Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Fist bumps all round

fizzy, I will be balls all use in an apocalypse unless we need to build a very small and basic church. On the other hand, I can grow vegetables, make bread and identify probably-not-deadly hedgerow plants. I also have fairly good aim and a number of sharp implements. Bring on the zombies.

I'm afraid masonry is a different discipline to carving, which I've only done very amateurishly. I could probably make a slightly shit BESH gargoyle?

bugs, I've been wondering for some time whether you're in a northern city . . . am I miles off?

euro - barrister, that is an excessively cool job. Re anonymity, I've had a think about it and actually there's nothing I have to say which I'd be that upset if someone else read (bar members of my (tiny) family - but I'm pretty sure none of them are on here).

cherry, that's awful - I didn't know the full story about you being told you'd had the menopause. What a knob end your GP was to just announce it

Jesus, FOD, what do YOU do?

It sounds mysterious

missH - I could totally make an amateurish gargoyle of an instadiffer. Vacant expression, one hand caressing bump, other brandishing stylised scan pic . . . it's all taking shape

Yessss to the BESH gargoyle, a little pot bellied cackling instadiffer, love it.

Oh bugs I'm so sorry about your dawg, it sound as though you've considered all the options and made a brave and selfless decision. Massive unBESHlike hugs.

Fanks dishy yes it was all pretty earth shattering at the time, definitely not helped by GP being an insensitive twat with all the compassion of a cold stone gargoyle. Bitch.

Oh, that's so sad bugs - a horrible decision to have to make, but in the end the kindest thing you can do, I'm sure. Animals can't understand about losing a limb; my mum's cat broke his badly and had to have it removed, and he still tries to move and jump in just the same way, and ends up in a heap Mind you, he's a great soft lump who likes to spend an awful lot of time sleeping, so he still enjoys that

cherry - the instagoyle would, of course, have its mouth open as it witlessly chuntered its amazing baybee news to all around it, regardless of how much it knew of their personal situations

So sorry, bugs

Hugs to poor pup, I know it's devastating but it is the kindest thing, she is loved and had a fabulous life in a nice warm family. I know exactly how you feel It'll get better and you'll remember all the snuggles and happy times!

Very sad Bugs. So sorry.

Slight dizziness and nausea can be brought on if you focus hard enough on it and squint your eyes in a certain way, yes?

What about constipation for a couple of days, followed my diarrhea upon waking 2 mornings in a row? And pins and needles in foot? I didn't imagine those!

These are all random right? But not actual symptoms. Are they??

Bloody hell I thought I'd learned not to look too much into random weird coincidence in the TWOT. I am 12 or 13 dpo so droid due either Sunday or Monday. I don't want to POAS (I only have one left and saving it for a rainy day).

Could be anything! POAS

I'm confused by how pregnant I am, CD1 was 24/02, here's my app calender, am I 4+3 i.e.: in week five but not five weeks yet?

Well done Bugs! I have been known to have to do that without the excuse of a pregnancy!

Arf at instagoyle dishy

Love it Cherry!

How's everyone doing today? Are we all back to waiting?!

I'm bloated and cried at the gay marriages on the news just now remembering how happy I was when I got married!

WWYD?

I'm struggling to decide on what to do about work, I have 5 more early shifts leading up to another long weekend of nights. I was going to keep quiet about any PG as long as possible but having had two miscarriages I really really don't want to take any unnecessary risks. Once work knows I will be taken off nights and half nights and restricted from attending certain jobs. There will be no way to keep it quiet if I stop nights (I'm currently doing many more than usual as cover for the instadiffer ) but it's such very early days, if I have another miscarriage I'll have to un-tell, and be back on nights. I'm anxious and confused

What a twat, cherry. Did he not think that a little compassion might be needed when imparting that news to someone your age? Twonk.

I love the idea of a BESH gargoyle.

bugs how are you feeling today?

On the subject of work, I found out yesterday that one of my cases that has been dormant for ages is going to have two hearings - one in October and one in November. FFS. The October one is impossible. I'll have to get someone else to deal with it. I could be as little as 2 weeks post-laying if centime is late. I might try to haul myself and my leaky boobs and fanjo to the November one but really. What shit timing. I'm very possessive about this case as it's huge and my colleagues would love to get their hands on it, and I'm very junior to be running something of this size. Grrr. I might wee all over the files to mark them as my territory before I go off on mat leave.

missH tell them, but tell them that you are anxious about mc and don't want it widely known. If the worst were to happen, you would have to tell them anyway as you would need some time off, so I think you should tell them now to ease your worries.

miss h it must be a really anxious time. I don't know the answer - only you can take the decision - but I do know that when I had my mc the doctor was very firm that it was nothing I'd done, and most likely down to chromosomal abnormality. Is your job physical / does it place you at risk of injury or trauma? I think I'd be more worried about that than shifts. Easy for me to say as an office worker though!

I have a curious thing happening. The sole of my foot, in the heel area, is really sore - especially when I walk on it, but even at rest its tender and a bit throbby. No injuries, no new shoes. I looked it up on a reflexology map and that area is linked to the pelvis. Do you think there is something in this reflexology woo or is it just a coincidence that I've only spotted cos I'm going a bit mad?

X-posts with you, euro. at the idea of you marking your territory!

It's not the shifts, and I don't need to fight, thank god! I'm a CSI, if pregnant I can't go to post mortems, very decomposed bodies or very bloody scenes all due to infection risk (which is tiny and if I hadn't had miscarriages I wouldn't have any qualms about working right through with sensible precautions!). On nights I'm only one of two covering the force so can't say I'm not doing a certain job as there would be no-one else to do it!

Euro - if it's important to you hang on to it! Definitely piss on the files and start writing in code!

Bugs - you need to grieve for pup first, I have everything crossed that you won't need to get a puppy for at least a year! By then Buglet will need something fluffy!