TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Euro sorry for the extra worry. Good they are keeping an eye on you and checking you out. I'm sure they'd have you back before 8 weeks time if it was a big worry.

Oh Fox - it is a massive deal and I can imagine a lot of people go down this route dragging their heals. It is human nature to have some kind of hope too which must make taking that next step very hard. It is horrible feeling inadequate in the ovary department but then not having a reason why this has happened to you is mentally draining and very unfair. I really believe though once you are pregnant you won't care how you got there. Crying and grieving will let everything out. And keep pestering them for drugs. The NHS can provide these things because they do so in other areas. They just have to pull their finger out.

Critter - James' churchyard sounds idyllic. It must have been very difficult for you. I echo fox and will say you have so much dignity and kindness through the most difficult months of your life. One day in the bit so distant future you will experience pure joy again.

Cos - let us know how today goes. I hope you are given a plan of action. It makes me a bit cross that you will have to pay for septum removal. the NHS should have picked this up.

Euro - wow at 20 weeks. What an achievement. I am sorry there is still some worry there but hopefully in 8 weeks time all will be normal with blood flow, things change so much. Does centime kick yet?

I think I have run London dry of bird treatment. Can't get my prescription anywhere as the manufacturer has no stock left. All the chemists I have been to, have been making such a meal out of the prescription , even though I warn them it is a big prescription: "this can't be right, this means you need 42 boxes. Hey Jude, look at this, the doctor must have made a mistake.". (Queues of people behind me). Got to laugh!!

Euro wow at 20 weeks, yay for a wriggly centime but boo to a worry in the pipeline. Agreed that if they were worried they'd be seeing you sooner. Pointless saying don't worry but hope you're handling it ok.

Joyce shame upon those pharmacists! Thanks for your kind words. I do feel I am treated a little bit second class citizen as an nhs patient at my clinic, it feels a bit of a battle to get things agreed. There was talk on Monday that under my pct I wouldn't be able to have any extra embryos, if we were that lucky, frozen. I was outraged! This has transpired to be untrue, it just isn't paid for by the nhs.

Buzzy, it really helps to have you around to give me a boost. I like having a black cat on my board.

I have just been for my smear, five months late as I couldn't face prodding or discovering there was an issue. Annoyingly I started spotting between leaving home and getting there so I couldn't have it. Am now waiting to see gp to beg for level 1 immunes. Wish me luck!

buzz I'm having all private scans as the FMC are so great, so I will wait the 8 weeks. I'm seeing my midwife tomorrow so I will see what she says about the blood flow thing and whether I need to get a consultant on board.

fox I hope you can get the immunes done.

joy I am starting to feel some movement. There was definite activity during plane turbulence and snorkelling on hols and I can feel something around my right ovary (the scan showed that is where centime's feet are, so I think it is being used as a football...). I was amazed by how much movement there was on screen though compared to the small amount I can feel though. I am a very fidgety person and mr euro muttered during the scan as the sonographer chased a moving target "it's like you at night" .

I have an amusing thrush story. I have only had it about twice ever (only when on the Pill), but once it came when I was living in France. So I looked up the translation and set off to the pharmacy. I think my dictionary lied as the pharmacist had no clue what I was on about and didn't recognise the word. Cue me trying to describe it. The french work for fungus is the same as mushroom so there I am telling the pharmcist I have mushrooms between my legs. There was a load of elderly French people sitting waiting for their prescriptions watching the crazy English girl. The pharmacist still had no clue, so I gave up. Luckily there is no shortage of natural yoghurt in France, so I went down that route and gave up on any sort of canesten equivalent!

Quick post - had the appt. all blood tests came back normal. He recommended having the septum operated on. Not sure why I feel deflated. Not sure it adds up to be the whole story with the prog side of things.

Cos, what did they test for? It's a double bind isn't it, wanting an answer but getting what is actually good news? It could be that the septum op is the answer you know, think of Sar. I can see how the prog is difficult to figure into that equation bit the body works in mysterious ways. Maybe a thicker lining effects the septum for the better but ultimately the septum needs to go?

I am getting most level ones on the nhs but not some of the more high tech ones. So that's something.

Cos I have a pal who has had multiple miscarriages who has a septum in her uterus too. It may be that the progesterone is helping upto a point and then when the embryo tries to grow bigger the septum presents it? So sorry honey. Do you know how soon you could get an appointment for the op?

Prevents not presents - sorry.

cos I can understand feeling deflated. I think the best outcome for long term ttcers is the discovery of a fixable cause. I still feel odd about never having an answer for what the problem was with us (although grateful that IVF overcame it in some unknown way).

Cos - i am also not surprised you are feeling deflated because all you want is answers. but I think the septum could be at the heart especially on a pregnancy continuing side of things. Did he test your progesterone levels ? Does RR still think you aren't a good candidate for ivf now you don't have pcos?

Fox - what a bloody pain about your smear. I know we are very lucky to have the NHS here but I do find it appalling how treatment can be so different from one area to the next.

Euro - hahaha at champignons between your legs. Hilarious! Glad little centime is doing well and sound like it won't be long before you are getting a good kicking.

I spent the whole weekend with my BF's baby. Never held a baby so much. It is strange as I didn't feel a pang of envy yet I can feel envious of people I don't know. I was thankful that I didn't have that responsibility to be honest. BF keeps saying she will be a surrogate for me. She has been saying it for years. Sweet but I think I need a donor rather than a surrogate.

What are we all up to for le weekend?

I got my hair cut and coloured yesterday (the latter for the first time since BFP - the grey was rampant). Today, my parents are coming up to help us with some DIY and then we have a friend coming over. Tomorrow will be a pretty lazy day and on Monday I have the mw coming (she was supposed to come last week but one of her patients went into labour, and I'm off to the US on Tuesday, so Easter Monday it is!).

Hello all - enjoying the beautiful weather here. Lovely little ceremony for James on Thursday with just me, MrC, sister critter and both sets of parents/in laws plus minister. Mrc's dad read a poem and the minister read psalm 139 which was perfect. It talks about not understanding how and why the world happens the way it does and yet also how close God is to us always. The minister said it was written 2500 years ago. Seemed very apt.

Euro I am excited that I get to see your hair next weekend, woo hoo! Hope you're doing ok and that you are coping with the anxiety of the blood flow issue. It's good they are keeping an eye on you.

Joy well done you for managing to hold the baby. Strange how sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's very much not. Any news on your round?

Love to all. Doing ok here, am now more than halfway through the six month waiting period so on the home stretch. Sort of. Beautiful weather and week off work are helping! And we even saw a badger last night - fox I thought of you.

Critter the service sounds really special. I'm glad that time away and sunshine are helping, three months time will be here before you know it. I saw an urban badger near my house once, it was massive!

Joycep I had a baby given to me to hold the other day when I wasn't expecting it and it felt fine, the baby even fell asleep on my lap. Other days this would not have been fine - or maybe I'm just more accepting these days. It did a huge fart on me, woke up and started crying - I was glad to hand it over!

Euro I had a very nice day shopping yesterday and went out for a family meal in new shoes that made me have immense shoe happiness. Today I'm feeling just a teensy bit delicate with a combination of lack of sleep, one drink more than my non drinking body is used to and period pain. So I'm revelling in doing very little, I'm crap at just sitting down and watching tv/reading the papers and it feels very nice. Tomorrow is gardening and a huge cook off with H. I'm telling myself that it is absolutely not ok to go shopping again on Monday but it is one of the things that makes me feel better about ttc. Shame my bank doesn't agree. Am currently looking at recipes for chicken arrabiata. Mm. Might go and lurk on the recipe bit of mn.

I've had a real bad dose of pmt mood lowering and weepy fits, it happens sometimes. I bloody hate periods. They just keep on coming!

oo bunnies. The past two weekends I have posted and tumbleweed has blown around for days. Is there anybody out there? (Hears own echo)

Fox I have indulged in a lot of clothes buying over the past few months too. Nice clothes always make me feel better. Do you have any craft projects you're working on? Maybe for your Pinterest board?

Critter I'm currently ploughing everything into my garden. I'm trying to get it looking cottage garden esque. It is knackering! Have kept seeds from last year and am very pleased that they are growing but get overly attached and sad when they don't. Like when pets eat them

Critter James ceremony sounded beautiful, not long till twibling time, will FET be medicated or natural cycle

euro nought like getting your hair done

cos big hugs

foxy how is your bunny, he wasn't well a while ago, I once had a bunny that ate things in my garden, she was also madly in love with one of my cats and would follow him everywhere and they would sit together in the garden the only time she left my delphinium alone

I have just bought a dress off ebay, not totally convinced i'll fit in it but have weddings and christenings coming up so will have to get some magic pants to help

I have never seen a badger out in the wild, I've been here years

We are off to the out laws tomorrow, thank feck I can drink now

Buzzy I had never seen a live one either, this chap came right up and almost put his paws on the window! We left him some haggis skins last night which he didn't touch .

Magic pants are the greatest, I'm sure you will look beautiful in your eBay dress. I've never bought anything off eBay but am considering selling some dresses on there that I don't wear.

Fox I find a bit of garden digging very therapeutic. You know you started me off on the knitting therapy when I saw the Purl Soho projects you had pinned to your Pinterest page! Never heard of them before. One day I'll have to visit the shop in New York!

Buzz I have no idea about medicated or natural. Am assuming medicated as my cycles will probably still be all crazy. But maybe I should email the reproductive endocrinologist (the rich mahogany waiting room doc) and ask. I don't even know what is involved in an FET. Assuming they just defrost one?!

I've never seen a badger. But then, they are probably fairly scarce in London!

buzz new clothes are always good. I don't really enjoy shopping, but do enjoy having lovely new things. fox I love shoooooooooooos. I have a whole row of smart pairs at work that everyone remarks on when they come into my office.

critter I suspect it would be medicated as your cycles will be hard to predict. Not long to go until you find out though!

James' service sounds lovely.

I'm looking forward to seeing you next weekend too.

AFM, I had a bit of a difficult one yesterday. I was googling about the blood flow issue (I know, I know) and the outcomes vary from it resolving itself to stillbirth, with the most common being an early delivery (very early in some cases). This has shocked me into getting my head out of the sand and deciding that we can (and should) buy stuff when I get back from visiting critter my work trip. But it also made me very teary. We have invested so much in getting this far that I am finding it really hard. I resent the fact that I am not getting the easy ride I feel I deserve after the route I had to get this far. I know others have it much harder than this, but I am still feeling rather sorry for myself. I had a good night's sleep and feel slightly better today.

euro I would ask to see a consultant so you can discuss the matter in more detail, I would also have a scan before the 8 weeks are up, I have to admit it sent alarm bells ringing for me when you mentioned it but didn't want to upset you ALTHOUGH in saying that if they were really concerned I'm sure they would be monitoring you very closely.
If you go to the FMC try not to get Mr Nicolaides as your consultant, I hear he is an ass that most women want to punch but more importantly we are here for you, yes we do all deserve an easy pregnancy after the hell we go through to get upduffed but sadly the universe is a bit warped

The badger talk reminded me of an Aussie mate who was working as a night time security guard, I was also on nights, he sent me a text at 3am to tell me had seen some scary 'black and white beast' that had 'chased him' did I mention he was an Aussie who was not the sharpest skewer on the barbee not been in the UK long, I asked him to take a photo as I was quite excited by this, he refused to go outside again but took a picture from inside for me, he then asked 'are they dangerous' I said 'you come from a country where everything is dangerous' he finished his shift carrying around a broom with him for safety

buzz that's hilarious.

I've heard that about Nicolaides too. He did my bestie's amnio and I recall him being a bit odd. But he's good for that so she was very happy to have him. I think I'll probably just go with an NHS consultant but I'll see what the mw says tomorrow. Having googled yesterday, it seems that most women get the same recommendation I did - to scan again at 28 weeks, with a few getting one in the middle at 24 weeks.

Euro - I resent the fact you have this worry at this point. It's bad enough for anyone but our lovely 10 plussers have been through so much worry and turmoil just to get pregnant, it seems very unfair to have this burden. I agree though that to be told to come back in 8 weeks doesn't sound like there is an urgency so I hope that is a good sign. Definitely get a second opinion. Is this something that can be monitored closely to put your mind at rest?

Critter - your service for James sounded lovely and very fitting. I hope you are having good family time at home.

Fox - sorry to hear about the pmt. it's a bitch. Hope it has calmed down now.

Hope everyone is having a lovely bank hol weekend. We've had a good weekend gardening. Although I was a bit perturbed by Roy's random comment the other day when we were talking royalty, "if I was King I would have sent you to the guillotine by now".....urrrrghh why? Because I haven't bore him a child! What a prick. How to make a woman feel bad.

Euro I'm sorry that you have this headmessery. You are right, if you slog to get to pregnancy there should be an exemption card for any further stresses. I can stand back and see your situation objectively. There is a bit of an issue and it will need monitoring. The most likely and my only imagined version of this story, is that you have your long awaited baby. Other scenarios will be rare, you are being looked after and babies fight and want to be born. I think as long term triers we know too much and how to find all possible outcomes online and where to look. Some of my friends have no clue about baby making and pregnancy really, even though they have babies. An enviable position. This will be ok. And we will hold your hand all the way through it.

Buzzy, my pet is very, very old. He's anti social these days. I still love him though, the grumpy old man.

Critter - purl bee has an actual shop?!! Swoon. I have in my house, the knitted owl, various stripey blankets and a quilted lap blanket. I want to make the baby trousers. If I make a 9-12 month old pair does that cover all bases?

I've been thinking about worry a lot.

Oops too soon pressing. Anyway, of late my worrying is off the scale. I worry whenever people I love are on the motorway, in the sky, if aches are cancer, if my house will get burgled (even when I'm in) if ill lose my job and on and on. On Friday, I lay there at three in the morning stewing over all of the above until it was morning and time to get up. I've always had the tendencies to fret. But the past three years, and a very sudden unexpected bereavement pre ttc have left me always expecting the worst. Not sure how to mend it because in some ways I feel like I'll never be caught off guard again so it's sensible. Does anyone else feel like that?

Cross post joy. Mm Roy that was a bit twatty but no doubt an ill conceived man joke. And it might all be his sperms issue. Poor beheaded women of old! I dreamt last night my fsh was 200. Yuk.