TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Euro, I've been thinking about you and centime all day. Are you able to see a consultant soon? Not having all the information just adds to the stress and I'm sure once you speak to a specialist you will have a clear plan and that will reassure you. Did the midwife offer any useful advice? I wonder if rest might help, or maybe clexane. You shouldn't have to have any of this stress and I'm angry on your behalf.

Joy, wow all systems go. Please don't worry about downregging, honestly I was fine with it. I found the oestrodil from the fet round much tougher.

Critter, I'm so sorry you had to listen to that man. You did really well not to break down. Twibling time is almost here, I'm going to be with you every step.

Cos, how are you doing? Thanks for saying I didn't look as wretched as I felt in the photos, I worry that it's obvious when you look at me. I'm actually ok now. I feel upset when I think about it but it's not constantly on my mind. I do think that the longer this goes on the easier it gets. I think I felt worse around the 18 month mark than I do now 4 years in. It's the 4 year anniversary of us starting ttc this week. Not a sniff of a bfp in that time. One thing I am grateful for is that I've never had to go through a miscarriage. But never having has a bfp does mean that there isn't much hope or belief in a natural bfp.

Wow critter not long to go now! It's great that the sonogram was a piece of cake (and I hope you treated yourself to one afterwards!).

joy centime was a smidge over 2lbs at Tuesday's scan. I am currently mainlining protein and fat to try to fatten him/her up but will probably only succeed in fattening myself up . A good friend of mine is a neonates paediatrician, so I have been emailing her a bit. Her husband reckons she really isn't phased by arrivals at 28 weeks + and I hit that particular marker today.

Do you know the timing of your next round yet?

fox your point about the ease and choice fertile friends have reflects how I felt during long term ttc and those feelings are coming back now due to recent events. I know many people don't have an easy time in child birth, but the majority do at least make it to the end of their pregnancies without a second thought! In the same way that I was desperate to experience pregnancy, I also want to feel what a contraction is like and was actually quite looking forward to the birth, mr euro telling me the sex and all of that sort of thing. All of that stuff that is so normal for the majority has been taken from me now. But I am not wallowing. I'm just trying to get my head around my new reality. There is still a very good chance of ending up with a healthy baby at the end of this, and that is the main thing. The journey matters less than the destination. But so many others get to have both without a second thought.

I think cos's advice on downregging is spot on. I reckon I could do it if I really had to. It helps knowing in advance that I will probably be effing mizz.

cos the jury's out on resting. According to t'internet, some drs advise bedrest and others say that is the worst thing you can do. What you need to be doing is getting the blood pumping a bit so that as much gets to the baby as possible. The latter makes sense to me, so I will keep up the walking and swimming until I am told otherwise.

How are you doing?

ray I'm seeing the consultant tomorrow. Clexane is on my list of things to ask about.

I also felt that ttc was worst around the 18 month mark. I was much more relaxed later on. I think the expectations are lower. I'm glad you are feeling better. Do you have some nice summer plans while you take some time to regroup?

euro I can completely understand how you'd be feeling like that. You - all of us - have been cheated of experiences most people take for granted. I know when I was pregnant I felt like I wanted the whole deep breathing at antenatal class, experience of natural birth, surprise about the sex of baby - all that - because conception had been such an 'abnormal' experience, I wanted the normal experience that most women seem to get to have (although more and more I think birth is a crapshoot and you just don't have any control over how it's going to happen and what your experience will be - so many women have c sections, forceps deliveries, etc etc that if you do have the full natural experience I reckon a lot of it is luck). It's normal to feel how unfair it is. It is bloody unfair. I feel the same - obviously a healthy live baby is the most important thing at the end of this, but you have been cheated out of enjoying your pregnancy, and it's ok to feel furious at the universe about the unfairness of it.

ray you are such a beautiful girl and you would never guess how much sorrow you've had to endure. I'm so sorry you've had to go through 4 years of disappointment and sadness.

cos grrr at lazy work colleague. I really think that within 6 months it will be you who is planning your mat leave.

fox totally agree about how it'd be nice to plan a September baby. Your post about sleep being the last sweet song of the fertility challenged made me smile.

Wow a lot going on, sorry for being absent.

Euro I can't believe you have to deal with this worry. You sound calm, perhaps that's internet bravery, but you know you can rant if you want. It's so unfair that you haven't really been able to relax and enjoy pregnancy. But the main thing is Centime's safe arrival. I hope you get some better news at the next scan.

Critter I'm so pleased things look good and you can look forward to the next cycle. I think SET sounds very sensible; your embies all seemed very strong, you obviously don't have implantation issues, and the risks are real. There is no point making a second pregnancy any more worrying than it needs to be.

Cos grr to selfish preggos! The one good thing at my work is lack of baby chat. Of the girls in my team, they either have children (and luckily rarely talk about them) or are a little bit older, or seem completely disinterested; though as we all know that could be a cover! We mainly talk about .

ooh new and .

Fox it's all happening for you! I feel GOOD about this cycle on your behalf.

Ray I always think you look very glowing in your photos :). Your weekend looked fun despite the recent sadness. I know what you mean about being ok because you can stop thinking about it. I'm the same, if I dwell it isn't great, but it gets easier and easier to forget about the whole thing.

I need to get back to finish some work so sorry for incomplete catch up. Waves and love to everyone else. I think of you often even if I'm not posting much.

critter that's spot on. I am desperate to be "normal" and think I saw the birth as a way of getting closure on this long period of waiting. But I'll keep my eye on the prize.

How are you feeling about your upcoming FET? It must be throwing up all sorts of emotions for you and Mr C.

ray I agree with the others - you look lovely.

nelly most of the female lawyers at my place don't have kids. The seccies all do and cluck over me a bit but stuck to chatting between themselves mostly about the kid stuff, so it was never stuffed down my throat.

AFM, I saw the consultant this morning (well, consultant's flunky). He was fairly laid back about the recent scan report (although he did trot off and seek the consultant's opinion at one point). The bump is measuring 2 weeks behind, which is roughly in line with the scan measurements, but the baby is moving and the heartbeat is strong. They have referred me to Foetal Medicine for monitoring, but the appointment is not for 10 days, so they can't be too panicked. That means that barring a lack of movements or anything like that happening in the mean time, I should get to at least 30 weeks. I feel a little more relaxed. We are going to "hope for the best, plan for the worst" so we are at least prepared. This weekend I will be doing things like buying hospital nighties in case I have a section soon (I only own pjs and they won't work so well with a catheter) and a car seat.

Cos - oh poor you, I have that. In fact I do about 5-10hrs extra a week whilst covering for a colleague on maternity leave. Can't see the day she pays me back. Grrr

Euro - I am glad your mind has been put slightly at rest. They don't sound overly concerned which is a good sign. Centime will probably come out a 13 pounder after all this. But critter says it , it totally sucks having what should be an exciting time ripped away. But I think once centime is here , you can hopefully kiss goodbye to all this shit once and for all. That fertility bonfire is creeping in.

Anyone had fertility counselling? Kind of being pressured in to it by my doc as he thinks it will really help. Really don't want to do it with Roy and don't think he could get out for it anyway. Not sure what I would get out of it apart from acknowledging how crap it is. Would be interested to know others experience and did you cry? I would feel mortified if I cried but tears are so close to the surface when it comes to this...

joy I haven't had counselling but I think it's a good idea. The only reason I haven't done it is because I'm too lazy to sort it out and it's expensive here. I'd assume that they wouldn't mind you crying at all, I bet counsellors have people crying on them all the time. I know what you mean about it being mortifying, I have been embarrassed when I've burst into tears in front of doctors at every stage of this, as I am not a public crier at all. But tears are just tears, and what we're going through is really, really hard and you reach a stage where it's impossible not to cry. Tears are par for the course. Why wouldn't Roy want to do it? Could be something that was nice for the two of you, maybe? I don't know anyone who's said counselling was bad for them - only that it was good, or neutral.

euro you are such a courageous person and I'm glad that the consultant's flunky doesn't seem too worried. Getting to 30 weeks would be awesome. You are so close now, the finish line is really near. You just need to get through this last bit, and then you can cuddle centime in your arms.

nelly you sound really calm and happy. I know that some of that is not having the fertility pressure cooker on, being mid cycle etc, which makes things impossible to forget about, but I think you've managed to cope with what life has thrown at you so wonderfully. And I'm really excited about hopefully meeting you later this summer.

I am doing ok. The time feels like it's dragging even though it's coming up quickly. But I'm back on the assisted reproduction conveyor belt now, and there is comfort in that. I've actually just decided to swear off booze for the rest of the summer as I think going out with friends and drinking (not massive amounts, but two or three glasses of wine, which is a lot for me) is making me feel worse and less in control of things.

Euro that sounds more reassuring. I like your getting prepared, hoping for the best approach. Keep strong, you're nearly there.

Joy I did try counselling. Tbh I found it like talking to you guys minus the reassuring / knowledgable / helpful replies! Having someone ask 'so how does that make you feel' really didn't do it for me, but I think it depends a lot on the counsellor. Didn't lemons have it and found it helpful? Princess had her life coaching didn't she, as Buzzy did.

Last day of the hrt for me woo hoo. Tmi alert - has anyone else had piles? I've some serious bleeding from both sides this week which has freaked me out a bit, how do you know if it's piles and not something more sinister?

Critter - it is not long now. hand hold , as of this weekend, I am now off Booz too. Been drinking more than I have in years and with another bout of thrush now, it's a good op to not drink. Boring though isn't it!

Cos - I always get piles and anal fissures. If they are external, you can feel them like little grapes round the back there. Sometimes they can be internal. Often they come with itching and soreness and it can be painful when you go to loo. It could be an anal fissure as well and that is a tear in that area. I think if you have the pain and itching, it explains the bleeding. If you are bleeding yet you don't have obvious symtoms of piles/tears you should get checked out.
I find that germanoid cream pretty effective. But poor you, they are a nuisance and can be very uncomfortable.

Thanks cos/critter - I think I will try the counselling out as it is free.
Massive great thunderstorm here now.

That sounds reassuring euro. I'm sure the best thing is for Centime to stay put for a while longer. Did the doctor think it was the blood flow that was causing the growth issue? I totally agree with what you and critter have said about the unfairness of not getting an easy ride (understatement). I know it might just be because people don't talk about it, but I don't know anyone who has had a difficult pregnancy. All of my friends and family seem to breeze through it. So, I don't understand why 10 plussers have to suffer.

gin I wonder if the jealousy is because your mind is turning to number 2 now. I know that me sensible head says that we will be so grateful for one but I know that I will want a second. I hate that other people can plan these things. I have friends that have planned their pregnancies to the month. One told me that she'd would never have a summer baby, only autumn ones. Sure enough she has an October and a November baby. euro have you had any stupid comments about having an August due date?

joy i've never had counselling. I sometimes think it probably would help me to talk it through with someone. DH is fantastic but he's not someone to talk through what he's feeling, and he tends to stay silent when I speak about it for fear of saying something wrong. I don't think a counsellor would help though because I want someone to agree with me as to how shit it is, and to rage about the unfairness of it all. My friend saw a counsellor about a different issue, and she said she didn't find it helpful because ultimately the counsellor couldn't make the issue right. I think that's what I'd be thinking, this is all very well but you can't give me a baby.

I've been fine all week, but this morning I woke up to a scan photo on Facebook from someone I didn't think would be into posting things like that. I don't know why scans get such a reaction out of me. I think it's because I've had loads of them and it's only ever a negative thing for me.

A second fertility clinic has opened in this city so I'm going to ask my current clinic for a copy of my notes and then make an appointment for a consultation with the new clinic to see what I think. DH is relatively happy with the first clinic but he understands that I associate being there with very negative stuff so he thinks it's a good idea for us to at least explore the other option. We won't be rushing into another cycle, we need to save up for it and I need to get back on an even keel first.

Euro that totally makes sense to me, wanting things to be as normal as possible. Are you busy prepping things today?!

Joy I have had a LOT of therapy for ed. I might well not be here if I hadn't. My therapist was ace, none of that head nodding 'how do you feel about that' bollocks. That was a long time ago and all I know is that it wasn't counselling but called therapy. It felt more proactive? My free counselling at the clinic was crap (first lady) and fairly useful (2nd lady donor implications counselling). However, my acu and you lot have been very helpful to me, far more so really. I had a total and utter breakdown last month that I've not really talked about on here. As a result of a very public and extended outpouring of grief (the shame) I am now exploring therapy routes that I think will help me to make sense of the loss of my own genetics and the deep grief of infertility more generally. With 6 years of high quality therapy under my belt I can say that you absolutely need to feel comfortable with the person, respect their knowledge/approach and that crying happens and is part of the experience. We keep so much of this shit bolted down and repressed and I feel that if I'm paying someone to move things forward then the freedom to cry, freely and without judgment and without burdening people who care for me is essential. No one sees me cry bar Hare. Last month was mortifying. But the article euro posted was very good at unpicking just why do we keep it so secret? Anyway, I think talking treatment can be fantastic and will be shortly embarking on a new journey with that myself. BUT my acu gave wise advice. She said to go with a clear outline of what you want to achieve that you share at the start. I found that helpful. Sorry, that's a real ramble!!!

Cos, I had that a bit after ivf, I think the hormones slowed everything down a bit too much. Horrible but bums heal fast but if you're worried do get it checked out. Glad the hormone bit is over.

I have had almost no spotting post scratch. Have moaned that maybe nothing got scratched - does it mean it hasn't worked?

I had a very clear dream last night that I was 9 weeks pregnant with girl twins and had become a vegan. I haven't dreamt of being pregnant for a long time. I woke up quite sad it wasn't real.

Ray grrrr to scan photos. New clinic is good, a new set of eyes/change of scene can be quite uplifting.

Nelly - how are things?!

Ray - scans are just the worst but it surprises me that people can be so brave. What happens if it goes wrong? Perhaps normal people don't think like that though. I think it is worth you going to another clinic even if you are happy with one place. New eyes, new opinion and if something isn't working in anything in life, you change something to see if it makes a difference.

Fox - I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through this past month. Grief is better in than out even though it can feel shameful (which it shouldn't) but letting out can be the only way to heal. Your experience and thoughts on counselling is very helpful, thank you. The way I was brought up was chin up and keep smiling and so crying in front of people I find mortifying. But I kind of want to make sense of what is going on in my own head. I know a counsellor can't fix the problem but I have got to a point where I am so filled with anxiety, despair, fear, bitterness, frustration, anger, guilt and so on that I need some direction to get back to what I was like before. I have never experienced such an onslaught of emotions before.
I found that article fascinating and was brilliant at articulating some of the emotions we have to deal with but also the fact with normal grief, we should be able to move on after a certain point. This isn't normal grief though.

Fox- perhaps your dream was a sign?

joy I did go to one counselling session during my NHS round when I was finding the whole concept of IVF difficult and the downregging was sending me into a bit of a spiral. TBH I didn't find it helpful. The counsellor was a bit useless and just did that irritating headtilt thing. I didn't bother going back. Crying is definitely expected - I was sat in a chair with a box of tissues next to it.

I do think it could be helpful with the right counsellor. I have found talking to my acu and hypnotherapy ladies helpful, so I do think "talking therapies" can be a good thing, but it needs to be with someone you click with.

A 13lber?!?

fox I don't think I had any spotting at all after my scratch. But then I had a light start to my period, to the extent that identifying day 1 was unhelpful, and that never happens to me. My usual pattern was brown blood for about an hour as the cramps get going and then heavy red bleeding. So it did change something.

I'm sorry to hear about what you went through recently. I am not a public crier either. But I think it is good to let it all out sometimes, whether in a counselling session or with a partner. You are right that we bottle up so much.

ray the blood flow issue is definitely the most likely cause. I've been screened for infections and that came back clear. The other possible cause is chromosomal. That's a slight worry because the embie was behind even at day 3, but I came back as low risk both on the Harmony and nuchal testing for Down's, Edward's and Patau's, so it would be unlikely. I've been offered an amnio to rule it out, but turned it down. I just couldn't take the risk at this point, or possibly act on the result.

I know plenty of people who have had a less than straightforward birth, but most have had fine pregnancies. The one I know who has struggled most is my bestie, who also had IVF (she lost one twin with her first pregnancy and then had too much fluid around the baby and with her second pregnancy (id twins) there were a lot of worries about twin to twin transfusion syndrome and then her waters went at 31 weeks so she was on bedrest for the next month with regular testing for infections until they did a section).

I think going to see the other clinic is a good plan. We had been planning to change too. I lost the faith in my clinic after I felt they didn't handle my EC bleed well. But as you know we gave it one last roll of the dice there.

critter you are doing amazingly. I know what you mean about the drinking though. I love a few glasses of wine and usually that's fine, but when I was grieving a few years back (gdad had passed away and my mum had been diagnosed with cancer for the second time) I wasn't drinking huge amounts but coupled with the emotions I didn't feel particularly in control of myself.

cos as an IBS sufferer, I am well experienced in all kinds of bum crapness. I've had piles and a fissure. I find the bleeding never seems to last that long from them and is very bright red. If it persists, you should get it checked out though. Oh the glamour, the glamour.

Hurrah for the end of HRT! What comes next?

Joy I think I was a bit bossy earlier - sorry! I think it's worth just meeting with people in counselling/therapy and seeing if it feels like a good fit?

Fox, I'm sorry you've had a difficult time recently. I think we all do really well to carry on as normal as much as we do. I'm also not a public crier, but if I spend any time thinking about it then the tears flow. I was asked about baby plans recently and I broke down, very embarrassing. So now this person knows we've been having problems but not the extent of it. I didn't go into details and she was clearly embarrassed so we left it there, awkward! And I ended up feeling shit for embarrassing someone else and I felt like I'd made a fool of myself. I think it's because the failed ivf is still raw. I wonder if I can ever get to a stage when it doesn't make me cry. I have never cried as much in my life as I have the last few weeks. And I've been through some pretty awful things.

Something I'm struggling with is not having a clear plan. Hopefully this will be better after the consultations at the two clinics. Part of me is ready to give up because of the emotional and physical toll, the other part knows I can't give up yet because I want it so much and I'll always regret not giving it another go. I can't help coming back to the fact that we've had 9 embryos fail to do anything.

I'm sorry for the selfish post. I hope you're all having a lovely Sunday. Euro, did you manage to buy all the things you need? Cos, what's next in the treatment plan? Are you feeling more hopeful now that the septum is gone?

How you doing ray? And everyone? I need to ask - I'm cd26 and no spotting. Since ivf this is the norm (odd) but I just don't feel remotely like it's coming. I'm not pregnant (ha) as we used contraception ahead of the scratch. I hate that if I'm late it starts making my donor and the other recipient down reg longer - what happens if this is a long screwy cycle? Can they induce a bleed? Prob totally stupid worrying but I don't like not knowing.

I'm fairly sure they can induce a bleed. Day 26 is still a short cycle so don't panic yet. Can you speak to your clinic to ask how they manage the timing with the other women?

fox I know they've induced bleeds with me before with progesterone. But I'd assume they could always do a frozen if the timings were off? Sorry about this extra worry. I know how if any spanner is thrown in the works it just makes everything a million times harder to cope with emotionally. Hang in there my love.

ray I think you need a plan - if only to just talk to the other clinic and set up a consultation. did you have a post cycle consultation with your other clinic? What do they think is going on? Once you have a plan of action I think you'll feel a little better as you won't be in this horrible limbo.

nelly thinking of you this morning. Tight squeeze.

euro hope you are ok and managing the anxiety with centime. Is your next scan next week?

cos was going to say I had bleeding from the undercarriage region (not the front) when pregnant (and afterwards). Never had it before. Was fine. I think it's just things shifting around down there - maybe the HRT had something to do with it.

joy I am clutching your paw as you gear up for this cycle. It's always horrible, the run up.

AFM. I had a tiny, tiny bit of spotting and cramping over the weekend. Is that normal with oestrogen tablets? I'm on CD 15 or 16 but started taking the tablets on CD2 or 3 (clinic is counting the second day of AF as CD1 as it started in the evening). I have also had an upset tummy so that may be related (sorry for TMI). Next scan is Thursday and transfer should be in a week. I'm on pins and needles.

I had a wobble yesterday when a lovely friend of mine whose son was born a month before mine emailed me to see if I wanted to see a photo of him. She asked how I was, very sweetly, and then described being on mat leave while her partner did up their new house, and their dog snoozed next to their baby boy in their sunny garden. I hate feeling jealous but it sounded so idyllic - and even though she was just telling me about her life, it was like a kick in the gut. I emailed her back but didn't say anything about wanting to see a photo or not (I really don't) but I also felt terribly guilty that I couldn't feel straightforwardly happy for her.

Having said that, Sunday was a good day. Calm and sunny and I weeded the garden, Skyped my mum, went for a swim, and watched the Tonys with MrC while knitting for the twibling.

How's everyone else doing?

critter of course you'll have wobbles. It surprises me that people can be so insensitive. Of course you don't need to see a photo of her baby or read about her perfect life. Something I've realised is that it's ok to feel jealous. It's not a sign of weakness or of being a bad person. I want to feel genuine happiness for people, but just now I find that very difficult. I think that's ok. What's frustrating is that when you're jealous of other people you can normally do something about it to improve your situation but with this shit we can't do anything. Being powerless is so frustrating. You're still grieving, and the wobbles are a reminder of that. I think other people around you probably forget that you're still grieving, but you mustn't forget it and you mustn't beat yourself up when you feel negative emotions.

I didn't like the oestrogen, It made me feel a bit spaced out. I think I wrote about the out of body feelings on here. I didn't get spotting but I did feel a bit bleugh and just not right. It's funny because the stimming drugs, downregging, progesterone never affected me in any way so I was surprised that the hrt did.

Thanks ray. You are so right, negative emotions come with the territory and we are powerless to change our situations - we don't have control over this one thing that we desperately want. The only thing that seems to work is distraction. How are you feeling about things? Can you speak to someone who could lay out some options for where you might go from here?

Fox - I really am not sure I'm afraid. Nothing seems to be straightforward does it but I am sure your clinic can help guide you . What a nervy situation.

Ray - was this a friend you spoke to? I am sorry she wasn't supportive. I think a plan always helps otherwise you are just in limbo. Have you had 9 embryos transferred or 9 eggs fertilised? I have to say I go over those stats a lot except I wind myself up further by counting all my cycles and adding up all my eggs collected and i get to a total of about 80 eggs amounting to nothing. Ok some of them were pregnancies but they were all faulty.
It is worrying and depressing but surely if we keep going at this , we will hit the jackpot??

Critter - agree totally with what Ray says. And I don't know whether it is just our experiences on here which makes us more self aware, empathetic but why would a friend ask you to look at her baby picture? And then proceed to tell you about her picture perfect life. However lovely they are, that is just tactless and actually mean. Of course you would feel jealous and angry and deep sadness and all those emotions you get with grief. And I don't quite understand why someone wouldn't recognise that. And I know you can't avoid things like that forever but it is still early days and you have to protect yourself. It's bad enough hearing it when we haven't been through what you have so don't feel bad.

So you are nearly at transfer day...hang on in there x

Thanks people. I have a lot of ewcm and have ever since the scratch, v odd. I had it as normal around ov time so just presumed I had. No pmt feelings or cramps etc. Really want to just crack on now.

Critter, wobbles totally understandable. Grief is so unpredictable and that is coupled with ivf, yiu are being super strong. Your friend totally got that wrong but friends do seem to do that in my experience! I was especially baffled by a comment recently as a friend and I watched her baby and she said, you can borrow her if you like, that'll make you realise it's not all it's cracked up to be. Nobhead. And nobhead for thinking you want an in depth account of how wonderful things are. A very good friend of mine does that a lot but I think it's because she doesn't want me to think she's not being normal with me if that makes sense? So close to transfer! Hold on in there. Love that you are knitting. I can't wait to make little clothes.

Joy, thinking about the 80 eggs, they were forced out weren't they with drugs and stress and suction. So try not to worry too much, it could be just about finding the balance that gets out non stressed eggs. Have you ever thought about natural ivf? I sometimes think I'll explore that if this doesn't work.

Argh. Just realised I have been taking the wrong dose of oestrogen. The nurse said to take two tablets, morning and evening. I just realised that means four tablets total per day - two in the morning and two in the evening. I have been taking one in the morning and one in the evening - two total per day. I sort of feel like the nurse just threw the prescription at me and didn't explain the dosage clearly - it's my own fault for not reading it carefully but I was flustered when they gave it to me.

Hopefully it will be fine and my lining will have built up enough. The doctor said it looked 'beautiful' last week, but the lower dose might explain the spotting I had at the weekend. What a prat.

Critter don't worry, if your lining was doing great I'm sure all will be fine? I'm now on Period Watch. It had better bloody come soon!

Critter, I had to start on only one a day, then two a day, then three. I get the impression it's an art not a science so if your lining was doing ok then I wouldn't worry.