basket, changing table, clothes they will grow out of/puke/poo on - all the additional laundry costs that will entail as well. Baby monitors, nappies, wipes, bottles and formula if you don't end up breastfeeding. Plus if you want to keep a handle on your mental health you want to take the baby to different activities (swimming? baby massage? baby sensory?) they all cost too!

Add to that all the household bills! Rent/mortgage, water, electric (baby must be kept warm at all times), food, tv licence etc etc.

I'm so so glad I waited before having my baby, hopefully no one I know in RL Mnets as I've totally given enough info to out myself, but... I've got my degree. I've travelled and seen some of the world. I've had my party days. Nowadays I have a 6pm curfew on days out as I'm the only one who can put baby to bed.

Please, op, think twice and live a little. Or at least try just moving out first, it takes a while to understand the reality of income vs expenditure and you don't want to get yourself into debt.

Sorry for the long post, but I like so many others, just want you to see the reality of it all.

OP yes you are perfectly capable of being a good mum at 18.

But at 30, when some of your peers are planning their first babies you will feel far too young to be dealing with a pubescent 12 year old.

At 34 you will feel too young to have a 16 yo who may well be planning a baby of her own. Do you really want to be a granny when done of your friends are having their firstborns?

It sounds like you have witnessed some poor parenting in your life. But often this poor parenting has come as a result of the long term consequences of decisions such as having a child when you aren't ready. This isn't about age but about having your own home, a secure commuted relationship, a secure well paid full time job, savings, possibly a car, a plan for childcare. Babies don't need much but as they grow children need a lot that costs £££. There is a reason why most people get tax credits, you are naive if you don't think you'd need them too.

Ask yourself how the child will benefit from being born now rather than in 5 years.

Your responses here show you are anything but mature for your age. You're a typical 18 year old. Nothing wrong with that at all.

£5000 isn't a lot of money in the grand scheme of things. Babies cost a lot. Have you decided where you'll live? Will you get a house before baby arrives or still live between your parents? Do you know that you'll have to pay a deposit if you're privately renting? You then need to pay for utilities, etc. Have you worked out if you can afford it?

Does your well-paid job have a decent maternity package and do you qualify for it? What job does your DP have? Is it secure?

Your life will massively change. You're still so young, whether you consider yourself to be or not and no amount of research can prepare you for what is to come. I'm 28, pregnant with my first and so surprised at how tired, emotional, snappy and uncomfortable I am. I am, however, totally at peace with my decision to have a child now. This feels right for me. Even 2 years ago, it wouldn't have been right. I am so much more grown up now. I look back to my 18 year old self, who thought she was mature, and I laugh my head off. An 18 year old doesn't have the life experience to be mature.

Hey, if this is what you want, then strangers on an internet forum won't change your mind but for someone who is mature and presumably with a good education seeing as you have a good job, you don't seem particularly clued up on how the human body works. You "presume" this is your period? You've stopped taking the pill so you're having a breakthrough bleed. Your periods could return to normal straight away, or they could take months to return.

Your cycle length may vary to start with, or you may go back into a pattern straight away. Your period arrives roughly 14 days after ovulation. You may ovulate early or late depending on a number of hormonal and/or stress factors but if you have a 28 day cycle, you are likely to ovulate on day 14. Your cycle starts from the 1st day of your period. There is something like a 25% chance that sperm meets egg even if you have sex on or around ovulation. That’s it. Get a book like “what to expect before you’re expecting” and read it – you’ll understand more about conception. There is a lot of misinformation around – it isn’t always easy to get pregnant and actually, the conception bit can be the first thing that puts strain on a relationship.

Take Folic Acid now and you need to continue taking this until you are at least 12 weeks pregnant. You also need to take vitamin D. Do not take a multi-vitamin with Vitamin A present.

No idea if you're genuine or not but if you are going to go ahead with having a child at 18 (remember, it's a child who will turn into a teenager and then an adult - they don't stay babies for long) then I at least want you to give them the best start they can have.

Anyway, I see from both your threads that you have been given the same advice ref. conception by other posters and you've pretty much ignored them in favour of calling people immature instead.

Oh I've actually posted this on the wrong thread (see, pregnancy is causing me to be confused too!), I'm referring to things you've mentioned on the thread in the pregnancy section.