Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Jass I tried one month of ac and vit B in December and had the perfect cycle and af. I then moved in January and forgot to take them everyday, so stopped and decided to carry on with my next cycle.... Im still waiting ! I have had ovulation pains all month it seems too. I have done numerous tests all BFN, so I will take your advice and just start them again and see what happens. Thank you! I,m not sure how to post a link to my chart on ff.

Hello ladies I am sorry I haven't been here for a long time...
First of all many many hugs congratulations to Morien and her baby!! Congratulations also to jbrd for this new pregnancy.. I hope you will gave the money back so you can do the harmony...I've not been here because this pregnancy is becoming really hard.. I am now 29 weeks+4 ..The MRI confirmed hypoplasy of cc and enlarged liquor spaces in the brain as last time.. Hence drs assume it's an hereditary condition..they reviewed all the problems of last time baby and reported some additional problems she had I didn't know concerning brain liver and uterus! Based on these findings they have told both babies could have a pathology belonging to the group of ciliopathies which are very heterogenous but quite severe conditions some of them life shortening and threatening...
So we are obviously very worried..the only positive thing is for now not all these issues have been found in my baby (but some of them were just found through autopsy last time) so it's still an hypothesis even if quite realistic..moreover last time baby had a chromosome issue this baby doesn't have..
So it's really very complex.. I will have another MRI on march 27..I am really sick ofcdrs, visits and US..
My do still disagree with my choice.. We had a discussion because he would like to bring my DD1 to China shortly after the baby is born for at least one month while I stay here with the baby which I think is just nonsense as DD1 has been without her mummy just once for a few days when she was 8 months..now she is 2 and an half and is very attached to me..when back she would kill her baby sister out of jealousy wouldn't she?
Also I am worried he wouldn't bring her back..I am probablyvwrong

I am probably wrong but he wanted to do the same last time if I didn't terminate and even this time he suggested once I keep the baby and he keeps DD..So it's really hard.. I told him I wouldn't let him do the passport for dd for now even if I understand how much he Cates to let her go to China since she never met his family...
I am sorry for the long update

Oh mozza this sounds all really worrying for you, what a rollercoaster! Hope you are managing to stay strong through all this, so much to take in and process! You will probably never know for sure what is going on until the baby arrives.

But if you don't mind me saying so, I think your DH's comments and actions sound very worrying! Do I understand that right that he has threatened to take away your daughter to China, without your consent? And that it is now looking as if he might be trying to do the same again?! I mean, why would he want to go away for a whole month just after you have given birth, when you will need every possible support? I agree that it might be really difficult for your DD to bond with her sister, if she is away for so long (amongst many other issues I see with this.)

Sorry, I really don't mean to offend you, and I might be misunderstanding it all, but I simply cannot understand the logic behind all this, and it sounds really worrying to me. I hope that it isn't as bad as it sounds...

Hi and welcomewish and MelMc!
Congratulations too, wish! How far are you?
What is this cactus stuff?
jass, you take it too, what for exactly except to regulate AF? And can I get it online? I might need help as I now have spotted before a few times & last month I was on for a whole wee, instead of three days.

Hi JBrd! How are you doing?

Have a good one, ladies!
Xxx

well jbrd you understood right.. In the past he actually threatened to do so if I didn't terminate and in the current pregnancy he actually suggested to stay with my DD while I would keep the baby.. I can't say how serious he was, but it was enough to scare me.. I still think he could bond with this baby when she is born, I know he is really scared with the idea to raise up a disabled child but maybe it will be different when he actually meets her.. However I can't be 100% sure about what he could do if he goes alone to china with DD and listen to all the suggestions of his family which are against my choice.. therefore I won't allow him to have the passport for DD.. Am I right?
I feel guilty about that as I know how much he wants to let DD meet his family, she hasn't been there yet.. If the baby was ok, we had planned to go all together when she is about 3-4 months but now it doesn't seem so easy..
Hard times.. luckily I am on maternity leave now.. so job-related stress is over, I'm continuing to work from home on some statistical research about breastfeeding and preterm babies to keep me busy and I enrolled a swimming class for pregnant women..
hugs to everybody!!
Really glad to hear from hopeful and diege too!

Mozzarella The on-going worries about your baby's health are more than enough to cope with, without adding all this from your DP. Leaving aside any possible bad intentions on his part re your DD, I'd be utterly unable to cope without my DH right now...and for a month!

Thanks for your good wishes and congratulations, everyone. DD is well, back above her birth weight...and she's just wonderful. I honestly wasn't prepared for how much I love her.

Her birth was quite difficult for us both (for reasons not linked to my having gone to 42 weeks/her being over 4kg, despite mutterings of 'I told you so' from the ILs). I wanted as physiological a birth as possible, minimum intervention, or intervention only where medically necessary - I ended up with just about every possible intervention short of a C-section, all medically necessary. I was and am so glad I stuck my neck out and went back to my old gynae mid-pregnancy, because I trust her and knew that she was trying to respect my wishes - so if she said something was necessary I didn't even have to think about it; I was just able to agree. She told me afterwards that she rarely attends such a complicated birth (and that I was 'extremely brave' ) So for a while it turned into something quite traumatic - but again, I was so glad to have this particular doctor; she did what was medically necessary but she did it with her usual human warmth and compassion, going well beyond the call of duty. She rubbed my feet, held my hair out of the way while I was sick, held my hand... As some of you may remember, she's the lady we bought our lovely house off, and it felt very special and quite moving to bring our baby home to this wonderful, warm, caring lady's old family home.

Forgot to say - I wanted to tell you about the 3 conversations I've had this week about contraception, one initiated by my gynae, the others by my midwife, because I think it's encouraging for everyone on this thread.

I'm 41, 42 in July, and throughout my pg I had standard, not age-related, ante-natal care (I'm in Belgium). In fact nobody ever mentioned my age (other than in the context of advisability of amnio/Harmony). And now I'm getting the standard contraception treatment, including things like, 'the coil you'd leave in for a couple of years and then you could think about having it removed to have another baby'. In other words, at least in theory there's no reason for a 43/44 year-old woman not to plan to have a child. I know most of us on this thread know it's not that easy (and I guess my gynae & midwife do too), but I love the way I'm not being written off in terms of fertility by the medical profession. And if I'm not, then nobody here is, either

morien, if you feel like it, you could write your birth story. here, it would be so good to read how it went! And indeed, grey-haired pg women is so common in belgium, Netherlands, france that the doctors are not so ageist here:-)
First children tend to come down long and are hard work to have, and including your hip issues it certainly could not have been that easy, but you did it, and that is important!

Mozarella, I am so sorry you are going through this alone without support from your husband. I guess we are also dealing with really different cultural issues here? This may have an effect on dealing with disabilties or even potential disabilities. As things are, I would certainly not allow departure with big sis, you need the children to bond from the start, and i would use this as my motivation, not the fear of him going and staying away with DD. I hope DH will come around when the baby is here, and i still hope it can be relatively OK. The cc and also ciliopathies have so wide spectrum that it might turn out almost OK still, i hope it will....maybe you can travel with baby and DD in few months time, it is still possible that the baby will not be severely disabled. sometimes i hate modern technologies - previously you would have had this baby at term and then it is far easier to accept as it is just fate. i have myself a son who has slight physical disabilties and I absolutely know had I known 21 years ago of his disabilities i would have aborted him. But he is an independent, clever and kind young man, his disabilities do not keep him from doing anything apart from playing piano perhaps (he has 4 fingers and 3 toes on both hands/legs). lack of ultrasound in 1993 in my country prevented me from aborting him......

Oh mozza I have to apologise for a seemingly 'empty' post in light of your news. I was posting from my phone and am horrified to find I didn't see the whole last page.

Honestly, I read the first post and panicked (doing a lot of that lately). But I immediately have to think of how often there are women on the telly crying their eyes out because their children were taken to Tunisia or Turkey or China and never returned!
I sincerely hope I'm reading the situation wrong but it sounds like emotional blackmail. Have a perfect baby and I stay. Have a possible 'problem' baby and I not only take your 'perfect' baby but I will also punish you for going against my wishes.
I have to say, this could very well just be my past experiences. I've survived a very, very bad case of emotional abuse.
So please don't take it the wrong way. But I am worried. And you are right to be too. Follow your instincts on this.
So sorry about the news. But also, as you say, at this point is isn't a 100% done deal. In German they say hope always dies last.
Big hug.

Oh Morien! Baby M sounds like an angel. Is it bad that right now I just crave nuzzling the neck of a baby and enjoying that sweet smell?
So very pleased for you.
Yes, that is love. You think you know it and then....

I need to get some agnus cactus or whatever it is called. Is it something I can get from a Pharmacy?

it is chasteberry or correct latin name is vitex agnus castus, i got it online. i just did not fancy going to the only naturopathic pharmacy i know in luxembourg

So sorry for what you're going through Mozza I am with Jass and the level of detail we are now given during pregnancy. With my first scan I was told dd was downs or had Edwards syndrome & would die at birth. We were put in a room & told to think about termination. Dd is 4 on Friday & has absolutely nothing wrong with her, physically or mentally. I still look at her & think I could have aborted her if I'd listened to medical advice.
Sorry dp is not supporting you either. I agree with the others, you are absolutely doing the right thing not getting dd a passport. Not only does it sound highly suspect that he wants to take her away for so long, I think she will feel very rejected to have a new baby come along & then she's sent away. You will need the joy & happiness a 2 year old brings around you when the new baby comes. She will love to be involved & that's how they will bond.
Please stay around & use us to vent & shout when you need to xx
I'm interested in this agnus cactus too tadpole how does it help? If my periods are regular do I need it?

[url=www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3931aa]My Ovulation Chart[/url] Hi can anyone have a look at my chart please? Many thanks!

Sorry wrong link !
www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3931aa

i can not see the link still, so i can not look at it but am not temping meself so would not know the head from tail of it :-)

www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3931aa

Lol thanks for trying Jass ! Hopeful if your lurking you might know whats going on !

I found it, Grizzer! I remembered that my old Gynae prescribed me something for the water in my breast, a problem I had two years back. I googled it and came across agnus castus. I went to the pharmacy today and picked up a bottle. I found really great reviews on a German site for it. Alll sorts of women, ttc to premenipause.
It says to take it for three months before a change happens. I hope it will settle my cycle back to 28 days. This rubbish of 26 to 31 days is killing me!
However, if your periods are regular, you might not need it. Jass, what do you think?

Sorry mumalah. I can't help as I don't do any temping.

Hi tadpole I'm around 5weeks ish, don't know for sure. Agnus castus is reported to have a lot of fertility benefits, I was using it to try and regulate my cycle, and balance my hormones, there's quite a lot of info around if you Google it.
I started spotting ever so slightly a couple of days ago, it could be nothing as it has stopped now, just wait and see I think, maybe do another test in a week or so, see if it still says positive!

agnus castus is regulatinf the hormones both in the beginning snd the end if cycle, by balancing them. if you just take progesterone in LP, it boosts just that hormone and changes estrogen/progesterone balance,but it does not affect theamount of estrogen. older women tend to have too high e/p ratio, so progesterone helps with that. AC on the other hand will also help, but at natural levels - better ratio is achieved by lowering estrogen and rising progesteron,but all that close or at your natural levels. that is the theory, as i understand it. that is why it helps with many fertility issues - it just balances. On the other hand,regular cycle does not automatically mean a balanced cycle - have it reg, but short LP also regularily:-) So i went for ac to prolong LP, either by delayong AF or moving ov ahead a bit. it seems to have done both - Ov ahead by a day nad cycle length improved by 1-2 days as well. all together, 3 day more of LP for me. and no spotting before AF. Looks like it does have varid, balanced effect.

Hi mumalah, I had a look at your chart and I honestly can't tell what's going on, particularly as you've had + opks. Were they definitely +? Or close to? I wonder if for some reason your body has been gearing up to ovulate but the egg isn't being released, therefore no + preg test and no Af.

How frustrating for you. Have you talked to a doctor about it? Perhaps have your progesterone levels looked at? The temperatures seem to suggest that you have ovulated, but by now you should have a + pregnancy test or AF. Have you ever used the service on Fertility friend where an expert looks at your chart? I can't remember where it is, perhaps in the forums? There are loads of people on Fertility friend with heaps of experience, perhaps they can help.

I am also wondering if you are interested in taking provera to jump start AF, then trying clomid? I think you may have used clomid before?

I feel for you as I know you just want to get on with ttc and getting pregnant. This bloody TTC business is full of frustrations and bumps in the road (instead of bumps on our bodies).

Mozza, ((hugs)), wow, I am sorry to hear that things are still very difficult for you. I would love to kick your DH up the bum quite frankly! I cannot believe he would consider taking your DD away soon after DD2 is born. WTF is he thinking? I know that you are both faced with an uncertain future, and you don't know how your new baby will be, but isn't that why he should be sticking around to support you?

If I were you I would certainly not allow him to have the passport.(In fact,I would be putting it in a safety deposit box or giving it to a family member for safe keeping) I fear that if you don't he may take DD1 and not return. I know it is important for DD1 to meet his family, but I am sure it can wait a bit longer.

Do you have family support nearby? I hope you do, or friends, as this must be a very difficult time for you. I am so sorry that you have to go through all this.

Jbrd, how are you feeling lovely? I do hope you are having strong symptoms.

AFM, I think I may be about 7 DPO. I have had the usual bag of symptoms, some of them have me a wee bit hopeful, but I keep reminding myself that it is unlikely and I've been through this before to no avail.

Good news is the diet is working, and I am the lowest weight for about ten years. I am pleased with that, but I have a ways to go to be at ideal weight. And if I had to put on weight while gestating...that would be fine!

Hopeful, you really are as hopeless as we all!!!
my 4yo is sick and I feel low, and shag week is coming. need to find thr energy to do it. Sunshine is making mood worse. Weird:-)

Hi wish I hope you're ok. I wouldn't necessary panick at such a tiny amount of spotting. The lady at work who was pg at the same time as me, bled from week 7-10. But everything turned out fine and she has the loveliest little one.

JBrd Hope you're ok, girl.

Mozz You feeling better?

Jass We're almost at the end of shag week. It has been the worst ever. I think doing that (Anti-Mullerian) test was a mistake because now in the back of my mind I keep thinking its not going to work anyway. And if I'm honest, I think I'm still trying for DP's sake. He is so optmistic it breaks my heart.
Oh well.
Hope your little one gets well soon!

Hello everyone!

xxx

Aahh ! hopeful you turn up in my hour of need ! Thank you for looking at my chart ! I started spotting very slightly today so maybe Af making an appearance? Not even everytime I go to the loo! Its sooo frustrating!
Ha! went to bed without posting the above! Woke up to Af, finally after 60 days! Hallelujah !