Karma's a load of old shite! The BESH have gone through a fair old heap of bollocks lately so it's time we had some good news!

[Fabuluce]

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.

6. Number of pets?

7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

8. Lesbian crush?

9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
   a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
   b) Over 100 quid
   c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

So here's a question. Is it merely a coincidence that so many BESH have poor relationships with their mothers?

I wondered that, fab.

My theory is no, not coincidence. Some people are naturally ballsy, but others get ballsy by going through tough times. Having a crap parent is one of those things (among many); if you've been through it, come out the other side and know that a) they were crap and b) you survived and will never repeat what they did, you're pretty tough.

You'r therefore more likely to enjoy the rough & tumble of BESH company. You're probably OK with being a bit dark, you know the value of a good swear, you're not easily offended and you have no truck with twee babydusting fairyland dwellers.

Course, could be talking shite.

Cheers missH and bugs. I've responded with a brief and very bland message rather than the diatribe it deserved.

She'll sulk for a few weeks about it. Balls to her. I live a very long way away for a reason.

I don't have a bad relationship with my mother, but I wouldn't say we've ever been close. She collects children (like they're going out of fashion) and is always far too busy with them to pay much attention to me. Fostering, adoption, looking after friend's children etc etc, you name it she's always got a house full to overflowing and has done since before I was born. Everyone refers to her as a saint. She's a total overachiever and can cope with 10 times as much going on as any normal person. When I told her I was having a mc she just said 'well that's the trouble with today isn't it, you know too early' . When I texted her after the last FC appointment to tell her we were going for IUI she just sent a text back saying nothing more than 'I remember x having that'. X, for the record, didn't get pg on IUI. .

Not really much to complain about, she just doesn't have any time to consider what to say sometimes...

It's definitely made me far more independent than the majority of my friends.

Pinger went to tell me to get dinner out of the oven so had to post before I'd finished...

dishes your mother sounds like a nightmare.

miss h everything very tightly crossed for you.

fankle I've just done week 1 of no wheat but fell off the wagon a little at the weekend so too early to say. My cycles are all messed up. Before the mc I ov'd on cd19 or cd22 then started bleeding 8 days later. Post mc AF pretty much vanished and only came back after I started acupuncture. Wheat is supposed to affect your hormones so in addition to the Chinese herbs from the acupuncturist, the vit b6 and the vit c, cuting down on wheat should also help balance my cycles. 'Tis the theory anyway. Can't say I'm not trying everything .

Sorry about all the rubbish mum stuff, hags. My relationship with mine is pretty normal - not talking on the phone every day stuff, and not problem-free, but nothing like the nightmares many seem to have. I must have got my BESH balls some other way

I have been pretty much wheat free with the occasional failure for a few months now. No noticeable impact on droid behaviour, and I've gained a couple of pounds. But I do feel much more energetic, especially in the afternoons, so worth doing for that alone.

I quite like a bit of cucumber in gin...

fab it's strange isn't it? There do seem to be a lot of similarities. I'm sorry for all those putting up with difficult mothers.

My mum isn't in the same league at all. She's a bit emotionally distant but sane and easy to deal with, which I am thankful for.

missh sorry you have the wait ahead of you. I know each day seems to last a year at this point.

cletter I hope you are doing ok. Last year I had the scan telling me I was going to mc just before mother's day and started bleeding the day after. Our bodies really do pick their moments, don't they?

Ooh euro, putting it out there on the old cucumber front!

Fab, dishy yes yes yes on the mother theory! Have to say, loving your work hags. When's the joint scientific paper on managing maternal mishaps published? I guarantee the peer reviews would be rave.

Dishy I'm aghast at your mother's behaviour. You obviously have researched your subject rather too thoroughly. I had to identify with the gnashing of teeth - though my mum is not intentionally evil, just emotionally incompetent and a bit self absorbed which sometimes amounts to the same thing.

When my endocrine system crashed last year the first thing my nutritionist did was to put me on a wheat and gluten free diet and dairy, caffeine, alcohol add long list I was hardcore for about 5 months and it transformed the way I felt even if it didn't fix my ovaries, damn it, though the lure that it might kept me going.

It has changed the way I eat and I mostly stay off wheat still -though life's too short not to eat lovely bread and cake ever. I went really skinny when I was ill, people keep telling me how much better I look now. I guess skinny ain't always where it's at to look good.

Toe holds MissH.

Thanks for toe holds

Nothing new to report, GP calling on Thursday to hopefully book in for a scan next week, all staying the same stopping completely and ramping up to successful pregnancy

You ladies all ok today? Quiet on here.

I'm feeling a bit ...trundle-y...like I've been on a treadmill forever and still not getting anywhere. Amazed I haven't had my usual emotional outpouring yet since droid showed up just feel a bit numb now. Think I will go back on the clomid tonight (haven't taken it since October but still have 3 months of it). Something to do I suppose.

MG took me out for dinner and cocktails last night to cheer me up. I needed it- had been a right grumpy cow all day yesterday.

MG sounds like a good egg! Cocktails on first day of droid should be mandatory.

I know how you feel about trundling along. Sniffing the sniffer and taking the pills just feels like routine now - sometimes I forget that there is actually an end event coming up! Or not, which seems more likely. Ho hum.

Yes I know Fizzy, it's sometimes very difficult to remain positive and keep focused on the end goal with the vast quantities of shit in the way...and especially when everything seems to take so looooong! I feel like my life is passing before me! Everyone else moving on to the 'next stage' and leaving us behind. Maybe it's another peer/ growing pain thing...like when you leave school/uni and it inevitably takes people varying lengths of time to get a job/decide what to do/find a man/ settle down etc

Yes, MG's a keeper.

Just popping by to say a quick COW to Fizz.
There's nothing like cocktails to cheer up a damsel BESH in distress Fankle, good work MG.

I'm feeling chipper this week and trying to stay positive is it really only Tuesday? this could be the week we find our donor.

How was your day MissH? Thinking good scannage and successful diffment thoughts for you.

fankle I still have a month of clomid left although obviously I told the FC I'd taken it all so he could tick his little box but I'm not going to take it. I had light enough AF before the clomid, while I was taking it it was pretty much disappearing altogether. The consultant told me it could thin my womb lining, which is what I'm worried about anyway, so although it gave me my bfp I'm not convinced it would stick this time either if I got another on clomid.

Thanks cheery cherry! Good work on the positive attitude - each day brings you closer to finding your donor.

I'd be worried about taking something like clomid without 'supervision' tbh. But then I'm a wuss who is wracked with guilt at drinking raspberry lead tea!

fizzy I didn't get any supervision on clomid, just given 6 months of it and told to come back if I wasn't preggers at the end of it! . No scans, no blood tests. The consultant even told me it probably wouldn't work for me, and has since said it could actually do me more harm than good and he wouldn't recommend me taking any more! But I couldn't be referred to ACU until he could tick the box that said I'd tried 6 months of it.

missH how are you holding up? Has everything settled down? .

cherry is it just a case of creeping up the waiting list? I wanted to do egg sharing IVF (it's the only way we could afford it privately anyway, it's not free here but it is cheaper) but I'm too old for the clinic I would go to round here .

MOrning Hags!

Fankle - YAY! for cocktails MG sounds awesome! I know nothing of the next stage of fertility treatment (Clomid etc) but if you want my 2 pence I wouldn't take it "just for the hell of it". You are moving onto the next stage so I reckon keeping yourself fit and healthy (plus stocked up on cocktails and chocolate ) is way more important than adding more possibly harmful drucks to your system (especially if they didn't work last time) Be brave, throw them in the bin!

Fizz - COW! I am sending you positive woo thoughts for your womble! What is this Raspberry Lead Tea you speak of?! I'd steer well clear

Cherry - Also positive woo thoughts for you! I really hope you get your donor soon! And then your win of course!

Before that last year of ttc shite and mc's I had always said I would be surrogate/donor for my best friend who had bowel cancer a few years ago if she needed it. I would give her my eggs and womble with not a single hesitation. So going through all this hell has added an extra layer of disappointment as it looks unlikely I would be able to help her, or anyone else. I think the slow process of finding a donor may be unfortunately littered with well meaning women who end up having problems of their own.

Barking - I can't believe you had NO supervision whilst taking 6 MONTHS of very serious drucks I've found that the ttc/fertility side of medicine seems to leave a lot to be desired Do they not realise that we are providing the next generation of well rounded tax paying individuals!?!

Dishes Fab Euro Bugs - I hope you're all doing well/ok too!

So onto my update!

Everything seems to have settled down, I never thought I would be happy to continue seeing brown gunk coming out of my fanjo (that is not something I would ever be able to say in RL!). I never really needed a pad, it was all on wiping and seems to have almost completely stopped now. HUGE relief. I hope that this experience enables me to handle future bleeds without going into a mad panic and running out of work! unlikely The GP is calling tomorrow (I luffs her! I will be sending a card next week to say Thankyou for the last 18 months of brilliant competent doctoring!) and she will refer me for an early scan next week when I'll be six actual weeks!! . Latulose seems to be helping with the huge mass of poo which is currently my bowels

BR has been brilliant, I've been keeping him updated and he's been knocking on wood all week! We have been on a rollercoaster which I'm sure will continue for the next 8 months (and well beyond!) I'm even more grateful it's settled down as it was BR's birthday yesterday and we were able to have a great day with NO miscarriage! Woohoo! Though I'm a little sad I couldn't take him out for Tequila cocktails to celebrate, but I'd rather be diffed!

Bugs - Did you ever cave to pissing on a CB Digital?! I have one in the cupboard and am contemplating it. I know they're pretty inaccuarte but would love so see a 3+

One symptom that's definitely sticking around, lack of sleep! I used to sleep for England, an early start was the alarm waking me up at 10 am for homes under the Hammer ( )! I have been up and awake at 8 am every day this week! Not impressed!

That's a relief to hear MissH- glad the blessing has stopped and you've been able to relax a bit. Your doctor sounds nice. Fingers crossed for you between now and the scan next week

COW to Fizzy n all!

Interesting chat about the clomid...yes they do seem to give it out like sweeties, Bugs. Monitoring it seems to be less widespread however. I don't get scans or bloods whilst on it but it seems some people do. My FC told me at my last appointment that he wouldn't be unhappy if I went back on it...nor did he say I really ought to go back on it. But I took the first pill last night so have already started a new round. Not sure it's ok to stop in the middle of it though...??

I feel like a headless chicken! I know it didn't do me any good before so I don't really know why I've gone back on it. I guess in the hope it will suddenly work this month.

bleeding
My, that gin was strong!

Thanks for all the COW thoughts, every

Ooops! ...everyone. Scan tomorrow so we will see if it's working! We are going away next week so it will be sod's law that my lining is good enough for transfer and we'll have to cancel the holiday. Still, it will be a nice problem to have.

miss h glad the bleeding has settled. Sending sticky thoughts your way!

It does surprise me that there's such variability in fertility treatment. I wonder if it's the same in other branches of medicine? barking are you in the UK?