Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

...and musing about how odd it is that so many of you have turned out to have immune ishoo. And also if it's not beyond the realms of possibility that miscarriage can affect your immune system.

Wondering if I should ask for these tests myself...what hoops does a hag have to jump through for them?

Fanks Fankle, here's hoping.

ROCH is sending me out to see my horse and has said he'll deal with it. I've just written down all our history so that it's there in black and white for him. It hasn't helped. I'm now seething and feel very let down!

Guess I need to chill the fuck out and hope they get their ducks in order for us. Fucking soon.

Anyone know how to move NHS funding to a different clinic?

FFS chez that's insane. I'm not surprised you're so upset - I would be utterly livid. If ROCH doesn't get the results you want then I think a strongly worded letter of complaint is due along will barely veiled threats of reporting to the relevant governing bodies and press etc. I think this group - www.infertilitynetworkuk.com - have information regarding nhs info etc.

Fanks I got my tests done privately and only because my ivf doc specialises in dealing with AI ishoos. It's not yet approved by the HFEA so plenty of docs still think it's bollocks. I'd would recommend reading up about it and getting the book - it will give you more of an understanding about it and see whether any of the symptoms apply to you.

With regard to the query on the book - no it doesn't give you info on hoe to get it there - I would recommend the Baby Making Bible by Emma Cannon for that - it's all linked with needles woo and makes for interesting reading as per your 'type'. I really must get my copy back from my friend to remind what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm pretty sure I'm on track but sometimes we need some reminders.

I had chiro woo last night - hopefully aligning my pituitary gland is going to make all the difference and I'm top heavy on the oestrogen/progesterone balance. So there.

Fab- have that Baby Making Bible- that's where I got the recipe for my 'secretion' jelly . It's all about the woo and yoga practice. To be honest I have really bothered with following the 'plan' for about a year now- I'm still not sure what 'type' I am! Although my woo needle lady thinks I might be heavy on estrogen (yin) and light on progesterone (yang). Woo woo woo woo!

I should try to find the other book and see if I can brainwash myself that I have an immune ishoo. MG doesn't like all this alternative stuff so won't be very happy. But who cares- I can't simply accept that it's all down to bad luck so feel I have to do more digging. Even if the doctors all laugh at me.

Are you any calmer now Chezza? Any satisfaction?

Tree- hope you're having an amazing honeymoon, despite the rain.

Bugs- how you doing?
Dishy, MissH- hellooooo! Are you alright?

X

haven't bothered

OK and breathe... they did at least ring back and apologise. ROCH is going in on Monday and apparently we are still top of the list for our 'type' ie slim and fair rather than Asian or mixed race or whatever which makes sense. So feeling slightly relieved and a bit calmer. though still wondering if it will ever fucking happen for us

Joins in the 'I have the Emma Cannon book too' club. It catered very nicely for my woo needs and desire to be doing something, nay anything! Until I discovered all the cycle stuff was bollocks for me and I could not in fact bring back my ovaries into working order by the power of visualisation alone. and, ahem, did I mention my username is so because I joined MN the same day I made some cherry coconut flapjack from her book to boost my chi as I recall I was 'deficient' though hopefully no longer thanks to wonderful needles lady and extreme nutritional support. Still barren but you can't have fucking everything I guess.

I didn't know chiros [ha ha! not chirps thanks auto correct] we're getting in on the act too. Realigning your pituitary, Christ Fab!

Thanks for the link BTW Fab. Question now is, if I moved clinics I'd probably go back to the bottom of a list somewhere right? Do I just stick it out and keeping kicking politely telephoning my current clinic to make sure they haven't dropped a bollock? Probably. Especially as it's so damn convenient for apts and near enough that ROCH can bus in his own spaff from home instead of forcing one out in the room of grime at the clinic.

Ello hags, I'm OK.

Had my bloods done yesterday so just waiting for the results now. Won't be for 6 - 8 weeks. They took about 9 vials, lots and lots of tests! fizz, fank, I'm in the lupus club too.

cherry, glad they sorted you out love.

Or rather, that you sorted them out . . .

Oh gawd dishy, not you on the wait for the lupus test as well?

Barking interesting that you're exploring egg share. We potentially could find ourselves an altruistic donor but it's a bit of a weird parapet to stick your head over if you get what I mean with all sorts of moral and logistical dilemmas attached.

My sis was going to donate but obviously that didn't happen and we haven't told that many other people. A good friend offered straight out which is amazing and god I love her for it, but unfortunately she's over the age the FC accept. So we're a bit limited really without going waay public and drawing all sort of unwanted attention to our situation.

I didn't even know egg donation was a thing until this time last year. How would you guys feel if a mate asked you to lay some eggs for her so she could have a baybee? Way weird? Cool? Too risky? A massive imposition?

Ooo, I'm another on the 'Baby Making Bible'. I like the chicken and brocolli risotto . My colleague (who announced her pg a few days before my mc) lent it to me after the mc.

Last night of honeymoon here! Treated ourselves to a hotel room so we're both on the wifi!! Romance!!

Cherry if a friend of mine asked I think I'd feel honoured. It would be slightly strange though, if it all worked and there was a child born from my egg that I saw on a regular basis. Knowing what I do now I'd donate (anonymously or otherwise) in a second, but by the time I've gone through all the fertility stuff myself I think I'll be too old

I too have and have read the Emma Cannon book, but haven't actually used any of the suggestions. Having it on the bookshelf gives me a small sense of security though! I couldn't really identify my type as I had symptoms of several, so wasn't sure which bits of advice to follow. I've since listened to my acupuncturist, who says I have chi deficiency and blood stasis - I've Googled recommendations for each type and have sort of been following them.

I'd be weirded out if a friend offered her eggs. I mean, it's a beautiful and selfless thing to do and I'd be incredibly touched by it, but there'd always be the feeling that they're 'her' children. Better to have an anonymous donor I think.

See the egg donor thing is so personal it ties me up in knots a bit. The sentiment would be amazing but it wouldn't come without banana skins... I have perhaps one friend who we're close enough too that I think it would be cool but it's still a helluva burden to go through all that treatment and lots to rationalise on their part that I'm not sure I could ask. Would they feel guilty if it didn't work or there was an abnormality or could there be an innate attachment that would make our friendship odd? Would that be a headfuck to the child as they got older?

There's lots in favour of anonymity if it gets a wiggle on!

Had to laugh at your romanticism Barking, only 'cause I can identify!

Happy weekend hags. What you up to? Anyone heard from MissH?

Evening BESH!

I've had a crazy few days at work so feel like I'm miles behind. cherry I'm glad the FC explained, although it still seems odd to say that you're 13 overall? Surely if your egg match comes up then you're next irrespective of other 'types' also waiting, so why make you worry like that? Dicks!

barking I said hi in t'other place but I'll say hi here too! Hope you had a fab hmoon and you're ready for some iui action!

I have no idea what this book is you're all on about. I have too many ttc fads on the go already! In fact I think I'm firmly on the countdown to my next 'fuck it all' meltdown - the has been a fairly constant companion this week already and I have had lots of wheat.....

Pretty much no weekend plans at all other than going bra shopping. I stumbled on this 'bra intervention' thread the other day which was beyond fascinating, I've been in a (M&S advised) 36C for the last couple of years but apparently I'm a 32E?! RAF looked ecstatic when I told him, until he realised they're still just the same old mediocre sized boobs, they just sound bigger now!

PS having just seen Michael Fassbender previewed on Graham Norton tonight and me telling RAF about how he's supposed to have an enormous dong, I have just spent an inappropriate amount of time looking at a gif of it swinging about like a pendulum on a grandfather clock.
Yes laydees, I am a perv. And shag fortnight starts tomorrow, which is a bit of luck.

MissH hope you're well wherever you are.

I couldn't donate eggs randomly. I'd need to know and trust the person. I think I would to a friend though, if I were not ancient.

Gah. Can't remember what else I was going to post. On tablet so can't see Fred.

Oh yes. Bra intervention. I find it rubbish. I've worn a 36b for years perfectly comfy. Bra lady in dept store told me to try a 32d, which is about where the intervention method brings me out. It looked good in the changing room so I bought it. However I always end up undoing it as I find it too tight. Plus the elastic cuts in and gives me back fat rolls I don't actually have. And as my breast size changes a little through my cycle it becomes too small in the cup and I end up with 4 boobs. I went back to my 36bs.

I suspect I'm with you on that one Euro - my bra intervention version gives me beautiful back boobage - not the look I'm going for...

The metal fucker has landed in fab towers rendering me useless all morning until the drucks kicked in. Thankfully we are having a day off painting and decorating our old house today so are merely trying to clean and organise our overcrowded new house instead today. A few toons on the iPad should keep me perked up!

Afternoon Hags! I have been lurker extrodinaire the last week or so. Luffs to all, I'll pick back up from here.

Went almost straight back to work, GP gave me more time off but we've just moved offices and I didn't want to miss out on our first day, plus 2 x bank holiday workings were not to be missed! Very stressful, anxiety inducing, took me 4 days not to cry at some point! Emailed everyone telling them I'd lost my 3rd baybee, made instadiffer cry , I cried. All better!

I have my first rmc clinic appointment already, it's on the 1st May so the ball will be rolling asap! Quick question, I was expecting it to be months before it all started so GP put me on the mini-pill (with the joys of progesterone pregnancy symptoms ), do I need to have proper cycles, so come off it straight away, for the rmc tests? I've had pretty much ALL the possible bloods in the world done but will I need scans at specific points in my cycle to check the womble?!

Re Bra Interventions, I went to Bravissimo a few months ago and was taken out of my 36DD's into 32FF's! Much much better in my opinion, though yes the back fat bulge thing was an issue initially, the bra's stretch though so not so noticeable now, I feel much more secure, and very happy to be in a 32! Makes me feel thin! I decided at 33 I could afford and probably should be in "proper" underwear rather than my usual ASDA £6 jobs! I'll be getting bikini's from there for my holiday in June and will be able to bounce about/swim without risk of slippage and the obvious sag of my old age

Hows everyone's weekend going? I'm waiting for BR to get up after nights so that I can get on with housework, have done all the quiet stuff already and need to get the hoover out!

With you euro Bra intervention sounds like an uncomfortable ruse by shops to sell more bras to me.

Pars I still don't really get it but ROCH has got exasperated with the re-explaining of it and I've been told to chill out 'cause it's fine. So I am for now.

Good to see you MissH and Fab, cracking on with the domestics... I'm shirking mine and off out to meet some friends after spending an eye watering amount on retail therapy and a nice haircut for me this morning. Oops.

Good ,for you chezza - nothing lifts the spirits like an expensive new haircut and retail therapy! All this talk of bras is reminding me that I really need to buy a new one! I've become quite fond of Pleasure State bras (I know they sound kinky but I've now bought two of the nude t-shirt bras - totes not kinky- and I luffs them)! But because I've worn them so much (despite taking care to hand wash them) they do get a bit stretchy after a while, forcing me back into my trusty old m&s bras. So Im on a mission to find a fabulous new bra and get measured again. Feel like my boobs have shrunk this month . They are normally sore and a bit more rounded by now (9dpo) but nope, just wee and squishy as opposed to full and tender .

Yesterday I dropped my work phone down the loo ( 'twas in back pocket of my jeans). Eeek! I,m now keeping vigil by a bowl full of rice and praying to the gods of Apple that it survives.

Fab- sorry that robotic retch arrived.

MissH- glad you're back and that things are moving forward with the rmc. Not sure what to say about the pill thing but I would imagine its problem best to come off it.

Re donating eggs- I think if mine were young and plentiful I would donate anonymously. But I'd feel strange about the consequences of donating to someone I knew. I imagine there would always be a bond/ attachment there and it must be a headfuck for the child when they grow old enough to learn the truth.

So apart from being a dickhead and dropping my phone down the loo, I have successfully MADE a tea cosy and a cushion cover on my new sewing machine!! I have also managed to bring forward my first ACU appointment but almost 5 weeks! 1st may instead of 6th June. Bring this shit on!

missh no real advice for you I'm afraid, although if you were put on it by GP knowing you'd be off to RMC then maybe it's not a problem? I think there's a RMC thread somewhere, those ladies will probably be more helpful! Good work on surviving the return to work, glad people are being supportive.

I tried a shit ton of bras today, 34dd seems to be my perfect fit, so much comfier and no armpit boob! I hadn't noticed that basically all of my current bras lift away at the front in the middle. Poor squished boobs!

fankle I did that with mine, about 2 days after I got the fucking thing too! Leave it for as long as possible - I put mine in the rice in the airing cupboard (after attacking all the crevices with rolled up tissue and a hair dryer). 2 years later it's still going strong!

fab kill the twunt with drucks! Have you moved far? We're considering upping sticks, part of me is really keen to get on with it but the other part isn't as our reason for wanting to move is for a better family home, which seems totally bloody pointless at the moment...