The Berries: The one where The Berries cease to exist after a spate of waxy knicks and a'hem seepage (thread 20)

[funkymonk]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Fab news Feathers!!!!! I know there will be a lot of anxiety over the next few weeks given your history but I have a good feeling that this is your time.

Loving the "knocker watch" and "dwarves" references. Was really struggling not to laugh out loud at 2am in bed this morning.

Chloe - your situation is slightly similar to mine. I had IVF back in Feb and have 6 embies (or "the kids" as I like to refer to them) in the freezer. I have a polyp though which needs removing (4 weeks to go...) and then we get them put back in. You do have quite a lot of follies but it may be OK. Also not every follie = an egg but looks like you should be in for a good haul. I think it will be more like a month before they pop them back in though as I'd expect them to let this cycle run it's course and put them back a couple of weeks into your next cycle unless they can keep your womble at the right thickness without shedding with drugs.

I also heard that frozen cycles can have a higher success rate (although I think this depends on the clinic). I think it helps that your body gets a bit of a rest in between too. That's what I keep telling myself anyway! Keeping my fingers crossed for you. X

On train at moment. Usually drive but left car at work due to heavy drinking sesh last night. Pregnancy announcement between the two ladies opposite me. FFS!

Omg gilster!!! Grrr at the ladies!!
That sounds really good chloe 20 eggs is some haul. Also reassuring to know that the frozen transfers are more successful, is the opposite at my clinic. Also I'm with lumen, never pimped apart from ov sticks and since this head mess after Ivf have used 8!!!

Just weighed myself this morning after scales displaying error message for days and I've put on about 4 1/2 pounds!!! There's not meant to be any weight gain yet, think I've been chuffing too much food and because of not drinking started being somewhat partial to a chocolate bar and milk... Either that or it's all the muscle from cycling from the w/e, yes that's what it is!!!

barking there's still time, anyway of booking in some nice stuff to fill the time with, meditate, gentle exercise??

Was out all last night so didn't get to talk to dh re scan, will attempt tonight.

Off to see the kittens today- yay!!

chloe agree with barking that it's worth the two week wait to avoid ohss - it's bloody nasty from the 'little' flare ups I had while on clomid. Got everything crossed for you.

barking it is way early. I was 12dpo yesterday and you saw how faint my lines were. Hold out if you can. Sending you loads of Berrie power.

gill thank you! Still very early but I hope you're right and this is it.

Called the FC this morning and they've booked me in for a scan on - wait for it - Friday 13th. It's the day after we're back from our honeymoon and they can't squeeze me in on the 12th. The FC nurse, who was so kind when I had the ectopic, was who I spoke to and she went "geez! After all that medication and faffing, you've gone and done it yourself!" - didn't have the heart to tell her it was all the acupuncture.

Who was it that was asking about preseed the other day? It bloody works. Both times I've remembered to use it I've got a bfp. Just sayin'...

Off to work now. Will check in and catch up on thread properly tonight. Hope you're all ok with me staying for a while in the meantime.

Ps: nolly when will you be poas-ing?

ha ha nolly you made mw chuckle with your thoughts of sniffing, it is nothing as glamourous(?) as you make out. It is just a spray bottle like you can get for hayfever or other allergies.

Here are the alternative dwarves which are applicable to down regging as they put you in a menopausal state! I have managed to be most of them so far - my dh even thanked me for putting my body through all this yesterday, so I must be bad

aw, how sweet Feather! what a lovely nurse. quite amused with your scan date though. dah dah DAH.

grr gill GRR

Agree with the others barking, is too early. extra stress, who needs it.

I'm planning (should AF not show over the weekend) to poas on monday - oh will be with me for once and we at the in laws at the weekend so would rather not. in all likelhood it'll turn up though of course. SIGH

I'm losing it, totally losing it. In tears again this morning and DH asked what was up. Wtf do you think?! Right at this minute I just don't think I could put myself through another cycle of this, I just want to give up. But I still want a child. And adoption is not exactly the easy option or I'd just go straight for that. This half term has been rubbish due to everything I can't do just in case. Just more of my life passing me by while I ttc. I'm not with the pg crowd but I'm not able to have fun with the non pg crowd either. Got an email about a hen do in August. They need to know who is doing Go Ape 'as we know a few of you are pg so you won't be able to'. [jealous].
Another birthday in two weeks. That will be my third birthday since we started, and two years ago AF was 6 days late after 6 months of trying and I really thought.... .

Sorry, just needed to rant. Not coping well, just need to know. Need to work for the rest of the holiday as I've been putting it off all week so can't do anything to take my mind off it.

oh barking. you poor, poor thing. You are so honest - you have just described how I feel every month, but I go into total denial about for the rest of the time. Why should you be coping well? It's really hard and emotionally completely exhausting. This probably wont' help but when I feel like that I just try and remember that practically all couples manage this eventually. The odds are in your favour.

barking I think you have described how all of us on here feel. Big berry hugs to you xxx

barking you're not alone in those feelings. As nolly and lumen already said, we all feel this way and there absolutely is no reason to feel like you should be coping with all this shit any better than you are. It's completely and utterly crap - no two ways about it!
You're not out yet tho lovely. Wishing the next 48 hours goes super fast for you. Big hugs xxx

Thanks for the berry support. I'm not usually this bad, usually I don't have any expectations due to my cycle issues, so I'm always secretly hoping and then deflated but not really surprised. However the IUI has just taken so much out of me. I don't think I could cope with all the scans and blood tests again, every single little bit of the cycle being analysed and constantly not quite there, come back and we'll look again and all the injections, the acupuncture, the pessaries, the rushing back to work... and now the longest and hardest 2ww ever. There's just no let up for the full month, everything revolves around it and everyone is asking about it (our choice, we decided to be honest with our friends if they asked) and I JUST CAN'T GET A BREAK!!!! After going through it all it seems doubly cruel to potentially not anything for it at the end! And it seems doubly unfair that it's all the woman again, although DH desperately wants a kid as well, all he had to do was siap. (spaff in a pot). And after reluctantly agreeing to quit alcohol for the 10 days before the siap he's now happily back on it when all I want is a LARGE glass of red wine. Or gin. Or flaming sambuccas. What's the point in crying if you can't cry into a large glass of something alcoholic?

Sorry. Having a properly ranty, emotional day. Really not getting much work done. Again. Roll on August and working in an office and not working at home ever again....

Barking a quote from FF "if you get a negative (BFN) before 11 DPO (Days Past Ovulation) there is still a good chance that you could get a positive later on"
link

I'm not taking the bfns as a failure merk, I know it's too early, I'm just generally giving myself a hard time.... Having a crap half term holiday when quitting teaching means it's the last half term holiday I'll get is just adding to the misery. Only possible 'break' I could get this weekend would be to go and see friends who've invited us over. She's two weeks away from her due date though, so possibly not the best place to be...
Hopefully I'll look like a complete whining idiot in a couple of days.... .

barking so sorry you're feeling down. This is the right place to vent as we can all totally relate. It's bloody exhausting and feels like it's never ending. But you have to hang in there - you're so near to the end of your 2ww. This is the toughest bit. xx

That will be my third birthday since we started It's the markers like that that really make it hard isn't it. We started TTCing the day of the Royal Wedding. When she gets up diffed again I know I will find that hard.

My next round of IVF will be the last. In a funny kind of way I'm glad that it will put an end to it all. There will be no more wondering if this is the month, could I be pg, inspecting of CM. I'll be able to get on with life rather than living in limbo.
We won't go back to using contraception so it could happen, but the chances are very slim. We have both said that if this round fails then we will accept it as the cards we are dealt and get on with life.

You're right pip, it's like a timeline that should have stopped by now...
We agreed that because we only get one round of NHS IVF we would pay for one more if needed, then quit either way. Not sure I could do that now given how I've not coped with one round of IUI, and potentially have two more before the IVF starts. But I don't want to jump straight to the IVF either, as that gives us less chances overall, even if the success rates of IUI are so low. Argh! It's all a total mindf&ck!

pip - I've not even started any sort of medical intervention yet (although I've always assumed that's where we'll end up eventually, from about 6 month in) but just reading you saying you'll be aiming to get on with life makes me feel almost envious in a way. That's the biggest price we all pay I think, losing the years and missed experiences that go with ttc. I really hope your last roll of the medical dice pays off - when is it happening?

barking do we share a birthday?? I am 15th... This will by my 3rd one too. Rubbish!

Gosh what a sad thread today, Barking hugs and keep your chin up, you never know what is round the corner. I have everything crossed for you.

Pip I really really hope your last round works for you. I can't imagine how I will feel approaching 3 yrs ttc, I'm just getting to 2 and that's hard enough.

Hugs and to everyone today.

Does anyone else use clear blue digital ovulation sticks? Mine has gone from low yesterday to peak today with no high?! I have no cm never mind ewcm, and am still spotting slightly after my 2nd AF. I have no idea what's going or what to do! Soooo confused.

beaky I don't use them but do have a CBFM which was prone to chucking me from low to peak every now and then. I've stopped using it now as a) it hasn't worked for me b) it's really expensive and c) I don't necessarily believe what it's telling me.

Nearly new thread time? What's going in this time? Sniffing willies, knockerwatch and the continued (hopefully!) clusterdiff?

Next round of IVF is a soon as I want and when I've lost a bit of weight

Beaky I had a CBFM and I was on the trial program for CBFM so I actually had two!! My honest thought about them is that if you have got to the stage where you are willing to pay the money for a CBFM then you know your body and cycle well enough to not need one.
I used to use OPK to back it up and realised that I was using cheap internet OPK to confirm the readings of the expensive machine. It was then I ditched it. Also, with the CBFM and temping I found the problem was that it meant the first thing you did every day was think about TTCing. It's not a healthy mindset.
In my honest opinion I would ditch the CBFM and stick to OPKs and charting without temping.

I think the thing with the CBFM and all the other things is to make you feel that you are doing something constructive to help the situation.
If you wanted to lose weight then you would diet and exercise. If you needed to pass a test then you would revise. If you had an interview you practice and learn about the job before hand. All of those things would make a difference. When you are TTCing there is nothing extra you can do. OPKs, CBFMs and temping are useful to get to know your body but most of it is flummery to keep you occupied and make you feel like you are doing something useful.
As Voltaire said: 'the art of medicine consists of keeping the patient amused while nature heals the disease'

Feather that is amazing news - what a pre-wedding present; am keeping everything crossed for you.

Barking sorry you are feeling down; I totally get what you are saying. If it isn't bad enough with all of the clinic appointments and suspense it is the emotions that all the drugs give you that you just cannot fathom.

So started bleeding today so been teary in the bathroom - luckily nearly everyone in my department is either off or working from home so it is pretty quiet (hence why I am able to come on here for a change). I'm hoping that getting the physical stuff out of the way will help me to move on but not sure how to do that. There are no appointments to see the consultant before the end of June and I have so many questions about what went wrong and when it may have gone wrong. Someone please tell me that this gets easier to cope with - although we have been trying for nearly 3 years we have never been this close

Sorry

beaky I used a CBFM for a few cycles but I learnt most from temping. It wasn't until I started temping, along with the opks, that I started to see patterns and know what was happening. Pip's right, just the taking of the temperature every morning is a ttc reminder, but then everything you are trying towards it is, like taking your pre-conception vitamins everyday. I actually quite liked it as I'm a data nerd and I was able to enjoy the pretty graphs without getting too obsessed with the ttc aspect. If you have nice, normal cycles it's probably a waste of time, but if you really want to know what's happening and be able to track cycle improvements you need to temp. I was temping for well over a year, I only stopped when my sleep patterns went haywire so I couldn't get reliable readings anymore, then with the IUI there didn't seem any point, plenty of monitoring already going on! The temp rise is the only way to reliably track Ov, the opks will give you the advance warning of the surge so you know when it matters....

I've just ordered a 2 pack FR pg test to supplement my cheapie internet ones. It should arrive tomorrow. I want to wait until Saturday (12dpo) to poas with it, then I'll have the second to poas with on Sunday (13dpo) but we're going to be away with friends all weekend - I'm not sure poas then seeing my friend's about-to-pop-in-2-weeks bump is going to be great if it's not good news . I doubt I'll be able to stop myself using another internet cheapie tomorrow at 11dpo either.

hb x post.

The whole thing stinks and some days are harder than others. It's so hard when you have to wait for answers. Would it be possible to talk to a nurse before the consultant appointment? Or is there any counselling available? A friend who had IVF & IUI at the same clinic I'm at now used their counselling service when it failed and said she'd really recommend it even though she was cynical about whether it would be a waste of time. I definitely plan to book in if this fails.

Really need to get some work done....