TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Great news fox. Long awaited and much deserved!

cos I have been thinking of you and am so sad that you are struggling at the moment. I'm not surprised, you have been through so much disappointment and of course the interminable waiting takes it toll. I was touched by and can relate to the sense of panic. I thought I had laid all that to bed but it has come back along with flashes of almost mania. I think you used the word agitated and that is a good description. Squishes up to you and ray in the ten
I didn't join in the favourite book talk largely because I like to read pap
and would be too embarrassed to reveal that my fave book is The Thorn Birds and real life murder/forensic books {pyscho smiley} I've never read Persuasion cos but it sounds interesting and tempting.

mad I can't imagine how anyone would find someone having to undergo IVF amusing or funny. I guess that chap must feel a bit sick and silly now he & his wife are in the same shitty boat.

cos and mad I'm shuddering for you at the thought of FILs discussing lady working bits over the garden fence

dev So sorry about the feelings stirred in you following your BF having her baby. No wonder and it must be so hard. Photographs kill me too. I guess little snapshots of the "perfect" set up are harder than the reality of the smells and noises! That said I really wanted to say to our grads who may be lurking that I love the photos of our grad babies. They seem to all be such gorgeous babies and all seem to have such lovely defined features. They really do make me go all mushy

dev Sixth baby present this week ? screams

nelly Lovely furry news and good news that all is progressing well RE Athens.

Another sordid revelation from me whilst doing my shopping in whispers Asda I got their monthly magazine and read that the Asda pharmacy are committed to not for profit IVF drugs. Apparently you can buy all your IVF drugs there and save about £800 per cycle. I didn't realise this and wondered if you lovely ladies knew.

Happy Sunday to you all. Off to Lidl later to see if their Easter Eggs are in and to try and get some courgette seeds, though MrP did ask in a panicked tone whether I was planning on planting them in the raised bed that Little Dog likes to crap in I was actually and thought that this would be an excellent source of fertiliser

Just thought that my last post implies that our garden is like a dog toilet. To clarify LittleDog does upset tummy poops in the raised bed that can't be picked up in a bag boak Right, well now that I have made all this seem soooooooo much better and much more savoury I will hop in the shower

pout you made at your dog stories, interesting about the IVF drugs, I too like true detective mags etc, I think some people find it morbid but I'm totally fascinated by crime

mad some people can be arses at times, feel its slightly 'karma' that the guy is now having IVF himself

cos big hugs, What would your FIL know to be discussing it with your neighbours, trying to explain DE to my FIL was umm interesting NOT I imagine everyone who has been through my MIL 's checkout know my business

Just marking my space, I escaped for a weekend and you disappeared off my list!

Hurrah for funding, fox! Sorry about groundhog day. I so know the feeling. I can still not believe this is actually happening...

Hello everyone! Watching the Oscars and having a nice quiet Sunday. Hope you all had good weekends. There's going to be a snowstorm here tomorrow so we're holed up at home.

fox what absolutely fantastic news. You are moving forward and getting closer to having your little fox cub in your arms. Progress! Hurrah! This is really wonderful.

pout love the secret tales of Asda shopping and courgette seeds. Made me smile. Amazing that you can buy cheap IVF drugs there! It really is becoming mainstream.

lemon not long for you now! Hope you're blooming and getting lots of rest.

madness I love airing out our flat too. It always makes me feel virtuous and I like the fresh smell! MrC chases me closing windows and complaining of the cold. I will actually be in your neck of the woods in April but MrC's parents will also be there and I don't think I'll be able to get away… we're doing a little memorial for James and burying his ashes. There will be other chances for a northern meet up though with nelly too - I may be back later in the year, or in 2015… when hopefully we'll all three have little ones with us!

nelly exciting about the furry acquisition. I think two down-low incognito trips to Athens could be fun!

euro I too am long bodied… and so is MrC. We both have short legs and used to joke that I'd be having a dachshund, not a baby. I bet your little bump is super cute.

cos I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so up and down. It makes perfect sense. You've been through so much terror and such an emotional roller coaster. It's basically been emotional torture and you are dealing with this brilliantly. Brilliantly. I mean it. Sweetheart, you are going to get through this. It's great that you're going to St Mary's. Get them to check out everything and do every possible test that they can. You're going to crack this. The progesterone is clearly a huge step in addressing what the issue is, and these doctors have seen so many women that they may well have seen a similar case to yours. I just remember how amazing sar's visit to Dr Tubes was. A good doctor can make all the difference. In the meantime, I'm thinking of you and sending you so much love.

ray I am so sorry that you're feeling low. It's a bloody marathon and it's just exhausting and miserable. But we are in March already! Your FET is next month… you're nearly there. We will be tightly clutching your paw and wishing you luck and cheering you on.

dev you're amazing to be getting baby presents and I am sure your pal won't drop you - quite the reverse, she will probably value your friendship even more. I am trying to minimise the time I spend around people with babies… even if I think I'm ok at the time, I find it quite draining. So I'm guiltlessly just avoiding them. We went to a party last night where we turned up early and there were loads of people I didn't know with tiny kids. We made an excuse and left early, hung out at home for a couple of hours, then came back to the party later when the parent crowd had mostly either gone or been diluted by non-parents. I just didn't want to risk someone asking me whether we had kids or not. So you shouldn't feel you have to go to baby-focused events. You need to protect your own mental well-being!

I've missed lots of people but will check back in tomorrow. We're off to the sun on Tuesday… can't wait! I had a rough few days last week after sister critter left, but have actually felt ok today. I'm so grateful for the good days and trying to remember not to feel guilty when I feel ok and to just be thankful for the break. I'm also so happy we're in March! Yay. See ya, February. This winter can go and do one. Hurrah for spring and summer being around the corner.

I must have cross posted with poutster yesterday, so you've put a smile on my face with your tales of little dog and the courgette seeds :)

Devon, I think you're saintly for going into those shops... I still panic when near. SB bought a baby outfit for Lembie during our weekend away whilst I was hyperventilating in a corner of the shop... My baby presents are nearly always books, as I love them and love book shop browsing!

Hurrah for the sun critter and for better days that give you brief respite from grief. The trip to home sounds important and tough, will be thinking of you. Very sensible to avoid excessive babies. The questions must be so difficult. Big squeeze!

Waves and tail fluffs to all!

Heh@the dachsund comment! That is about right I think. I too am happy that spring is on the way. The daffs outside my front door are in bloom and the local trees are full of blossom.

I'm sorry that you had a tough time after your sister left. I'm sure things will be up and down for a while. You are absolutely right that you have nothing to feel guilty about when you have a good day. James would have inherited his parents' kind personalities and wouldn't want you to be miserable. I think it's lovely that you are bringing James' ashes home to the motherland and having a little memorial for him. I'm sure it will be tough, but hopefully it will be another step in coming to terms with your loss. x

drizz I still can't imagine buying anything baby related. In fact, mr euro said he expected to be given a long list while I was in hospital with "please deal" written on it (this is a bit of a lawyer in joke - it's a sort of stereotype for sh1tty colleagues to leave horribly long/complicated bits of work for you with no more instructions than a post it note saying "please deal" stuck on a massive file...).

Critter – I think you’re amazing to go off to a party so soon after everything that has happened. I find the kids question bad enough so for you it must be a dreaded painful question and very difficult to know how to answer. I’m sorry for the tough days recently but so pleased you have a holiday in the sun to look forward to. By god you deserve it.

Cos – hug to you. I’m really not surprised you are not feeling yourself. ‘Agitated’ is such a descriptive word and I’m sorry you have been feeling like this. Emotions are intense and it is horrible when you are being clobbered by them. I’m glad you have got a meeting with Raj. He cannot blame your eggs when this has been going on since you were 29 and you have found adjusting a hormone gets you pregnant. I hope to goodness he has something a bit more helpful to say than that. I hope he is curious as well. I hate it when doctors seem thoroughly bored when you tell them your background. Raj was the lucky man who did my laparascopy and he’s one of the very few outside of my family to witness me sobbing. He seemed pleasant enough and i hope he is kind and helpful to you. And yes the neverendingness is so so draining. Oh god at your FiL discussing your issues with his neighbours. Parents and PiL! My mum went to a lunch party and ended up sitting next to a woman from the Archers and Mum called me up and said..”.this lady from the Archers’ daughter took 3 rounds of ivf to get her baby so there’s hope for you yet”. I now know that mum will discuss with absolutely anyone.

Fox – great news your funding has been approved.

Pout – I have heard about Asda drugs being on the cheaper side – still a shit load of money which probably costs the drug companies pounds to produce. In fact there was an article about this in the Daily Fail yesterday. A couple called their baby an ‘asda baby’. Stupid article as it made it sound like Asda actually do the ivf as well.

Sea – 200k? That must have been an argy patient. I met one who had spent over 100k . I think if you have the money, you must just go round after round. I feel i’m wasting time not doing a round but like many i don’t have much chocice in that matter.

Euro – i read on something else that Centime was a 5 cell day 3 embie. Seriously your story gives so so much hope to me!

Lemon – i’m not surprised you still panic when you are near those shops , it must be very surreal. After giving one kid his present this weekend and it was greeted with stamping of feet and “ohhhhhh, Ive already got two of those”, I think the book idea is one to stick to!

Feel much better about my friend after my teary few days last week. I have a new godson so i find being given a role like that softens the blow. Makes me feel like I will still be involved with friend and her child.

How lovely to have a new godson. :)

You are right - centime was indeed a 5 cell day 3 embie (6 cell just before transfer). Hence the meltdown and chat about donor eggs! All of my embies bar one have been slow growers.

How did you manage not to sit on the ungrateful little toerag? I hope his parents told him off!

Devon 6 baby presents in a week is excessive, you deserve soime sort of karma points for that. I can understand your feelings about your BFs baby and the sadness. I am hosting a baby shower this weekened for a friend who started trying about a year ago, and when she told me I was so happy for her but it also took my breath away. I wouldn’t want her life, and as you say people go through worse things in life, but god sometimes it takes a lot to smile through it. About diet etc it is always worth a try, if it makes you feel like you have a bit of control and are doing something positive it has got to be a good thing. Like Ray at one point I was convinced the reason my IVF round didn’t work wa because I had a bottle of beer and a pizza during it, which is absolutely bonkers of me, we are always looking for the one thing to blame. Make sure you do your research and be prepared when you go to your first appointment that that might be your only consultant appointment (it was for me!), I would have had some issues I think if I had bothered to fight back, in my hospital it seems it is their way or no way at all.

Euro there are moments when I think about what exactly it is that you do to your body during a LP IVF round when I wonder what the hell I am doing. And then I think about closing off all of the options and I keep on stabbing! I have been lucky I think and compared to you my symptoms haven’t been that bad. I can deal with a headache and being a bit (very) stupid for a few weeks, I am just hoping it goes away as soon as I stop stabbing. Have you started to look at nursery/baby stuff yet? Or is that still too scary?

Cos It is totally not surprising that you are not yourself, I guess it will take some time before you get over the loss. Sometimes you need to indulge in feeling sh1tty and (watch your film on loop) and when you are ready youll know. I am glad you have an appointment at St Marys, I really hope they can shed some light on things for you. at FIL, this is why we haven’t told anyone we are even trying, I just cant stand it.

Fox Brilliant news your funding has been approved, just brilliant!

Mad Ha at your FIL being appauled you haven’t given up work! It is a good idea to have MrM share the maternity, so many of my frineds husbands dodn trelaly do anything with the babys (mainly because the mums wont let them!), much better to just leave him to it for a while so that he can learn in the same way you did.

Sea hope the sickness has gone!

Pout I am with you on reading pap, anything that involves guns is good (used to be john grisham then the Reacher crap), or will make me laugh, laughing at books is just the best thing ever……god its been ages.

Critter I am sorry that you have had a rough few days, I cant imagine it. Your right there is no reason to feel guilty on the good days, hopefully for you there will be more of them soon. Yay for seeing soma sun tomorrow, that sounds like an ideal plan.

Waves to everyone I have missed. Blood test tomorrow, but no scan for a week, feels weird after how often I was scanned at Create, still just going with the process!

Hello lovely ten plussers. I missed a Sunday post as I was trying to understand a sewing pattern. I couldn't sleep thinking about the effing pockets that I can't do. But can sew shut very well. Posting on phone so will post in batches. I'm about my funding. Not especially because I think it equals an actual CHILD but I didn't have to appeal/fight/beg and it can be a test run at least before I actually part with money. And heck it might even work.

Critter this part was always going to be rocky and I wish it didn't have to be so. I was thinking about you a lot on Saturday as I gardened. I tucked some pretty flowers in for James and you and Mr C under my lilac tree. Your holiday will be a good vitamin d dose and you are right not to feel guilty about having ok days. You have good and amazing days ahead. Big loves. And I can do a high up north visit...

Cos my lovely you've been through such a lot. Dev speaks wise words that this does not have to be about your eggs. A new perspective will be helpful. I really do think this is about tweaking but that word negates all the suffering that runs alongside.

Euro - I am that you have a tummy. Pregnant lady!

Ten - I am cheering you on. The dr sounds vile. I wasn't scanned very much, it is at least less work stressy?

Ray. It is coming! I feel very positive about this next phase for you.

Lemon when do you have a baby?!

Nelly Project Greece seems to be shaping up nicely. And I see you have a new form of transport that is very beautiful

Posting..

Pout you have a particular niche form of courgette there I'm sorry you feel the ttc woes. There is nowt wrong with vits and old skool ttc practices. Remember that stats if folks who've 'stopped trying' I posted? It's a long game for some people but you have good amh, ovulation and sperms. It can happen. Now crack open the grapefruit juice as I need a bit of last chance saloon old skool myself. Sperm frittata anyone?

As for shite advice to the long term trier.. here are my three 2014 gems. And it's only march.

1. I know you want to try for longer but you MUST start the adoption paperwork - that's when people get pregnant.
2. have you tried timing it around ovulation? (Bollocks that's where I've been going wrong)
3. my friends auntie tried for years but this one time put a pillow under her bum and hey presto

Just a quick placemark. Fox I am ecstatic about your funding, that is just brilliant. Imagine how excited we will all be when you get your BFP!

Critter when the time is right a northern meet would be perfect. Your memorial for James sounds tough but important. You know he's remembered in pockets of Scotland already. I'm glad you have your sunshine to look forward to.

Can't even begin to catch up on everyone else just now but yes new fluffball is here. And he is gorgeous. I heart him. Sorry to everyone who I'm friends with on FB

Catch up more tomorrow. Luffs to all.

Bon voyage critter! May your trip be sunshiny and exactly what you both need.

nelly loving your fb photos. I hardly ever update my page but I love checking everyone else's .

euro and lemon I have only just started buying things at 29 weeks. Still feels like I'm tempting fate though.

fox can you send some sewing motivation my way?? Have a quilt to finish that is sitting in the sewing room making me feel guilty. Is for a friend and I think I'm feeling too much pressure to get it right as she chose the fabrics.....

Interesting and rather depressing stat in madness house. If I gain another 7 pounds and MrM hits his weight loss target we will meet in the middle. He has lost loads which is amazing but rather traumatic for me just now .

Late for work if i don't get a move on. Waves to all!!

Mad I go through FB phases but there do tend to be lots of hobble things .

Well done Mr Mad on his weight loss. And to you I say - You're just keeping your baby warm

Just threaten to sit on him mad. Mr euro is very slim and that is the tack I am taking.

fox if you managed not to punch anyone giving those "helpful" suggestions you deserve a medal!

nelly I saw the pics too. How exciting.

Fox so happy you got your funding. Your patience has paid off.

Critters. I'm sure James' memorial will be difficult but hope that it will give you an opportunity to say good bye. Hope your holiday bring you some much needed sunshine.

Devon you are a star to be so good with baby presents. It's wonderful being a god parent. I love it. Enjoy.

Ten you are doing v well. Just go along with the cycle. The lack of monitoring after a more intensive cycle must feel weird but it CAN work.

Cos. How are you? I hope the appt at st Mary's will give you some much needed answers. I know they don't believe in immunes at all and I'm obviously hopelessly biased but I would want to rule that out having been through what you have been through. A big squeeze.

Sorry for the silence. I'm still reading and looking out for all your news. So much happening at the moment - new job, new house ... I'm struggling to find time to post.

Fox - actually this round has so far been surprisingly unstressful, not cycling in December helps as it is easier to commit to less social things and the non drinking is the thing I find most stressful (weeeel along with work)....not because I am an alcoholic but because in my peer group the very first sniff of someone turning down a glass of wine or not drinking as much as they used to and everyone is gossiping about them and I cant stand the idea of it. I know I was the topic of conversation through December on at least one occasion as one of the girls was so hammered she didn't notice me stood behind her!
There is no reason this cant be the round that works for you. Either way it is another step forwards and that is great. what is the time frame?

Mad this is the one time when it doesn't matter you have a justifiable reason for weight gain, enjoy it.

nelly Great news new fluff ball has arrived, fantastic distraction!

Sea sounds like you have a lot going on! Hope you sickness has settled.

Blood test results all normal. So now I continue to stab until Monday....roll on Monday!

How are we all today, ladies?

I'm having some stress and feel awful this morning. I guess I didn't sleep well. It's a long story but I just need to unload. My mum has been waking up feeling unable to breathe for some months now. This was put down to panic attacks, but as it has been going on so long, they did further investigations earlier this week. A chest x-ray showed up "something" on her lung, which is never good to hear. The GP suggested it might be a sort of scar from the radiotherapy she had for breast cancer as it is in the same sort of area but referred her to a chest specialist the next day, so was obviously taking it seriously. When someone has already had breast cancer and a bone secondary, it is difficult not to think the worst. Anyway, the chest specialist has had to be put off by a week (meaning stressful waiting) because of the next thing I am going to mention. Did I mention on here that she broke her arm a couple of weeks ago? Well it wasn't healing properly so she had an operation to pin it yesterday (apparently it had to be done then as there is a 2 week window before it heals too much to correct it and she was close to the end of that, hence putting off the chest specialist appointment). Because of the breathing difficulties, they didn't want to give her GA, so they numbed her arm instead, but it anaesthetic didn't wear off as it should have, so then ended up keeping her in. When I spoke to my dad he was very stressed about this. He's worried about her having one of these "panic attacks" on a ward when there is no one there for her (I suspect he is doing a lot of looking after her at night at the moment). Anyway, I hope all will be well later - I'm waiting for a call to say she has been discharged. If anyone could send over some matchsticks to prop up my eyelids, that would be great.

Euro sending matchsticks your way.
Sorry to hear about your mum. I can empathise. I worry a lot about my mother who lives on her own and seems to be getting much older.
It's so difficult as our parents age. It's such a worry. It's good that your dad is around to look after her. Nonetheless I know it doesn't stop you worrying. I really good it's good news and nothing untoward. Thinking of you.

Oh euro , I am so sorry to hear about your stresses with your mum. I really hope she will be ok and hope that this thing they have seen on the xray is nothing sinister. Your poor mum having these panic attacks- are they a new thing?
It must be very stressful for all of you and difficult when you don't have siblings to share the burden of worry with even though they can often be hopeless.
Sending matchsticks your way and hope to goodness things improve for your mum. Must be frightening when you have had breast cancer in the past.

Oh god Euro what a nightmare. Here are some matchsticks for you. I really hope your mum recovers soon, and that it
Is just the scar from her previous treatment not anything sinister. Must be scary when there is previous cancer.

Thanks all.

Apparently she should be coming out of hospital soon.

devon you are so right. This is the only time as an adult I feel that being an only is isolating. It would be nice to have someone going through the same to lean on now.

The panic attacks started in about November. Apparently she had something similar once or twice when she was younger, but these have been going on for a long time (and when life is not particularly stressful for her at the moment), so it's a bit odd. I really thought it would have something to do with the scar tissue from the bone secondary (the tumour was on the spine in her neck, and she had had major surgery there and there must be scar tissue), but that seems to have been discounted.

The breast cancer was frightening, but she didn't actually tell me about it until halfway through treatment as she was diagnosed in the middle of my university finals. The bone secondary was absolutely terrifying. The diagnosis came through while we were at my grandad's funeral (her father), 150 miles away. We had to leave the wake to come back to see the consultant who kept the clinic open into the evening especially for us. The three of us walking down that hospital corridor in funeral gear with big black coats swirling around us looking like angels of deal will always stay with me. The op carried a risk of paralysis so she was terrified. We all were. But it was successful and she has been well for several years now. It's not fair that she has more health stress.

euro I am so sorry that your Mum is poorly and you all have this stress. I am sad too that you don't have a sibling to hold your hand through it. I am always very glad of my sister in tough family times. I will be thinking of you and your Mum.

I've been thinking of you all especially cos and critter. critter I hope that you are enjoying your break away. It is lovely that you are planning a memorial over here. I have been thinking of that quite a bit and thinking of you and MrC.

dev The article in the magazine said something like "ASDA IVF baby" and it got my hopes raised that somehow Asda was subsidising the whole treatment - like you could go and do an EC while you were doing the weekly shop It is misleading. That said not for profit drugs is better than nothing and does reduce the cost of a cycle by nearly a grand.

ten good news that all is progressing well with you and this cycle. The countdown to the end of stabbing is heavenly isn't it

sea exciting times for you too. New everything by the sound of it. You don't do things by half do you?!!

nelly I love your new baby.

mad & lemons I am reading interested that you aren't tearing through Mothercare like women possessed & I did laugh lemons at the thought of you hyperventilating in the corner of that shop

fox I am gobsmacked by your 2014 list of dumbass things to say to someone longterm TTCing. Do people really believe this stuff or say it because it is something to say? That having sex around ovulation time tip is neat though isn't it
On the back to basics front I have been mulling over the gluten intolerance thing again. I have developed a rather fetching case of chellitis on my lips again (I look like a heroin addict which is super attractive) and my googling has revealed that it can be a sign of vitamin deficiency resulting from gluten intolerance. I keep veering from thinking that this could be the bingo thing to thinking that it is too desperate and too neat and when I really think about it a gluten intolerant diagnosis would be a massive PITA anyway! Has anyone followed that route on here, I know we have discussed it before but can't remember whether anyone has acted on it?

Anyway, love and waves to all.

Afternoon lovelies.

Sorry I've been a bit absent, my posts on trains keep on getting eaten.

First of all, I am so sorry about all the worry about your mum, euro. I do hope she's home now and you get good news about the lung-thing soon as well. I second the checking her for osteoporosis as well, that sounds like too many breaks in a short while. My mum got tested after two shoulder breaks in 6 weeks and she's been much better on treatment (and has been doing a lot of exercise to try and avoid falls etc).

I really hope critter and mrC are having a good, sunny and close time. Thinking of them all the time.

Asda-IVF did sound too good to be true, but a grand off does make it a little more affordable. I have no strong views on gluten poutster but my SiL went gluten-free to manage her skin problems and has felt loads better since and lost a ridiculous amount of weight. I think it is fairly doable, these days but it does take a lot of getting used to it.

Thinking of you cos as well. I am pleased you are getting good care and that you're being seen by a top centre. I just wish it wasn't necessary.

Well done on getting through this round relatively okay ten. It is such a tough game. We're here as well when you're struggling.

I am loving the hobble pics as well, nelly and agree with others about white lies re: Greece trips.

How are you devon? Fox, I cannot believe some of the things people say.

How are you managing with new job, house and sickness, sea? I am impressed you're still going!

Pleased I am not the only one crazy enough to fail at shopping, madness. I told my sister I'll come and empty out her basement of baby stuff in a week or two (and then I won't actually need to shop much after that).