Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

Or even the acupuncture. . I hate typos that make it look like you can't spell .

I am drinking Hendricks Gin

Good work miss h! That's the spirit!

Clearly one of those days when only alcohol will make you feel better.

I will be good for the rest of this cycle.

Not just you fankle! I stopped drinking when we started ttc. Over a year later I decided it was getting ridiculous and started drinking the ocassional glass between AF and Ov. Over two years later and I've leapt off the wagon, kicked the back tyre and waved it goodbye... I won't have more than one drink if I'm in the 2ww though.

From a tea cup no less MissH you classy bird you.
I could murder a gin but I'm trying to help ROCH be good in the week and reduce the £150 he spent on wine last month to a more respectable amount eeeek. It's been a stressful time but really? Much as I love a drink we can ill afford to bank roll an alcoholic and it's not going to do his swimmers any good either so I'm putting my foot glass down.

I'm mostly gluten free for hormone health, though currently in a mental tussle as most gluten free is high GI which is also bad. I've got a good recipe for cookies made of coconut flour which is a temperamental ingredient to work with but they're tasty when you get it right.

Yoga from diffed glowing peeps would be a no no for me too Fankle. Definitely not my preferred route to zen. Anyone else feel like this week has gone on for eveeeer already? I'm knacked and it's only frigging hump day.

www.pressawards.org.uk/modules/entries/images/entries-20130608-01483.pdf

Because I think Caitlin Moran would be a good BESH (save from the fact that she is a mother and makes one smug comment about growing a baby) and this is quite funny and heart warming.

My friend says she's a nob. But I warmed more to her when I learned she'd had a miscarriage.

fankle, God bless you, that is not at all unhinged. I'm SO glad that all the people who share my Pilates class are old and creaky, or male, or both . It's a 'rehabilitation' class [not for crime, for injury] so classes are punctuated with cries of 'Oooh, my knee's gone'

I was thinking the other day that I'm very lucky that my female friends don't want to, or can't, get diffed at the moment. And especially that my younger brother hasn't settled down with anyone yet. I think that really would break my heart, if he had kids with someone when I was still trying. I mean, it'd be lovely for him and all, but so hard to take.

I'm a bit spooked by all this chat of vitamins and woo needles! I'm not doing anything extra bar Pregnacare and getting my 5 a day. I've decided to lose a little bit of weight (BMI tipping over 25) so cutting down on carbs too, esp in the evening. Seems to be working . . .

I have massively fallen off the booze wagon since the MC. So much wine . . . hard not to when we can't try til bloods are done!

Like clockwork I had a VERY obvious ovulation yesterday - loads of EWCM, looking at me and saying 'You're more fertile after an MC! Not that you can do anything about it'

MissH, I like your style

fankle, do NOT read her book. My mental mother read it and got me it as a present just after I told her we were going to start trying for kids. It has an entire chapter dedicated to the graphic description of her terrible birth experience with her first child. It scared the shit out of me for months.

Classic behaviour on my mum's part

Hmph. Just got birth announcement text. They got pg same month as us only they now have a baby boy and I have nothing. I thought as soon as it was born I'd stop with the comparisons but I'm already sliding down a slippery slope. Someone please slap me hard and push me off the slide...

dishes that book sounds wonderful . Do you think she wrote that chapter just to scare pg women?

bugs have you got a dog? I'd love to tell a visiting midwife that I was planning on putting the baby in the dog crate as it was just like a cot/playpen really.

MOrning HAgs!

Fankle - I would have done the exact same thing, cunting fuck to diffed ones taking away your relaxation time. Bastards. I'm massively sick of the duffed one on my team at work, there is nowhere, nowhere I can get away from it As for vitamins, I am currently using up the Tesco Pregnancy ones I bought 2 weeks ago and I will be sticking to an All-in-One conception one when they run out. You are unhinged! As much as we all are! And I for one see it as perfectly normal, as does my GP! She literally just told me so!

Fizz - I have also been retoxing over the last couple of days, huge amounts of chocolate and cake, and the gin last night! I plan on drinking quite a lot of the next few months in fact!

Barking - when/where are you going on holiday again?

Cherry - £150 on wine [shocked] I feel sorry for BR as I hardly drink at all, so for him to get a few beers occasionaly is a huge treat! I feel like I should start drinking properly! even though I'm a lightweight and 4 glasses of wine makes me feel ill

The teacup came with the gin! Hendricks Midnight Tea Party!

Bugs - Good on you staying in pyjamas, sorry the midwife cancelled but at least it's another day at home! I have nipple tassles and twat cushions at the ready for tomorrow! Let us know!

Went into work yesterday to hand in my sick note, burst into tears and left . Went to see my GP this morning at 10 only to find my appointment was at 8.30, burst into tears. She saw me really quickly as an emergency, I burst into tears. She has given me a print out of all my tests/results to take to the rmc clinic, has given me more valium and put me on the mini-pill (Feanolla 75) for the next three months. Oh and given me another sick note in case I need it after this week. Came home, told the in-laws, burst into tears. My Sister-in-LAw is a registra in obs&gynae (sp?) and I am going to scan my tests and stuff and send her an email for another perspective, however reading my test results, they are ALL NORMAL so who knows what's going on with my barren womb?!

I have taken a valium, the sun is out, gloriously, and I am going to put on scruffs and get out to do some gardening hacking at things with a variety of bladed instruments We are going out for dinner on friday for the in-laws 44th Wedding Anniversary and I plan to drink lots of wine!

Barking - Fish slaps from me also hoping they have an ugly baby

Bugs - I too would have been looking forward to that! We also have 3 cats (4 until just before Christmas) and they have total run of the house minus the dining room as they keep pissing in the corners where they like to leave enormous amounts of filthy paw prints all over everything, multi surface wipes are my friend!

Sorry about the announcement Tree. No-one needs those reminders, but it's hard not to compare. I have started bemoaning the changing bloody seasons- oh how lovely the blossoming trees...That'll be another fucking year that I've failed to get pregnant.

I can only hope hope that this shit ends for us all very soon. And give you a giant fish slap as requested.

Dishy, I already read her book...and the second one as well (which is where she wrote about her miscarriage...on her actual wedding day of all days). I guess I was still new and relatively naive to ttc turmoil when I read the first book. But I remember that chapter. I couldn't possibly stand to read it now.

Ginormo fish slap for Frog, those announcements are not what you need to hear. I had the ridiculous amount of 10, yes 10, babies born to various friends and acquaintances the month I was due - you couldn't make this shit up! And now they are just starting to announce that their little bundles of joy are 6 months and isn't it amazing. Not to me - it's just marking the passage if time that I have failed to get diffed in and all I have really achieved is putting on weight. I have however managed to up the amount of alcohol I consume so I no longer get hangovers if I just think about booze but that's only because 3 years of basically no booze and no baby has made me bitter so now I'm boozing like an old soak

I read her book and loved it but I'd only been ttc for a year and thought it's bound to happen any time now....and also my sister's birth stories are pretty much the worse I've heard so I tend to just block them out now - I haven't watched obem since ttc though - don't need that extra stress!!

Btw what a glorious day it is today - miss, enjoy your gardening

How'd it go with the midwife Bugs?

MissH hope you had a good day out in the garden. I temporarily took over wood chopping duty from El Husbando after my MC - very therapeutic!

barking I hope you're bearing up ok today. It's a body blow, but you will get past it. I have 3 babies due around my EDD - not great! I a,ex cited about one of them tho as it's a friend of mine in her 40s who finally conceived #1 after 4 years with donor eggs, so yay for her!

missh going to New Zealand on honeymoon on Saturday for 2 weeks . Still not feeling real. Can't wait to get away from everything. Pity the friends we're staying with for the first two nights have just announced they're pg .

bugs so sorry about your dog. I can't contemplate that. I've always said that I can't see how I could love a baby any more than I love my dog....

fab 10 is insane! Next (close) friend is going to give birth on my birthday....

bugs that's just rude, hate it when people cancel. What time is your scan tomorrow?

I have very exciting news!!!! Got our letter through today for our first IUI appointment, it's 2 days after we get back from honeymoon!!!

Wow Frog it's all go for you at the mo - how exciting that you're off to NZ! Where are you going? What's your itinerary? I dragged TWH around both islands on a ridiculously oversized tour for our midi-moon (we had a mini-moon for a few days in Suffolk in a tiny cottage away from it all straight after our wedding and then had a full moon to the US later for a month - yes properly greedy!!). We saw absolutely loads but it was bloody exhausting!

And exciting news on the iui too time to get aboard that assisted fertility train!

Bugs what a pain that she cancelled but hopefully you got to enjoy the time away from the office numpties!

Doing both islands in a campervan over less than 2 weeks !!
Itinerary includes skydiving over lake taupo, kayaking, mountain biking, surfing (him not me), climbing, hiking and possibly drinking some wine .