TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Mad Do they all seem nice? NCT groups seem to provide so much support during the first few months as they understand what you are going through etc, I hope you have a few good uns in your class! Perhaps MrM could show off by reversing the whole way to the hospital….

Devon Jesus wept that sounds horrific. It is bad enough if you know it is coming, but if you think you have dodged the bullet and then it comes that is painful, well done for remembering to congratulate them before leaving!

Ray don’t beat yourself up over it, it is a long and shitty journey, you are allowed to feel a bit jealous every so often

euro glad your mums apt is so soon, it will be a relief to get some answers I imagine.

Nelly Spotting is annoying, hope your GP is supportive, mine has one specific doctor that specialises in fertility so she is always supportive of test requests etc.

AFM this cycle has now been cancelled. Unsurprising. I am so angry I cant begin. I told them the dose was too high and DR was a stupid idea. MrT is demanding an apology from the consultant for being an arrogant f*cker (I really hope that is the apology we actually get ‘Dear Mr and Mrs Ten I am sorry for being an arrogant fucker. KRs Consultant knobcheese) I am tempted to step away from the NHS round altogether, I have zero faith they will monitor me correctly in the next cycle either despite this, as it is all done to their timetable. It is just so frustrating given just how much tax we pay between us and that we don’t use the NHS system for anything else, I feel like I am being ripped off. Sigh.

Oh ten I'm so sorry to hear that after everything you have been through. From your own health point of view it does sound like cancelling is the right thing to do, but how annoying, to put it too mildly :(. If you do indeed get that apology in those terms I'd be inclined to frame it. So many doctors are indeed arrogant, it makes me so mad. Is OHSS a risk even without EC? Critter and Sea will have advice I'm sure.

Oh ten how effing frustrating! Particularly as you told them. I can't believe this cycle has ended this way. What an effing knobcheese that consultant is. Grrr.

Oh ten how horrible!! Could they not see this coming and decrease the dose earlier? Do take care and make sure you know how to minimise the risks - I don't know what would happen to all those follies if they just stop right now. Does one take over and ripen and the others disappear. Absolutely for you.

Nct ladies seem ok. Hard to relate to them a bit will be nice to get to know them better when we're all off work.

nelly hope the gp is cooperative. It is definitely the same place. I was there in the 90s but came back a lot to visit family around the time you were there so perhaps we have crossed paths in the sun :-) I have good school friends to go back and visit but my family have also left now so difficult to justify the expense of a visit.

What????? ten that is so utterly crap I don't have the words. Oh how galling for you, and frustrating and infuriating and totally substandard medical "care". I second the questions of what happens now? Dp the follies just fail to mature and go away or might you still get OHSS? What happens if you shag? Might you end up like OctoMum?

euro I hope that your Mum's appointment goes well. I am thinking of you all and agree with cos that you must be feeling like you pass one hurdle in life and then get slammed with another one.

Talking of you cos I am so glad that you felt that your appointment was productive despite the fact that they are talking about polycystic ovaries again and you feel like you are back to having the same conversations of years ago. I too hadn't heard of the fasting glucose test and thought that they relied on scans to diagnose and other blood tests. So what happens now for you, did he indicate anything beyond the glucose test? Might you be prescribed the dreaded Clomid

dev Oh for goodness sake that you have got nesting birds again. That can't be right. I was reading about PH levels in the vagina (my life is just so rock and roll) and apparently age can make the CM more acidic which made me think about the bicarb douche and the fact that some vaginal environments are just not conducive for sperms. Like you nelly I notice changes in that dept just before my period. In fact that is one of my tells that AF is coming, kind of a light burning sensation. 'Tis good to share
Oh dear at the announcement and PDAs {cringe} I find I get very jealous these days of all those people with what I perceive to be the apparent "perfect" set up, lovely home, lovely DH, couple of kids & generally all of life's milestones hit with ease and applomb...
ray I sometimes feel very resentful that my IVF didn't work and even find myself musing like some mad woman that maybe, because I couldn't see it on the screen, that no embryo was actually transferred the first time and it somehow got lost or dropped. I have genuinely thought that many, many times

nelly do you think that the spotting might be a little blood following ovulation?

Ten – i’m just so sorry. I can’t believe you have been through all that downregging and they f up on the bloody drugs. Surely they must have looked at your afc, amh and previous cycle to get some sort of idea of what they should do especially as you told them. It’s is frigging disgrace and dangerous to just lump everyone in together. I’m so bloody cross on your behalf. The thing is i really think they couldn’t care less.

Nelly – sorry i was going from memory and thought they had found uresaplasma or whatever Euro had which i thought antibs fixed. I didn’t realise it was BV they found. That’s what i’m off to get tested for tomorrow eve. Is there really nothing that can be done for it/?

Mad – are all the nct peeps instadiffs? I am sure it takes a while to find things in common. I guess it’s a bit like uni, you are put in a group because you are about to go through the same thing but it doesn’t mean you will or have to have loads in common.

Ray – yes they know all about our problems. She heard about it all a month ago when i last saw her. She inquired, I didn’t volunteer. So she was13 weeks pregnant then and I didn’t pick up on it. She probably didn’t dare tell me after hearing about everything. Also Roy and I aren’t touchy feely in front of people but in private we are. Some people probably would think we aren’t very happy but I don’t like ott pda. Ivf is a bugger with hormones. My last round was 6 months ago so i can’t believe any of this is related. I think i’m just overrun by candida. A few lax evenings with alcohol brings on thrush, it’s very strange. Oh and please don’t beat yourself up about other ivfers.. After nearly 4 years, you just want your turn. I find as time drags on, and as more ivfs will most likely lie behind me, my perspectives of other people’s experiences change. If someone told me they took 2 years to conceive now, I would think pah! That’s nothing even if they had a round of ivf. As i’m sure someone who took 8 years and 5 ivfs would look at me and say, pah i’ve had it easy. What i just can’t bear is when people on these threads say “dd2 took a very long 9 months to conceive”. That always annoys me.

Oh and i see there’s another 10 plus thread. It’s getting me very confused. Keep going in there by mistake.

ten I am so sorry, what a fuck up, its disgusting that they never seem to take peoples emotions into consideration and the affect this has on couples

dev hope you get the song bird sorted, its difficult to know what to say, not sure why they left it so long to tell you

ray I found announcements difficult even when pregnant I think its natural to feel like that

nelly I hope you got the anti biotics

mad I did at Mr M's comment, I love my NCT group, I have told them my history but not all of them have told me theirs so i do wonder if some had problems but don't want to disclose

ten I'm raging on your behalf. I really hope you do get an apology and some explanation. IME they never like to admit they got something wrong. You won't have to pay for the next round will you?

devon I keep clicking on the other thread by mistake. Tis annoying. They are where we were 3 years ago :( I don't think anyone trying less than 3 years has been trying long now. I also think that going through a failed round of ivf puts a different spin on things too, I will never forget the pain of those BFNs.

Has anyone see the thread in AIBU on ivf?

Ugh, just read the thread. How charming some people are.

So the doctor didn't prescribe the anti-bs because he thought it was too severe a regime. He is going to contact the doctor in Greece to find out more. He did say we could have the HIV tests etc though. More blood, yay.

Ten I don't believe this has happened. Surely they have got to admit they got it wrong. I can't imagine how crossed you must be. As for ohss I don't think that can happen unless EC happens. But you should check. How do you feel physically?

Dev I'm sorry about songbird. Sounds like it needs to be checked out properly and investigated. I'm sorry too about the a* announcement. They really are the pits. When is your next appt with UCLH?

Critter. I hope you are having a well deserved break. So sad that MrC has been sad but it's a process I guess. Enjoy the sun and warmth.

Sorry for he woeful catch up. Will try to do a proper catch up this weekend. So much I want to say to all you ladies. Just not enough hours in the day at moment.

Pout - I was very suspicious about my IuI and wondered whether the woman put anything up there. I sometimes wonder whether they do pretend to transfer embryos to save people's feelings. Uuum conspiracy theory alert.
You are rock n roll, I read up on all sorts of stuff. I have been seriously considering douching with bicarbonate with soda to try and neutralise the area. Weirdly I think thrush thrives on alkaline environment though. Anyway I am starting to eat coconut oil by the teaspoon, yuk. as that is suppose to kill candida.

Nelly - I had to get a private prescription as was told the treatment would rip out my insides by my GP. It didn't rip out my insides by the way! I think it's important when you do take them to also use a very good pro biotic to replace good bacteria.

Sea - sounds like you have loads going on. Hope sickness has stopped now.

Read that ivf thread - some people can be so vile. It does concern me that these idiots and horrible people have bred.

The other thread is confusing me too.

nelly Oh for goodness sake that you didn't get the prescription and you need to so yet more waiting for your GP to talk to Greece.

ray I started to read that thread in AIBU and could see where it would end up so abandoned it. Typical "I'm alright Jack" attitudes.

dev Yes to another conspiracy theory! Seriously though, I was thinking that mistakes happen and what are the actual chances of the doctor saying "oh dear, I've dropped your embryo on the floor"? The ramifications would be massive and there would be couples demanding another free round and getting very upset that their embryo is goodness knows where. During my first transfer the doc had a right job getting the catheter thing in, it came out at one point and at other points was digging into my vaginal wall because I could feel it scratching. Also interestingly the first transfer didn't hurt at all while the second FET I got huge period type cramps for the duration and actually saw the swoosh of white and saw the embryo in my womb on the screen, unlike the first time. I would put money on the first transfer not having been right.

I really feel for you on the thrush front, that must be so miserable. It seems so unfair that you have had so many indignities on that front anyway and to have this on top is beyond a joke. Are you going to go back to that walk in clinic?

sea hope you are feeling better.

Ten that's the most humongous amount of follies I've ever heard of, sounds like cancelling is def the right move now but ffs that you even warned them of this. Did they not even look at how you responded before? How frustrating, hope you're ok. But wowsers at your ovaries !

Pout, omg do you really think that? That'd never crossed my mind that that might happen sometimes but I suppose it is the law of averages, it must have happened sometime but surely there are extra double checks and stuff to make sure it doesn't? How annoying if you don't feel like you had two proper goes at it.

Dev oh no at the songbird pain, how horrible and annoying. Is there are nice recipes you can make with the coconut oil? And I have to say I was shocked at how your friend made her announcement given your previous conversation. You've said before your friends can be a bit insensitive but that really was thoughtless, imo. When that doc said 'yes well it's pre-implantation' did he mean that there's usually a problem with the embryo implanting properly? I will have to pay for the tests and they're not cheap. But they're all booked in for next week with a follow up with Mr Rai in 4 weeks time. It's a different world to nhs and makes me really quite angry that they can't provide anywhere near a decent level of service when how much do we spend as a country on other things!

Nelly I get the special fucked-up ness of bleeding after ov, and I remember Fox did after the month of cp. It's very disturbing when you get bleeding at the wrong times. Any news from the gp about the meds? The fasting glucose test is meant to tell if you have polycystic ovaries as he said it always is an accompaniment. Dr google has told me different since, but ill go with it anyway.

Ray I know the feeling about envy to other Ivf instadiffers (though not ttc lovelies). There's something especially painful when you realise you envy those who at one point you would have felt sorry for. What news on the FET?

Waves to everyone else esp grads and soon to be grads.

Oh and afm after feeling very positive after my appt have now been getting waves of why am I kidding myself, this is like the fiftieth person who I've thought has all the answers and they've always turned out not to have before!! It's like a never ending merry go round.

cos there has to be an answer out there. Maybe this is it. Rai is certainly a well-known expert in the field.

pout I hear you on the conspiracy theory! The possibility of IVF lab muddles has always made me nervous. I know some IVF children who look nothing like either of their parents and I think if centime is the same, I will have to get him/her DNA tested!

nelly I've heard it can be difficult to get the antibs prescribed. I hope you find a way.

ten how are you doing? Are you in pain from having so many follies?

devon did you go back to the clinic in the end?

ray I was posting on that thread. It was not quite as bad as some of the IVF threads I have seen but some posters were really showing their ignorance.

sea I hope you are feeling better but I guess you probably have a little while to go yet.

Mummyeuro saw the chest specialist yesterday. Apparently she has a very narrow airway (no doubt from all the surgery and scar tissue in her neck), which is probably what is causing the night "panic attacks" when she wakes up unable to breathe. The consultant reckons that can be sorted by wearing one of the masks they give people for sleep apnea. She's wearing a 24 hr heart monitor at the moment and having an ECG today to rule out any cardiac cause. The NHS apparently did a CT scan on her chest to follow up on the x-ray that showed something on her lung, so the private consultant has requested that, so Something Bad has not yet been ruled out but the consultant seemed pretty positive. Both parents really liked the consultant, which helps a lot. They have confidence in her.

I am so angry on your behalf ten. It's just wrong. They made stupid mistakes. GRRR. I bloody well hope they give you a closely monitored round next. my IVF dose was only 150units, and I came close to OHSS, stupid, stupid idots.

Hurrah about tentative good news about the euro-mum. Fingers crossed for more to come.

Oh cos, I am very confident there is an answer out there and you've come a long way on your instincts. If you thought PCOS might have been an issue before, I'd be happy to look at it properly. But waves of hopelessness are part and parcel of this stupid game.

Waves at all the conspiracy theories. We did see Lembie on a screen, but there is no way to know this one was ours. We chat about it a fair bit, in a joking way and agreed that whatever the genetic material of the little person I am growing, we'll love it and consider it ours but then we were quite ready to foster and adopt by the time this happened. I felt a lot like IUI was a very expensive placebo treatment.

Consider your tail feathers fluffed and apols for being absent. My phone is dying/dead and I was posting a lot during transit...

Self-centred post as I just need to say this somewhere and I always feel safe and supported here.

On this day, a year ago, I miscarried my first pregnancy. I started to bleed on 11 March. On 13 March I was in a lot of pain and unable to move from my bed. On the morning of 14 March I passed "something" and the pain started to ease from there.

This has been such a long year and I feel very grateful to be where I am now. But I still think about that first bean.

Aw euro. Much love to you today. What a difficult day it must be. I hope that you are okay and plan to do lots of sofa snuggling tonight with MrEuro. X

hugs for you euro . I hope you and Mreuro have something nice planned for this evening, it's been a tough 12 months for you but little centime is going to bring you so much joy.

Handhold for euro from me as well. You can be grateful for centime and sad for your lost bean at the same time. I second good snuggling time and comfort food tonight xx

buzzy I'm glad you've found the class a good support network. I told one woman than this is an ivf baby. I just feel like everyone should know for some reason - like i am a one person evangelist telling everyone that people just like them can struggle and need help..... .

SIL in middle of her ivf round. I feel so anxious for them! Apologies for pathetic catch up. must go and meet my mum. Here's to relaxing ten plus weekends.

Ah euro, i’m sorry , can’t believe it has been a year but amazing that centime will bring you much happiness in the future . I hope they have now found a reason for mummy euro’s chest pain and panic attacks and hope that device will help her out.

Cos – goodness after so many years and so many doctors , it’s impossible not to get that niggle in the back of your head. But Rai has offered you a completely different perspective now and I just hope he has you on the right track. Oh that doc though i had miscarried early because implantation hadn’t taken place yet.

Pout – so with you on the conspiracy theory. And my suspicions were raised with the iui because the first one i had distinct period pains as i did with my ivf transfers yet on the second iui , there was nothing. I was so convinced she hadn’t done anything.

I went back to the GUM clinic and got tested for god knows how many diseases. The nurse told me i was very inflamed and swollen and told me it was thrush. But my results came down within 20 minutes and thrush came back negative. The doctor said, “so i don’t think there is anything else we can do for you”. I am waiting to find out if i have Chlamydia or BV or syphilis or something. Then by chance Roy heard that Radio 4 was talking about thrush so I tuned in, as you do at work. And apparently, recurrent thrush is often not thrush or yeast infections, it is something mimicking it and people think they have it because the thrush cream clears it away. There is an international specialist based in London who is also a gynae and deals with thrush in late pregnancy loss. Ok not me but I am going to see if I can get a referral to him by my GP. Apparently some women can be allergic to seminal fluid. Again highly unlikely I am but odd I only have problems with unprotected sex.

On another note, i’m in a total panic but for the past three 3 months i have started getting very hot before my period. This pm, I’ve been sweating and i normally have to have the radiator on by my desk. It’s a sign of the perimenopause apparently. If i am sweating now then my period is going to come a week early as well which is another sign. I feel what ever is left of my fertility is dwindling very fast. Or am I being ridiculous?? IVF documents arrived today. Appt next week. need to crack on with it.

euro big hand squeeze dates like that are tough, you don't forget no matter where you are on the journey

ten how are you doing

mad i'm not really sure why but i felt i wanted to share my story, also i knew we would have that 'who does she look like' talk, fingers crossed for your SIL

cos there is an answer for you, you will get there

Devon, did they take swabs for other types of infections? I think asking for a referral to a specialist is a good idea because it doesn't sound normal to have thrush like symptoms all the time. Have you tried a bath with bicarbonate of soda in it? I wonder if your ph levels are off. Seminal fluid can really mess with the ph of the vagina. I've noticed that if we dtd at any time other than when I'm in the ovulating phase (when I have ewcm) then it causes me irritation for a couple of days and also a bit of a funny smell.

The funny smell is horrid with me after dtd and I was told once it shouldn't be like that. It must be a ph thing as tests previously show up nothing. Taking all those antibiotics cleared that smell up for months but it has come back. The thing is all tests always come back normal. I haven't tried bicarbonate but perhaps I should. Sorry you don't want to hear all this!

long time no type people, sorry for the awolness. I had my hand lump removed this week and it hurts like a bastard, i am here now that I can just about type.

Euro, hug in 'memberance of your loss and memories of a sad day. I am glad that you are on a better trajectory now. Sorry too to hear about your mum, hope that is nothing scary and easily resolvable. The worries keep on coming in our thirties it would seem.

Ten I am so sorry that you are in post cycle let down, I entirely empathise as it is a very very flat and frustrating feeling after hammering your body with drugs. Maybe if we both swapped left ovaries we might work it out better?! Sorry, I jest, I hope you're OK. You are clearly a very very fertile lady and it is just shiteness that the doctors didn't listen to you. You will get the dose right and I'm sure this time next year will be very different for you.

Devon that sounds miserable. I have had some issues with the bird this month and I haven't had that for maybe a decade? I am thinking dhea. But currently blaming and praising dhea for all things so who knows. I am sure you do not have chlamidyia! though that is exactly the kind of incessant worrying I would do. I also do not think it is menopause maybe just the warmer weather or some odd bug your body is fighting off. It is so annoying that the lens of fertility makes all these things appear so much more concerning than they would be if we had hundreds of babies round our ankles, we probably wouldn't even notice then. I've said on here before but in my very immediate friends and family babies have been easily conceived with week long spotting before periods, day long periods, severe eczema and allergies, huge fibroids, one ovary and PCOS. Now I've written that down it has not cheered me up. Sorry everyone!

Cos, I am glad that you have seen someone who will look at things from another angle. It seems to me that it must be solvable if someone can just take the time to study the facts. We would all make so much better fertility specialists.

Ray how are you feeling and is it nearly fet time?

Sea, I send special anti sick thoughts!

Pout have your vits arrived and have you gone gluten free? Some milk thistle arrived for me that I ordered when I was a little tipsy. I am amused by this irony.

Nelly ballbags to having to take antibiotics, Penny and her team really do find a lot of bugs in their mail don't they? They must look for very microscopic amounts maybe? And euro is diffed after no anti bs. But I keep thinking maybe I should check in case I have something and it might make ivf not work... agh, so complicated.I had BV once after (look away now if feeling queasy) forgetting about a tampon at the end of my period years ago I most DEFINITELY knew I had it, it was unmistakably grim. If you feel fine it does make you wonder if a normal GUM clinic would pick up anything. Sorry that is a lot of thinking out loud and probably not remotely helpful.

Loves to all grads and folk I've missed.

My news is that I filled in my personal characteristics on the donor sheet this morning and felt entirely detached, akin to ordering a billy bookcase from Ikea. I don't even know what my hair colour actually is as I've dyed it since I was fifteen and suspect it is mousey but given that I get to choose I didn't put mousey I put brown. I contemplated putting dark skin even though I am fair because I don't want to inflict my blue sunburnt plagued hue on my poor potential unborn child but thought that was perhaps taking it too far. I am not sure if my lack of interest is normal or healthy. I don't think I have unturned every stone and feel that if I had the inclination I would investigate mild ivf but I don't and I don't really know why. I want the quickest route to having a family and on paper it would appear this is it. We have more implications counselling in April during the matching process. Maybe I should talk about my lack of emotions about it all. What I am not unemotional about is my fear of it failing. What the hell would I do then? I have no idea why I can't get pregnant truth be told. I understand that my fertility is low because there are hardly any eggs left in my ovaries. What I don't understand is how, thirty six eggs later with relatively normal ovulation, good levels of progesterone not one of them has been up to the job. I presume it is egg quality but I'm unsure about what that really means. Does it mean the corpus luteum fails or that the chromosomal information is faulty? Do I have thick egg coatings? A tricky fallopian tube or implantation uterine issues? I HATE not knowing and that my one stab at ivf provided not a single answer. It makes me feel that there are numerous issues that could stop donor treatment working but I don't really know what to do about it. I am asking about clexane, gestone and endometrial scratch at next apt. Anything else I could throw at it?

Sorry that was very long.