Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Oh euro I love the image of a nice laydee laying eggs for us. That's fantastic! If it turns out ROCH does indeed need to produce he will go under massive knuckle dragging sufferance but it would have been good if he had a little more urgency to ring and sort it out today.

It's not even like I can ring for him as they won't discuss his notes for patient confidentiality. Also I ring quite often to 'check' progress and I'm sure they're getting a bit sick of reassuring me that 'no I haven't been forgotten' 'yes they'll be in touch as soon as there's any progress'. Ahem.

How's your ma doing euro!

That's strange. Our clinic always treated it as our treatment and KFZK made a number of calls when I was unable to or too scared to in the case of calling for test day results . I can see why they maybe wouldn't discuss SA test results with you rather than him but I would have thought they would confirm that the letter was sent to the right person. I hope it does mean that your treatment will be kicking off soon, but it would have been nice if they had told you that.

I'm seeing my parents later today. I think she is doing a bit better. The pins are out of her arm, so that is more comfortable now. She couldn't manage to get on with the sleep apnoea mask though, so I am not sure what they will do about that. And her haematology results seem to be stabilising from the blood clot. In the supermarket yesterday, I slipped on some stray food and almost went flying! I righted myself just in time (no easy task in my current weeble-like state) I do tend to take after my mother....

I think we have joint bits and separate bits of our treatment... Who knows, anyway 'tis academic as he didn't call and we are still in the dark!

Glad to hear ma euro is improving, I hope you guys had a good day today. Weeble status is bitter sweet I guess; inevitable and slightly gutting? I totally understand how you feel. Being slim is part of my identity and I've always wondered how I'll feel if I get diffed and fat. I'm hoping there will be different connotations in my head to the self loathing from too much good living and not enough activity. Still, it will be a nice problem to have, I just hope I get the opportunity to try.

I had a much needed massage this afternoon. I think she was a bit shocked at how tense my shoulders were. Oops. They are no longer attached to my ears either. 'Twas bliss!

Ou est le BESH? Quiet in here tonight.
Just calling in to wish you well for the next few days. I'm off to the wilds for a total chill out break; no phone reception, tinternet or emails too we return. Cold turkey or bliss depending what mood I'm in!

Hope it's quiet because you've all been doing nice things!

cherry have a wonderful time in the wilderness!

euro the mat leave where I am is very good. The new employer is too - but you're right that I would need to be there some time to qualify. But given that we won't attempt another transfer until July at the very earliest, if at all, and we have such a miserably small chance of success, it's unlikely to be that big a problem. If we do get updiffed it will be a nice problem to have! We could manage on GFBW's salary if we have to.

Today we are going to visit family, including pg SIL. Wish me luck!

Easter greetings Hags!
I have been AWOL lately as been at my mums and she doesn't have internet (!!!)

Managed to shag at about 2am on Friday morning. The last one had been at 5am on Monday morning. It will be a bloody miracle if it happens this month (and my faith in miracles is not overly high ATM).

Fizzy- congrats on the job offer! Something to take your mind off everything for a while, at least! Are you going to take it?

Euro- congrats on getting to 20 wks but I can understand the angst. I have such envy of women who are blissfully unaware throughout their pregnancies. I know that will never be me if I ever get diffed again . Primary and secondary infertility though Euro- clearly they couldn't make up their minds! What a headfuck!

My cousin came to visit my mum yesterday with her 4yr old and 4month old (single parent, fell on cock of her ex- father of first child but he fucked off- et voila, baybee #2. At least they both have the same father). He is still a non-participating father. I wouldn't swap places with her if my life depended on it- it must be very hard for her. I was mentally prepared to just say 'oh what a nice baybee you have there' and not hold him at all. But he was crying so much and not being given the comfort he so clearly needed, that I had to lift him up and shoosh him, talk to him and rock him. He was asleep within 5 mins (after a full on screaming session for at least 10-15 mins). What can I say? I needs to be a mummy!!!!

Chezza/ Euro- I too have always been slim but I can't wait to have a blooming great big bump and bosoms. Although after all the food I have been eating/intend to eat the rest of this weekend, my tum tum is looking rather bloated

Easter greetings Hags!
I have been AWOL lately as been at my mums and she doesn't have internet (!!!)

Managed to shag at about 2am on Friday morning. The last one had been at 5am on Monday morning. It will be a bloody miracle if it happens this month (and my faith in miracles is not overly high ATM).

Fizzy- congrats on the job offer! Something to take your mind off everything for a while, at least! Are you going to take it?

Euro- congrats on getting to 20 wks but I can understand the angst. I have such envy of women who are blissfully unaware throughout their pregnancies. I know that will never be me if I ever get diffed again . Primary and secondary infertility though Euro- clearly they couldn't make up their minds! What a headfuck!

My cousin came to visit my mum yesterday with her 4yr old and 4month old (single parent, fell on cock of her ex- father of first child but he fucked off- et voila, baybee #2. At least they both have the same father). He is still a non-participating father. I wouldn't swap places with her if my life depended on it- it must be very hard for her. I was mentally prepared to just say 'oh what a nice baybee you have there' and not hold him at all. But he was crying so much and not being given the comfort he so clearly needed, that I had to lift him up and shoosh him, talk to him and rock him. He was asleep within 5 mins (after a full on screaming session for at least 10-15 mins). What can I say? I needs to be a mummy!!!!

Chezza/ Euro- I too have always been slim but I can't wait to have a blooming great big bump and bosoms. Although after all the food I have been eating/intend to eat the rest of this weekend, my tum tum is looking rather bloated

fankle you are clearly a natural. You will be shooshing your own soon enough.

fizz that's good. The needing to work somewhere for 2 years for enhanced maternity benefits is a bit of a bugbear of mine. It makes women kind of stuck in the workplace during their childbearing years and unable to seize the best opportunities that come up. I'm still job hunting now, and if I did find something, I would have to pay back everything beyond statutory to my firm. We have the savings in place to do that if necessary, but not everyone is that lucky.

I had a bit of a bad day yesterday, stressing about the scan news. I was tired and teary and slept like a loggy thing last night, which is very unusual for me, and I feel a little better today.

Wotcha hags! Hope you've all been having eggscellent weekends! .

euro I hope you're having a better day today, I guess the menkul is just something you have to live with once diffed? It must be bloody tiring, so I hope you've had some nice distractions today

fizz I hope you get a truly inconveniently perfectly timed BFP to muddy the new job waters!

fankle 2am shags? What are you, teenagers?!? I can't keep my eyes open much past midnight these days!!

Still no droid here, 17DPO (according to shitty CBFM). I POAS'ed this evening, BFFN of course. I evidently did not ov when CBFM says I did (which I'm sort of glad about as it was stupidly early this cycle but also stressed that my body is fucked post MC). I guess I just wait and see what happens next, been feeling droidy for about 5 days now.

Morning Hags! The Fred seems to have slowed over Easter - I hope it's because we were all having lovely times

Parsley - any sign of droid?

Euro, so pleased to hear your Ma is on the mend - please watch out for you and centime though!!!

I've had a lovely weekend - went up to my Mum's oop north on Thursday and had a lovely time with her and my sisters - she was in a pretty good mood and not challenging at all which was great

TWH had a raging hangover on Sunday so we had a day of movies and lounging which was perfect and Monday we want to the local country fair looking at dogs and horses and food and it didn't rain until 4 which was perfect! Lovely food at the end of the day with more family - simple pleasures eh?

So today I'm starting back on the fertility regime - just off to a jazzercise class and have my diet in mind - no more booze and takeouts! It's all about the healthy now. I'm quite looking forward to it actually - am clearly weird! I'm also going to get registered with my local docs at last and go and see if I can find out what's going on with my grumbling womble as it's really annoying me now.

Fab- your weekend sounds lufly. I had a rather nice Easter weekend visiting our family in Scotland- amazing weather for 5 full days! Ate a LOT of yummy food - although only a fraction of an eastern egg so can't be that bad. Still, need to get back to a more healthy lifestyle this week.

Parsley- how's crotch watch? Any sign of the red robot?

2am shagging is ok if it's a bank holiday or weekend the next day and you don't have to get up early. MG had to leave at 5:40 again this morning and said last night that he was very glad he didn't have to set the alarm any earlier to allow time for shagging. Fanks a lot.

Where are all you hags?!

Question: how many of you are/were diagnosed 'unexplained'? Did you ever uncover an explanation?

Am going to try to post a link to a video I found on endometriosis and unexplained infertility...think parsley or cunty was asking about endo last week.

www.centerforhumanreprod.com/endometriosis_infertility.html

FFS, I just wrote a long reply and my stoopid phone lost it.

Fab and Fankle your weekends sound like my kinda weekend! Glad you both had a good time, it's good just to get away and forget it all for a bit so I'm sort of glad the thread went tumbleweed-y for a few days, shows we all know how to switch off when we want to!!!

The stupid metal twat made its grand appearance yesterday lunchtime (in the middle of Sainsburys, thanks for that you utter bastard). Only 4 totally mindfucking days late. I did a HPT on Sunday night as I was going insane, so I did at least know it was imminent. I think it might have been down to taking Vitex throughout the whole cycle - won't be doing that again. Or maybe I just OV'ed later than my CBFM said I did.

I am an 'unexplained' fankle. Will check that link out later - I've never suspected endometriosis for any reason, hopefully I won't be adding it to my imagined list of 'things wrong with me'

Thanks for the video link Fankle; that's really interesting. I have all the symptoms he mentioned, but he wasn't exactly inspiring any hope on the treatment front!

So you have to have a lap to diagnose it, but treating it might make things worse? Bugger! I guess it would be a useful diagnosis though if it gives a reason for infertility which then leads to fertility treatment. I'll explore a diagnosis after this cycle.

I believe that yesterday was 'egg day' in a non-Easter way, so Mr Chops and I have been a bit busy over the weekend! Being back at work today after two weeks off was quite a pisser though

How's everyone doing?

I know! I was a bit like 'very good- I've just had the potentially damaging surgery'! Basically it doesn't make sense. Anyhow, I'm on my third cycle since the lap and you're supposed to be more fertile for the 3-6 months immediately after surgery, with research showing an improvement in pregnancy rates for as much as 18 months after surgery.

I keep trying to remind myself I still have a few more months of trying naturally with this supposed boost before our assisted conception process begins.

I don't know how else they would diagnose endometriosis if not doing a laparoscopy. But it could be worth asking about if you suspect you might have it.

Hellooo! Got some wifi! Haven't scrolled all the way through everything I've missed but euro sorry about the mixed news at the scan and cherry it's not the same everywhere for egg donation - round here the donor still pays for IVF, just at a reduced cost (still around £2000). It's what we plan to do if the nhs can't get us diffed (got to be within the next year though or my eggs are too old). Are you allowed to find your own donor or is it a waiting list only kind of deal?

Would you believe that so far on a two week honeymoon we've had just ONE day when it hasn't rained - and that was on what would have been our due date. You couldn't make that shit up. Made it feel kind of special.

Anyway, checking out again, just thought I'd pop on to see if anyone had laid any special easter eggs....

And to answer your question fankle I'm unexplained, but only because the FC don't recognise an 8 day LP as a problem. Personally I'd say I had a progesterone deficiency or something. Last time I spoke to the FC and asked about progesterone in case it contributed to the mc he said he could prescribe it but there was no clinical evidence it worked and the only thing it might do is delay a mc rather than prevent it . Not sure whether to ask for it if when I get diffed or not.

We are unexplained. A couple of kfzk's contributions were on the low side but others were ok, so that doesn't explain why it never happened naturally. I have no idea what ishoo ivf overcame but with two bfps from 4 cycles it obviously did bypass our problem.

We were unexplained until I was diagnosed with auto immune ishoos. Some docs will however say it is bollocks and would prefer to say I was unexplained. Helpful. If you're interested on reading up on it 'Is My Body Baby Friendly' by Dr Alan Beer is excellent.

Hello hags! Sorry for being AWOL
I have had a nice weekend doing bank holidayish things (including spending an eye watering amount in a new mattress). And I've accepted the job! Had to tell my boss today, which wasn't fun, and have a meeting with the big boss tomorrow. Gulp. They are trying to persuade me to stay but I think I shall stand firm.

fankle I am very much explained after the two ectopics. Not sure what caused them, though- possibly endo in tubes? No idea what's causing the lining issues, hence the new battery of tests. Including a test for lupus - yikes! I got diffed in the 3rd month after my lap so maybe there is some benefit.

tree soz about the weather but hope you are having a lovely time despite it!

Hey Fizz - awesome news - good luck with the telling though. That'll be the tough bit. Hope it all goes smoothly. By a strange act if coincidence I too am awaiting a test for lupus. Apparently my first was inconclusive so they want to do another one in 4-6 weeks. That should be my last of a ridiculous amount of bloods I've had tested in the last 6 months - I think we're probably just into the 30's now. I'm surprised I have any left!! Still, I'm pleased my rheumatologist is being thorough. And that I have a rheumatologist a gynae and an obstetrician - makes me feel quite important!!

Yo HAGS I return from the Welsh Wales what's up? We're walked out, have eaten our body weight in food and wine and done some great sandcastle building and wave jumping with the nephew and niece too. 'Twas luffly.

Woo on the job news Fizz, stand tall. The telling is the worse bit though right? Fizz, Fab I've had the lupus test last year. Scary business. Hoping like hell you haven't got this. Luckily mine came back negative though I did test positive for anticardiolipin whatsits. They make your blood clot too fast and leave you susceptible to risk of blood clots, stroke, miscarriage and still birth. Which all sound a barrel of laughs.

Interesting book reccomendo thanks Fab. Does it give actual stuff you can do to help become more baby ready? It might help my waiting to be doing something positive towards IVF, though I'm pretty sure mini eggs won't be on the regime. Better scoff 'em all now! powers on through the sickly feeling

Hope it stops raining for you soon Barking, glad it's not dampening your moon.

Get you on your list of specialists Fab. It makes me feel very American to have a gynae! That's a lot of tests you're getting, but at least they're being thorough. I'd love to be unexplained but then my diagnosis is shit so I would say that!

Fuck hags, fucking cuntyMcwunty! ROCH finally rang the clinic this morning about the jizz sample request that's come out of the blue.

It turns out it stems back to the one he had in August that somehow was contaminated and they were unable to test. This is the retest apt coming through now. Only now!

And worse... She happily informed him that we're currently no. 13 on the waiting list for DE. Erm no. How can this be? We were told in Sept last year that we were seventh on the list. When I rang in December we'd moved to top of the list. TOP OF THE LIST!

In Feb I was told to be patient and there were no good matches currently. So we're being f'ing patient. And now this! Expecting a call back to tell us what the feck is going on but just popping in for a quick vent. I don't know whether to be angry or cry-ee. Mainly feeling helpless and like our parenthood dream is slipping away

Jesus Chezza. I am angry for you! Give them hell. That's totally unacceptable. Hopefully it will be a simple error by a fuckwit of a receptionist and you'll still be at the top of the list.

I just wrote a long post in response to everyone who told me about their unexplained and/ or immune ishoos. And I fucking well lost it! Oh well. Mainly I was just saying thanks to all who responded.