TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Your retreat sounds great, critter. I know you know that cramps and brown CM are totally normal and just the twibling getting comfy, but that doesn't help with the worry.

It is quiet on here at the moment. I think a lot of people are between cycles. Is it joy up next?

Thank you all for thinking of me and cheering centime on. I had a growth and doppler scan yesterday. Centime is still growing, albeit he/she has dropped a few centiles. The dr was ok with that though, as long as the baby is still getting bigger and stays above the 5th centile. The next growth scan is in 2 weeks when I will be 33+4, so growth should not be a reason not to reach 34 weeks, which is the next target. After 3 consecutive deteriorations, the blood flow in the umbilical cord hadn't got any worse yesterday, which was about the best we could hope for. They will continue to monitor that twice per week. I'm really hoping that I can get to 34 weeks, as at that point the lungs are pretty mature so the baby should be able to breath on its own (or pretty close to it). It's also around the point when the sucking reflex kicks in, which hopefully means bfing would be possible (rather than the baby having to have a stomach tube). The baby is now estimated at 1.5kg, which sounds a lot more robust than the 960g they estimated at the first scan that highlighted this issue a month ago. I feel like we have a brief reprieve, but this feels very much like being back in the first tri when time stands still and each day seems to last a week, and a "good" scan relieves your worries for about a day and then the panic sets in again! The next scan is on Thursday.

Critter - hope you are having a lovely time. Always best to stick your head in sand. It's so easy to get anxious about something that we have no control over. I am convinced all is going to be just fine with you though. Love your thought about the double rainbow!

Cos - a holiday sounds amazing and very well deserved after your last few months.

Euro - is everything ok? Any news from yesterday?

My hospital is a bit disorganised. Left messages yesterday and finally got hold of them this morning to ask them what I need to do and the woman randomly says I can't start until I have more blood tests. I had all my bloods done and now they need them repeated. Not sure I will be able to start this month after all. If they don't pick up the phone (rare they do) they don't seem to call you to give instructions. Not very efficient.

X post euro. Centime is going to be a very strong little one and one day you will be able to tell her/him about the woes you went through!. I am so sorry it has become such an anxious nightmare and I can just imagine time is passing so slowly right now. But pleased you are being looked after so well and monitored? Are you a nervous wreck?

Thanks joy. I'm sorry the hospital is messing you around. How irritating.

I am still very nervous about the prospect of a section. I don't think anything is going to change my views on that. I am getting less nervous with each passing week about centime. A 32 week premmie is still early, but a very different prospect to a 3rd centile 28 week premmie, which is what we thought we might be dealing with a month ago. And if i can get to 34 weeks, the future looks a lot more rosy. I am kind of willing time to pass.

I'm happy to hear that everything was looking ok yesterday euro. 34 weeks would be a good target to reach. I know a little boy born at 34 weeks and he looked huge compared to the other babies in scbu who had been born earlier. Is there nothing that can be done to improve blood flow then?

Critter, your time away sounds lovely, it's really not too long until your scan but I imagine each hour is dragging for you right now.

Joy, why can't clinics work efficiently? Mine sent me a letter to say I had forgotten to give them my insurance card. Errrr no I didn't, I always give it when asked so they clearly forgot to ask for it. It riled me the way the letter was worded as though it was my fault and then I had to go out of my way to go to the clinic and it was the miserable receptionist who didn't even utter thanks. A smile is too much to ask for from her, she really is a moody cow. I'm half tempted to write a snooty feedback comment about the reception staff. I wonder if the doctors know how rude the front staff can be.

After writing further down thread that I wasn't keeping track of my cycle I realized that I should be coming to the end of first post fet cycle. It's a WTF one. Day 35 today and on Saturday I had one blob of red when I wiped and then I've had a tiny smudge of brown each day since then. I suspect I didn't ovulate and my cycles messed up. I've had 38 day cycles in the past so it's not that out of the ordinary. It would have to be immaculate conception to be anything else so I won't be breaking out the pee sticks.

Euro am so pleased the the scan was slightly more reassuring. You're so right, those stats sound much better, what a difference these few weeks make. 1.5kg sounds great.

Joy (and Ray) oh ffs, what is it with these clinics. Can't they just get it that it's all an incredibly stressful experience and that phonecall / blood tests / paperwork headaches are the last thing needed. Grr. Joy I hope they realise you have done all the blood tests and you can start after all. Gearing up for it and then delaying is not nice. Which blood tests was it?

Fox how are you getting on? Still in a hormonal fog? I'm glad you haven't been feeling really down like some downreggers. What week is it now?

Critter, being creatively challenged sounds like the ideal distraction. I did lol at the beer can and pizza box pile, that sounds familiar. Sounds like twibling is getting comfy.

Ray sorry for the wtf cycle. Someone on here really needs to get a post Ivf ironidiff I don't think we've had one of those. Fingers crossed it's you, that would be ace.

At my end knicker watch is going ok, there's definitely been a reduction in the spotting, in fact it's more or less stopped save for some pinpricks / tinged cm. The old leaky tap business seems to have stopped, though I shouldn't speak too soon should I. And it could still be completely unrelated to ttc.

On the work front, I'm normally very amenable but having been asked to do one task too far last week i completely threw my toys out the pram (tears! refusal!). I have been a bit stressed and over stretched but I was a bit embarrassed once I'd calmed down! Without giving yourself away, what's the biggest paddy you've thrown at work?!

How's everyone else?

Hello I am behind with the thread. I have only a few brain cells at the moment so little post.

Euro - I'm so chuffed for you that centime is holding on and growing bigger but it must be so worrying hang on in there.

Critter - hurray for rising numbers you are doing so well.

Nelly - huge loves. If I didn't know my age I'd think I was younger. I have rigidly held onto numbers and 40 has had a lot of power over me as time to move on or adopt etc. But this year I've stopped feeling it so heavily. If I popped out child no 4 at 42 no one would bat an eyelid. So I reject having a cut off until I feel that I've had enough or can no longer try financially/physically. Donor eggs has extended my shelf life somewhat I guess. You are so fit and healthy, it really is just a number though I know I would feel those feelings too. And there is still ironidiff time!

Cos I have a temper of fire and evil. It comes out rarely but when it does may colleagues fear my wrath. Last ivf a group of blokey PE students were smoking outside the window of my room and it was drifting in. I went outside and bollocked them in a manner disproportionate to the crime It was impressive and shameful in equal measure. That is not the worst thing by a long way. Ha ha! Don't worry, it is important to let people know when you are being over burdened. It all gets forgotten.

Loves to joy and ray ugh to waiting and long cycles and short cycles and wondering. But you will both get there, I've always felt it in my bones.

Just had my 18th stab. Scan on Friday. Could it be possible I get a good news scanning just one time? I reckon not as I have most certainly ovulated. Info on the tinternet says this can happen if you start dr on cd1. Worried face. I've not found dr to be half as bad as I was fearing yet but I think my hormones are stubborn and slow to react. The tiredness has been disgusting though.

ray they would normally put people on aspirin to improve blood flow, but I've been on that since EC, so there's not really anything else.

Sorry about the odd cycle. A lot of the 10+ers seem to have had them after IVF.

cos I've throw a couple of door-slamming paddies at work. I do it very rarely and am usually the calm one in my group, so everyone looks slightly scared when something tips me over the edge and I throw my toys out of the pram!

How is everyone else doing?

Fox! You're there. I'm glad you are not finding the downregging too bad.

Hi euro. I'm worried it's not working actually. I know I'm on drugs as I'm spaced out, dozy and a bit useless generally with remembering anything including how to speak. But I've had ewcm and ov pains at the expected time. I had one mega headache but no more. I fear the worst is to come. I just feel so detached from this process. I feel like I'm going to Argos and they might have a pregnancy for me or it might be out of stock. It's odd.

Fox, I had masses of ewcm when downregging, also when on the oestrogen for the fet.

Cos, I'm fairly calm most of the time, I don't think I've ever lost it but I can be quite forthright in my views. I'm no shrinking violet and I'll let people know if the hey're taking the piss.

After 4 days of spotting brown sludge, af seems to be here. I'm pleased because I was getting a bit worried that my cycles were going crazy. Ovulation this month should fall on my holidays so I'm going to test the Go on holiday and relax theory :)

Ray - you totally deserve the relax! And you might always get a super hero sperm.

Injection help needed please. I'm running out of non bruised space and I'm only 19 jabs in and aware of clexane being thrown in. I'm using a fairly small region two finger spaces away from my belly button and below it as it is a bit softer. Can I go wider than this? Can ask the nurse on Friday I guess. I don't have pinch able bits on my thighs really, so that looks quite ouchy. Does it hurt there?

I love the idea of a super hero sperm! I hope you get to have a lovely relaxing holiday ray. Can you say where you are off to?

fox I wasn't given any advice on where to inject. I just went anywhere I could pinch an inch around the belly.

Fox I went a lot further afield than two finger spaces from belly button. I went right over to the sides! I understand the Argos feeling. Hope the scan can give some reassurance.

Ray a holiday ironidiff would be just what the doctor ordered.

Euro - sending a hug and good luck. The finish line is in sight!

Ok might explore new territory. I'm wary of stabbing my scrawny bits but injecting into bruises has to be worse. How are you doing critter?

Fox- I also ran out of space on my stomach as I ended up injecting for 8 weeks. Even the nurses winced when I showed them my black purple bruising so I had no option but to go to my thigh. It is slightly more painful but I was advised to give my stomach a rest. My thighs also went black mind you and these bruises took months to heel but bruising runs in my family! It will be worth it!

Ray - i find I put pressure on myself to conceive on holiday because apparently that's what happens to so many long termers. I hope you can relax and not think about it and I would love to know someone who it actually works for. Go Ray!

fox you should still be able to pinch some skin round towards the lower sides of the tummy, above your hipbones/pelvis, if you see what I mean?

joy - Ah, the famed holiday ironidiff. I've had a peer on the March antenatal board and there are ladies who had honeymoon diffs. So bloody jealous. Le sigh. Have you heard back about whether you have to redo your bloods? Can you get Roy to kick up a stink?

All ok here. Just ticking the days off the calendar, really. I realise why other people's pregnancies flash past - I reckon it's because most people don't say anything until at least 12 weeks so you skip a whole period of stressing out. I wish we could all just wake up 12 weeks pregnant. Or even better with a nice fat infant.

Critter - other people's pregnancies whizz by but a ten plusser pregnancy is always going to be stressful so Everyday will feel like a week. I thought I had been through 6months of stress not 6 weeks! Honeymoon differs? Gor blimey, are they like 25?!
I redid my blood test but have heard nothing. Will try and see if I can find something out tomorrow. It's getting very close to missing this month. I think day 14 is the usual kick off. I keep wondering why my chest feels tight and my stomach feels full and it must be the not knowing and worry about this cycle.

Joy I would call them and hassle. It's not fair on you to be stressed. Now you've made the decision, I'm sure you just want to get on with it. I am for you.

fox I hate to say it but the clexane made me bruise really badly when the other injections didn't so prepare yourself for more bruising when they start. I injected all over my tummy region. I don't think it matters so long as it's into fat. I found the ones nearer my belly button bruised more than the ones lower down. As time went on I felt like my skin was getting thicker and the injections got more difficult so I really sympathize with you.

joy of course you'll be feeling stressed, it's just hanging over you now. Can you call them and play hell?

critter grr at honeymoon duffers. I don't think I could ever bear to join a normals ante natal thread.

Can you imagine a holiday upduffedness? Considering sperm rates are lower in the warmer months I'm not holding out any hope. We have had loads of holidays since ttc and it's never worked before. I certainly won't be counting days and dtd to schedule.

I started working on a project in Nov 2012, it's due to finish in Nov this year. I remember when I started I thought that hopefully I wouldn't be there until the end because of maternity leave ha ha ha. Today, a colleague said to me "when this finishes you can have a baby" she was only half joking. I think people really think I've been holding off because of it.

Ray , it's awful when you realise how much time has passed and you're no further forward. It's bloody depressing. And also a bit presumptuous of your colleague. Some people really think it is that easy. Do you pretend you aren't trying yet for a baby? I think people must just realise we have a problem as we have been married for so long.

Critter - I will pop in there tomorrow and ask. Never quite trust these places that messages will be passed on!

Oo critter I didn't know I could venture towards my hipbones - new canvas! Keep ticking the days off lovely.

Joy sorry about the heavy anxious feeling. Both pre ivf months I have had total emotional melt downs, I seem to be much better once I get started. Not long now.

Ray boo to that feeling. I've had that a lot. I sat on the loo at work yesterday and pondered in just how many times I'd sat there, getting my period, checking for ovulation, crying, knicker checking and it felt like a decade. The toilet of disappointment!! I wish people didn't make such interfering comments.

I have scan fear quite badly

ray I have plenty of instadiffer friends much older than 25. Some people are just really lucky.

fox I never got over scan fear. With good reason as it turned out!

We got told today that they are mostly likely to deliver the baby Monday or Tuesday next week. I'm pretty terrified. This is not how this was supposed to turn out.

We've just spent the night in Hyde Park listening to Arcade Fire. Slightly crazy after the day we have had (mostly spent in hospital and quite upsetting - visiting NICU, etc) but I needed to do something that felt like being me.

Oh Euro - will centime be 33 or 34 weeks by Monday? Are you most scared about the c section? Can you get any hypno in over the weekend , anything to alleviate your fears?

euro you've got further than you feared at 28 weeks. Will you be 33 weeks on Monday? Why the change from Monday when they were happy with the ways things were, or did I misunderstand that? I imagine it feels very scary right now, but centime will make it all worth it. I know it's not at all what you wanted for the birth and I'm angry with the universe for not letting you have an easy ride but you've proved how strong you are all the way through the ttc shit and now you're so close to getting the prize. You can do this. Did you manage to find a good private consultant?

joy the woman who made that comment is young and probably thinks you get these things to order. To be fair, in this region, people tend not to ask personal questions. I think it would be far worse if I were in the UK. Also, the birth rate is very low here and so it's actually not unusual for women in their 30s not to have children and it seems to be an accepted choice. I never talk about babies or children so I expect people think I'm not interested. Amongst our British family and friends I expect people do suspect, I find in the UK it's really unusual for people to have been married so long and not have had a baby.