Hell no Aunt Flo! You can't park that red convertible here. This space is reserved. Turn on, tune in and cop off. It's Just Shagging part 23!

[Minion]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture!

The link to Part 22 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2035460-Get-your-ROCs-off-Get-your-ROCs-off-honey-Knickers-down-legs-up-and-capes-on-in-the-competition-for-SOTM-Just-Shagging-part-22-the-one-with-all-the-BFPs?" target="_blank">Here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1817751-Just-Shagging-Grads-Fred-8-Roll-up-roll-up-all-Viroids-welcome" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is  <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging shaggers!

...wanders in sheepishly :-)

Hi I'm new to all this, mumsnet and ttc
I'm 40, DH is 43, no kids yet
I'm still trying to understand all the acronyms too.
We weren't ttc but not preventing for a while then had a weird situation a few months ago. Had all the pg symptoms (smell, headaches, nausea, constipation) then a slightly late AF.
Since then we've been trying and so far nada
Did OPK last month with no luck, nothing registered but I've got PCOS
Think we will visit GP if it don't happen soon
Age is not on our side but I'm trying not to obsess, just lots of DTD :-) but DH is feeling under pressure! I nearly lost the plot when he said no last week!

Hi purple!!! Welcome to the mad house!

I forgot about Jason doner van! He should definitely be in there

Hi purple, welcome aboard matey!

How's about roll up, roll up, the Jason doner van is open for business. Don your disco pants and get down on it! Don't be a flange wanker, Just Shag and join our Fred 24!
Or something along those lines...

Sounds good minion:)

And welcome purple

Hi Purple welcome! You'll fit right in, we constantly have psychosomatic symptoms whether we're pregnant or not! Maybe you had a chemical pg? I hope you manage to get upduffed soon.

So I had a mad half hour where I jumped up and decided I absolutely HAD to drive to the supermarket to buy some pissy sticks. Arrived there and they had bloody run out! Well, they had CB for 8 pounds a pop but after 2 BFNs, I didn't really want to waste that. So came home with tea bags instead . Obviously the universe was trying to stop me wasting my money!

Bloody hell min you should do this for a living! That's amazing!

purple and wil I just got so desperate to find out if there was any change at all that I'm upduffed despite it being far too bloody early I just found an old opk stick in my drawer and used that, despite it not being the right one for the holder and not working properly.

Surprise surprise - it didn't work.

Aaaaaaah!!! I am cramping, tingly boobs, sore wrist imagining carpel tunnel syndrome etc etc. Quick - slap me!

Sorry Min, x-posted. That's fab, you're good at this.

Oh Lala mini hooya but we're clearly in the same frame of mind tonight. It's too early and you tested with an OPK so you are definitely still in with a chance. My madness was spurred on by the fact I had sore boobs. However since taking my too tight bra off, they have magically stopped hurting .

Is anyone watching the island with bear grylls? I'm thinking a gp of women would do so much better, be more organised instead of all sort of doing their own idea. Hehe

Phantom carpal tunnel must be hooya-able?!

Here gals, hooyas all round! I wish I wasn't giving them out though, I want to be giving out advice about how to get through constipation and early morning wake up calls.
So which future fatty (not me, I'm already a fatty tum tum) is doing the next one?
dulcet?
popz?
frog?

I love flange wankers.

zyla i'm watching a scary programme about idiot drivers. It scares the hell out of me. I think I could be Bear Grylls - I'm hard, me - grrrr (manly growl)

kato abso-bloody-lutely! It's quite clearly typing/riding achiness, hooya away xx

splodge I just spat my tea laughing at that. 'I love flange wankers'. Class. Wish the papers would pick up on this thread, that's genius.

Oh NOW you all get chatty when I have to go to bloody work!

Can't stop laughing at carpal tunnel syndrome being a pg symptom.... You daft thing Lala - you definitely deserve my crown!

Wil what kind of frigging supermarket runs out of pg tests?!?!?!

I posted in response to an ages-ago-post not realising there was another whole page of posts I hadn't read so it looks v out of context where it is in the Fred ha ha!

You all made me laugh so much. I'm trying to decide if I have sore boobs, DH looking at me like I'm mad for sitting here giving them a squeeze.

After the previous episode I'm not allowed to test til AF due. (I did 15 of them!) after googling, think it was a chemical pg

OPK just resulted in daily floods of tears so I have banned them too

I wandered onto other threads talking about hormone levels and didn't understand a word. I definitely don't need to know about them as I will get obsessed!
I'm wandering back a few pages now to figure out what a Jason Doner van is and a flange wanker (sounds intriguing)

I'm watching the idiot drivers too, and also patting my boobs... Cos I must be like 1 dpo...

To be fair I had carpal tunnel with ds but that was at about 26weeks...

Who pays for the car?

Kato, your Fred about bollickle made me almost PMSL literally
DH kept asking why and I couldn't get the words out!
Hope you're recovered now (and I had one too last year but not as big and no need for medical attention)
Still haven't found flange wanker lol

Haha sorry Rpopz, it has been a quiet few days. And I know about the tests! Clearly my supermarket does not cater for mad women who choose to stalk the aisles looking for the one test which will provide a BFP.

Purple if you see any talk of OPKs, aka contraband, earlier in the thread, don't believe a word of it. Noone here is into that type of thing, no, no, no.

I'm actually sticking up for Lala. Carpal tunnel is most def a pg symptom, although usually third trimester - maybe you have actually been pg for 6 months and just not noticed Lala ? You definitely do take Rpopz's symptom spotting crown though.

Is the programme any good Zyla?

Doner van is page 1. I forgot about follicle bollicle! Which page is the link on? I never read it.

It all got a bit nasty tbh, they killed a croc. I can understand the needing to eat, but then they carried it back to camp before killing it, which seemed cruel to me tbh.

was pg for 5months with DS so have no excuse for early symptom spotting do I?