TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

ray yes sadly they do live near by FIL is just over the top and his behaviour just annoys and creeps me out, I hate the way he snatches her from me when I first arrive to the way he announces that she will be an economist when she grows up because he never became one, umm hell no she won't, you had your kids and you are not getting your grubby forrin mitts on mine

how long are you on the drugs for

Oh dear, they sound like hard work. Is grinning and bearing it an option, or is it past that? Is mini bee their only grandchild?

I have a scan on Monday. I think it depends on what that shows. I'm hoping not for too much longer. I have to increase the dose on Saturday.

yes she is there only one, no he needs to calm down and learn some boundaries, he used to be a bully but I won't take his crap it appears they both had lobotomies when she arrived, what cycle day will you be on Monday, the blue pill does seem to work well even though it makes you feel crap

Buzzy I love your posts. You always make me smile. Great that your friend has finally got pregnant. We will all get there eventually, even if it doesn't take the route we originally thought it would. Sorry to hear about overbearing in laws!

Ray good luck for the scan and sorry the oestradil is making you feel miserable. You've been through so much and had such a rotten long wait. This could be the lucky round, experience has shown on this thread that sometimes embies that doctors aren't positive about still make perfect babies.

Ten good luck tomorrow, I'm thinking of you and will be wishing you lots and lots of love and luck. May is traditionally all about fertility so it's hopefully an auspicious time to be doing a round!

Joy has the songbird flown off yet? Sorry about the anniversary. Thinking about all that time passing with no baby is incredibly painful and hard. I am sorry and I wish I could say something to ease your sorrow.

Does anyone fancy a London meet up next weekend? I'll be home for work for a week and euro and I were talking about seeing if there was time to see each other. Perhaps during the day on Sunday 11th? Or after work one evening? No worries if not.

critter I am keen for a london meet up, Barry can look after BB I haven't been to the big smoke for a long time

I wish I was in London, I would love to meet up with you all.

Joy, those anniversaries are tough. I count things in number of years trying too. I'm dreading my birthday, the fifth since ttc and no baby. Someone was talking about a mutual friend who has said she isn't ready for babies yet and this friend made the comment "I mean she isn't getting any younger so she needs to get on with it" I felt like shit, as soon as they said it I think they realized I was there and that I don't have kids yet and so they shut up pretty quick. I didn't react, just nodded but I wanted to cry. I know 33 isn't that old, but I started when I was 28.

Critter - I can't do weekend but would def be up for after work one day. Touch wood it hasn't appeared yet (better not speak too soon). I have no idea what my cycle day is which is first time in 4 years I don't have a clue so it may appear yet!

Ray - these blue pills sound horrible. I wonder whether in the future there will be an easier way for ivf . All these things they do is just horrid.

Ten - best of luck for your scan. After last cock up you deserve everything to go smoothly.

Buzz - crumbs at your FiL . That all sounds a bit creepy! I am sure he will settle down though. But what is with people wanting kids to go into something they didn't do or otherwise follow in their footsteps? My grandfather barely spoke to my father again when my dad decided not to become a doctor. Let people be.

Oh Ray the amount of times I have heard people say "oh so and so isn't getting any younger" and it always sends a shiver up my spine. In fact oldies I know who haven't had children have said that.
33 isn't old but it's not the point really. I just find the amount of time that has passed and seeing the number tick up with no resolution to this problem just makes me feel older than I am. Plus it doesn't help how doctors in the press often go on about age and can't help but read it.

33 isn't old. But we got married in our mid twenties and that was a deliberate choice because we wanted children and imagined that we would have completed our family by the time I was 35. We wanted our parents to and grandparents to be an active part in our children's lives. That seems less and less likely now as people are older, more frail, not so much time left :( there's no point me dwelling on it now, because it's out of my control. It wasn't meant to be for some reason. I feel like life is slipping me by with all this ttc stuff filling my head space. I'm actually looking forward to the point where we give up. But I know we can't do that until we've given it a good go, otherwise I'll torture myself with the what ifs.

ray you could still complete or be well on the way to completing your family by 35. You are still young. We hadn't even started by your age.

buzz your FIL sounds rather full on! And it is usually crazy MILs we hear about on MN.

critter a London meet up sounds fab. Unfortunately I have work stuff on in the evenings Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday next week (although I can possibly get out of Wednesday's event). But Monday/Friday or the weekend would work. :)

I've just realised Monday is the Bank Holiday (I am around then, although not at work!).

I wish I could meet up! I will be so close compared to usual.

Buzz - your FIL sounds quite umm overzealous. I think my husband feels that way about my mother... The only difference is that she never visits.

critter - I wish I could meet up. I understand how having to wait must be so frustrating.

joy - It's hard when people say things that are hurtful and insensitive without knowing.

ray - I'm so sorry about the tough anniversary. You still have time to complete your family by the time you reach 35.

Hugs and tail feathers to everyone. I hope you are all also enjoying nicer spring weather. What a difference it makes to have sunshine and have it last until after 5pm!

Ray completely understand. I also imagined I would have completed my family by 33 but just shows you can't plan for things. I do try to think if it does happen, I will be older and wiser as I have learnt so much about myself in the last 4 years. But still I get the fear. I wouldn't so much if there wasn't that big clock ticking above head. And yes you could easily be having your first at 33.

Sweet - where do you live? I haven't seen the sun in weeks!

joy - Canada . I will be in France for most of May

oops, hit send too fast. The sunlight hours increase from ~8.5 hrs (winter) to ~12 hrs (spring).

Sweet sunlight always makes things better doesn't it. I love Canada - it would be my emigration destination of choice.

Ray and Joy I completely understand that feeling - it's almost like I had to mourn the fact that I lost the first half of my thirties to this and didn't spend it having a family as I expected. But it's hard to let go of that before you know what the future holds. If you knew that it was definitely going to happen and in this timeframe and with these people around and able to join in etc then you can accept that and move on but when you're comparing what your vision was for how things would be, with the fears of 'what ifs' it's even harder. Also I read a saying recently that says 'you're always comparing other people's 'front of house' with your own 'behind the scenes'. As in, our vision of how things should have been is probably a 'front of house' type vision rather than that reality of how things are with all the downsides that goes with everything in life. The only thing we can do is make a plan and move forward a bit. It was Sar that used to say about 'open heart' wasn't it. But also I suppose it's just a reminder of how bloody long it's been going through continual heartbreak! And Joy so sorry to hear of your anniversary, it's a very very very long time, and we're all heroes for just still keeping going.

Buzzy it's good to be reminded of just some of those realities of how have a baby buzz also comes with annoying relatives. Hopefully it's more of an irritant than really bothering you? It's funny from a man too though, I would expect it more from a mil.

Euro glad you managed the work trip ok. I have to say I keep reading about this lawyer who's bagged George Clooney with references to 'the hottest lawyer in London' and I keep thinking surely they mean 2nd! But our Euro is taken sadly for George and a bun in the oven to boot. I think Mad is due next isn't she?

Ten how did the scan go?

So thanks for the comments about the surgery - I was jokingly exaggerating about my mums reaction to the Athens idea, hope that came across! I was all set for the idea, but she's changed my mind and have now been given a date for the septum surgery of next Friday. I'm pleased just to get on with it, and means I can have the w/e to recover so not too much time off work. I had arranged a weekend away with friends and have cancelled it to do this instead. Do you think that's bad? I feel a bit guilty - they've very kindly said of course they don't mind, but I always think am I just being really selfish and would other people cancel plans for something like that?

So that means I'm not around next weekend Critter for a meet up, so sorry, it would have been lovely to meet you for real. I'm not sure I could squeeze in an evening drink up in London either next week, and we're away sun/mon.

And oh Critter, the phantom kicks at night just sound the pits. What a sign of just what a massive trauma you've been through. I'm so glad you've got a doctor you trust and are following his orders carefully. And yey to ripping April off the calendar. You're on the home straight now.

Waves to everyone else, and Pout if you're reading.

cos wow that is quick for the surgery, no its not selfish to want to get on with it, if they are true friends they will understand, I would have cancelled, felt bad about it but you just want to get things going so you can move on in this journey

I love the euro comment and couldn't agree more, too slow George too slow, I didn't think she was much to look at

Yes I too thought MIL would be the problem, he is typical Mediterranean in his thinking so I honestly thought he would be disappointed she was a girl but umm no not at all

Hi everyone

cos What a lovely post. I absolutely love the front of house behind the scenes analogy and I totally agree with your thoughts on time passing - it's crap. We just have to play the (crappy) hand we've been dealt as best we can. When I think about the time that's passed and my age it makes me miserable, as there is nothing I can do about it, so I try not to, but of course it is hard. Amazing, amazing news that the surgery is this Friday and I am really proud of you for cancelling the weekend away - this is the right decision and your friends will understand. Good for you for getting on with it, there's too much waiting around in this game and you've been through enough already. I really hope everything starts to fall into place for you now. It sounds like you're in the best possible hands.

ten hope your scan went well yesterday.

euro yes George missed a trick! You snooze you lose, George.

joy where are you at, I get confused… are you waiting for a letter from the NHS as to when your round would be?

ray did you have to do anything special before your FET round and how long do you have to take the oestradil for before the transfer? You must be nearly at transfer stage. Thinking of you loads and hoping that you've got some good distractions for the next two weeks planned.

Re meet up - I get in on Weds this coming week and leave on the following Thursday (15th) so maybe an after work thing on Monday 12th? Somewhere central? Buzzy you should bring mini bee if you do come, I would love to see her, she is a precious hard won gift and it'd make me happy… if too tricky then we can of course arrange something another time, I'll be back again in late August for my mum's 70th.

I've just got back from a work trip and spent a lot of time chatting with colleagues late into the evening about 'deep' stuff… they all knew about my IVF and so in a weird way they went through the trauma of what happened with me and it made me realise how much they cared about me. We talked about a lot of really personal stuff, like I asked two of them who I know are religious about praying and how they did it and why. I am not super-religious but I have been thinking about God a lot the past few years and it's been helpful to realise that people have been struggling with how to reconcile suffering and the meaning of life for thousands of years. I told them about the awesome Jon Kabat Zinn loving kindness meditation video where you send out love to other people, including the ones who've done you wrong, that we talked about on this board a couple of years ago. But I also saw how much sadness and loneliness a lot of people have in their lives, apart from TTC stuff. Many people are not that happy, but getting on with things the best they can. It made me feel better and less alone. Everyone has their shit to deal with, I suppose. Also, the work trip was somewhere hot and sunny in the US so that was really really nice (famed for a certain Will Smith song of the late 90s…) just to feel some sunshine on my skin and go swimming outdoors before work.

Aw, thank you ladies. I'm not feeling so hot today. I stepped on the scales this morning and have now put on a stone and a half since diffment so I have no overtaken mr euro.... And we are doing a few bits to smarten the house up before putting it on the market soon, so I had to scrabble around for painting clothes this morning (and didn't want to wear the tiny selection of mat wear I have) so I am in holey old leggings and one of mr euro's old work shirts that was on the recycling pile. I'm just taking a little break while mr euro carries on as every time I bend down (which you tend to do quite a bit while painting) and get up again, my head spins and it was getting a bit wearing. Still, we are making good progress and seeing friends later so I will have to get out of the holey leggings at some point!

cos wow for the speedy surgery date. That's great. Don't feel bad about cancelling. If you wanted to prioritise the weekend away that would have been fine, but it is perfectly understandable that you want to get on with the surgery (and what I would have done) and it sounds like your friends understand.

The front of house/behind the scenes thing is so true.

critter that sounds like a lovely trip both for the sun and the lovely colleagues. I think it's right that a lot of people have sadness behind the scenes - wanting to settle down, unhappy relationships, own health, relatives' health, bereavement and so on. Infertility is a bit one because many of us have such a yearning to reproduce, but many of us have something that is sad in our lives.

I think Monday 12th would work for me for a London meet up. I'd love to see BabyBee too. And maybe Ginestas? Gin hasn't been around the thread for a while but I can try to message her through FB or something.

Cos, yes to everything. You have articulated it so well. I love the front of house analogy. I think you're right to go ahead with the op, why wait? Good friends will understand.

Critter, your work mates sound lovely, do you think they can comprehend the enormity of losing James and the effect on you and mr c?

I didn't have to do anything to prepare for the fet. Told to take folic acid and the oestrodil started on day 2. The dose has been increasing, today I have to take 6mg. Scan is on Monday which is day 11, then I'll be told when the transfer will be. I think it depends what my lining is like. I really hope the little ones defrost ok. I have a big fear that there will be nothing to transfer.

Afternoon lovelies,

critter I now have said will smith song running through my head. I do miss swimming in the sea. I do not share your toughness when it comes to swimming in Scotland at all! Perhaps I'll be able to do a meet up when you're back in the summer. I hope so. I'm so pleased that you have supportive colleagues and understand what you mean about everyone having sadness and things they are dealing with. We are often very good at hiding these things from others and appearing to all outward appearances that everything is great.

cos absolutely the right decision to go for surgery as soon as possible. Your friends will understand and now that you know about the septum you'll be thinking about it until you get it sorted.

ten I have everything crossed for a smooth ride for you this time. You so deserve it!

ray the feeling of time passing is awful. 33 is not old but it is all relative. For me 35 was the magic number and the thought of hitting 36 without a child was really distressing for me, since we'd started before I turned 32. I didn't believe it would happen and was preparing myself to give up too but this fet can work for you and euro is proof that they just don't know enough about embryos. I have everything crossed for you.

buzz my FIL has said it doesn't matter but a boy would be good to carry on the family name as there are none left. Slightly irritating that he has voiced a preference but I know he'll fall in love with a granddaughter and forget all about it if that's what happens.

joy sorry about rubbish anniversaries and waiting around for appointments etc. I heard in the radio that we're due a little heat wave next weekend so maybe sun and summer weather (for a few days at least) is right around the corner and just in time for a 10 plusser meet up.

sweet you've earned the sun after the winter you've all had. My family have been threatening to emigrate to Florida with all of the snow.....

fox a big wave to my crafty friend. One quilt almost done and another one to keep me busy over the next few weeks. I always think of you when sewing . I hope you're having a lovely bank holiday weekend.

Afm apologies for being AWOL for a bit. Finished work on Friday which was a huge relief. I am not very good at taking it easy and was still running around and getting up and down from the floor with kids up until Thursday afternoon.... Due date is two weeks from Monday so I think that makes me next. MrM is almost done the painting and I have finished knitting minimad's blanket. Still feels very surreal and we all know that it's not over until the baby is safely delivered so just trying to stay calm and repeat the mantra that chances are everything will be ok.

Hello all. Lovely Euro alerted me to the meet up and I'd love to come along if I can! Depending on timings I may have to being ginster, so please do PM me if this may be an issue. I totally understand that even 10+er babies can cause stabby feelings.

I've been trying to write a catch up post for ages... Will get on with it now. I miss you all!

Bring along even...

mad 2 weeks left eeek time has flown, FIL's just don't seem to think do they, its not your mission to produce an 'heir' to carry on the name, he should have tried harder himself

I agree with gin I can leave BB at home, we are trying to get her into a night routine so will see how we are going but would understand about not wanting to see babies

A meet up on that Monday sounds lovely, I'm going to give a tentative yes, but I might have to see how I feel after the procedure on the Friday - I'm expecting it to be fine but you never know, and if anything I might just feel a bit exhausted - London is an hour for me on the train so doable. Babies too sounds lovely!

Critter interesting about your chat with work colleagues, I'm so glad you have people around you that you can really share with. And so true about everyone having difficulties too.