TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

The clinic are adamant I take it intravaginally. But it's just like a normal, small tablet. I suppose it should get absorbed ok that way. The first scan is on day 11, not day 7 as I previously thought.

ray that sounds right if you've checked with the clinic about the tablets - I guess they must know what they are doing! Do you have a rough idea as to when the transfer would be? It's really helpful for me to see your protocol actually.

You asked about C section recovery - basically it's fine. I sometimes have weird nerve pain and muscular pain around my scar and stomach, and I have a little fat pad above the line of the scar (like I've been quilted) and the usual stretch marks, but basically I feel like women's bodies are meant to be used and pregnancy/childbirth was always going to leave some marks - sort of like washing a sweater and it getting some bobbles on it. I do feel sad that I had a c section - which makes future births/pregnancies more risky - without a live child to show for it. But giving birth vaginally would have probably been super traumatic, at least I was unconscious for the whole thing.

sweet interesting that your history is similar to mine. I actually think that if I had stopped taking the Pill earlier - say when I was 27 or 28, instead of 31, and just used condoms for a few years before we started TTC - I might have gotten pregnant naturally eventually, once we did 'pull the goalie'. But the combination of the two year wait before James's arrival with no periods post-Pill, and then losing him, means that I don't have it in me to wait and try naturally any more. The trouble with taking the Pill for women like us whose cycles are irregular is that it masks problems until it's too late.

Seeing euro tonight, yay! We will report back on our 10+++er date.

pout and fox and cos and joy - hope you are all ok.

Ray, how confusing about tablets that look like they are for one hole but are supposed to go in another. It is good af is here, I am quietly cheering you on. You are playing the odds and every time getting closer. There is very chance this could be your time, we have good fet success so far. I can't remember why you are doing clexane now, did results show something?

Critter, after my op I had a little plump bit over the scar and looked quilted too but it's gone now 95% and is flattened soft and white. I still have some numbness but the buzzy, tingly nerve pains I got for a year after are now entirely gone. I found that heavy rain made it worse I'm not sure why that happens. I love your approach to ladies bodies and how they change. I felt totally bloody cheated that I had a c section scar so can only imagine how it feels for you. I hope you and euro have had a lovely lovely meet up.

Ten, sorry you've hit a hole. How are you feeling?

Hello grouch,it is nice to see you posting here still, thank you.

Sar you a lovely lovely person and I do miss you. I loved your message.

I have felt hugely emotional today over things not ttc related but work but I don't normally feel weepy at such things, hormones feel at play even though I'm cd8. I've had to the minute 28 days cycles with cd 14 ov since ivf (one good thing to come out of it) so hope things aren't going silly buggers. I wonder how long it will be til I get a match? I do feel all of a limbo. I should really email them about immune testing but can't be arsed. Must do that on Monday as if they do ring it will be all systems go I presume.

Pout and nelly are you ok?

Evening all,
I just wanted to pop in to say hello. I do read, often, and think of you all, often. I want to wave my cheering pom poms and fluff the tail feathers and offer lots of lots of hugs and support.
Critter James' memorial sounded beautiful. You'll never forget your little boy and I'm sure that everything still hurts like hell. I hate that you have physical reminders. But I know that the bad stuff will be displaced and diluted with new, fresh, wonderful experiences and life will turn around on a pin. Was it you who had Any Human Heart in their favourite books? I love that book and it made me feel in a whole new way. Corny, yes but totally true. You're in my thoughts often. Very of the Critterland meet up.
Ray tight handhold for the next steps. I know why your feeling negative, but you do have a chance, I'll keep feeling positive for you.
Joy FFS for the songbird. I had it just before mini princess' arrival. But not itchy, just curdy, as the midwife informed me. Lovely.
Pout just hey, hello, and a virtual cuddle.
Cos have you had any answers yet? I'm still here for rl meet-ups. Mini princess isn't as portable these days but you're welcome to come to my house or some other wide open space in our neck of the woods. I also owe you a coffee too.
fox dearest fox, you are just so brave and the way you express yourself do honestly is admirable. You'll be a fab mum. Just like all of our other, wonderful ttcers. I thought of our ttc bonfire recently when I bought our garden incinerator. I would like to join in too.
In my news, I had slightly stabby news and then comforting lovely news. My bestie is pregnant with #2 as is a friend who reduced me to a weepy wreck 2 years ago. It's made me feel substandard as I can't breed to order like they can. That sounds very ungrateful doesn't it. In the lovely news, I've made lots of lovely new friends through various baby groups and not a single person has had an easy ride. That shouldn't be lovely news but to me it is because I don't feel alone. I'm now a SAHM with ideas to move into a completely new field at some point. I wouldn't have had that if I hadn't been a long term ttcer. Everyone, but everyone keeps commenting on when will you be popping out the next one. Because obviously I don't have anything to do but don a pinny and be a baby machine That hurts more than anyway and people are really quite scathing of sahm's. Luckily I have a new pal in the same boat and she is well cleverer than me (and a fellow mnetter) so that's reassuring too. well, as I write to you with a weak smile, a glass of wine and a purple, screeching teething baby refusing to have their teeth cleaned, go to sleep and being an all round diva I really can tell you that I'm glad I went through the crap because I really don't think I'd appreciate her and that even in the wee hours, motherhood is very rewarding. And I know that you'll all get there, one way or another.
Friday hugs and love xxx

Right then, cosied up on the sofa with Emma on the telly, am settling in for a good old catch up.
Princess good to see you. Sorry for the stabby news. Does it feel any different now you've had one of your own or does it still feel stabby in the same way? I guess it will always remind you of the difficult times you had. Good to be reassured that it's all been worth it. Would love to pop round to yours for a coffee - slightly trickier now I'm working full time again but I'll 'work from home' sometimes so can pop round then. I'll pm you about dates though may not be for a few weeks.

Fox sorry for the emotional day on Friday, how are you feeling now? It must be a very odd time and I'm sure it must be playing on your mind. What did the clinic say about usual waiting times for a match? What's happening with your cycle? I know exactly what you mean about increased levels of anxiety. A friend recommended to me recently to use mantras a bit more - I've never really got into this before, but I've been practising really trying to believe them and I think it's working a little bit. The one that seems to be the most calming is 'I'm doing ok'.

Critter and Euro very jealous of your meet up, the food looked amazing. Critter I liked what you said about women's bodies and marks and use. You've really gone through such a lot. I hope the travelling over the next few weeks goes well and is a good distraction. Then the countdown to the FET will really begin. Even though that's what the doctors have said in terms of timescales, do you think you'll be ready then physically and emotionally?

Ray, yay for getting started. I still find it odd how clinics vary so much in their regimes, but as long as you're following what they say am sure it will be fine! I have everything crossed for you. I took hrt tablets on FET round, progynova, and remember feeling pretty great on them. Defrosting 3 you say, how exciting. These docs only know so much about embryos I'm convinced of it.

Ten, sorry about all the waiting around, how frustrating. When do you think you'll be able to get going again?

Sar lovely to 'see' you. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

Sweet, glad Kitty is ok. I agree an explosion of bfps would be great.

Euro so glad the midwife was reassuring and you're feeling back to your usual self.

Joy, sorry about Roy's comment, I assume this is just a lads' sense of humour? I'm sure DH could come up with something equally not-well thought out. How are you, any news on next steps? I hope your new project is going well.

Afm I was in a bit of a mood all last weekend, I hate any type of national holiday now, Christmas grump has spread! But on the treatment front, I've managed to book myself in for this implantation clinic at warwick uni and am going tomorrow - I figure I may as well now that I've looked into it, and it think she's done some research into progesterone issues so I'll be interested to ask her about that. The other blood tests that st marys did which all came back normal were blood clotting type issues and insulin etc. And as for the septum st Mary's could do it, but at £3.5k just for the surgery it's a bit pricey. They've said most of that is the hospital costs, as they use the next door lindo wing where flipping kate and Diana gave birth. Don't think I really need that level of treatment. So I've been looking into others, and the one that looks most likely is Serum in Athens, thanks for the tip Joy. It's 1500 euro so massive difference even with flights etc, plus I like the idea of a free consult with them too as well as they do a DVD of the surgery so you can see what the inside of your uterus looks like. Which I think may well swing it. Who wouldn't want to see that?! The fertile sure do miss out. It's best to be done at about day 5-7 so I'll try to book for as soon as works out I think. Nelly you thought Serum was good didn't you, would you trust them to do surgery on you? They do it via hysteroscopy, so it's just cutting away at it with a sharp knife.

Waves all round to everyone I missed. Anyone else been watching the Crimson Field on BBC Sunday nights? There's a certain scottish surgeon who's rather watchable.

Cos, good luck for the appointment tomorrow. It always feels better to be doing something rather than the waiting around. That's a big difference in costs for the surgery. It does seem to me that private treatment in the uk is more expensive than in other European countries. Did you ever get back any test results from the embryos? Is crimson field any good? Funnily enough it had just popped up in my amazon recommendations so I was wondering whether to order the DVD. I've got broadchurch and the paradise in my basket so far. I love catching up on series from the uk that I've missed. Good drama is really the only thing I miss from home.

I had a bad couple of days with af arriving, worry about the start of another treatment round and then two stabby announcements on the same day. Both second babies from people who conceived their first a long time after we started ttc. One of them told us it was the first month trying and they were disappointed not to get to try for longer ha ha. Princess, are you currently ttc? You did get pregnant naturally didn't you? It might happen for you again, I hope so.

Critter and euro, I hope you had a lovely meet up. I'd love to meet you all again one day soon.
Joy and pout, how are you both?

Just a quick catch up just now in case you all thought I'd spent the last fortnight in the bottom of a ditch somewhere courtesy of my new hobble . I haven't, he is being lots of fun with just a couple of minor cheeky moments, and still very much making me smile.

Cos, yes I would. The clinic itself I don't think does the surgeries, or rather not at that address, I didn't see anything OR style, I think they are done nearby at a hospital. But they seem very responsible from what I saw.

I'm not going to proper catch up just now as I've been procrastinating half the afternoon, but having just read through the thread I felt very emotional between James' ceremony and the anxiety, worry, fears and sadness amongst everyone. I've not read the thread for a couple of weeks as I've been very ostrich like, but I've missed you guys and realised how much I need you. Hobbles help so much, but TTC never really goes away.

So on to the things I need to do but when I can wrestle the laptop off Mr Nelly later I will type more!

Thanks Nelly. Good to know you're not stuck in a ditch. Sometimes ostrich behaviour is what's needed.

Ray sorry for the stabby news. It's so awful. Why do people feel the need to share such details? It'll be you soon enough I'm very sure. And good you can get started without too much more delay. Do you find once you're properly into the swing of a round it feels better to be doing something? No I haven't heard back about the embryo testing yet, I'll have to chase them up. And yes I've been really enjoying crimson field, not exactly high brow, but very easy watching if you like a period drama.

Sunday eve waves all round... Proffers lots of to go with Sunday night telly.

Cos any time, just let me know. Hope all goes well tomorrow. I'd be really interested in what they have to say about progesterone stuff. I can't believe how expensive that op would be, actually I can given the cost of some treatment my mum's recently had...I was very !

Ray sorry about the stabby friends. That kind of indiscretion is really insensitive. We're sort of TTC. I bought ov sticks last week to see if I am, I don't think I am. Mini princess is still breastfeeding a lot and although I'm having periods they are far apart and very light, which I've read is indicative of anovulatory cycles. In an ideal world we wouldn't be TTC and mini princess would be 2.5 - 3 when #2 came along but as we don't have that luxury of planning we just decided to see what happens. As it happens I won't feel short changed if I don't have another. Im incredibly grateful. I'm dissappointed I can't plan like other people because I'm a control freak. I'd feel guilty for mini princess not having a sibling. But DH is an only and isn't at all bothered that he doesn't have siblings. It's just the feeling inferior to other people in this one area that I struggle with.

Nelly sorry I didn't name check you in my other post! I was a bit fuzzy round the edges and a lot didn't make sense. Bah! I'm glad you're having fun with your new hobble. You sound really happy. :)

Joy that last post to you made no sense. What I meant to add was that the midwife blamed my thrush on shifting hormone levels and not to worry about it because when my waters broke they would douche out the curdy discharge. Could your thrush be linked to hormones? I wonder too if a post on the general board or a visit to a songbird specialist wouldn't be such a bad idea. You can get breastfeeding thrush which mum and baby pass to each other and both have to be treated to get rid of it. Has Roy been tested too? I'm sorry about the misery of the songbird diet. It's probably just like the brown diet which isn't really much fun long term.

I hope I've been a bit more coherent today and less typo-tastic. xx

Thank you all for your notes, I am feeling much better about life again, although still as convinced as ever this round wont work… ho hum

Ray I am sure that lots of ladies on here have had success with average quality embies, there doesn’t seem to be that much rhyme or reason to it, I am glad you can get on with this round! Afraid I cant help with a medicated FET as ours was naturel, I think I prefer the idea of medicated though as my cycles like yours are a bit variable. Good luck, and glad you sorted out the method of taking the tabs! Sorry to hear about the stabby news, it doesn’t get any easier, I am avoiding a friend who is due in august, infact I have avoided her since I found out, I just cant.

Euro no this is our NHS round so at the asylum (otherwise known as St Helliers) totally inconvenient as miles away from where I live, but it saves 5k so have to give it a go hey! They are now following the same protocol and dosages that create used though after I threw a strop when they TOTALLY overstimmed me and put me on long protocol last time. Nice to hear about people sharing their stories with you, I think if I ever get to the other side I would also share, I just cant face it while we are still trying as then people start to only talk to you about that.

Critter glad to hear work is going to keep you busy, it is so close now, not long until you can try again.

Hi Sweet and Princess. Nelly hope you are enjoying the hobbles

Fox have you called them about immunes? I know sometimes it is hard to motivate yourself to make those calls but it will be worth it. I still have never bothered to have a follow up at create, so I am the last person who should talk on these matters! Did they give you an idea of a timeline for finding a match?

Cos ohh a dvd of the inside of your uterus you say, well sign me up…! Glad you have got into the clinic at warwick and are making headway on treatment stuff. I am on day 4 of stimms today, but on a super low dose so feeling much better than last time!

Day four of stimms, and all is fine, not really very interested in this at all. We’ll see, I wonder if I actually ever get pregnant whether I will actually think it was all worth it?! I am not so sure.

Oh Ray I can't believe you are starting all this again. It's very hard to get enthused isn't it. Part of you probably just feels what's the point and I know I am speaking for myself when I say I kind of don't want to do it because I just expect bad news and don't want to have to face that. Anyway it has to be done and there is no reason for you not to get that bfp. Sorry about the stabby news. I wonder whether I will ever get over them. I was told some friends had a baby the other day. Not close friends clearly because Roy didn't tell me they were pregnant. I was at their wedding this time last year. What a lovely thing when nature works.

Cos - can't believe you haven't got the results yet. And goodness to the price. Serum seems like a no brainer and people on FF seem to go there all the time and have septums removed and hysterscopy. And you get to go to Greece! Will be fascinated to hear what this other place comes up with.

Princess - how lovely to hear from you. That would be impressive if you got pregnant whilst breastfeeding! And totally agree my thrush problems are hormone related. I will see if I get it again in the next week or so which I am sure I will as I have been drinking loads this past week. I hope little princess is doing well.

Nelly - glad the hobble is keeping you occupied.

I haven't caught up properly as I have been so busy last week which is very unlike me. But met a few lovely older ladies with older kids and I realise people grow out of talking about their children all the time. They are just interested in other things or perhaps it was just these women. I think it makes sense to me now that the baby thing is so consuming and so new my friends just go on about it the whole time. I must remember never to be like that if the impossible happens.
I must catch up later as I am now back at work.

Oh ten massive hand hold for the stabbing. That's never fun.

Are we due some ten plusser babies soon??

Nelly – I love hearing about your new hobble. It’s nice to hear about you enjoying yourself.

Ten – I hope you will feel it’s worth it. Good luck with the continued stims.

Ray – sorry for the stabby news. I think you can have success regardless of embryo quality. I am quietly cheering for you.

Princess – I find some people are scathing about STAHM’s but I often wonder if it is misplaced guilt over their own choices? My aunt was a STAHM and I have to say she worked her tush off day in and day out, I definitely respect how hard a job that is. DH and I have been having the same conversation about when to restart TTC if we want a second. I hope it happens for you fairly easily this time around. In similar stabby-news, I felt stabby when SIL announced #2 before her missed period the day before I was set to be induced. I think the stabbiness set in after the addition of a smug “I never have to wait long, first try again” .

Critter – I understand wanting to start with FET immediately, I would do the same. I was “lucky” in the sense that my periods went crazy the last few months I was on yasmin (showing up late or early and the flow was inconsistent), we ended up stopping the pill and that’s when we realized how crazy my cycles had gone. On a separate note, the meet up with euro seems like it was fantastic. The food looked great.

Cosmo – The surgery sounds interesting. I don’t know how I would feel about having a video of my own surgery, but I guess it would provide confirmation that they did do something. I have to say I am at the price of the surgery. I guess I have never thought about prices for medical-related things because of where I live. It was a bit astounding to me.

Joy – I also wonder if the stabby feeling will ever go away. I can only hope it is just a long term TTC scar that will slowly fade.

Fox – I hope they give you a timeline for finding a match.

AFM – I got a freelance job with a company that will help me make some much needed money . This couldn’t have come at a better time because me and DH have suddenly found ourselves completing renovations on our home and let’s just say we are not very handy . So hopefully the freelance position will pay off and pay for our new windows, doors, floor... etc

Ten can't believe you're having to stim again after producing so many follies last time, shame they weren't farmed! Hopefully you'll get a more reasonable number this time.

Joy, hooray for people having grown out of the kiddie stage and being interested in other things. That's a really interesting perspective, that its our age and peer group etc that makes things feel like such a pressure cooker - good to think ahead to times when its not so forefront of minds all the time.

So, here's an update of my trip to the implantation clinic. I saw Prof Jan Brosens, who I have to say was incredibly nice and knowledgeable. He did such a good job of explaining scientific things clearly and seemed very interested in science above all else. And did a good balance of talking and asking questions you know how these appointments can sometimes go where it feels a bit like you're not getting anywhere, well it wasn't like that. But is he right?! We had a good discussion and then he took a sample of my womb - I've had a sample taken before, and anything going through the cervix always stings a bit right, but oh my word this really really hurt. He even did a 'once i start i'll start counting back from 10 so you know when its going to stop' which i definitely needed. I felt vaguely in shock for the rest of the day and still today a bit. He showed me what he took, it was a strip about 1.5 inches long by a few mm, and looked like a bit of rubber or something. What he said was that their research has shown that the lining needs to have sufficient (stem cells?) which do 2 jobs - they are receptive to implanting embryos as well as being selective as to which embryos can continue. He said that failure in the lining to have sufficient of these stem cells means that they can end up acting not properly in one, the other or both of those roles. He said each cycle means a new individual endometrium growing and it varies each time with regards to the number of stem cells which grow, a bit like embryo development varies, and that that's partly why different ivf rounds vary in terms of outcome. He said that progesterone causes the lining to develop these stem cells, hence why additional progesterone can help with implantation issues. He said that the important part was getting the implantation bit successful, and that this then predicts outcome (i.e. miscarriages later on can often be because implantation wasn't right, and that medications taken later on have less of an impact. He said that any kind of trauma within the womb, e.g. the scratch, causes a healing response which causes growth of these stem cells in the next cycle. Further that cortisol plays a role in controlling the nk cells, (and he showed me a microscope picture of what it looks like with lots of nk cells) and that proper production and control of levels of necessary nk cells is important. He also said that nearly all embryos according to their research show some level of chromosomal disorder.

So i get the results in about a month. And when i get a 'normal' response again does that mean i'm an effective rejector of incompetant embryos??!! He didn't specifically answer this question but didn't seem to consider this a strong possibility. Interestingly (for me) in my scan (and not sure i've been scanned at day 21 ish before) it showed my lining on the side nearest the ovary which ovulated showed an ok lining of about 9.5mm but the other side of my septum, the lining was down to about 5mm (he said he likes to see at least 7mm but i thought ivf clinics usually want to see at least 9ish?) i know i've had more like 11mm before on ivf scans. He ended up recommending giving it another go with his protocol (the same progesterone as last time plus possibly clexane and prednisolone depending on my womb lining results), also trying the protocol after the septum surgery (for the healing response mainly) and then if this doesn't work moving back to ivf by about next year.

On the surgery front, rather embarrasingly for a 36 year old, I've had uterus surgery in greece, by a foreign greek doctor who's not going to speak any english and butcher her daughter, vetoed by my mum. . I suppose being in this game for a long time does stretch what you perceive as quite do-able and she obviously accepted she doesn't know as much about it all, but i think her point of what if i had any trouble once i got home, who would i go to (i'm sure i could email?) and well, in the end i think i'm thinking i'll go with the expensive option. Apparantly if its good enough for kate middleton, its good enough for her daughter. (hollow laugh)

So just need a date. Prof Brosens recommended i try without the surgery on the basis that the procedure yesterday will prompt a healing response, but even if the septum surgery isn't a magic bullet, it is linked with higher rates of m/c's later on, and if i ever did manage to successfully get to 12 weeks ish, i'd just spend the rest of the time thinking the septum was going to cause an m/c, so seems worth doing from that point of view.

So that's my adventures in fertility update. Sorry for going on, but thought you might be interested in some of the theory above. He said there's a research paper which isn't published yet which covers a lot of this so will be worth looking out for. And for £360 seemed a painful bargain. BTW how big is Coventry hospital? Its the size of heathrow!

Waves all round. How's everyone else doing?

That's all fascinating cos. I feel like you're getting to put parts of the jigsaw together now. I love it when one of us has some more information to add to what we know about fertility. I think I agree with your mum. I am relatively settled here but I still found having the lap and a two night stay in hospital quite difficult. I can't explain why but it's funny how cultural differences really show themselves in a medical setting. My care was superb though.

Ten, I'm keeping everything crossed for a smooth round.

I'm ok. I'm nit sure if it's the hrt but I'm a bit short tempered this evening. Dh watching football is annoying me and the way he is commentating as though I'm interested. I have also broken out with teenage skin. Spotty cheeks and I feel oily. Not a nice look.

Hi everyone,

Early morning conference phone post here.

Princess that's great that you're starting to think about number two. It seems like you have taken to being a mother like a duck to water. Sorry that the stabby feelings are still there.

Joy I do think we are at an age where many people are consumed with child rearing. I've noticed it more with my friends back home than my friends here. I think small children require a huge amount of mental energy. But so does TTC. Longing for a child has consumed me for the past three years and I can't wait to not think about it with longing any more.

Cos wow what an amazing and fascinating post. The doc sounds brilliant and it's great that you have a plan and great that you're having your op here. And so interesting about the stem cell healing response. Your mum sounds wonderful.

Ray sorry about the spots- I have them too. Just what we need eh? Is the transfer this week or next? I hope you have some good distractions planned for your 2ww. I have everything crossed for you.

Ten I hope you're being better monitored this time. Not surprised you aren't feeling enthused about it all. Hand hold.

Fox so sorry about the limbo. I would hassle them, squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that? I think of you lots. You're going to get there.

Sweet interesting about your periods- I started having breakthrough bleeding on the pill about 7 years ago and went to the doctors but I should have probably just stopped taking it like you did. Oh well, hindsight is 2020! Great news about your freelance job, always nice to have a little extra cash coming in.

I saw euro on Friday and Saturday evening and she is glowing and radiant, really. Lovely after all she has been through. Euro I hope your flight home wasn't too uncomfortable!

AFM - cos you asked whether I felt ready for ttc - i guess the answer is yes emotionally but not sure physically. I have noticed that a lot of women in the online support groups I've joined or read about who lost full term babies tend to get pregnant on purpose very quickly indeed after their loss - often the next baby's due date is before the first one's - ie, the deliveries are less than a year apart. Needless to say, a lot of them didn't have fertility issues- just horrible luck. With a vaginal birth that isn't a problem - but it's less recommended with a c section like I had. I am desperate to have another child but scared of doing anything to jeopardize the next pregnancy so am following doctor's orders - I trust him. But it's agonising having to wait and grieve. I feel phantom kicks at night and I think about him probably 85% of my time awake. I'm definitely slower at work and less on the ball. But I am over the hump. Tomorrow is May, and I'm so ready to tear off the April peg on my calendar! I'm getting through it and a lot of that is thanks to the support you guys have given me.

ray how are you getting on with the weird tablets?

fox how crazy that you have textbook cycles.

princess how lovely to hear from you. Your life sounds lovely.

BTW, I agree about the songbird having hormonal causes. At least that is my experience. I have only ever had it when I have been on the Pill. Although I used to get a tingle at the same point in my cycle every month that felt like it was coming (although it didn't) so I am sure that was a hormonal trigger.

joy I think lemons might be the next 10+er due, but she is taking a break from MN. And then maybe free, and then me, unless I am missing someone?

cos I've heard only good things about Serum, on here and on FF. When I had the menstrual blood testing, everyone I dealt with spoke excellent English.

I agree with ray about getting pieces of the puzzle in place. I still wish I knew why it didn't work for us the old fashioned way.

ten I am so glad that they have listened to you this time. Good luck with the cycle! You must be getting close to trigger shot time now.

I had a lovely meet up with critter. I'm sure she won't mind me saying that she is doing amazingly well. And she has a lovely group of supportive friends around her where she is, which was good to see.

I got upgraded to Business on the way back :) so the flight was better than I had been expecting. The jet lag is still vile though!

Cos – fascinating! Thank you for that update, i do find all this scientific developments really helpful and interesting. Aren’t womb linings suppose to be equal ? I think the fact that your lining is so different the other side of the septum is really telling. Did they think that was significant? The Argc wanted a 7mm plus lining. So you have one juicy side and another thin side. I really can’t help but feel this is a major part of your jigsaw. I wish you could get the results of your histiology as well as that will be significant information as well. Also, was he saying that high cortisol levels mean higher nk cells? I think Euro has said before that stress causes nk cells to rise. Has anybody on here had their cortisol levels checked?
I’m sorry the test was painful. That sounds bloody unpleasant. I have also heard really good things about Greece but my parents would veto my decision to go there too. My old acupuncturist told me that people pay cash in hand and it all sounds dodge but he said it’s not dodge at all. But your mum has a point i guess. It’s a heck of an amount of money though but it really does sound vital for you.

Ray – i hope you are doing ok with the down regging.

Critter – i can only imagine it is agonising having to wait and i can imagine you just want to move on. I think the nature of trauma and grief means that it does stick around for a heck of a long time but please know that one day you will have James’ siblings and you will be in a happier place. I am so glad we have been able to be of some support to you though. I just think you are incredible that throughout all this you have supported others. I think about you often and still can’t believe how life can be so cruel.

Euro – i’m glad the trip to the USA went well. And business class is great ! I think Mad is expecting after Lemon.

Off to an annual work event tonight. Said to Roy this morning that this is the 5th time i will have gone to this event whilst trying for a baby. scary when 5th anniversaries come up.

Joy Yes to what you said about not wanting to do it because you just expect more bad news, I think we are all the same expect the worst and secretly hope for the best. I am sure that most people talk less about kids once they get over the first one, but agree I often say to myself and MrT – must never be insensitive tit like x….(one example saying life not having menaing before hand?!). Bleurgh anniversaires are sh1te.

Sweet Congrats on the new job! Also feel your pain on the renovations, we gutted a house last year, god it was hard work.

Cos I know I am surprised there are any left in there given the previous numbers, but there may not be as I haven’t had a scan yet, I have one on Friday, we will see hey! Wow what a lot of info! I do see your mums point, I am sure Greece would be fine, but if it was your daughter you may feel differently. It seems so strange that your lining changes from one side to the other, would that change after the op?

ray Are you DR? God that was bad, I wanted to kill MrT on an almost permanent basis, I was SO unreasonable. I had a constant headache and couldn’t concentrate because I was so tired. Argh I feel your pain. If you are just a bit snappy you are doing a brilliant job, hang on in there!

Critter God it must be hard, but you have the right mind set which is waiting for your body to catch up with your head. It sounds from what you said that you have a great doctor who is making the decisions for all the right reasons on timing. Hand hold.

Euro glad you didn’t have to suffer down the back, I cant imagine being pregnant and cramped up like that! We discussed last night and I think we will go back to Create for another round if this one fails, I think we had the same female doc for ET and she was great, she is a lot better than the male dr I had for ec. I like their low drugs approach so one more round there before heading to the big guns I think.

AFM first scan is tomorrow, hopefully then I will get some understanding of when EC may be, as it is tricky having to hold my work diary open. Roll on the bank holiday weekend!

Blimey, excuse all the typos!

ten we had a similar plan - one more round with Create before moving on to the big guns (and drugs) at CRGH. Good luck for tomorrow's scan. I hope you get a more reasonable stimming response this time!

You are right joy. I knew I would forget someone! In that case I think it is Lemons, mad, free, me, sea. That is quite a lot of differs for a group of long term infertiles! I guess it helps to show what so many of us have said - we will all get there one way or another if we keep going. I wonder who will be next?

Sorry to hear about the rough anniversary. It is such a long time.

Good luck tomorrow ten. How have you been feeling?
Joy, that's a good point about people becoming less child obsessed later on. I think one of the reasons I feel so lonely just now is that my friends are very much in the middle of the baby phase and so I'm not part of that.

Critter, you're in my thoughts often. I'm glad to read that you have lovely friends to help you through. Talking is so important.

Euro, this thread hasn't done baldly for bfps. It's been slow going though. Recently I think I've lost hope of it ever happening for us if I'm being totally honest. I'm going through the motions, we will do a third round but then give up I think. I can't put myself through it for much longer. I need to move on. I can't imagine myself pregnant or with a baby.

I'm not downregging but I feel worse on this oestrodil than I did on a full ivf round. I'm so tired, my womb feels crampy and my skin is a spotty mess. I have volcanic size spots on my cheeks.

ray Are they little blue pills, I always took mine orally but you now have thinking I might have been wrong my fingers are crossed for FET and long awaited BFF Sorry about the annoucements, last thing you want to hear is about baby no:2 and how easy it was

critter the waiting to start again can feel like forever and can understand you want to get on with it, but its sensible to wait and its May already, but have to admit after my miscarriages all I wanted to be was pregnant again, i'm glad you have support online and in RL, I have to say that one of the people who helped me through all my worries and stress with my pregnancy was a woman I met on a miscarriage board, she was told after several miscarriages and being peri menopausal that she would never have a baby, it must have been hard for her to support me at times but she was always there with a virtual hand hold, just after I had BB she found out she was pregnant and is now 17 weeks along, so sometimes the fertility gods pull their fingers out and do their job

joy your 5th a final time, is there anymore news on when you can get going with things

foxy I have been thinking of you lately, did you email about your immunes, it must be tough just waiting to hear, you are constantly on tender hooks

nelly sometimes you just need time out from it all

ten fingers crossed for this round, and yes when you finally get your BFP everything you have had to endure is all worth it, its just hard to feel like that when you are going through it

cos Have you spoken on FF about going to Serum for surgery, I've not heard of anyone having any problems from going overseas for treatment, although I understand your mums concerns, they all speak good english, and there is no guarantee you'll get better treatment here in the UK, I'm still appalled by the treatment lack of that sea experienced with her ohss at the ARGC.
I have heard good things about Prof Brosens and his work with Prof Q and its interesting about implantation and stem cells, they did release a paper recently on their work but it was very medical so not the easiest for me to understand

pout how are you my lovely

Not much to report our end, my inlaws are driving me crazy, you would honestly think they had never seen a baby before, sadly there isn't much I can do about it as murder is a serious crime in this country

sorry x posts with a few as I started this earlier in the day

ten hope the scan goes well tomorrow

ray i'm sorry the drugs are making you feel crap, i always felt good on them

Do your inlaws live near you buzz? I'm always grateful that we live far enough away that mine can't pop in unannounced, and that I don't have to see them too often. I shouldn't complain though, they are lovely really.

Yes, it's the blue pill. The information leaflet in the box says to take orally but the clinic tell me to use as pessary. I've gone along with that and can at least blame them and have a hissy fit if they have it wrong. I must be absorbing it though because of the way I feel.