Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

None I'd risk posting on a forum!

You weren't far off! I am employed by her majesty's service and I get to drive a marked van!

Morning Hags

I've had to come to London today for a work thing...but get to see a good friend afterwards for funsies!

MissH

Oooo, another interesting BESH job, missh!

bugs I agree - you need to mourn for the pup first before you move on.

fankle pesky symptoms! I hope you had a nice day in fancy Lundun.

I've been out in the countryside visiting friends. It was a lovely day - featuring lots of cake. :)

I always knew the BESH were awesome and talented but I didn't realise how many cool jobs there were!

fankle I have my fingers crossed the metal fucker isn't on the way for you

Is anyone else struggling with mothers day tomorrow? It'll be my fourth one ttc. Found out today SIL is updiffed with #2 - she had her first baby on my due date from ectopic #1. Meanwhile I'm taking 10 pills a day and am in the world's longest ivf cycle. Grump grump grump.

God yeah Fizz. I can already feel the groundswell of smug people I know with children cranking up their FB statuses to ram some vom inducing update down our throats. Tescos was mental tonight with people panic buying flowers, choccy and posh food like it was going out of fashion.

Cool job MissH. Oh Euro that's a toughy... I think I'd be uber possessive too if it was me. Yay for cake days though.

I hope you're doing OK lovely bugs. Is your boy doggy managing OK? I think it's a good idea to hold off the puppy purchasing, hard as it is.

Morning Hags. I can feel the bitterness of yet another barren Mother's Day eating me up this morning. Not helped by the ridiculous amount of people I know who had babies when I was due to have mine last October crowing about their wonderful lives. Bollocks to it all. And bah humbug.

Euro I must admit your pee marking made me laugh but I think it may be necessary - don't let those other sharks take your beloved case!!

Miss wow what a job! I'm in awe of all you people with interesting jobs - I was just a boring old EA but if I said the name of the company I worked for it would definitely out me so I guess I have that at least

Bugs in so sorry to hear about your lovely dog and hope you have lots of pics that you can look at to remind you of the wonderful times you had with her.

Fizz, how's the womb lining doing? When I'm doing IVF my friend always says COW to me - Come On Womb! It makes me smile every time

AFM I had a lovely day off house moving yesterday - went up to London for a friend's 40th birthday lunch at a lovely pub on the river - very civilised and lovely and lots of laughs. The droid attacked me in Friday but for some reason the real pain didn't kick in til last night and I've been in chronic pain since then. Bastard droid. Can't get pregnant AND have pain. Wtf? Boo.

Sorry forgot to mention Fankle.....? How are your kidneys? Do they need a gentle tap?

Yeah, FB is horribly smug today (aside from bugs' lovely thoughtful post).

fizz grump away. Pah to fertile SILs!

I'm hoping my long lasting stomach bug has finally fucked off. After 12 days of it, I seem to be back to normal poos . There is obviously something doing the rounds - the children of the friends we visited yesterday seemed to have the same thing and they live an hour away (at least I hope it was the same thing - I could do without catching a new one!).

Well fuck me

An hour ago I looked in the mirror and smiled, thinking this might be it, 15 minutes ago I felt a gush, now I'm bleeding Bright red. Don't know what to do, I was going to post today that I'm the most pregnant I've ever been. It's too early to even bother the EPU. I'm at work, crying in a spare office. I hate my life.

Jesus Christ! There are no words. Why the fuck do we all have to go through this shit??
Miss- really don't know what to say. Can you take yourself off home and lie down for the rest of the day? Thinking of you.

I am fucking hating fb today and so tempted to put a spiteful post up about the vast amounts of smugness. But rising above it whilst on crotch watch...today or or tomorrow. What will be will be.

Hope everyone is doing as well as can be expected today.

Fab and Fizz- I hear ya
It's just bloody inconsiderate of family members and close friends to get diffed.

So sorry to hear that Miss

I've come home, sorry everyone, making a shit day shitter

Oh God missH, what a nightmare. My heart goes out to you.

Look after yourself. Stay warm, drink sweet tea, get as many hugs as you can.

Once again: fuck you, world.

Shit. MissH There are no words, I'm gutted for you. I'm glad you're home and can go to ground for a bit to take stock. Have you got folk who can be with you?

FB is hell today. The biggest culprit is my fucking mother crowing about how she's only got two cards. She's having a thoughtful day apparently, missing my sister because with her no nonsense aversion to sentimentality and commercialism she would never have sent a Mother's Day card anyway. Whoever heard of being grateful for what you do have. My question is thoughtful towards whom? Should me and my bro not have fucking bothered then?

Aaand breathe...

Thank god for a beautiful spring day - the horses have got out on their summer grazing for the first time this year and had a right old gallop and a buck this morning which is a fantastic sight. They'll be shattered and full of grass tonight, hope my old boy is acting his age out there. Somehow I doubt it!

MissH I'm so sorry. Is it worth you calling EPU for a scan tomorrow? Lots of BESH have experienced bleeding early on and I do think it's always worth getting it checked out.

Cherry sorry your mum is being insensitive. Glad the horses are out on summer grass, I imagine the winter fields are in a bloody awful state by now.

Fish slaps all round for the rest of you motley crew.

miss h I'm so so sorry. And angry at the universe on your behalf. No-one should have to go through this shit. Is Mr H with you?

cherry sorry to hear about your mum's comment. Must be such a tough time for all of you.

fab I hope my lining is improving, thanks for asking! I shall think of you saying COW to me, too! Next scan is Thursday so hoping it will have improved by then and the mysterious fluid will have gone too.

Apparently my in-laws had a nice lunch but then my nephew was sick everywhere. I'm not smirking much .

Mr H came home and has been very good! I may have panicked dear Christ I hope so Only a small amount of blood, came home put a pad on and went to sleep, just got up, no more since I have everything crossed Too early for EPU, I'm only 4+6 today.

Thankyou all for being here, I really appreciate it

Sounds more encouraging MissH, everything crossed for you.
Thanks ladies on the parental solidarity.
Loving the COW refs, let's hope it holds true for you Fiz

Right I'm off to get the horses in and check out the damage! Hopefully I'll find some happy sated ponies sagging at the gate waiting to come in. You're not wrong Frank, winter fields are trashed.

Hello, I've been lurking a long while. I'm not sure if I'm allowed in here as I'm already on another thread is that like being unfaithful? but I've been on there over a year they all seem to be getting pg and leaving so I thought I'd pop my head in here, then I noticed cherry was here so you must all be lovely . ^^

I'm really sorry to everyone having a shit time, life is really bloody unfair sometimes. MissH I really hope it's a false alarm and everything will be ok.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Hell YES. Particularly with tonic, ice and a slice of orange (not lemon).

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Cradle snatcher.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Tried c) but it didn't work so I'm on e) - you take stupid amounts of pills and potions, rub your uterus clockwise on odd days of the week, get needles stuck in you every week, shove a thermometer in your mouth every morning and draw a pretty graph, eat no wheat, exercise (but not too much), meditate, and chant positive affirmations.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

a) every time. Unless it's someone who didn't use a condom just once and hasn't had a period for 6 weeks and wonders if she could possibly be pregnant and should she take a test? In this case I don't say anything as it would be entirely inappropriate and not suitable for a public forum.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

I've not seen star wars. Is this wrong?

6. Number of pets?

1 dog with bags of character my substitute child.

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Philip Schofield

8. Lesbian crush?

Jessica Ennis (not now she's preggers though, now I just want her to get swollen ankles and a fat arse)

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. b) Over 100 quid c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

I'm in denial.

10. Which of these sentences is appalling: a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!! b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx c) both of the above

c)

11. How barren are you? a) childless and TTC for at least one year b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

a) ttc 2 years 3 months, one mc (clomid bfp) last september after 20 months of trying. Finished with the clomid, waiting for IUI, hopefully by July but trying not to hold my breath.

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Welcome Barking! I think your BESHtionaire fits the bill! I think I'm going to try the womb rubbing thing How do you feel about screaming out CUNT at world?

Bugs - did you also have a mad panic?! I cried and sobbed and ran out of work with no explanation!