The Berries: The one where The Berries cease to exist after a spate of waxy knicks and a'hem seepage (thread 20)

[funkymonk]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Thanks Barking I have been toying with the idea of the counselling service as it is part of the treatment (DH is not interested in the least although I am sure that he is as gutted as me).

You did just make me smile about the temp charting - I have visions of your bedroom covered with daily graph charts with your temps on it

hb I'd definitely consider counselling if it's an option, especially as you're being made to wait so long for a follow up consultation (which seems pretty unfair on its own).
Huge hugs for you, I'm still so sorry things didn't work out how they should have. You've waited so long.

pip that's a great quote, and very true! I am by nature something of a control freak - it might not just be coincidence that my one and only ill-fated BFP came about the first month I genuinely thought 'fuck it all' and stopped doing anything.

Hi all. It rained here all day and when it stopped and the sun came out I could have sworn the rainbow was in the shape if a sausage...so here I am.

I'm just watching from the sidelines at the moment; not ready to embark on IVF round 2 so just trying (and failing) to steer clear of things to do with TTC. Congratulations to the bfps and big hugs to those who have had hope snatched away yet again. I'm now on cycle thirty-fucking-five.

Rain thanks, I have the same doubts! Are you feeling any better?

Pip you are so right, they are just a distraction I think. Thanks for the advice, I do know my cycle quite well but the last two or three have been different and weird I will keep using opks I think.

Thanks as well Barking I can't temp, I just can't bring myself to as I do already find it gets all consuming wondering and worrying about opks already! I need to keep using the sticks though as my cycle is changing for some reason.

Really appreciate the advice all

HB I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Everything gets easier in time, which I know isn't super helpful, but in the meantime we are here! And I second the advice of using the counsellor, it can't hurt. I hope you get your answers at your appointment. Hugs, and to you x

Boodle cycle 35 is rubbish I so wish there were something we could do to make it work for ourselves, like an exam! I'm not sure if you would have seen this but earlier in the thread I'm mentioned how irrationally jealous of the new travelodge advert I got when they were all, "make a baby" like it was so bloody easy! One for the list I hope!

Also Nolly was laughing my head off earlier re the celebs snorting coke of tiny spoons in taxis! Before you said that I was imagining Lumen with a rolled up note stuck up her nose!

Hello boodle nice to have you back.

barking this might not be popular with you but how about leaving the tests until you are well clear of your pg friend. I was going to take a test with me camping last w/e but thought if it's bad news we won't be able to cover it up in front of our friends. So sorry you are finding it hard and know what you mean about the frustration of being betwixt and between the ttc and pg camps. But remember when you do get pg you won't be able to do these things either so this is a breaking in phase. Try to remember it's really positive that all this treatment is happening and you're getting closer. But it is about this time that the dark thoughts start to creep in and angsty, restlessness kicks in too. I've also left all my work til tomorrow so I'll join you in solidarity tomorrow.

The kittens are so cute, eyes are open now and very 'mewy'!! Mum and dad are hinting will I have one, which I'd love to but.... I don't know what's happening,if I am pg then my dh would have to do litter trays and he would not want to do that ( not a cat person) and also as some very wise soul on here said step away from the kitty as your hands may well be full with something else... In another train of thought if this all goes tits up (I'm still not sure all will be well on Monday, but do so hope it will be) then f*ck it! it's kitty time!! Of course I can't say any of this to my mum. They are softening towards keeping one, more my dad, the big softie, as he likes the runty one.

pip that is the kind of quote I would love to remember and reel off.

Hello hb so lovely to hear from you but so sad for you. It's frustrating to not be able to get any resolution to why it didn't work and I totally relate to the it all being so close but then taken from you. This is the closest we've ever been as I never managed to get pg myself. My dh would also be totally uninterested in counselling but if you're ready for it then it might just be what you need to share and acknowledge your feelings.

Feeling a lot of love for my berry friends, you're all troupers and really do deserve a big sausage rainbow of happiness and unlimited M&S extremely chocolatey milk chocolate rounds biscuits... Just ate 2... Hmm meant to be trying to shift this fricking weight that's crept on not supplying it, oh well.

bushy I know you talk sense and I know I won't be able to do all this stuff when pg, but I lose fitness so quickly, as well as losing out on the social aspect. I've missed two mountain bike rides and a road ride as well as two climbing sessions in the last 2 weeks of being 'good' as well as the circuit training. I have to sit at home while DH is out doing this stuff with friends, as going along just to watch is pure torture and I've got reports to write that I haven't started yet. Most of my friends are active, I meet up with them when we do stuff, so when I'm not doing anything I miss out twice, does that make sense?! When I'm pg I won't give a sh*t about missing out on anything, but missing it all for nothing when 99% of people wouldn't even think to stop doing it all until pg or not even then makes me restless! I think my current mood is directly related to my recent lack of exercise - I need some adrenaline! I shall force myself to go swimming tomorrow morning not much of a consolation.
If this doesn't work then I'm ditching it all until September. 3 months of doing everything I want to do! Drinking, climbing, biking, circuit training.... I keep clinging on to this as a positive.....

Oh, and pg friend is lovely, and knows how sensitive I am about bump etc as we met up with them just after I'd had the mc so they know all about it. She's been great in not talking about bump/baby unless I initiate it. I'm not going to be any more miserable over a bfn than thinking it's a bfn anyway ^^

Boodle sun?! None of that mythical beast up here...

hb embarrassingly, I was a little disappointed when I realised there was an efficient app to record the temping and I wouldn't have to put it all in a spreadsheet/draw the pretty graphs myself .

must-get-away-from-computer-screen

I might go and lie on the sofa and listen to some catching rainbows meditation before I switch screens and start on school reports

beaky have you been stalking me? How did you know about the note up my nose?

If it's any consolation barking I feel a bit like that because I'm missing yoga. After what because and other things on internet said I am avoiding it til after Monday when I will hopefully know what's what. Also seems a bit of a monk life existence. I've already done my cheer up plan if it's a negative which includes lots of yoga, sex, decent all inc holiday and Sauvignon blanc!!

Evening all. Great to see you Boodle, glad you spotted the sausage signal we projected for you

HB my thoughts are with you. I'm so very sorry you're having to go through such a shitty time. We are all here if/when you need some hand holding.

I'm with Barking on the temping front. I like o see the data and also feel like I'm doing something (even though i realise I'm not!). When I first started it did make me quite obsessed as I was analysing every slightly lower temp as a possible implantation dip. I'm far more relaxed about it now and most days I take my temp in my sleep and I hardly remember doing it. Now it's just a way of keeping track of my cycles and its quite reassuring to know that I am actually OVing every month. Can't be doing with OPKs, far too much uncertainty with hitting the right time of day and trying to work out if the test line is as dark as the control line etc. In fact I think I'm far more relaxed about TTC in general these days. I think it's because I now know there are issues and its unlikely we'll get diffed naturally so I'm just not stressing about it. On the other hand it could be that the wedding planning is occupying my mind and I'm going to come crashing back in to TTC hell come September
Right, I've blabbered on for long enough! Hope everyone is having a good evening.

Right, in an attempt to catch up in today's chat...

hb sending you lots of love and a big hug. It must be so tough. Counselling sounds like a good idea, plus answers as to what happened.

barking it's utter hell isn't it. I really feel for you. Watching your life from the sidelines just plain sucks. Keeping everything crossed for you still. And I think taking break and living your life to

feather so excited and pleased for you! Hmmm, have used pre-seed a few times, think I might crack it out again!

Ahh bushy feeling the berry love indeed!

chloe sounds as though you have a plan. The higher success rate sounds promising and if delaying also keeps you healthy then it seems like a good choice. Keeping relaxed about it is good though!

nolly my oh says exactly the same thing - he would never move to the countryside with kids. If I could afford a family home in London then I would have stayed as that is where all my friends and family are.

Chuckled at the dwarves lumen hope you’re managing to stave them all off!

Hey to everyone else!

Thanks for all the good wishes about the job. Am through to the second round which is an entire day of tests, interviews, group exercises and schmoozing. Gruelling. The problem with changing jobs is having to stop ttc until I am entitled to maternity benefits somewhere new....I guess it would be 3 months whilst I worked my notice then another 6 months in the job as a minimum i.e a year from now until we start ttc again. I don't know if I can stomach that...arghh...there are only compromises!! The problem is, my current job would be perfect for pregnancy, I am next door to the maternity unit, 5 minutes from home and the work life balance and flexibility is good. It is just the work, some of the people and the politics that are soul destroying!

I think I would recommend The Mind-Body Fertility Connection to read. It focuses on the emotional and mental blocks to conception in true worrier style, I worry that this is my problem It's got a quiz in it (got to love a quiz!) so you can see how much of a perfectionist you are. Guess what, top marks! Haven't got to the practical tips yet but it has information on meditation and positive thinking.

Oh barking, I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. I totally understand the need for exercise to feel balanced. I have been rubbish with my exercise lately and it shows in my moods. Will join you in the attempt to go swimming if that is any consolation. Are there any good walks around where you are? I know this probably gets boring after a while but if you take a camera with you, you might be able to see the walk in a new way? (Clutching at straws here)

HB, good to hear from you. I would totally recommend counselling, even if DH doesn't want to. It is always good to have a kind and compassionate ear in RL. Boodle, good to see you too. As others have said, cycle 35 is rubbish. I keep my fingers crossed things will work out for you. Same for you, Pip. You sound so brave about 'accepting the cards you've been dealt but I do hope those cards contain mini-pip*. Lots of to all of you.

Beaky, I have dabbled with the CBFM digi sticks too and have found them very confusing in terms of the fertility messages they are sending out. So I have stopped using them (also because our issue seems to be male factor so no point in me monitoring myself too much).

Chloe, great news on your massive haul. Fingers crossed for the next steps.

Rain, I think knockerwatch should definitely make it into the new thread title

Tiger, I had a quick look at the maternity pay rules at the government website (I assume you are in the UK)

To qualify for SMP you must: have worked for your employer continuously for at least 26 weeks up to the ‘qualifying week’ - the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth.

This would mean, you would have had to work for them just one week before you fall pregnant if I read that right. So, you would not have to wait a year to start ttc, just your notice period. Or am I misunderstanding this?

thanks for the book recommendation.

Rosie you're right... The only thing you need to remember is that 1. when you fall pregnant is counted from LMP 2. It's based on scan dates so if your due date is changed due to a baby measuring bigger it is taken into account
So you need to have worked for them for 1 week before the start of the last AF before you fall pregnant (give or take a few days to take into account scans potentially moving your due date earlier)
I had worked for my new employer precisely 10 working days

argh, realised I lost half a sentence... barking what I was saying was that taking break and living your life to the full for a few months sounds lovely if this cycle isn't to be (but still sending you good luck vibes this week!!).

ooh yes, new thread - rain are you volunteering? knockerwatch, sniffing willies and the continued clusterdiff get my vote too!

rosie yes I'm in the UK but statutory maternity pay would be a lot less than I earn. Ideally I would want to qualify for the company maternity package. I earn more than OH so there would be quite a drop in our combined income if I stopped earning my salary!

tiger, quick question, is it a book that's best to buy in paperback to flick forwards and backwards and revisit, or ok on the Kindle so I can read it on my phone? I only buy kindle when it's 'reading' books, but reference books I tend to prefer old school.

I'd be inclined to say paperback, but I also prefer old school! I think being able to flick back is useful. The good thing about the kindle is that you can read anything in public without advertising it!

Oh Batking, it is so rough sometimes. But you will know in a couple of days. Hang on in there

Tiger fx for the job! You need to do what will make you happy and you do know you will get an ironidiff about 2 weeks into it right

Bushy I missed that your scan was Monday. I really really think it will be good news.

Feather how are you?

Today was okay, no problems yet. So that is one day nearly down. I am only on day 32 of my cycle which makes me realise how long there is and what scope for something to go wrong.

Positive thinking rp!!! do as I say not as I do

Liking batking. Liking it a lot

Ta tiger. I was going to order it immediately on amazon but in the spirit of positive thinking I shall wait until next week .

I've got another day on the computer tomorrow so I apologise in advance for all the dross while I try and fail to stay focused on work. I'll set up a new thread in the morning so I don't feel guilty for filling this one .

SODDING AUTOCORRECT.

Actually "Batking" is quite cool, it could be your secret superhero alter ego.

batking love it!!!!

I'd also been meaning to ask some advice about laparoscopy for possible endo Having been told that I should be expecting an appointment in September, I got a date through and it is in 10 days time! It'll be too early to tell if I'm pg fat chance but I guess they might not be keen to go ahead if there is a chance that I could be? I think I might change it so that it is after the mammoth job interview, if I can anyway....

Woah that's quick tiger, I was told 3/4/5 month wait for mine! You can but ask

Hi tiger, I've had a laparoscopy. You will need time off work afterward. Think their leaflet says a few days but I actually had a week off plus half term so nearly 2 weeks and although I felt ready to go back to work, the physical aspect of it was really hard. My middle hurt getting up and down, and as a teacher you do that a lot. I think it depends on the job you do but would def recommend a week off. The incisions hurt when sitting up, getting up and down and the bloating is quite phenomenal. Cruelly you look a couple of months gone when you're not. Lots of baggy clothes with nothing tight or with a waistband pressing on your incisions. Also make sure you eat lots of fibre after as you don't want to be, ahem, straining. Also peppermint tea to release the gas that they pump you with to investigate. I swore by heat bag to put on aching limbs etc. They do say you can be very fertile after a lap as it flushes everything out so best of luck!

Also they get you to do a pg test the morning of the op just in case. Also they ask you to use contraception as they won't do it if you are pg/ if they think you are. We found it really novel using condoms after such a long time!!

Like the idea of alter egos!

Also like the positivity

Dh coming to scan. I asked and he said if I wanted him to be there he would. Little bit annoyed that he doesn't seem that bothered.

I had a lap and dye. I had it on the Wednesday and was back at work the following Monday. I also managed to sell my house on the same day! I checked my emails before I went under and discussed an offer. The estate agents phoned as I was coming round to say that they had offered the asking price!
Anyway, it was ok. Not too sore. I found the recovery from the general was worse than the actual lap. As I say I was back at work in less than a week.