TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Hi girls,

Cos that is good news. So how long do they think it'll take to heal? When can you get back on the horse, so to speak? And how are you feeling now - is it still very ouchy?

Ten big hand squeeze, not much longer until test day.

Ray hope you are ok. This must be an intensely stressful waiting period. I like princess's twin girls prediction!

Hey girls thanks so much for your support.. I can't remember hubbys count, but its rediculously low.. I know its just luck catching that one little strong swimmer. I will have to go out and buy him a load of big flappy elephant ear boxers.. hehe. I will deffo try that supplement. XX hugs and good luck to you ladies wishing for a baby. xx

Wow Cos no wonder you couldn't come on Monday that sounds intense. I hope you are feeling better. Interesting thy the coils and hrt are used for that effect. When can you start trying again?

Joy your post disappeared Joy, I tried to comment and it wouldn't and then I couldn't find it again. I wondered if you had actually deleted it. It was defiantly in the right area though!

Hello Critter how much longer are you in the uk for or have you already left?

Euro yes time is dragging! Friday is test day. I am away this weekend with a group of friends, not drinking is tricky, but there are a few of us so I am sort of hiding/ drinking beer out of a can so people can't see whether I drink or not!

Hope you ladies all have plans for what promises to be a great weekend!

It sounds like you've had a pretty tough time Cos, you take care of yourself and let your body heal.

Ten, how are you feeling? My testing day is also Friday. I don't know why my clinic insist on waiting until 16dpo. I'm doing ok, very busy week so it's flown by. I'm 10dpo and feel nothing so I'm not very hopeful. I'm keeping the sadness at bay just now but it will come. Those of you who have been pregnant, can you tell me honestly when you first had an inkling it had worked? I want to know at what point I can say it's game over if I've had absolutely no symptoms or signs.

Ray also feel precisely nothing, similarly unconvinced that this will be any different to any other cycle for me. I secretly hoping I am wrong of course, but nothing to be done except wait. Thinking of you.

Typos.....sorry

Ten and ray I am really hopeful for both of you. I didn't feel any symptoms during my 2ww. Nothing that I haven't felt at other times. I know it's awful, just try to plan lots of distractions and hang in there. Thinking of you both. I know this is tortuous.

I'm back home now. I went in for my blood test yesterday and it showed I had just ovulated. Awesome. We did have a quickie at the right time but we did withdrawal as I often get stinginess otherwise and MrC didn't think there was any point in making me uncomfortable (apologies for those who now know me to give TMI). So our once in a blue moon chance was wasted. I felt very frustrated when I saw the temp rise. But anyway, as MrC said, 'f**k your periods' - we can't wait around for a twelve hour window every two months. I have to call the Dr in two weeks when I get a period and then book the saline sono then. I don't know whether the FET would happen that cycle or whether I'd go on BCP first. I know all this was the plan but I'm finding the process so much more stressful this time as it's coming on top of my grief. I hate going to the clinic again when I ought to have a four month old and I hate seeing my sign in sheet from two years ago when we were first referred there. But - at least I'm on the path now, at least I have frosties, and at least most of this is covered by insurance, and I will just do what I have to do. Hang in there ladies, eyes on the prize.

Fox how are you sweetheart? I think of you lots and lots.

You're showing a member of the group joy but your post has now disappeared. I definitely saw it the other day though!

ray on the pregnancy I mc'd, I felt precisely nothing even though the blood test showed there were definitely hormones there! This time round I just knew something had tried to implant from about 10dpo (not really a surprise though in my case as the previous cycles had resulted in an mc and chem pregs). I felt "odd". So I can safely say that each pregnancy is different. The waiting Good luck to you both for Friday!

critter how frustrating to have missed the egg but it's great that you are on the way again. I understand that you are going to have mixed emotions all the way through this process, but one of the twiblings will be coming home soon! We'll be here to handhold as much as you need us to. x

Oh critter , well you are ovulating so that's good but what a pain you missed it. I can only imagine it is highly stressful going back to the clinic and having to go trough everything again. It's bloody unfair. You are very brave but eye on the prize as you say. Every day is making you stronger.

Ray - everyone is so different when it comes to pregnancy. Some people just have zero signs. And retrospectively I realise I had had pinching 24 hours after ET but it wasn't until test day that I had proper symtoms which were Masking as AF symptoms - Cramps and proper period pains. Honestly though some people just don't have anything .

Uum I wonder why my post disappeared. I certainly didn't delete it.

I've been trying all week to find out about funding for my round. No one is getting back to me. Grr.

It's quiet on here this weekend… how are our PUPOs holding up?

ray and ten - are you going to test early or wait until Friday?

I'm doing some gardening and house cleaning in the sunshine.

joy If you've got your privacy settings ramped up, maybe it could be something to do with that?

How annoying about the funding. Surely someone must know!

critter how's the jet lag? I always find I need to be back for a few days, including a weekend, to get back to normal.

I've been gardening today too. We've got some lovely colourful things in pots and hanging baskets around the place now. It looks so much nicer. Mr euro is just finishing up by scrubbing the slabs and decking (with chemicals - so I am hiding inside).

Euro it's amazing how lovely pots and baskets filled with annuals can give you a mood boost. Glad you stayed safely inside away from the deck chemicals! When the weather is beautiful in May there is no lovelier place in the world than the UK. I loved how fresh the air felt when I was back.

Joy can you get Roy to help you chase? You will feel so much better when you have a clearer idea of timelines and what to expect. The stress of not knowing is horrible.

Sending implantation vibes to Ray and Ten.

Yes sending implantation vibes to pupo ladies.

Critter - we just have a number and I have just left my third message. I may pop in there this week if I still hear nothing.

Strange how tiny comments can dig straight in . I had a conversation with my BF who is on maternity leave and I mentioned about how I am on a different tempo to my other friend on maternity leave as I was feeling impatient with the 90 minute trip to corner shop as god daughter was mucking around. I had a tonne of stuff to get home to do so probably why I was particularly impatient (but I didn't show it). BF response to me was "oh I am always hoping and praying that you will have children one day but it sounds like the wrong thing to be doing as it sounds like you don't have the patience. Do you still want children? "

Well I thought that was a bit mean and cutting especially as I had sent her a text an hour before saying August would be tricky to go and stay because of ivf. No I don't want kids so that's why I am going through ivf. Grrr. Plus I Know plenty of impatient mothers and I've seen BF get impatient as well..
Anyway that threw me. She sends me a picture every single day of her baby and I always respond and I always tell her what an amazing job she is doing and now I just think blurgh to all that!

Sorry just had to put that in writing. i am overly tired and therefore emotional and you know where things bother you more than they should....

Critter Damn how annoying that you missed it! Still as Mr Critter said life is indeed too short! It is totally understandable that you are having some mixed emotions about this, it will lead to having to think about lots of painful things and what ifs. You are in a great position with Frosties already there, as you said to me the end result will be worth it!

Joy don’t give up, ask Roy to get involved – lets face it there are lots of parts of the process he cant contribute to so you may as well ask him to do the bits that he can! I don’t think that you are being overly sensitive, your friend doesn’t sound very considerate at all (quite the opposite actually)! I am quite shocked that someone would say that!! But seriously she really said that?! Jeeeze.

Ray hope you are hanging on in there! I just want it to be over so I know either way, I imagine you are the same.

I had a great weekend, in the sun with friends who were just so lovely. I will test early, I have zero self control and don’t care about a fiver that much! So I imagine I will crack tomorrow and or Wednesday and or Thursday, mainly so I can be prepared for the inevitable. I am going to wfh Friday so that I can wallow around in self-pity when the inevitable phone call comes. I have booked myself into the gym everyday next week and have a bottle of my favourite wine that I am usually only allowed to buy at Christmas ready to go for the bad news. Basically everything I have not been allowed to do for the last few weeks I have lined up ready and waiting for the weekend so one way or another I am going to make it a good one!

joy what a self-involved person your friend is. She sends you a picture of her baby every day? Are you kidding me? My mum has zero patience (she was a super high powered 80s career lady when my sister and I were growing up) and she's been a fantastic mother. You will be too. I think she just said that partly perhaps because she was 'siding' with the other friend who is on mat leave and felt defensive about you saying something not 100 per cent positive about her - and partly to make her feel better about the fact that you don't have something that she has, so she doesn't have to accept that life is just unfair for some people. I have had a couple of people say 'maybe it was for the best' about James's death to me and I am sure it's because it makes them feel better about the fact that sometimes terrible luck happens to people who don't deserve it (and therefore bad things could happen to them too). If that was my friend I would be taking a break from her for a bit to be honest. Doesn't sound like a very kind person.

ten I totally understand wanting to know either way, being on tenterhooks is exhausting and mega stressful. It sounds like you've done some good advance planning in case you hear bad news, but I so hope that you end up cancelling your gym appointments, stashing the wine away, and celebrating with some cake and MrTen instead on Friday. Working from home sounds like a good idea - I did that the day of my test result too. I was like a cat on hot bricks all day.

I have been struggling a little bit and I think it's just that the change and getting back into the whole assisted reproduction stuff is stressful and panicky-making. Ten thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I have emailed the doctor and asked him what the protocol will be - the nurse said I just have to call in 2 weeks when I get a period to make an appointment for the saline sono test, but I would like to know what to expect after that in terms of timing. I think that will help me manage my anxiety. joy I think going in or asking Roy to go in to see them would be a good idea. They can't ignore him if he's right there! And you'll feel better when you know what is coming up.

What a bitchy thing for your friend to say, joy. I think I'd be tempted to dump her and I can't believe she sends you a baby photo every day. How self indulgent.

Critter, I understand why you'll be feeling anxious about it all. We're with you every step of the way.

Ten. Hang in there. I'm feeling hopeful for you.

As for me, I'm 12dpo. I caved and tested with a super early detection test. It reckons it can work from 8dpo. It was a clear negative. So, I'm out. I don't know where we go from here. Another round seems like pissing money up the wall. 9 embryos that have failed to do anything. It's not looking good.

Ten - you have a super healthy attitude. It can makes things so much easier when you have exciting things planned. However I hope all your plans become buggered up in the nicest possible way!

Critter - you wise lady, thank you. I think I took particular offence because it was a light hearted conversation and I was having a slight dig at myself for my impatience rather than anything else. I just found the question whether I wanted children a bit strange considering everything we have gone through. It sounded like "do you think you should have children..." I will just ignore her for a bit. I hate how infertility makes you feel so crap , things like this shouldn't bother me.
I still can't believe some people have said to you "it was maybe for the best". What a terrible thing to say even if they thought in some way it was a helpful remark. Some people shouldn't open their mouths. I am surprised you didn't bawl your eyes out and teach them a lesson.
I am so sorry you are feeling so anxious. It is nervewracking going into treatment at the best of times but you have so much more to contend with. It is perfectly natural to feel like you do after such a massive trauma. Do you think once you have the scan out of the way, the doctor has given the go ahead and you have a plan, it will make things easier? Or is it deeper than that? I wish I could take the anxiety away from you but it will go.

Oh ray I know that early testing helps prepare us but 12 dpo is still pretty early. Those tests claim that they can detect a pregnancy early, not that they necessarily will. I totally understand needing to look beyond this round though. Take care of yourself.

ten so pleased to hear that you had a lovely weekend. I have barely seen the outside, but for a good reason of course. you asked about us getting out of hospital - we have been home for a while now and in a bit of a fog getting to grips with breastfeeding. I did a bit too good a job of convincing them that I was fine with the really low iron levels and then came home and felt completely exhausted. I totally understand what they say about ivf ladies being prone to pnd - when things are hard it's really easy to beat yourself up. We have all waited so long for this that surely we will find absolutely everything easy and we'll take it in our stride... But enough about that, I have everything crossed for you with your testing later this week xx

critter I think spring is definitely the best season - not too hot but So comfortable and full of promise. I can imagine going back to the clinic was rubbish. You are moving forward and it will all be worth it, but by god it is hard when you're in the middle of it and you can't see the finish line.

joy your friend sounds a bit awkward. It was a pretty callous thing to say and you really are not being over sensitive. I work with kids all day long and I would have been low on patience in the situation you described. I'm sure your friend isn't a paragon of parenting prowess either. Everyone has things that they find easy and things they find challenging.

The small person with powerful lungs and a bottomless stomach is calling but I am thinking of you all and reading whenever I can xx

Ray - :( I am so sorry but you're not out yet and I know it's better to manage expectations and why dare to believe but all I can say is 12dpo is still too early. Yes some people get positives a lot earlier but people like me don't get anything until at least 17dpo. I am so sorry but do hang on in there for another few days. I think 15dpo is a better indication... And fmu too, not during the day. But I know after so long and so much shit it's hard to muster up any hope. I am still going to believe for you. Massive hug x

Oh mad - how is it going with the little one?

Yes Mad how are you finding it, are you ok?

Joy that is very insensitive of your friend. If it was any old friend then I'd be tempted to leave it, but I think with a best friend I would call it - gently, but maybe something like ' your comment about whether I really want children given what a terribly difficult time I'm having really stung, it's not like you you're normally very sensitive, is everything ok with you?' or words to that effect. A really good friend would want to know wouldn't they that they've hurt you? You've mentioned before about insensitive friends, is she normally ok or not?

Critter oh my heart aches for you going back into the same clinic when you should be at home with your 4 month old. How on earth was it for the best, that comment astounds me. It's something people say with miscarriages isn't it, but this wasn't a miscarriage and I'm not sure it's that helpful then either. You're so incredibly brave, and you're so right the end result will be totally worth it. Just keep going one day at a time. Have you tried any more poetry?

Ray oh no oh no, how I hate that day of a negative test, it's just the worst. I so hope that it's just too early. If it does turn out to be a negative, I do wonder whether it's an implantation type issue. After that many embryos I do wonder whether the conceptiony bit is your issue. I keep thinking about that nurse I met who tried for 4 years and eventually found a tiny polyp and hey presto, all sorted. Keep hopeful and strong.

Ten I love your planning of stuff to do either way, that is a fab idea, that would at least get you through a difficult week, but massive fingers crossed you can't do any of it.

Euro garden stuff sounds lovely.

Afm after some sun and family time (and wine!) I'm feeling a million times better and more myself. Was that really only a week ago?

Waves to everyone else.

ray oh sweetheart, 12 dpo is still very early, I am still going to hope for you. Tightest of hugs. I remember the line on the super-sensitive pee test I did after my positive blood test at 15 dpo was extremely faint. I understand thinking about the future and wanting to move forward, this process is just punishing, it really is. I am thinking of you lots and will be willing a good result for you in a few days. You really deserve this so much and it is so unfair that you're going through this prolonged stress and anxiety. I wish I could take it away.

mad Honey I am so sorry you're having a tough time - have you got some help from family at all? Perhaps a cleaner, or someone who can at least hold your little guy while you have a shower and a sleep? I hope the hospital have given you iron pills. I had really low iron too and I found it made me very woozy. I can only imagine how bad it would be with a crying infant to take care of too. You have done amazingly to get here. I cannot believe last year there was the possibility of hysterectomy, I will always remember that and how hard you fought with the endless downregging to get where you are now. I admire you so much.

joy I am feeling a little better now. I think part of this is just the change is unsettling. I think I will continue to wobble throughout all this but seeing what the other amazing, amazing women on this board have been through and continue to go through with such grace and such bravery gives me courage. My dr emailed me back and told me that we could potentially do a transfer in the same cycle as my scan - so when AF arrives in 10 days or so, I call him, he does the saline sono test, and if all looks good, we do a transfer roughly three weeks later... so around the third week of June. It would mean I might miss the beta blood test as I'm travelling for ten days at the end of the month. But he said he could work around that. Sorry to complain about it all, I know I am bloody lucky to have frosties and a doctor who returns emails.

xpost cos - so lovely to read your sensible and sunny message and so glad and relieved to hear that you're feeling ok. Wine and some time to rest are always a good combination!

Very very quick one Ray you don't know for sure yet, I think that is pretty early. I'm sorry for how shit it will be making you feel though either way. This is all just bollocks.