All that she wants is A baby! The Berries searching for the 'sign' but never symptom spotting (honest), possibly using a vagina jack and trying to get a FUFC before boarding the IVF train (thread 18)

[Bunnygirlie]

The smallprint –
Berries have a strict entrance criteria (TTC #1, over 30, TTC for 12+months, NO instadiffers, must have a special pot and def no mention of baby dust or baby dancing UGH !!! Ooooh aren’t we strict!

Hello everybody I'm currently in the spare room escaping dear husband's snores! I know I've been a bit missing in action recently. Well we had a great w/e in Manchester, scrummy food, far too much booze ( yummy cocktails) and mooching round shops and more food!! Went to see jack Whitehall- v funny!! The christening was on the Sunday and very nice. I was v good as one of my friend's friends was there, who I haven't seen since the last christening and was just getting married then...well, you can guess it can't you.....yup up the duff! Do you know it didn't really bother me. As someone's dh wisely said other people's pg doesn't affect your chances of getting pg and there will always be people around us getting pg, we just need to find a way of dealing with it better. I sound brave there, wasn't so good when girl at work was getting engaged and I had af. I was just that'll be another who will announce their pg, along with the other one with second child and cried!!

Tbh I've been struggling a bit recently. Feel like everything is too much. I feel stressed, ineffectual and anxious at work. I'm a teacher so all the stress of that plus I have management responsibilities which I just feel I'm not doing very well at. I feel like someone is going to find me out for not really knowing what I'm doing. Also I can't seem to centre myself on what needs doing and everything, both at home and work all seems horribly disorganised and I feel really down on myself. I keep having to have little mental chats to myself to tell myself you're not that bad. I'm shitty now and think what am I going to be like on the dr drugs, which apparently make you feel less cheerful, irritable, forgetful and all those other menopausal side effects!!

I'm fully aware I sound like one of those self pitying, whining statuses on Facebook by attention seekers wanting likes! Gah!! Need to get a grip!

Ivf drug delivery is proving to be a nightmare, they were going to deliver it on weds to dh work but it didn't turn up! Chased them up and now trying again for next week, they've said they need to be refrigerated and kept cold on journey home too. Was thinking of giving dh cool bag with ice packs in it.what did other Ivf berries do, boodle?

Hi Beardy, glad you had a good time and sorry you're feeling down, maybe it's a pre-IVF thing because I also can't cheer myself up, early morning wakening and then too tired to do anything when I get home from work. I think the fear of not being good enough at work is normal, I get that too, perhaps more so at the moment because I'm obviously thinking about the IVF a lot and trying to work out the logistics of taking time off. I have a rubbish week coming up with 4 24 hr on calls because I've had to swap on calls from the IVF period.
Re: the drugs, I had mine delivered last time, not heard from them yet this time so need to chase that on Monday. The only fridge items are the trigger shot and gonal f if you are on that. A cool bag with a freeze pack/frozen bottle of water would be fine.
Better get up for work now, just working until 2pm, anniversary dinner tonight

barking this early morning waking seems to be catching! Have to keep still and be quiet, otherwise the dog will realise I'm awake and start asking to be let out.

feather it is impossible that I'm pg. Had hsg on cd 20 and didn't dtd once before that, as instructed. Usually ovulate between cd 13-15 so no chance!

bushy I'd like to give you a great big bear hug. Don't be too hard on yourself. I have the utmost respect for those who teach - there's nowhere to hide on an off day. I felt a lot like you describe in my last job, I had a really bullying boss and got into a really negative spiral of thinking I was utterly useless. My experience, on reflection, is that the people who really beat themselves up aren't the ones who are actually ineffectual, they are the ones with impossibly high standards for themselves!! What do you think would help you to feel less stressed? Certainly don't worry about letting all out in berry HQ!

Sorry that you're both feeling a bit rubbish Bushy and Lady. As Barking said, I'm sure your work is actually great and that you have really high standards for yourself. I think there's also some pre IVF jitters in there too. Given that it's your first time Bushy it's hard to know what to expect, all I can say us take each day as it comes and make sure DH gets involved, even if it's just setting his watch so you take your meds on time.

You've been through this before Lady but know how hard it is not to get the right result, so guess those feelings are still lurking there.

You'll both be fine and we'll be here to hold your hand every step of the way.

For me, I'm just going to try and forget all this TTC for a few months until I have the op and try and get some nice things booked up. Currently looking at a cycling holiday in Corsica for the beginning of June.

Finally slept quite well last night must have had about 8 hours which is a small miracle! I'm trying to take a conscious step of not checking Facebook and the Berries just before bed which may have helped.

Have a nice weekend. I have an early birthday lunch today.

Thanks for crediting me with that intelligent comment gillster and well done for reading my mind (I did actually think the same thing!) but I think it was tiger that replied!

I managed to sleep until gone 6 this morning!

I've had a very up and down week ttc wise. Very down and confused at the beginning of the week, then the fc on Weds and the acupuncturist yesterday seem to have calmed me down a bit. I still sent off my catching rainbows questionnaire though as I'd already paid and written 5 pages!! Hopefully I'll get some good advice.

I'll check in later when I'm on the laptop rather than trying to go forwards and backwards ob my phone. Off to buy a new back door!

Bushy, I collected my IVF drugs from the clinic and they didn't say I'd need a cool bag; I just had to put them in the as fridge when I got home. It was about a 40 minute drive.

As for feeling work stress, I can't offer advice but I can say I feel exactly the same way! I have management responsibilities too and I just don't feel like I'm really getting them done. I'm behind on my marking and I can't see an easy way too catch up. Loads of homework day waiting to be checked too...only a matter of time before the parents start gunning for me!!!

Hi everyone, hope everyone's having a nice weekend.

Boodle, great news re the blasts! Not too much longer to wait for et too!

Bushy and Lady, sorry you're feeling down. Bushy, try channeling a man, they never doubt themselves! Or if they do they just fake extra confidence But really it's v.difficult when you have so much on and then ttc takes up so much time too. I find that making a plan helps me feel more organised. I used to know someone who prioritised their work into a categories, red hot, white hot and negligence hot...!

Am at hairdressers at the moment (channelling Jennifer Anniston -yeah right-!) but will check in properly when home later.

Help me stay sane, berries . I'm 9DPO and POAS yesterday and today came BFN. And yet...yesterday I couldn't it my starter at the restaurant we were having dinner (squid) because somehow it tasted/smelled of anti-freezer liquid. Today I've been peeling some turnips and my hands now smell of cheese! . I think a BFP is becoming very unlikely this cycle, and yet I'm driving myself crazy.

Plus I'm supposed to do the CD2 blood test on the next cycle and I just found out I'm going to be abroad for work

because 9dpo is very early so if you are pregnant it wouldn't show up yet. Hang in there for a few more days and retest. I have everything crossed for you!

Thanks all, feeling better now that I'm home from work and for once DH has done the jobs I asked him to.
Because, as Feather says, 9DPO is still very early and hopefully it will be a BFP, but I've had the funny smell/strange taste symptoms before and it came to nothing. If it helps, the CD2 tests can be done on days 2-4.
I hope everyone's having a lovely, sunny weekend and soaking up the supposedly fertility-boosting vitamin D!

feather how spooky! We might have walked past each other!

I hope everyone's having a good weekend. Sorry to read we have some glumberries. Work stress is the last thing any of us need, but it can be so hard to avoid. Honestly, the number of times I've been dumped with a problem from one of my team and just wanted to say "so what, this is totally unimportant, I had a miscarriage so none of this matters whatsoever now just go away." Luckily I haven't, but there's always time...

So, I ventured back on FB today for first time in about 3 months. Deleted pretty much anyone who isn't a good friend/family. I'm probably still not going to use it much as frankly I'm bored of it anyway, but glad I had a good purge! (And made one addition )

winoh yes let's mental together please. So far I have literally nothing to mental over apart from being tired all day long last couple of days, but that's probably nothing!

Right, more DIY tidying to do. Toodles!

Parsley does that mean you've joined the group?

lady thank you so much for your reply. I think I scare myself with how negative I get sometimes. The good thing is that it does pass but sometimes I feel at the mercy of my moods! I do think I'm more prone to it since coming off pill and since ttc!! I think you're right too about the fear of being shit at work being normal. Just having someone else say that makes me feel better. You sound very dedicated moving all your shifts, big respect to you for your busy week coming up. Just remember you'll get through this and it will all pass quickly.Are you a doctor with you on calls? It is stressful trying trying to organise the time off work, it makes you feel bad especially when you do a job where you know you need cover. But, you know what, maybe we need to think about ourselves a bit more. After all,there are always people taking the p with loads of time off sick etc. have a lovely anniversary meal tonight.

tigerdog thank you too for the bear hug, made me really smile this morning!! Feeling much better today, I'm just really hard on myself sometimes, need to think I'm a grown woman of, eek-35, and it's about time I knew what I was about! I think having more self belief, maybe relaxing about things more,organising myself and being more efficient at work will help me feel les stressed.

gillster very sound advice re getting dh on board. He's been really good actually and had already put reminders in his phone for the drug delivery that never came. Taking time off ttc and booking in nice things sounds lovely. Get you with your Corsican cycling! I slept pretty well last night, know what you mean about avoiding late night tech time. Hope you had a fab birthday lunch!

boodle glad it's not just me with the school work gahhhh!! Think with the marking maybe get in bit earlier or stay bit later and just go for it to catch up. Then when you're up to date maybe try marking some in lessons by carrying pen/marking pack with you, maybe get TA (if you have one) to mark her groups work. Try to get a group done in break time, part of lunch, could they work quietly while you mark a couple? Does it all need proper marking? If not, how about flick and tick just to get you sorted. You could always take books home but I always find this never works for me as I end up taking the whole set back with me the next day!! I only reserve that for desperate times! Not sure what stage you teach so if that all sounds boswellox then ignore me!!

beaky or should I say Jennifer love the channelling a man theory, you're so right, my dh never falls prey to the sort of self doubt I do.

because I'd echo what others have said re it being too early. I'm firmly in the camp that you should wait till af is late before testing as I think it just leads to disappointment. I've never even done a pg test Also I've had the weird tastes, smells before and read into it and got excited. I think our senses towards these things are more heightened because ttc is often in the forefront of our minds.

barking you're always up so early! Glad you had a good sleep and hope you had success with the door! Keep up the calmness re ttc.

Well there I go, think I've replied to everyone! Woo hoo!! You can tell I've learnt to use the asterix feature!!

I rarely do marking in school, Bushy! I'm often there pretty late too, but 3 nights are written off with management or staff meetings or clubs. Not a chance of getting anything done on a lunch time either as the children are around in the classrooms - no peace and quiet! Would also get lynched if we were caught marking in lessons! I do a lot of 'self-marking' in maths but it's the other stuff that gets on top of me - writing particularly, which they just can't do a good self-assessment on. Anyway, generally I cope, but it's just at the moment I've not been doing it due to the IVF business and I've just fallen behind a bit. Problem is, there's no let up to catch up!

Anyway, I'll just have to muddle through and perhaps write off a few of the unmarked homeworks which I've now had for about 3 weeks

Yes, I'm an anaesthetist. I'm going to take the sick note this time, they offered it last time but I said no and tried to take minimal time off. Obviously, there were a few days I needed to take and when I emailed HR to find out what kind of leave I needed to book it as I got the reply that, "IVF leave is not sick leave." This time, fuck 'em. (But don't want to leave colleagues in the lurch, hence swapping the on calls).

boodle good luck today! Let us know how it goes, very excited on your behalf!!

Are any of you hay fever sufferers? I am in absolute misery over here (birch pollen I think?). Ordinarily I'd pop a piriteze and have done with it but it's 2ww. I've tried Prevalin, which claims to be pg friendly but it's nowhere near as effective as good old drugs!! Anyone got any tips?

For all the newer berries, I've dug up the last list, although I think it needs updating and we've got a few berries missing! Please add yourselves on Boodle I couldn't stop myself updating yours for you - egg transfer today!!

Kuma - 39, TTC 15 cycles, high FSH, low AMH, low ovarian reserve, approved for 1 NHS natural cycle IVF, first appointment beginning of April.
Winohhh, 37, ttc since march 2013, high fsh, low amh, mmc feb 2014, waiting for my cycle to return before trying again.
Beaky, 34 ttc #1 since august 12. So far tests are normal but scans and HSG lined up in next few weeks (eek).
Feather, 35 (sob), ttc since September 12. One fallopian tube, six rounds of clomid = ectopic in November 13. Waiting for next af to book hsg and work out next steps.
barkingtreefrog 34, ttc since Jan 2012. 8 day LP. Clomid bfp ended in mc Sept 2013, cycles AWOL for 4 months afterwards, now back but not settled yet. Referred to Assisted Conception Unit for stimulated IUI, awaiting letter that should give us an appointment within 18 weeks, which means mid July at the latest...
Tigerdog, 33, ttc since January 2013. Hsg booked for 6 March so having to take current cycle off ttc. All tests normal so far.
Gillster, 39 (just), just had one round of short protocol IVF. Currently have 6 one cell embies sitting in the freezer whilst I await a polyp removal in 2-3 months. Have appointment with FC on 2 April to discuss how the frozen cycles are going to work.
Funky, 31 (for a few more weeks). TTC since Nov 2012. MC July 2013 and Dec 2013. Thrombophilia (apparently). DH lowish morphology.
Parsley, 32, ttc since Mar 2012. MMC Nov 2013. Me and MrP both 'normal'
bluebirdy 30, TTC 2.5 years in all, starting IVF (ICSI) in May/June, deludingly hoping for a FUFC before then!
Happylass 36, cycle 15, awaiting next appointment at FC to hopefully formulate some type of action plan.
BecauseISaidS0 40, TTC since May 2013, high FSH, March appointment with endocrinologist, weekly acupuncture.
Boodle, 31, TTC for 32...33 cycles? Got pissed off when it passed my age. 1st IVF attempt, egg transfer today!

Morning all and good luck for today to the lovely Boodle. Keepng everything crossed for you!
Another teacher here who's feeling the strain of a massive workload. I've kind of accepted that I can only do so much - there's only a certain amount of hours in the day after all. Plus I think it's the kind of job where we'll never, ever feel like we're doing enough - there's always something to add to the to do list. But I do worry that the stress/hectic lifestyle is hampering the TTC. That's partly why we've decided to wait until the start of September to give the private IVF a shot. Figure I'll be far more relaxed after 6 weeks off work and a lovely 10 days in Greece than I will when exam/report/wedding planning season is in full swing.
Hope everyone else is well and having a good weekend. A quiet one for me as DP is away on his stag. He'll be back later just in time for a delayed start to shag week as I'm expecting to OV in the next day or two though my temps are literally all over the place.
Have a good Sunday all.

parsley I can sympathise although it's early in the year for me. Hayfever is miserable. They used to give me the steroid injections but then they decided it wasn't policy anymore . Not that I would have been able to take them in the last 2 years while ttc anyway.

boodle I hear you on the marking. And the work getting out of control. I feel guilty as I'm only in the classroom 2 days a week and I feel like my job share pulls more than her share, but I don't think she'd actually say anything to my face if she felt I was taking the piss so I then worry about whether she does think I'm not pulling my weight or not... We got a 'book scrutiny' feedback recently and it was pointed out that my job share teacher had done some 'excellent marking and feedback' but there needed to be consistency across both teachers. I was really wound up about that as it didn't tell me what I had actually done wrong (apparently I needed to refer to the marking policy but I don't know where I hadn't followed it) and also there wasn't much of my marking in there anyway as my job share does the end of the week and therefore gets more of the big literacy marking whilst I tend to be teaching the planning and note taking phase so not so much in books, but where before that would have got me running to them to find out what the problem was and how I could improve, I just shrugged my shoulders and thought 'fck it, other things to deal with'. So Parsley* I get that as well. When parents come in with stupid little strops about nothing, or the head has a go because I haven't handed in a print out of the latest assessment sheet and she 'needed it' (even though it was done and saved on the shared network and she could do it herself or get someone in the office to do it) I feel like turning round and telling them that when you're totally obsessed with the question of whether you will ever have a child, and you're trying to cope with the approaching due date of the baby you will never have, there are some things in life that really don't matter!!!

And on that note, I need to go and plan three lessons on science poetry as it's Science week. .

xpost while I was having my rant happy. DH did point out to me recently that we got pg last year when I'd had a few weeks off school (middle of summer holidays). As much as the 'just relax' things winds me up to distraction, I don't think the school stress helps. Maybe I'll get a honeymoon bfp in April... Not sure two weeks off would be enough though, not when you know you're coming back to end of year assessments, lesson observations, performance management, reports, residentials, etc....

I do not envy you teacher berries, it sounds like such a hard, full on job. The just relax thing really annoys me too, but I do think there's something in excessive levels of stress causing problems. I dunno about you guys but I get pains in my chest and (weirdly) an itchy armpit (just the one!) when I'm super stressed. I think anything that causes physical symptoms can def cause a problem. Fx for lots of summer hol bfps for the teachers (if not before, obv!).

Boodle, good luck for ET today

Channeling Jennifer wasn't quite achieved yesterday but I still like my new hair

Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday.

All done. 2 on board as they were, quite frankly, crap quality. not feeling optimistic.

Please forgive me if I go a bit AWOL; my default coping strategy is denial.

I'll quote this back to you when you come back from your scan having seen two little heartbeats .
Good luck with the longest 2ww of your life, see you on the other side if you need to bury your head in the sand if not before .

Keeping everything crossed for you boodle, I hope this next two weeks goes super quick for you.

Boodle you are PUPO! Hoping the couple of weeks wait is uneventful and goes as quick as possible. Have you got any good distractions planned?