barking about the telling/ not telling: I know what you mean re the letting people know about why you might be in a mood but I'm the opposite, I didn't want every genuine mood or time I was abrupt being read into that the reason I was grumpy was because of ttc not because You lot can't just get on and do your fecking job!!
Also we were very private at beginning,then gradually started to tell people it was taking a long time, then when I had op told more details, then it got a bit much with people asking me every time on the phone re how's it going etc, it's a bit uncomfortable really and though it is part of my life, I think I don't want it to be a huge part of my interactions with people. So dh really wanted to rein it back so until he got pissed the other week and told a couple who we are good friends with about the Ivf and who also had ttc problems so know what it's like,that's it. We now have to fend off are you having Ivf or not type questions but I'm just going to be vague and say we're carrying on, few more tests etc as I don't want any more outside pressure. If it fails then I may tell people or just avoid until I feel better,if it works think I'll tell people in my own time and check that dh is happy with it.
Know what you mean re you won't know about mc and ttc problems if you don't talk about them. My friend used to say when people would ask her insensitive q's re when are you going to spit babies out and she was having problems, that she would turn it back on them and say she was having problems, that way people backed down and she didn't have to go round with the comment chewing her up and it made that other person think about their comment. My problem, as ever, with these things is that I don't want anyone at work knowing. I want to keep it professional. Even my head doesn't know. It killed me keeping the lap quiet and so many people were so nosy, they've probably guessed but I just don't want to be their gossip or have sympathy in the place where I just want to do my job and go home. Dh has told his boss, I may well have to tell mine but if he tells the deputy then everyone will know as she is incapable of keeping secrets!! It's worked out quite well so far, in that most appts are falling in holidays etc so have only asked for leave once, think boss has forgotten now. Re people getting suspicious re time off, all you have to say are the magic words gynaecological problems and they'll get lost ( well the men will!!) Also once you've told people that's it, you can't un tell them! It's a funny one, in some ways it's a relief and like I've found, in other ways you end up having to have awkward conversations more often when you don't want to. I think if you can have a balance of someone in real life or mumsnet (!)who knows all, then others you can decide how much they know, if at all. I think being on here has really helped me and gives me a place where I can talk about it and then I can move on in my own life and be comfortable with not having everyone know.
Lol at the basters, my god that stork thing looks quite scary!! feather I actually clicked on your link thinking it would be your dress!!
nolly love the theory about wine and cheese not being bad!!
Re the stress thing, yes it's always something that's touted but I think there must be some sort of truth in it. All things are harder when you're stressed so I think ttc most also be one of those things too. I'm really trying to be kinder to myself, I don't use ov sticks anymore, I've got a packet at the moment that I haven't opened, wondering whether I could sell them on e bay! I'm trying to relax more etc and do nice things for me. I do have a stressful job and ttc can be stressful too but like barking says fertility issues have a part to play too so not all down to stress but I think there is some truth to shifting your focus and making yourself happier makes more room for a child too.