TTC a lot longer than 10 months past and present

[Cosmonaut1]

A thread full of the loveliest people

Oh sea, I'm so sorry to read your news, what a shock that must have been for you, please don't feel embarrassed that you cried. I can't even begin to imagine how long all the waiting for scans must feel. Sending you lots of thoughts and loves. I wish I could make all ten plussers immune to any more bad stuff. Keep talking to us as much as you need x

sea I'm so sorry. What awful news. The same thing happened to my bestie. The remaining baby was completely unaffected, but my bestie mentions the "twin" quite a bit.

critter what a day to go back. Most of my local colleagues didn't make it through the snow today. I hope it all went as well as it could. x

sea I am so sorry to your news, its heartbreaking, big hugs

Oh no sea . I am so sad & sorry to read your update. I will be thinking of you and send you lots of love. X

Oh sea, what a horrible horrible shock especially as everything was fine at the last scan. I am so sorry. And please don't feel embarrassed about crying. No one is tough enough to not cry at such news. I don't know why but very very sadly losing one twin seems to be quite common after ivf. I came across a few at the Argy but they all went on to have a healthy baby. Massive hug.

Is it just me, or do the lovely 10 plussers really go through shit after shit trying to have their first baby? I know we all congregated because we were trying for quite a while but when I look at my friends out there, none of their first or 2nd pregnancies were problematic and all were easy conceptions. We don't seem to be representative of the general population!

Pout - I am so sorry to hear about your horrible cycles. That all sounds very tough. Migraines are awful and you shouldn't be living like that. I find gps hopeless but may be worth a visit? . I remember all your levels were good so it can't be the pm. I wonder what else causes wacky hormones. Wouldn't it be nice if we could go our gps and tell them about crazy cycles and they actually helped or told us what we could d to balance hormones. Stress must be a factor...diet? I am sorry about the meltdown too. I've been feeling like this lately and it's difficult tin undrstand why we aren't moving forward.

Thinking of you today sea - such a huge shock. Big hugs xx

Oh sea, what a horrible news. So sorry for this twin. Fingers crossed for the other one! X

sea just popping in to give you a tight hug. What a horrible horrible shock. I am so so sorry. Sending you lots and lots of love today.

Morning All

Apologies for radio silence, I took a couple of days off work, went racing at Cheltenham and generally enjoyed the sunshine, I havent been anywhere near a computer, it has been great.

Thank you for your mutual outrage. I am still taking buseralin until I bleed to prevent OHSS I guess?? They have ordered me more drugs but I am still unclear on what the next steps are, I will find out at some stage. I have been told the consultant will call me, I am still waiting……

Mad I imagine once you finish work, and especially have a baby the NCT lot will be easier to relate to! Are you open about the ttc? I always wonder whether people will be.

Pout fear of ending up like octomom (hollow laugh) has meant MrT has been no where near me, that and my ovaries were like tennis balls! I hear on on resentment that IVF didn’t work, not this round obvs but the last one it hit me harder than I had imagined. Everyone is allowed a meltdown every so often, especially when it is AF hormone driven, but once af arrives things look brighter again, just remember that (I have to often as I am an angry hater the week before)

Dev I know a few people who have undertaken the anti-candida diet, I have no idea if it works or not, but there seems to be a lot on DrGoogle about it. I was told by a nutritionist that specialises in it that I want allowed to eat mushrooms, dairy or wheat, there was also a much longer list of stuff and suppliments but I cant remember now, happy to have a look to see if I can find it if you like? I hope someone can provide you some answers on the thrush thing. Step away from google, no good will come from googling perimenopause symptoms, everyone could tick at least a few of them (trying to be helpful not patronising!). Are they sure it is not BV? That could be the smell?

Buzz I am not sure that I would tell my NCT group, given I haven’t told anyone in RL I guess that is understandable, but who knows if we are successful my feelings might change and I might tell people, it is just while we are still struggling along that I cant face the inevitable head tilts and gossip.

Ray I had a quick look at the IVF thread, people are just odd, that is all there is to it. Good news that your fet is coming up soon, I would prefer (randomly) to do a medicated cycle, it takes some of the guess work out, that was one of the things that I don’t think went well at create because I had a wonky ovulation date. The defrosting rate is so good nowadays I am sure it will all be fine. The not drinking thing is a tough one, these things never fall at a convenient time. As fox says there have been lots of fet successes on this thread!

Nelly Frustrating that your GP wont prescribe the meds, but good news on the blood tests, at least you can save that £70 quid or whatever they charge you! Brilliant news on the Athen visit!

Sea Yay for being 12 weeks! How are you feeling?

Cos Are your tests more bloods? I am glad to hear you are receiving good treatment, even if you are having to pay for it. This might be the one who really does have all the answers, you really never know, fingers crossed he is.

EuroGod it seems never ending for your poor mum at the moment, I hope that she is ok. I am glad she has seen a good consultant, hopefully she can quickly rule out something bad. Poor her having to wear one of those masks but it has got to be better than feeling like you cant breathe (shudder). Sorry about stabby dates and what might have beens, I cant imagine how sad that must be.

Waves Lemons they said they were trying to get more eggs than create, basically it was an ego thing….

Fox yes if we could react somewhere between you and me we would be perfect IVF patients?! I sympathise with your worries about why it isn’t working, I have never had a sniff of a bfp so I often wonder what if it is me as well but no one has investigated it as we found male factor so early. Also I cant speak for donor eggs but I am also quite detached from the whole IVF process (most of the time) I think often we detach as a coping mechanism (kitchen table psycobable)

Critter I am not sure about the next cycle, like everything they haven’t explained it and I am still waiting for a call, but too busy to follow up. At the moment I am just continuing to stab buseralin until I bleed then will ask about next steps. I hope returning to work wasn’t too hard. I a so glad you had a good trip back home and your family were supportive and lovely.

Sea what horrible news for you. I can only imagine what a shock it must have been. You poor thing. How is Mr Sea. Big squeezy hugs for you.

Ten I'm glad OHSS is being kept at bay. Here's hoping for a rather more same round next time.

Dev I agree it astounds me how often I come on here and read things that leave me open mouthed or even in tears. Critter and James, Euro and her mums troubles, Sea's news, Fox's IVF cycle, your twins MC, Cos's battles, not to mention the barrage of awful test results and general uphill struggles. It's so bloody unfair that Infertility itself isn't enough. Even the good news isn't allowed to run its course. Oh I could wail at the injustice. :(

So got a hotel booked for Athens. Furbabies still an issue but I'm sure something will work itself out. Haven't actually had an email with an appointment time yet but Penny said it was ok!

Better go and do some paid work, too much to do and too little time!

Same should've been sane...

Sea oh no my heart goes out to you, Dev and Muddy are right, this crap never ends, that's so unfair after all you've been through. It's a loss and a bereavement so of course you'll cry, it's better to let it out. Sending you huge hugs for you and Mr S.

Nelly that's exciting news about Athens. Did you manage to get the anti b's in the end? A consultation now before you're there for the main event will be good prep don't you think, so you know what to expect a bit? Can they give you more info about donors while you're there? Am more than happy to help with the fur babies. That is if someone who nervously squeals and drops the food / water / hay when whenever they move or make a noise is of any use to you?!

Fox lovely filling out that form must be very surreal. I love that we have such a happy example of a DE mum in Buzzy - what a happy looking baby she is, gorgeous smiles and so happy Buzzy to read of how good everything is and all about it not mattering except her being yours. I am so looking forward to seeing some of the rest of us follow in your footsteps of glowing happiness. Fox I can completely understand the frustration of not really having an answer. Have you ever had a 3d scan? (See below)

Dev I can't believe that with your massive egg supply that you could be anywhere near peri menopause. I wonder if the feeling hot and songbird are related. Have you been to acu lately, I wonder what a Chinese med person would say? Sounds very liver something maybe? Anxiety is to be expected, you've coped through so much for years. I was thinking to myself the other day if any of us had been told at the start what we would end up going through what our reactions would have been. I definately would have thought I can't possibly cope with that.

Critter you incredible person, I can't believe you're going back to work so soon, how amazing of you. I hope it went ok if you did make it in and you cope with people's kindness / reactions etc ok. I'm sure the next 4 months will go quicker being busy. You've done a third of your waiting time already. Have you managed to do any more knitting for twiblings on plane rides at all? So glad you had a great trip home and restorative holiday.
The doc thought I might have polycystic ovaries because of a history of acne, miscarriages, the fact that the pill I was on which worked so well for me was dianette which is used for polycystic ovaries. But the symptoms vary massively don't they from what I can tell. He didn't really explain why that would cause miscarriages in itself, but I think quoted studies to show that a large proportion of those who do have recurrent mc's have polycystic ovaries therefore worth investigating.

Pout did you know that thinning hair, acne and eratic cycles can be signs of polycystic ovaries? Have you ever been tested for them? I don't think you're peri menopausal either.

Euro fantastic news you've reached another milestone. Are you starting to really enjoy it yet and keep the anxiety at bay?

Ten hope you're ok, keep us posted.

Ray I think detachment if it helps stop too much worrying about the outcome can be helpful. Was there a decision in the end about the number to defreeze? Not long till you start again, and I don't know about you but each time I've started a round I've felt better in one sense just to be doing something. It's the waiting around in this game which is such a nightmare I think.

Afm I had a 3d scan today which I've never had before and told me that I 100% have a septate uterus. It's odd to find that the numerous usual fanjo scans, a hysterospinogram and a laparoscopy didn't find that out. I've always been told before I have a bicornate uterus. The difference as I understand it is that a septum (which is like an upside down triangle coming down from the top of the womb and takes up a sizeable part of the space) is not made up of proper endometrial tissue and therefore embryos can't implant to it, and also that it can often be operated on to remove it. I am still thinking this may not be my only issue but it surely can't be helping.

Waves to anyone I missed.

sea - I am so sorry. Big hugs from me.

Just a quick post from me, I am busy finishing contract work that I neglected last week when I had family visiting.

sea I'm so sorry. This is really awful news, and such a shock after everything had looked ok on the previous scan. Crying sounds like a totally normal reaction, don't feel embarrassed. Big hugs to you and mrsea

cos I know someone who has a heart shaped womb, probably no help for you to know that she's an instaduffer. Did you get to speak to a doctor about the results? It is surprising it's never been picked up before.

nelly Woo hoo to plan Athens going ahead. I quite fancy a weekend away, maybe I could come and babysit furbabies.

I totally agree about the shit luck we have on this thread, far more than is right or fair.

I've had a rubbish day, not helped by demanding relatives who put on me and DH and do nothing to support us in return. I'm fed up of being the person in the family expected to help others out, and for no thanks or appreciation. I can't help thinking that it's something to do with us being childless and therefore everyone thinks we have nothing better to do. Sorry for the rant but I needed to get it off my chest.

Cos - interesting. You know The Serum clinic is a great believer that septums cause all sorts of problems and Penny removes them when they do the hysteos. It is quite scary that the only way to find out about these things Is through a paid for scan. So are they going to remove it or can you request it is removed at least on the nhs? May be worth looking in to Serum....

Ray - sorry about ungrateful family members. That's not what you need right now. Grrr.

Nelly - you are going to be a great source of info on Athens. I think if we can save some money, I will try there at the end of this year. How much is the aquascan and when do you leave?

Ten - can't believe you are still trying to wind down from the round. It has been an utter disgrace. Thanks for the anti candida stuff. I have found a great website and I am on a strong anti candida diet at the mo. Very dull!
Makes life hard when i went to dinner with MiL the other night. I refused crisps and she was shouting "oooh what's wrong with you. " it causes unwanted attention and I just want to scream "I've f'ing got chronic bird issues so leave me alone!!!"

Has anyone been paying attention to this £1000 ivf that Geeta Nargund is bringing to the Uk? Anyone think there is anything in it?

Oh sea I am so sorry about your sad news, I think I must've missed that part of your post earlier. I can't imagine how sad you must be. My thoughts are with you and mr sea

sea I am so so sorry to read your news. Sending you much love and sympathy and well wishes for your other twin.

Just popping in v quickly - haven't had time to read everything - but wanted to say sea I'm so so sorry about the twin. You were v much allowed to cry my dear. You must allow yourself to grieve for the twinnie. You are right about less risks with just the one - I know some terrible stories re twin births/pregnancies, but the horrible thing has already happened to you. Big hugs x

Will try and have a catch up read now... But big luffs to you all. You are all often in my thoughts

Sea – i hope you’re ok??
Critter – are you ok? I hope you are easing back in to work gently and you’re not finding it too difficult.

So update on my ivf appt today. If you recall we know one of the fit fertility docs at the nhs clinic who I’ve been very nervous of bumping in to. Well today it happened. not only that, he was scheduled to run our appt! He was very professional, gave us a hug and told us he had passed us over to someone else. I’ve got to let him know going forward when my scans are so he can make sure he can get a collegue to do it although he did say ”if I would prefer”. Ummmm hell yes!. Would any of you have a friend dildo cam you?! I feel a little embarrassed about it all but he said I would be seeing him a lot and they do have meetings about all the patients so he now knows the ins and outs of our troubles. squirm squirm squirm. Roy told me I better keep myself tidy down there just in case.. .

So my amh has gone from 3 to 12. Clearly I was in the batch of results a few years ago that were faulty. The stress, the tears and the meltdowns I have had over that stupid number over the last 2 years and all along I needn’t have worried. Fsh has gone up in the last 2 years but it’s not that bad. And AFC is 14. So this has put my mind at rest that I’m not peri-M...for now (!). Perhaps I’ve just got hormonal sweats and stresses going on and the cycle readjusting itself after ivf. The thing is though, the consultant was thinking about my history and she said there are just some couples whose embryos are all completely faulty. The only way of telling this is through PGD but that costs several grand to do. The nhs don’t provide it but basically it would tell us whether there was any point in continuing with treatment. They have no idea why some couples only produce faulty embryos, some are very young as well and she can’t be 100% sure that we are one of those couples but the evidence to date points to us being one of them. (I didn’t cry but I started welling up). You see our karotyping and sperm frag are fine. Putting embryos back earlier will make no difference apparently because we are getting to blasto already - although they are poor. Too many drugs doesn’t decrease quality apparently so she doesn't believe it's that. And i don’t appear to have an implantation problem as i’ve been pregnant before. Essentially Roy and me appear fine yet out of 28 eggs collected, 50+ cycles, 3 potential babies from 2 pregnancies – nothing is viable. It does point towards us being one of these unfortunate couples. However, I think we just need to do a couple more cycles to see what happens.

By the sounds of it i probably will have to down reg. She was v v stern with me when I said i wasn’t going to and she said i am to do what i am told {started welling up again). There will be scans and blood tests every other day. They will try half ivf and half icsi. I’ve got a dummy transfer and 3D scan next week (which i asked for after hearing Cos’ story yesterday). And then I have to wait for funding. She seems to think i could be starting in as little as 6 weeks which is extraordinarily quick if that really is true. Now, I just to have work out how this is going to impact with work. I reckon I will have to come clean as I was there for 3 hours today. I can’t imagine telling the managers but the amount of stress in trying to hide this is terrible.

Quite sweet but some guy came in and was telling various receptionists and doctors at the top of his voice that his wife was about to start her 4th round of ivf when she fell pregnant naturally. He told the story to 3 different people. He couldn’t have said louder if he tried!

Good god sorry about the written diarrhea above!

Dev that all sounds extremely positive, apart from the gumpf about your embryos. That's more or less the complete opposite of what Raj was saying to me the other week about embryo quality. Did she quote you any studies on it? Awkward about the guy, so glad he was sweet to you about it. Whatever helps get you to your goal is worth it lovely.

Cos - what did Raj say to you about embryo quality? She didn't quote any studies to me apart from when she rubbished immune treatment

That sounds like great news about the amh and follicle count dev. I'm a bit sceptical about all embryos being rubbish, why would that be? Do you think hey say that as a get out clause. Also, I wish all the fertility doctors in the world would get together and agree a consistent message because mine told me more drugs and longer stimming does reduce egg quality. 6 weeks is no time to wait.

Just to add, don't fear down regging. It was fine for me apart from one evening where I had the rage but I was fine the next day.

Ray couldn't agree more as to wish they would get together and agree!! Dev Raj said that the most they can tell during Ivf is whether there are embryos still doing something or not, that the grading systems of quality do not correlate with outcomes according to the studies so far. I asked more or less if all our embryos were duff and should we test for that and he said that there was no point (though he may have meant karotyping) as if there was an issue it wouldn't show up in every embryo so even knowing doesnt really help. He did also say that Ivf does not improve embryo quality and actually it's linked with slightly higher rates of miscarriage, and he said that the studies so far have concluded that the immune stuff is rubbish. If you get that lady again I would ask where she's got that info from. It's all so confusing, and none of them know it all do they. Have you had downregging or icsi before, I can't recall?