Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

God, the insensitivity of some people is astonishing! How did you respond? I'd like to think I would draw myself up to my full height all 5 ft 4 of it and bring down some righteous anger upon their heads. In reality I'm not sure whether I'd splutter something or just leg it. I've been spending increasing amounts of time with childfree friends and being grateful just to get away from it. That said, we have a newly diffed friend coming to stay next week, and meeting up with further instadiffers too, so might not be feeling so zen then.

Welcome blue. I lay claim to being the longest standing BESH here (nice to see you PESH, though!) I'm 33, married to GFBW (39). Ttc since nov 2010; 1 mmc, 2 ectopics, no tubes left so no chance of a sod's-law diffment. Endo and poor ovarian response. Ivf #1 in nov 2013, 3 abandoned transfers due to lining issues. Waiting for another lap and some blood tests before attempting another transfer. More of a lurker than a poster in recent weeks but cheering you all on. You've found a good bunch of biatches here!

fizzy I chose not to respond. She has a very short attention span and wouldn't have noticed. At one point in the afternoon she said 'so tell me about your wedding then, I want to hear all about it' and after I'd got a few words of my first sentence out she'd changed the subject. I shouldn't be remotely surprised, this was the women who I called when my first marriage fell apart only for her to laugh when I said I was getting divorced and shriek 'oh my god and I thought you were about to tell me you were pregnant!' Yeah, bloody hilarious.
I pretty much have already dropped her as a friend, I didn't get round to inviting her to my wedding.... But the other friend is visiting from the other side of the world, and she's a lot nicer. And anyway, I needed to get the gossip on the bitch friend. After being with the same bloke since she was 16 she's finally getting married - and not to him! Can't really say much more than that as it's a juicy but too unique story! But it was worth the inevitable pain of her comments just to see the hideously bling-in-a-bad-taste-way engagement ring!

barking wow. Just, wow. Kudos to you for not unleashing the full BESH force on her, I don't think I could have been so restrained! Although sounds like hopefully you won't have to deal with her again soon. I hope Miss 2 kids was better?

I am a really shitty friend, I haven't seen ANY of my closest friends with kids/pregnant (best friend excepted) since my miscarriage last November, and haven't seen my SIL with "my" bump since end of January. They do invite me to things, but the gang is so baby-heavy these days I just can't face it, and they let me get away with it. I sort of wish one of them would demand to see me, but I know they won't cos they're either being too sensitive to my fucked up emotions or don't want to deal with the awkwardness or think I don't want to see them (which was sort of true for a while). Ttc was lonely enough before the miscarriage, it's 10 x worse now tho.

Yep, agree with you there, rain, I struggled with bumps before the mc, but it's been 10x worse since. You can't help but compare your dates/would be baby to theirs.
Miss 2 kids was much nicer. While miss biaych was supervising the kids in the pub beer garden playground I had a nice chat with her about it.

Fucking horrendous smugness, self-absorption and insensitivity! It's appalling. I would have been unable to hold my tongue, Barking.

And Fab in those types of table sharing places it's alway fucking inevitable that a differ will be sitting next to you. The worst time for me was when I lived in London and was out for dinner at wahaca with a good friend around the time of my mmc (was trying not to fall into a hole and forcing myself to go out and face the world). The tables there are v close together and we were practically sharing our table with a heavily pregnant woman. All I could do was order another glass of wine and try not to look.

I don't think it makes you a bad friend to avoid seeing sprogged up or diffed friends. I've mentioned on here before that I've been doing the same thing for about a year now...but some are easier to avoid than others. We even had to go away on a big holiday over Christmas and new year as couldn't face being around family and our adorable niece and nephew. Christmas is a toughie for me though as it was December when I found out I was diffed and January when I miscarried.

We had local friends over on Saturday with 3 kids in tow. It was lovely though, just a shame we couldn't have a BBQ like we'd planned. My diffed friend, who I haven't seen since January, didn't come though. She texted to say she felt too insensitive as her bump was quite big now (she's about 7 months now). Whilst I thought that was sort of kind of her, I also would've been ok seeing her now that I'm updiffed- which makes me sound awful, I know! But it's all relative and I think understandable.

cunty sehr gut on the deutsch lernen. I spreche auch Deutsch

Hello BESHes. Looking for somewhere to share my cynical and occasionally fanciful rants as we ttc #1. Can I join you with a mug of gin (as bastard AF has just shown up AGAIN after teasing me with sore boobs for two weeks and when my best friend has just had her baby)? I've even played by the rules and done your questionnaire:

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Obviously. Hendricks by choice (I aspire to be a posh bird)

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Gold digger. Quite literally at the moment as I've gone back to Uni.

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   c. Or as we used to say at school, C U Next Tuesday.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   a. The absence of b is why I am here.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   He wasn't adorable, he lined the inside of his robot suit with porn. It's b.

6. Number of pets?

1. Cats. Wondering if they are hoping I will be barren old cat lady.

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   David Seaman?? What was I thinking?

8. Lesbian crush?
   Dr Alice Roberts

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
   c.

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above
    c.

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

I'm 36, TTC#1 since Feb 2013, m/c in January 2014. Had some tests at the doctor last month which were 'normal' and told to go away for another three months. Because we conceived once they seem to think nothing's wrong, though the official story first time I asked was that if you've been trying for over 6 months when you're over 35 they'll take it seriously.

Fuuuuucking Hell Frog that is mental - who needs friends like that?? Wow.

Welcome Effie, you sound like a hag - what say the others? For the record, generally speaking, GPs know virtually nothing about fertility so it's probably time for you to get googling/ask us here about what you need to know to push things along with regard to investigations. It's definitely a good idea to look into what your national health trust will do on the nhs too as they all differ and if you end up having to go down the assisted route (although fingers crossed you'll get an ironidiff now you've posted here ) then you don't want to have missed out due to your age because your gp has faffed and delayed you. Forewarned is forearmed or summat like that anyway . When they said your results were normal did they tell you what they were? Did you do an FSH and/or AMH test?

Hello Effie (having visions of you as some sort of Hunger Games character..). I'd say you're in, although I must insist on seeing you yell CUNT first - no C U next Tuesdays in here!!

Sorry for your loss, there's a few of us in here who've experienced miscarriages - it's proper shite. I'm not at the "magic" (not really the right word) 35 marker yet (33 in 3 weeks) so not sure what nhs rules are there, but I've had all sorts of tests as we've been ttc #1 for just over 2 fucking long years now. Did you have day 2/21 tests? SA for your OH? What's your cycle like? Time to start over sharing!
(Ps I think we should add a Q to the Beshtionnaire on OH nicknames!).

Fucking hell barking. Some people are insensitive.

Oh, more fresh blood!

Hi eff, My advice, for what it's worth, is that if you're not diffed by July I'd visit your gp with the bloke in tow so it's 2 against one, point out that you're 36, you've been trying 6 months since the mc and nothing is happening, could you please now be referred to the fertility clinic for further investigations as per the NICE guidelines? Then smile sweetly and don't take no for an answer .

Ta for the outrage about insensitive bitch 'friend' on my behalf hags .

Hello Effie! I am rather fond of the word cunt, and have no objection to its use on here. Indeed, I feel I am in the right place on the inter-web

Fankle - Wir können miteinander auf Deutsch sprechen. Aber, mein Deutsch ist nicht sehr gut! I've been 'learning' for quite a few years, but haven't kept it up regularly. I understand more than I can speak and can usually cobble something together to make myself understood!

Nice to meet ya. And for TheRainDrops OH's nickname is The Tool. Not even given by me!

Ta for the advice. I tend to get a bit shouty about GPs (sorry if that includes anyone here) but I don't think I've ever got anything useful out of them when I hadn't already both told them the diagnosis and what they had to do about it. This time it was just 'aww, you want a baybee do you? it can take a little while, you know? maybe you should try having sex'. I always end up getting loads of sympathy and reassurance when what I want is science, dammit! And I had some proper shit experience with doctors/midwives in hospital for the miscarriage.

Yep I had Day 3/21 tests. Day 3: LH 3.5 and FSH 6 and Day 21 Prog 40 (she didn't tell me the units - probably thought it was too much for my lady brain). OH hasn't had his swimmers checked yet, but had a testicle infection (nice!) a while back so I'm encouraging him to get down there pronto. My cycle was a bit weird before the miscarriage (alternating long/short) and since then has been short (25 days) but getting a day later each month, so hopefully might become more regular.

Time to reclaim the cunty-cunty-cuntity-cunt-CUNT word, you're right. I once did that at a work sales conference but it might go down better here.

Hi Effin,
I'm really new here too, been here less than a week now.

Mr Blue needs his spaff (I love this word!) testing too, although I already have him loaded up on super staff vitamins. (I love that my phone keep trying to autocorrect spaff to spaghetti, I obviously have a posh Italian phone)

Now I am just thinking about spaghetti with spaff. Gross.

Hi Blue, what vits is Mr taking? I'm trying to get most of what we need from food, but sometimes just too bloody lazy.

Now, how to persuade the Tool to get tested. He thinks it just feeds into the obsessiveness, but of course if he doesn't test then it just means I'll be obsessing that our shagging and my fretting is just wasted instead.

Off to see my friend's new baby this afternoon. Not always easy but I tend to not be so jealous of other people's actual babies, more just jealous that they get to be a mum and I don't. She had a fucking rough time getting duffed anyway so I can't really hold that against her.

Effin, I know exactly what you mean - for me id rather just know the problem ASAP and then I can deal with it. I actually got myself tested (ha, that just autocorrected to twatting, obviously my phone is getting used to this site) really early on in the process cos a lot of friends had gynaecology problems (not enough to stop any of them all getting up the duff first time or "by accident" though!) still i do feel pressure asking Mr Blue to do it - I will though, though we may use the boots at home kit first.

I've got Mr Blue on fair haven fertilaid - I did some research on it and they seem to really make a difference. Of course I don't know if it's done anything for us but the internet made them sound good. They are pretty expensive though (£30 a month I think) and you have to take 3 big pills everyday
. I used their cleansing vitamins too but they messed up my cycle to be honest (I'm usually pretty regular and after taking them I bled really heavily and really bright red early then was late in my next cycle and didn't ovulate that month - however what it shows me is that they are clearly have an effect so they are probably worth considering if you have irregular periods)

I tend not to get envious of others babies either, it's the pregnancies that stress me out - I always think "seriously?!!! But it's my turn!!" Hope it goes well

Just checking in while DCW (Daniel Craig Wannabe) drives us back from a very wet dog walk.
10dpo. Tick, tock, tick, tock.....

bugs I feel like a crazy emotional woman. No signs of pregnancy but all the usual signs of AF. But then I didn't sleep last night which I immediately marked down as a symptom. otd is monday but I'll be on a school trip for three days straight after I've been in for the blood test so don't want to leave it until then as I'll be surrounded by kids night and day. I planned to poas Sunday but now DH tells me he might not be around..... merk is encouraging me to test tomorrow and I might just give in. If it's a chemical I'd want to know it fertilised anyway. If it's a bfn I can stop getting my hopes up and a bfp later would be an extra bonus. At least I know the trigger shot has gone. And my last post was wishful thinking, tomorrow is 10dpo.

Argh menkul menkul barking cockles of calm coming your way. Merk is a bad influence! All the same I bet you're wishing whole days to be gone! Everything crossed for you.

Very sensible advice bugs. However, I'm an idiot. Just pimped. Bfn, obviously. Far too bloody early to be anything but. I will do my very best to not try again until Saturday. But I refuse to be held responsible for my crazy hormones.

In a 'putting life in perspective' like a shot way, I've just been reading the news about the woman stoned to death in Pakistan for marrying by choice, and pregnant as well. I couldn't actually believe this happened and can't understand why it is still allowed to happen.

Fuck a duck - BFP! I've just got a BFP! One on an internet cheapie and then confirmed with an FRER - really strong line came up instantly. I'm 12 dpo today and thought I was out as have been feeling really bad PMT symptoms.

I'm staying at my dad's so can't post any pictures. I'm shitting it that this may be another chemical.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck!

Hope all you hags are doing well. Fingers crossed for you Barking

Blimey Cunty that's crazy fab news! Nipple tassels donned...