Come one, Come All! Join the BESH on the Carousel of Cuntishness! Prize for spinning off the side is of course your very own BAYBEE! Pay your fare, pick a horse and hold on tight!

[MissHobart]

Which horse did you choose? Hope it's a good one as it might be a bumpy ride!

Are you BESH enough? Dig out the infamous BESHtionnaire and proffer your soul for judgement! No tweeness or baby dust allowed, If you're easily offended fuck off!

Popping in to offer a toe hold for hest I also second the FRER for early accuracy, but at this stage any stick should do the trick.

When I got the BFP(s) for Faithlet, I got fuzzy BFP on an IC but the FRER was nice and clear and reassuring.

Thinking of you this morning darling Hest. Don't feel you have to post if you don't want to.

Thinking of you Hest

Popping in to give a hand hold (or whatever else is free)

Thinking of you Hest.

Me too, Hest

Me too Hest. I'm here too.

Thanks for the support and good wishes but it's negative. Of course it was. I don't know why I dared entertain any other thought. It ain't gonna happen.

I don't know why I did, but I've always known that. Really early on I remember sitting up about 2am and posting "I'll never get pregnant, I know it." And I havent.

This is the end of it for me. I'm out on the end of the country and don't have thousands to spend on it. It could be something immune based, I don't know. But I can't find out either without loads of upheaval, travel and expense. And I just don't have any reserves left.

Oh hest, I'm so so bloody sorry :(

Hest, I am incredibly sorry. I wanted it for you as much as I had wanted it for myself.

Oh hest it's so fucking unfair. I'm so, so sorry.

Oh, Hest, I'm really sorry.

And I'm feeling really angry.

I'm so sorry Hest. It is so very very unfair. I can't explain how much I wanted this for you both and it is fucking shit it hasn't worked for you.

I'm so sorry, Hest :-(. You deserve it so, so much.

Unfortunately people who don't deserve kids have them all the time. There's no deserve about it. People who don't tuck them up, or read them stories or go to parent's evenings. They get children. And they don't even love them.

Hester this is so fucking unfair. I am so sorry that this hasn't worked for you. Especially as you feel you have reached the end of the road. These past years we have been encouraging each other along with the no besh left behind motto and I am so angry with the universe that you of all people are the one that it hasn't happened for.

You be kind to yourself down there, and remember the ESH are still here for you even if you do decide that you are done with trying.

Thanks Kat. But I think we should stop saying no BESH left behind. Some are, like me and Rasp and there are others I'm sure.

Sorry. That sounded awfully bitter and self pitying. I could keep trying, if I were willing to take out loans and stuff. But I don't think any clinic in Cornwall or Devon can fix me. And I can't go home to Wales any more, and going up and down to London isn't possible. I hear of people spending £30-40,000. How is that possible? Why are these treatments so expensive? Infertile people on low-normal incomes have to just suck it up.

Hest. So sorry. There's no reason to all the shit you're having to put up with.

Now is the time to rest (really- even with all the work that needs doing and the house move) and recuperate. You've had so much thrown at you- you must be physically and mentally exhausted.

X

Sadly I think you are right. I wish it didn't have to be that way. I wish there was some magic answer but as you say, not everyone has thousands of pounds to spend on it. I hope that once you have had time to get past this, life will be full of wonderful happy things for you.

Hest I am so utterly heartbroken for you. I'm so very very sorry. Please do whatever you feel is best for you now but I'd like to think that after being through so much together we (the BESH) can always stay in touch and be friends.

Look after yourself my darling.