TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

ray I think a break sounds like a good idea. Just give yourself a rest - you can come back to things whenever you are ready. It's been just so much to cope with. I think the advice of enjoying summer is excellent.

cos how goes it with the hrt?

joy Dread is a normal reaction, given all that you've been through. I can totally understand it will be a really stressful period. I would just accept that this next month or two will be a very anxious time and try to fill it with as many nice counterbalancing things as possible - gardening, maybe some swimming or yoga, lovely healthy food, that sort of thing. We will be here to support you and cheer you on.

fox hooray! Wow, you are really off to the races. That is great news about the scratch - do they do it the cycle before a transfer? So excited for you. I know there is no hurry, but you've waited long enough for this. I am so glad things are moving now - you're on the conveyor belt and things will be out of your hands.

Part of me wonders if I'm being over-hasty in wanting to start all this up again. If I do get pregnant, the short gap between pregnancies/c section delivery isn't ideal. But I have given up so much of my life to this already that I just feel the desperate urge to get on with it and, please the universe, produce a healthy living child.

Critter I'm pleased that the scattering of James's final ashes went as well as could be expected, save the family drama and tears you poor love. I hope that it has ultimately helped in your healing process. The docs wouldn't let you start again would they if there was any cause for concern and the gap? I can completely understand why you'd want to get straight on with it. There's bound to be so many mixed emotions, but I so can't wait to see you start your next chapter.

Ray how you doing, I'm glad it lifted even a little over the weekend. A break sounds like a great idea. You don't need to make any other decisions just now. Don't lose faith.

Euro, a fantastic milestone, I do love a success story.

Joy oh dear, it's hard enough gearing yourself up for Ivf even when you're feeling hopeful. But it's one step in front of the other, and it will be a minimum more information that will help you solve the puzzle, and you really never know. I wonder if your current extra curricular project will be of benefit in any way.

I wonder how Free is getting on?

Sea great news hearing you're at 22 weeks.

Fox it's all systems go, and so pleased that you're getting the extra support of things like the scratch to help maximise your chances, I have everything triple crossed for you and have a very good feeling about this round.

I have been reflecting on some recent time with nephew / niece who are of the pre-school / primary school ages and how much fun it was interacting with them as little people. I think I could probably forgo the baby stage if it came to it. And on that front hrt has been ok, but is still causing my lining to grow I imagine and the combination of that and the coils is causing daily painful cramps and bleeding. Only a couple of weeks left and the coils can come out, can't wait. I had the results back of the womb lining sample that was taken - all normal. Normal lining showing had developed and responded from normal ovulation and upper normal range of nk cells. I feel relieved to be getting closer and closer to an answer at least. I think that narrows it down to the septum (statistically unlikely according to most studies, but possible) or the embryos are being rejected correctly. I feel like in the next 6 months I'll either win the lottery or it will be the final chapter. What a rollercoaster this journey is!

Critter - I don't think they would allow you to go for another cycle if they didn't think you were physically ready. I think trying again will be opening up a new chapter and enables you to try and move on with James in your heart of course.

Cos- I am sorry to hear about the painful cramps. Really sounds horrible and I hopefully you will be fully mended soon. so your womb Nk cells came back normal even though a few years ago they came back high ? Is this is the reason why the NHS don't pay attention to Nk cells - blood test Nk cells are different to womb Nk cells. And wasn't your lining different thickness in different places caused by the septum? I really think your septum has been the biggest thing in all this. Have you ever asked why it wasn't spotted in a laparascopy or hysteo? I also think you are going to win the lottery in the next 6 months. I really do.

Terrible English, apologies

Quick phone post to say

Ray I'm so sorry for the anxiety and awfulness. Take care of yourself and regroup before deciding on next steps.

Critter Sorry to hear that you were overwhelmed by sadness at the weekend, I think it is only to be expected, you have been through something so enormous Otha's to take time. I am so hopeful that you will have a twibling soon.

Joy every round just before I started I had that feeling of dread and in my case a hint of why me foot stamping. Once you get going and get sucked along with the process it eat easier.

Fox so glad you are starting soon, this is the round for you!

Cos the bleeding and cramps sound rough, I just hope that once they are out you can gt going again quickly with the ttc. You can get pregnant, you re closer to the answer.

Euro wow The last tri, how exciting I am so glad that it is starting to feel more real. It absolutely hasn't sunk in for me I am just continually terrified, I am far more anxious now than I have been previously. I had to go to a private gp to gt progesterone in the end the joys of the awful nhs care continued! Generally I am staying away from the internet and mn and anything that makes me think about it after a nasty few hours googling empty sac scans and miscarriage rates. I am going on holiday today which I hope will be a good distraction and I just hope that I don't mc over there though, these are the things I think about now....still massively grateful I have got to this stage, I greyly didn't think it could ever happen

Waves to everyone I have missed sorry doing a very average phone catchup at work!

Sorry so many typos

ten sweetheart I can understand the stress and worry, but just wanted to send love and reassurance. Step away from Google - there is no good to be found there! I always work myself into a state after googling. There is every reason that this pregnancy will stick. I know it's bloody scary but we will be here to handhold and help you through it. When is your first scan?

joy will be sending you good luck wishes across the sea. This part, just before a cycle, is always the worst. I have been like a cat on hot bricks and I bet you are just the same. Keep that open heart.

cos The coils sound horrible. So glad you only have another two weeks, although given all the waiting you've done already it must feel endless, the time will pass. It sounds like you've had some great medical care/advice and that things are starting to fall into place. I just remember sar's failed cycles before she saw Dr Tubes and had her op (different circumstances I know). It does sound as though the puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place. I am hoping for a lottery win for you in the pipeline.

Ten- it is horrible but once your first scan is done and out the way, hopefully you can breath a bit. The vast majority of pregnancies end in a baby and I think it's difficult to remember that when you have been through the wringer and read about others going through the wringer. You will be fine!

Critter - yes cat , my feet on hot bricks indeed. Open heart to you too lovely.

I think I might be getting some recurrent m/c tests done on NHS as well. Not that I am recurrent but they are counting losses as 3. Would be good to have the clotting one done at least. SiL found out she has a clotting problem hence her 2 20wk losses. Weird considering her first 2 pregnancies were normal.

Thanks so much ladies, very grateful to be here but I hadn't foreseen how anxious it would make me. My scan is Monday 9th as it is the first date I can make, so waiting and seeing and hoping I guess.

Good news about the mc tests joy, may as well throw everything at it if you can, it sounds like your guys are going to do a really thorough job, that can only mean good news for the cycle!

Cos, that's great news about your results. I really hope this is it for you.

Critter, you have waited the amount of time the doctors suggested and you seem to be physically in good shape (from both seeing you and what you have said on here). You will be well monitored too.

Joy, this cycle was a mild stimulation cycle. It didn't go particularly well. I had loads of follies but two went mental on the drugs a grew like crazy very quickly, leading to a very early EC. They managed to get those two and two more somehow but none of the other follies were big enough to release their eggs. 3 fertilised, but 2 developed abnormally (they were in the embryoscope and we were told that the cell DNA was dividing but the cell walls were not forming around it) -something that hadn't happened on previous cycles. That left us with one 5 celler at day 3, and no one rated our chances with it.

Ten, I was horribly anxious it the early weeks. Scans helped but not for long. I think it's inevitable after all that we have been through. I was just in complete disbelief that our luck might finally be changing and couldn't get my head around it after all the previous disappointments. The only thing that has really helped me is being able to feel the baby move each day and it was a very long and anxious wait to get to that stage. The stats are very much on your side though. It's good to remember that. I hope you scan enjoy your hols.

Ten - I know how you feel re scans. They are nerve racking. I just wanted to come on and hold your hand.

Joy - Great news on more tests. I am pleased to see they are being thorough... this is a good sign!

Critter - A big hug to you. I hate to hear you have been feeling sad. Your doc sounds like they will take really good care of you. I am so hopeful for you.

Cos - It won't be the final chapter for you. I just know that you will win the lottery. I hope the pain gets better v soon. You docs sound like they know what they are doing.

Waves to everyone else.

Euro - I just love reading your story, could read it over and over again because it just shows you never know.

Sea - lovely to hear from you hope you are doing well.

So am booked in for 3d scan and dummy transfer next week. Feel a ball of nerves in my stomach already.

Can I asked did anyone's AF's change after ivf. Mine are so light now they are barely there. They have just got lighter and lighter over the months. That coupled with horrible hot flushes leading up to AF is disconcerting. I keep telling myself my bloods are fine so stop stressing but still I wonder what this is all about.

Bums just lost a whopper post :( didn't know my ipad had an UNDO button, agh! so general loves all round with particular loves to Ray - how you doing? Joy my acu says ivf is a 'pattern changer' but that this needn't cause concern. And you results are ace! I have faith in this cycle for you. Critter how are you this week? And ten, holidays yet?

I am anxious about downregging. Did anyone here get off lightly? Or is feeling crap inevitable?

I was fine with downregging fox. I felt no different apart from one evening just before af when I had a very short fuse bit that I only lasted a few hours. We will be here to hold your hand through it. I'm feeling really excited for you.

Joy, my period is different month to month. I think they're less painful since the ivf. In the run up to menopause I thought women often get really heavy periods not necessarily lighter ones.

Critter, how are you doing?

I'm ok, thanks everyone for thinking of me, it means a lot. I'm still sad when I think about it, but I'm mainly able to push it all to the back of my mind when I'm busy. Not being pregnant is the norm for me so nothing has changed. I do think I'm starting to accept it's never likely to happen for us. I've even been looking at smaller houses because I don't want to be rattling around this one. It's not something we will do for some time but I think downsizing would be good for us. I cried today when I read the stupid comments the pope made about marriage and fertility. I still feel like a failure.

I think I've got some sort of infection. I've had it after every ivf cycle so I think it's to do with the progesterone altering the ph or something. I'm sure it's not thrush, there's no discharge. It's just a bit stingy and burny all over that area. It went away on its own the last two times so hopefully or will again.

I got off lightly with downregging too fox it does happen. I hate to read that you feel like a failure ray you have had so many disappointments it's just not fair at all.

Hi doll, hope all well with you!

Euro - I saw you had a scary scan. I am thinking of you honey and sending lots of luck and love. It's not fair that you're having to worry about things. I hope you can get some reassurance from a consultant.

Ray - you are not a failure. This is nothing you've done. You've just had awful luck. I was wondering whether you'd thought about a furbaby? Just in the meantime as a distraction. MrC and I talk about this all the time but haven't pulled the trigger as we travel so much. I got upset reading an interview with Kirsty Allsop where she talked about how women should have their first baby at 27. It would have been impossible to persuade MrC when we were 27, I hate how time makes this all much more stressful. Sweetheart what you have suffered is so bloody unfair. I wish I could make it better.

Joy my sister says her periods are much lighter than they used to be, and her ovaries are in fine working order. It may just be one of those things. Good luck for next week. Things are finally moving.

Fox I was fine downregging. I'm really hopeful and excited for you. I think this is going to be a happy ending for you, you deserve it so much. The more I read from other women who've done DE, the less it ultimately seems to matter when the beautiful child arrives. Eyes on the prize.

Cos wishing away the days for you until your lottery win comes in. Not long now honey.

AFM my sono scan thing is tomorrow. I'm nervous but relieved they are being thorough. Still taking the oestrogen tablets, and I think the transfer will be in about two weeks. We decided to do another single embryo transfer, just because twin pregnancies are riskier and MrC wants to minimize any risk. That is of course if we are lucky enough for this to work again. Terrified it won't, or that if it does I will lose it.

I met a guy at a work event last night whose wife had a baby at the same hospital as me three months ago and who was telling me how wonderful it had been and how amazing parenthood was and I felt physically dizzy while he was talking to me, it was the oddest sensation. I didn't tell him what happened to me of course.

I did have a nice thing at the weekend - met up with a girl who had the same antenatal teacher as me who lost her daughter in October (she had a stillbirth at 41 weeks). It was so nice to talk to someone who'd had a similar experience (without the infertility stuff) despite being totally beyond awful that she had gone through it as well. She was lovely.

Hang in there everyone.

I hope the sono scan goes well critter. Talking to that chap must have been so hard.

fox you might be fine with downregging. Some people really don't struggle with it at all. The few I have found who had a really extreme reaction had, like me, already struggled with things like the Pill and so obviously have a predisposition to wacky responses to lots of hormones.

ray I hope the itchy burniness sorts itself out soon. I think it is too early for you to be thinking about downsizing. You are still young. You have plenty of time to regroup and consider your options.

joy as critter mentioned in her post, my status of poster child for repeat IVFers, might be flagging. I had my 28 week scan yesterday and it was not good. Centime is still hanging in there and has all the relevant bits, but is teeny tiny - on the 3rd centile. The causes could be chromosomal (fairly unlikely as we had the Harmony test and a low risk nuchal), infection (the sonographer also thought this was unlikely but they've taken blood to rule it out anyway) or the placental blood flow issue identified at the 20 week scan (most likely). I'm seeing my midwife shortly and hoping that she can help me sort out a consultant referral asap. I guess from now on there is going to be a balancing exercise re: keeping centime in as long as possible and getting him/her out before things go horribly wrong. The worry really does never end.

Oh ray I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I was so hoping that this would be it for you. It's so bloody unfair. You must not feel like a failure. The pope (who has NO children) and Kirsty A have both pissed me off. As has an article in a mag about 'social infertility'. I wish people wouldn't comment on stuff they know nothing about.

joy my AFs were def different. They were much shorter but heavier. I too worried this meant something terrible, but it can't have done! They still haven't returned as I'm feeding - maybe I'll feed til menopause so I never have to see them again! I'm excited that things are gearing up for your next round.

fox! You are so near to your next step. I'm so excited for you. How are you feeling about it?

critter I hope the sono scan went ok. You are so brave and I have everything crossed that James' twibling is imminent. It must all be so hard and scary. I'm pleased you found someone to talk to, who understands. Grr at that man. A lovely friend of mine lost her baby and I think finds it hard to know how to answer the question as to whether she's a parent. Sometimes she just don't want to go into details, but then she has to put up with potentially hurtful inane comments. Your description below of swimming in the sea made me cry. So beautiful and sad. Lots of love.

euro I'm so sorry to read about the scan. Could they see if the blood flow issues had resolved themselves or not? Centime is now very much viable, but it must be very worrying. It's also not fair that 10+ers have to deal with shit in their pregnancies. Do you have another scan in a couple of weeks? I very much hope C will have had a growth spurt and that the scan wasn't quite right (they predicted mini Gin to be huge and she was average).

ten how are you doing? When's your scan? Any symptoms yet?

cos hope you are ok and recovering from your op.

Waves to doll and sea. Hope tiny doll is ok.

We're all ok, with mini Gin now being almost 6 months. I don't know where the time has gone! Still massively sleep deprived, but the days are so lovely and I feel so lucky to have her that we're getting through it. Oddly I'm now massively jealous of preggos and cried when I saw Mila K's bump pics in the daily fail. Anyway big luffs to anyone I've missed.

Oh euro how incredibly worrying, you must be climbing the walls. Is there anything they can do for the placental blood flow and how closely can they keep an eye out on you? I am just so sorry that the worrying never ends. I wish I could say all sorts of reassuring things but I don’t know anything about this area. All i can say is you ARE the poster girl for ivfers, centime is a fighter and the doctors will be keeping a very close eye on you so you are in the best hands.

Ray – i’m sorry things have been so tough. It really is awful. I hope you never have to downsize either. And it does sound like you have mild cystitis or something. I find drinking tonnes of water can wash away all sorts of things. Definitely go and get tested though if it doesn’t clear up or you get kidney pain.

Critter – how horrible for you to have to listen to that. It’s so difficult isn’t it because the man had no idea about what you went through but to hear him speak like that must have been excruciating. Poor you. I’m wishing you lots of luck tomorrow and I am sure everything will be just fine.

Fox – i really hope you will be fine with downregging. I have never done it either and I am dreading it just in case i go bananas. When do you start?

Gin – i’m sorry you are jealous of preggos. I can imagine it doesn’t quite go away. Do you think a desire for a 2nd is kicking in? I know we all say that we will be grateful for just one but when that happens, I suspect the desire for a 2nd becomes just as strong. Oh and I wanted to hit Kirstey Allprat when i saw her latest ‘advice’ to women. What a stupid over opinionated woman. I’m sick to death of people scaring us. I saw that article and I felt shit. I can imagine many women who aren’t in relationships or are struggling with fertility or can’t pin down their man also felt shit. Plus Allprat had her kids after 35. None of these people seemed to struggle with fertility issues either yet they love spouting off. Grrrrrr.

Uum, intriguing that others AFs were also slightly different after ivf. mine only have become different about 6 months after my last cycle so bizarre. I’ve got to stop imagining the worst > it’s not good for emotional health.

gin the blood flow issue had improved but obviously not enough for centime to be getting what he/she needs from me. The FMC recommended another scan in 2 weeks, but saw my mw this morning and she thinks the consultant will put me on weekly monitoring given the severity of the growth restriction.

I'm glad that mini Gin is doing well. 6 months already- wow.

joy they can't force the arteries to dilate (which is what is causing the issue) so all they can do is thin the blood. I'm already on aspirin but they might want to add in Clexane. Possibly not though at this stage, if they are likely to have to do a section soon. My mw thought I would probably meet centime in the next 4 weeks.

euro sweetheart I am so sorry that you are going through this. How incredibly stressful and worrying. Weekly monitoring sounds reassuring, I am so glad and relieved that they are keeping such a close eye on you. And there are excellent outcomes for preemies nowadays, especially at the stage you're at - my cousin's little boy who was born at 24 + 3 is now a gorgeous two year old. Much better that centime comes out early but is looked after and safe. But I can imagine how unbelievably upset you must feel, you poor thing. I wish I could help.

gin I am sorry that you feel jealous of preggos, but it makes sense given what you went through and the trauma of getting ginster. I can imagine that your thoughts will be turning to a sibling for her, especially as other women who had babies around the same time as you are probably merrily discussing when to go for their second with you.

joy how are you doing? Have they given you any more info about what comes after the dummy transfer and 3D scan… will the cycle be next month do you think?

ray I am still thinking of you. You don't have to make decisions about downsizing yet. You have time and choices. Sending you a massive massive hug.

AFM I just got back from my saline sono - it was a piece of cake, didn't feel a thing. Maybe my cervix is all stretched out post pregnancy. The doctor said everything looked good. My next appointment is Thursday next week, and the transfer will be the following Tuesday - so in just under two weeks. Doing a frozen cycle seems much less intensive than a fresh.

Oh euro, how very very stressful and upsetting. I agree with critter, better that centime comes out to be looked. . Premmy babies thrive now because the care is excellent. But still this is all so agonising for you. Do you know centime's weight?

Critter - great news about scan and yippee you are going forward so quickly. I think my doc friend can push me through this month if I want but not sure if this is really true. Otherwise could be next month.

Oh euro, I'm sorry that the worry goes on, that sounds very stressful. But you continue to be a poster girl! Whilst it must be so scary, you are being monitored and if centime comes early then they will be well looked after. Sending loads of virtual support.

Critter I'm glad you are good to go and also that you've spoken to someone who totally gets it - though I really wish neither of you had to go through what you have. I feel so confident that a twibling will be coming home very soon, I really do.

More reading of thread. But what a pile of tosh from Kirsty allsop. It gave me proper rages. What a smugling.

Hello gin and doll! Gin pah to pregnancy announcements and how they still sting. It's the ease and choice my fertile friends seem to have. September baby and maternity leave? Well that will do nicely. If only! Yay to six month ginlet and boo to sleep deprivation, I'm savouring mine, the last sweet song of the fertility challenged

Ray, feel better soon. It must be a hormone thing. I do get that a bit after my period sometimes but it goes without any treatment it anything.

Euro so sorry for the extra stress, that's so not what you need. I have everything triple crossed that by the next scan there's different news and it's just a worrying moment. Sounds like you're in great hands. Big virtual squeeze. Do you need to rest up?

Critter that's ace news that things are getting underway and the saline scan went well. Gosh 2 weeks, really not long now. How you managed not to say anything and just listen to that guy is beyond me, that must have been heart shatteringly difficult. So glad you found a lovely lady to share with, being able to share experiences whether good or bad with someone who completely understands is such a necessary thing don't you think.

Ray I really do have every faith you can crack this, how about seeing someone new for a different opinion or approach, even if just a consultation? Looking at your recent picture on the other place I'd never have guessed from that what trauma you've just been through.

Fox lovely, I think if you keep in mind that the downregging might make you feel a bit odd and prepare for it then that will help. I remember being on the phone to my mum having a good old tearful offload and she said 'so how are you getting on with the hormones' and I was like 'oh that's what this is'!

Joy love that you're letting a glimmer of hope in, each time can really be different, you just never know. Is your extra curricular stuff going to be of any help do you think? So intrigued by that. My af's always vary, but will be interesting to see if all looks ok on the 3d scan.

Gin sorry for the tears, but yey for mini Gin. Sounds like you're taking it all in your stride.

Doll nice to hear from you, how's things?

Currently finding work a challenge with a preggo colleague who's shifting more and more onto me and scheduling pointless easy time wasting meetings while I'm slaving my guts out.....grrrr