Come one, Come All! Join the BESH on the Carousel of Cuntishness! Prize for spinning off the side is of course your very own BAYBEE! Pay your fare, pick a horse and hold on tight!

[MissHobart]

Which horse did you choose? Hope it's a good one as it might be a bumpy ride!

Are you BESH enough? Dig out the infamous BESHtionnaire and proffer your soul for judgement! No tweeness or baby dust allowed, If you're easily offended fuck off!

dishy I'm so sorry. What a shitty awful day you've had. Like the others I hope you are retreating and regrouping. Will be here to hold fingers/ toes for as long as you need.

Thanks hags, hugging back.

I really don't want to go through the physical side of miscarriage again. It was horrible last time, the worst pain I've ever had. It ended with me in hospital on a drip, minus two pints of blood.

I know I'll manage it better now I know what to expect, but just the thought of the stuff that's going to end up coming out of me is making me feel sick.

I wish it was all over now so I could have a giant glass of wine.

I've started reading about the causes of recurrent MC and don't have any of the problems that seem to be implicated. The only thing I can think of is APL. That or we've just proven the rule that flipping four tails in a row is just as likely as four heads.

Feck dishes, what a day. Gutted for you, I hope you get some answers soon other than consultant platitudes. A hard road ahead but we're all hear to throw fishy treats and twat cushions at a moments notice.

I've had a frustrating day today in all. Everything I touch at the moment appears to be going swimmingly right up until the point where it fucks up big stylee just before completion. And my menopause specialist clinic apt has come through and I can't make it because I'm away for work and the next they can offer is the back end of July. For crying out loud. I could be well diffed by then. Or more likely have run out of non irritated skin on which to stick my frigging HRT patches. Grump.

Oh Dish how utterly horrible for you . Get under that duvet of Bugs' and stay there until you feel ready to come out again. Life can be truly shit sometimes and proves to me that there's no such thing as karma - bad things just happen to anyone regardless of whether we deserve them or not. It just isn't fair. Two weeks really does feel like forever when you are living on tenterhooks like that. I would definitely try for another scan in a week and if it is as you expect I would try for an erpc so you can avoid the trauma of a full miscarriage at least.

Oh for fuck's sake. How utterly crap for you Dishy. I'm so sorry the scan didn't give better news and that you've got a bad feeling about this one. Maybe you'll be proved wrong??...hope so.

In my world I've had a nice 35th birthday but ended night with awful news from the in-laws. Big C. In shock.

Morning Hags

Woke up at the crack o this morning so have been sanding down badly painted skirting like a trooper before breakfast even!

Fankle, happy birthday for yesterday but fuck that's horrid news to get at the end - how are you doing? Do you want to share anymore info or bury your head in the sand a bit?

Chezza, remind me again what the deal is with you and the evil HRT patches is? What's the plan to get your baybee?

Bucket of fish please, 10 DPO is way too early for symptoms yes?! My mouth tastes like pennies Never had this before but I'm assuming it's actually my tropical squash that tastes funny

EPU will not bring my appointment forward because their clinic times mean it would have to be a week after the last scan. I would have settled for a week and a half, but they don't do thursdays or fridays. Apparently a scan in a week's time would not be useful because it 'might not have grown by then'.

Well, stop me if I'm wrong here, but if it's still at the six weeks stage when I am nine weeks pregnant, I think we can safely infer from that that it's not working. It's not going to be six weeks' size at the next scan and then magically fucking catch up by two weeks' time.

This is all massively helpful as MrC is on jury duty from the 31st and won't be able to come with me to the scan they're refusing to change. I mean, he could if they did scans in the afternoon, but, you know, they only do mornings.

So I am going to have to wait two weeks and go on my own. Fucking brilliant.

Thanks for the gin, fankle. I'm putting it on the shelf marked 'when we can all just stop fannying about, and I can have a proper drink'.

I'm sorry you got bad news. That must be a huge shock

What's an ERPC involve? Anyone had one and can report on experience?

oooo . . .

Thanks Dishes, as you know this whole process is so fucking annoying, having to wait and wait and wait and then not knowing what's going on. I can't get my hopes up, but can't ignore the possibility either, not sure if I dare poas tomorrow or not, wait till next week, not sure I can! Mind is fucked!

I'm sorry you'll be having your scan alone, is there not a friend who can go with you? Sometimes it seems the whole system is working against us

I know, bugs. I worked it all out on the calendar, and for me to be wrong and the scan dates to be right, I would need to have conceived (conceived, mark you, not implanted) one day before I got a positive test result. But no-one is bloody listening. I don't have irregular cycles, I'm not scatty, I have OCD levels of organisational skills and I have been monitoring my fertility for over a year. But everyone I speak to assumes I've got my dates wrong. They are all 'super nicey nice', and I just feel like screaming at them.

The worst thing is the effect it's had on MrC. He says he finds it hard 'not to believe' a doctor, and I really sympathise with him. He still wants to hope, even though I've run him through all the dates and explained how it can't be possible. It hurts me that they've created this hope in him and it's just prolonging his pain. Also that I am alone in the middle of all this fluffy-nice-'positive result' bollocks, stomping around like BESHzilla shouting 'NO IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK!' while everyone else looks at me like I'm mental.

I don't have any close friends or family locally missH, unfortunately. I'll be OK on my own. TBH I wouldn't want to be with anyone other than MrC, and none of my friends have been through this so I'd probably spend more time helping them deal with it than vica versa.

bugs, if you don't mind me asking, did you MC 'naturally' the second time? I'm wondering if they're always the same, and whether this one will necessarily be as unpleasant as the last.

PS I will wait until 12DPO to start punching you in the kidneys, missH. It's so so tempting but you know the score - if you get a neg tomorrow you won't believe it anyway

I'm in the southwest. Think The Archers and you're not far off

I could go back to the GP. But he'd only ring the EPU and they'd tell him the same thing they told me, that it wouldn't prove anything to scan me in a week. I know what you're saying, and if I had more vim I might go for it. But at the moment I just think 'Fine, fuck you.' I'm too tired and drained to wrangle, though I may change my mind. I'll have to chat to MrC.

They found a haemorrhage on my uterus wall and I was told to 'expect some bleeding', so even that won't get me an immediate scan if/when it happens.

Dishy, I am so sorry you are going through this again. At least I didn't get the bollox about wrong dates as my mc was from an ivf cycle. Nonetheless, the wait for the second scan was worse than the mc itself.

My mc was delayed but natural. The embryo had stopped developing before 6 weeks. I mc'd at 8 weeks. It was horrible but given my fear of hospitals I really didn't want an erpc. I had one day when I was in a lot of pain ( and passed the sac the next morning) and about 2 weeks of bleeding in total.

euro, I'm not sure I want anything invasive either, but there's the plus side that you know when it's going to happen.

I think if given the option I will probably choose misoprostol tabs and see how it goes. I have the heavy-duty ibuprofen and codeine they gave me to take away last time, so I'll feel a little safer about the pain.

As far as I understand it, misoprostol makes the cervix soften and dilate, and the reason I had such awful pain last time was that my cervix didn't open, and the 'products' (lovely phrase) got jammed there.

I don't know, though. I veer between thinking 'I don't want someone poking metal things into my cervix' and 'at least it would be over in 24 hours'

Aaaaaargggghhhh why does the medical community insist on treating everyone like imbeciles - do they not realise that when you've been ttc'ing for such a long time (let alone when you've done ivf too) that you really do know you're stuff? Poor you Dish

I had an erpc (after a mmc at 8w - I had to have 3 scans and 2.5 weeks before they would do it mind) and it was fine. It was no more painful than you would expect after something like that - a couple of days of duvet and mindless telly and my body was mostly back to normal thankfully. I haven't heard great things abut the medically managed miscarriage pills though. Dr Google seemed to supply worse stories about that one when I was looking.

dishy I'm so cross on your behalf. The waiting is ghastly. I've never had an erpc - my mmc was natural and the other two were ectopic, so a different situation.

I'm joining you, cherry and fankle in the bad news corner. Scan today showed really poor response to the HRT - lining isn't even 4mm. Reader, I cried. It was better on the fresh cycle at 5.8 (now I wish I'd gone ahead) and even on my cancelled natural cycle at 5.4. Can't believe it's got worse, not better! They have upped my dose and I'll be adding in patches from tomorrow but no-one's holding out much hope. I don't think there is a single part of my child bearing anatomy that isn't fucked up.

The BESH deserve a fucking break.

Fucks sake Fizz why why why universe? I shall reiterate my comment on karma being bollocks - sometimes life is just bloody unfair and Euro is right. The BESH need a break from the shit.

I can't believe what you're in the middle of just now cletter and being treated like an idiot too. Massive amounts of gin and some cockles of coping coming your way. Such a shit position to be in, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and be so strong through it all.

Fiz arggh on the lining front, gutted for you mate. Hoping like mad that the extra HRT does the trick. When's the next scan?

I couldn't agree more.

Fab and Dishy- thanks. Feel like burying head in sand until we get all the facts at the weekend. My FIL is the loveliest man, he's also big and strong, healthy and active. It doesn't make sense. And it's a bad cancer so prognosis prob not great. My poor husband. I feel so bad for him

Bollox to karma, I'm with you Fab. Shit just happens, it's up to us to ensure we don't let it define us.

Absolutely. I've just been chatting to a friend who's ex best her up so she got him arrested for assault. He then was in a car crash (drunk) and in a coma but came out of it in time to go to court and didn't go to prison. Lost his license and still drives around eithout getting court. He's also managed to pass his scum genes on to his two sons by her easy peasy. Karma you suck!!

Cherry my get up and go went later and I had to have a nap!

Cross posts I think Cherry. I'm so sorry for your loss- Jesus, your twin sister...there really are no words. I have never experienced the big C diagnosis for anyone close to me before. It's fecking scary. It's just unlucky for my FIL too- some genetic mutation (which he checked isn't hereditary). Lung cancer. Two words you don't ever want to hear.

Along with missed miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and unexplained infertility. Let's have have a good old fucking moan about our two least favourites words!