Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Cloudjumper is a nice name:-) for the fresh start!

i woke up this morning irrationally optimistic about this pregnancy. No reason, really. Same small amounts of brown sludge, but i looked at my photo and compared it to all ultrasound guidances in the world i could find online and mine is so-so normal for a smaller pregnancy. Looking the pic is therapic writing here clearly is as well (sorry for crowding the space:-))).

hello ladies, can I join the thread please? I am just a few months shy of my 40th (october) so feel more at home here than other TTC threads.

I have one DD, who is 16 weeks and I have just started TTC again. Its pretty early, but it took 3.5 years and a MMC at 12 weeks before I got my BFP with her, so don't really want to wait around. Im also sit breastfeeding, so there is a chance Im not fertile yet, but Im ever optimistic.

Looking forward to joining in the thread, I found other threads so helpful when I was TTC after my MMC

welcome, Raisin, and sure iti s worh a try if your DD is already 16mo. Most women are fertile by this time again, because body is so used to BF that it will ovulate anyway. You are not probably nursing every 3-4 hours, which is considered a possible barrier for ovulation (and often even that is not enough:-)

Hi Raisin. Has AF returned for you? Perhaps you could use OPK's to gauge whether you are ovulating again? I am one of the lucky/unlucky ones who doesn't get fertility back for about 18 months - I hope you have it happen quicker than that.

cloudjumper - I love your new nickname!

jass, being optimistic about your pregnancy is a good thing. I think it bodes well. With my first two miscarriages I had an "irrational" anxiety that something was wrong. And it seems I had an instinct about it. With DS, pregnant at 41, I had no such anxieties, I really did just believe I would have a baby.

My DS is still not well. Now he is coughing up a lot of yuckiness. I think he's feeling better, but the cough sounds awful, so he will stay home with his dad today.

I am attaching a picture (unfortunately I am a terrible photographer) of DD dressed up for her school ball. She is doing a bit of a "model" pose, she doesn't normally look that cranky!She had a lovely time.

Thought I'd have a namechange too, I'm still irish though!
Gum I had to come on to comment on your daughter's photo, she looks absolutely stunning! Hope your DS is better soon, that bug seems to be really lingering on.
Green great to hear your twins are doing well x
Jass it must be a stressful time for you but as the others have said scant amounts of brown blood can be fine, I had several bleeds too with DD2 and she was perfectly ok each time she was scanned. Hope you're feeling ok today.
cloud love the new name! You've got me thinking,I'll be 64 before DD3 is finishing school/ready to head off to Uni, that's a scarey thought. Hope it'll keep me young!
Welcome Raisin , I'm technically a graduate from this thread but am lurking keep popping back to see how everyone is doing and will them on! Like gum my fertility has never resumed till after I stop breastfeeding completely,so up to 18/20 months but everyone is different. My DD3 is nearly 16 weeks too!
Hi Diege , Calibee and everyone else

GUm, beauriful picture! Girls get better and better when they grow up! (Boys, on yhe contrary, get on bikes when they turn 14 and then it is as worrysome as early pregnancy to see whether they return safe every evening or not:-)))

Thanks to all for encouragement. i had some bad cramping yesterday evening and this morning, but still no more blood than to fill a panty liner a day. dark, but some is more dark red than brown, so there is more of a doubt in my brain. I called docs this morning re cramping, but of course they assure me cramping in 9th week is normally esp intense bcause of growing, spotting can be absolutely fine and hjust keep calm. I know of course many women have looked behind,had cramps and bleeding and carried to term - but I never have, I have only carrid to term when there has never been any spotting! of course, I havenever before with bleding pg got to see yolk sac and this time i did, but.... i am today more doubtful because of the cramps......

No, AF not returned yet - hoping I can catch a BFP before it arrives.

Hi freckle - I love your new nickname. Ds is still not well. He has an awful chesty cough, so I will take him to see the GP today. Just want to rule out any secondary infection. Poor boy told me last night that he's tired of being sick and just wants to feel better. At least the Deputy Head, who does the absentees and organises relief teachers,has been very understanding and fine with me taking more time off work if I need it. I'll probably get a Drs certificate today in case I have to be home Thurs & Fri because DH is taking off tomorrow for a couple of days - going to see Bob Dylan in concert. I could have gone too, but now I am glad I'm not going, with DS being unwell.

jass, I am sorry to hear about the cramping - such a worry, but the explanation is very reassuring. Can you have a reassurance scan if you feel very worried? As for the spotting - it is so common in early pregnancy.

Raisin - I was trying to do the same - catch the first egg, when my DS was little. It didn't happen for me, but I know it happens for many women. One of the things I read about helping the return of fertility was taking Vitex. I am pretty sure it didn't interfere with breastfeeding or milk production. There's also a bit of info here

Fireflies - haven't heard from you in a while. How's things?

Calibee - how are you, did AF turn up?

hello all
gum af didnt show so it seems the positive opk's didnt result in ovulation. I'm a little sad as it was our final try before DH went away. On a positive note, I have the appointments re. IUI in September so hopefully do a first round very soon after that.

Oh, sorry to hear that Calibee, but it is great that the IUI appointment is organised.

I have just got back from a trip to Drs and then hospital with DS. He had to have a chest x-ray at the hospital, as Dr wanted to rule out Pneumonia. It looks like his lungs are clear and doubtful that he has pneumonia thankfully. However, the Dr has signed me off until Friday if needs be. The only hassle is writing lessons when I don't really know where the kids are at. Never mind, it is more important that I care for DS.

So now I am home doing a carb induced impression of a sloth. Or could this be due to a fertised egg? I am feeling incredibly sleepy (and, incidentally felt that way yesterday).

So is it because I am going to get a bfp this time? I have sore boobs, with the interesting sharp twinge here and there. I feel very sleepy and craving carbs.

More likely it is due to the fact that I met my Dsis at a cafe and, trying not to spend too much went for the soup option: Sweet potato soup, served with fries and gluten free bread. Bloody carb-fest! And, like a good little carb addict, I ate the lot! I am guessing I have gone over the intended 128gms of carbs today, and I really don't want to log it on my fitnesspal knowing that it will go over. And I guess the tiredness is also due to looking after a sick kid.

I think that's all a bit more likely than upduffness.

Yawn...time for a nap I think

freckle, i try to remember your new name by the totally not true belief that most irish are read-heads and have freckles (i have at least 3 irish colleagues and none is, bthw:-))).

Cramping and red yesterday evening again, I made an appointment for re-scan for this morning. news inconclusive but more negative this time - instead of catching up we are falling more behind. there was about a week growth (very optimistically seen) from last US, whihc was 10 days ago. So. most likely an mc, but since poor baby is or at least has still been struggling during these 10 days, i have to continue to wait and see. I have a 1% chance (again, with dropping hcg levels I already was there). There was now a fetal pole of 2-3 mm, pregnacy looks normalf or about 6weeks gestation. last week it looked 5. By some US guides it would be 6w2-3days (gestational age is 6weeks plus so many days as long is the fetal pole). But crucially, there is no heartbeat. either it stopped developing a few days ago (when my bleeding increased, too) or the baby is developing too slowly to have much hope. Onm isdiagnosed mc forum, I have now been through the examples "droping hcg" to the section "looking 1-2 weeks behind" to now the section "baby seen, but no heartbeat detected". i know I should rationally give up, but am resisting, because if the baby developed since the last US, who am I to decide it is over. Only baby can decide it now. I am continuing my meds and staying sober. sobriety is a good thing in itself - even if a glass of ice cold riesling would do my mind lots of good:-))

Hi all, esp Gum. Thanks for asking after me. Have been reading along half-heartedly for past week, so apols for not n/c everyone. Welcome raisin. May your stay be short and fruitful.

JassS keeping my fingers crossed for you and your little bean.

Gum wow - your daughter looks amazing. I wondered why the thread had gone all 'Girl With a Pearl Earring' until I read further!!

The funeral was very nicely done for DFIL, and everyone on nearly their best behaviour. Leaves you feeling so drained though, especially with the unbelievably long day the sons planned (1000-1900 all told).

Am approaching ovulation so need to see if DH and I can get in the mood. Not really feeling it at the moment though! Must try harder. Have just got back from hairdressers though and am getting close to feeling fabulous again as she has done the most amazing job. Excellent colour and brilliant cut. For once the hairdresser listened. She's a trainee, so that's probably why!!

Is my birthday on Friday so off to get some lunch and sort out a few treats. Well, if I don't no-one else will! Might find some sand to bury my head in so I can pretend I'm not 45 35 again. A friend guessed me as 38 the other day, so with my new hairdo, who knows? Maybe I can manage 10 years younger!! Wish my ovaries would do the same though! There, they can have this for my birthday!!

Just noticed what you were saying about ov/tiredness. Was going to ask whether anyone else gets utterly knackered around ov time. I seem to these days. Is just the pits along with PMT.

Oh Jass, I am very sorry to hear that things aren't going as well as you'd hoped, but as you say, baby has made some progress since last ultrasound, so there's still hope.

Hi fireflies. I now want to see your haircut and colour. It sounds very nice. I hear you about the age thing. I am often met with gasps of disbelief when I tell people I am 47 (perhaps they are just trying to be nice). I just wish my ovaries acted like they were still 38 too. However, I still believe there's got to be a good egg in there somewhere!

I am still feeling under a complete haze of tiredness, even after a full night's sleep. Last night DH and I were watching "Outlander", which I found to be really good, but for the life of me I could not stay awake. In bed by 9! I'll catch up viewing today.

My temperature has done a lovely big jump, but that's nothing unusual. What would be good is if it stays up and doesn't fall around 12 dpo. We shall see. I am only 5 dpo today.

I am at home with DS again today. Though he isn't too ill, he's not sleeping well with the cough, so it is better he isn't at school. So at least I can have a rest too. I must go and write some relief lessons.

Oh Jass , I hope and pray your little baby will hang on in there and the next scan will bring better news for you xxx
Poor DS gum ! You must have been so worried when he had to go to hospital to have an xray, good that you can have some time at home with him now while he recuperates.
CaliBee September isn't far off at all, you must be looking forward to getting on with the IUI !
Fireflies glad you got through the funeral, it's a sad and difficult enough occasion without having to worry about family issues too, good that everyone was on best behaviour. Hope you enjoy your birthday on Friday, 45 is a great age to be pregnant ,it worked for us and DD3!

Fireflies, also glad the funeral is behind you now! I am sure ovary feel perkier because you feel 35ish, too! Happy birthday for tomorrow!

Gum, hoping for a bfp in a week's time then!

Calibee, occasional anovulatory cycle is such a sad thing. I so hope the IUI will go ahead in Sept already.

I had a nice evening with friends yesterday and did not think about pg at all. Almost. No cramping or big bleed to remind me neither. Seems good mood hopes. have organised a busy day for today, too!

jass So sorry to hear that you didn't get more reassuring news at your scan. The limbo is the worst, I think, when it can swing both ways. Wishing you lots of strength to keep going - will they give you another scan to check how things are progressing?

Welcome raisin! May your stay on this thread be short and sweet! I wish I had been brave enough to start ttc again so soon after my DS arrived.

gum Your DD is beautiful! Doing the model pout quite well, isn't she . Hope your DS gets better soon, you must be so fed up with him being poorly so often (and I bet he is, too!).

Well, my temps did a massive dive this morning, so I think that AF is imminent - I'm CD25/14DPO now, and until today, had been harbouring the quiet hope that I might be pg again. But it seems less and less likely, especially now that the temps are going down.
I had my second counselling session on Tuesday, and it wasn't as 'comfortable' as the first - not in any way bad or anything, but we talked a lot about how I deal with grief and bereavement, not only connected to the mcs, and how I don't really talk to DH about how I feel, and even less about how he feels. Really brought it home that I always keep things in and try to deal with everything myself, getting really angry and frustrated sometimes... I should really talk more with him about it all, to ensure that we are really on the same page.
It was good, but definitely gave me some things to think about!

Cloud, my relations with my DH always deteriorate when i am pg - i close down like clam, do not talk to anybody unless they talk to me, eveni f i amnot necessarily in the bad mood or even unhappy. And my hubby seems to do thes ame. yesterday he had gone out and switched phone off when i got home from my scan - obv. to not hear the bad news and to give me time for the first real cry before I have to face him and smallest son (the other one is in football camp luckily). He seems as tired of the limbo as I am, but i am coping even better i guess. I have never been more than cautiously optimistic, while he went very optimistic before the first scan whenwe thought we are at 7week mark with no bleeding. I am a toad sad for the little bean without heartbeat and tend to look the pic every hour or so, but moreo r less accepting. He is pottering around and irritated about everything, poor thing:-). Will have a grill party this evening for all my 4 children plus son-in-law:-). I am still off wine of course, but party will be good nevertheless.

jass, it just seems very unfair that you have to go through this awful waiting, and that you may lose another baby. You have been through so much. I wish I could do something to help, but I know there is nothing I can do or say.

I understand how it is with the DH's. I too clam up, as much as I'd like my DH's support I just don't think he is able to understand what it is like to carry the hope and live with the anxiety.

I suppose it is a little different in my case as my DH isn't "proactive" in ttc, rather, he's lazy with contraception and will accept another if it works out.I think, if I get a sticky bfp I probably wont say anything until 10 weeks, but that remains to be seen. Of course when it comes down to it, Drs visits,scans etc, there would be questions and I'd answer them.

cloudjumper, I am very interested to hear about your counselling. One thing I struggle with is sharing my feelings with DH. And alot of it is related to the mcs. He seemed to be unable to grasp that my intense sadness was justified as I was only 9-10 weeks along. To him it wasn't justifiable to be as sad as I was as I hadn't felt the baby move, or had time to become attached, and I suppose that has meant I don't really trust him with my feelings. I suppose that sounds a bit worrying but we seem to rub along ok.I wish he could feel what I felt, not because I want him to hurt, but so he can understand how intense the grief was.

Sorry to rabbit on about myself, when you are both going through so much. I want to send hugs, despite it being very "unmumsnetty".

As for me, a nice temp again today. But still another week before testing or AF.

At home again with DS. He coughed a lot less last night and is still asleep, which is a blessing. I hope he'll be better. I am actually ready to go back to work. He's also getting bored. I took him back to the Drs yesterday after being called back in. I was a bit concerned, but it was totally unrelated to the lungs, rather the xray showed a scoliosis. However, as I said to the Dr, I think he may just have been standing crooked, rather than it being a definite, constant thing. He examined Charlie and it was inconclusive. He said we'll check again in a year's time and if it is a worry we'll see a peadiatric bone person. I am not worried as I really do think Charlie was a bit awkwardly bent when he had the chest xray.

Thinking of you Jass.

Sorry Cloud you asked about follow-up and i said nothing. Luckily in my country I decide whether I want a follow-up scan or not before anything is done or not. A mc is here not treated as "natural, sth that just happens" tune, even if this is said of course. It is treated as a specially sad thing and you get very compassionate care. I am so lucky it happens while I am in home country. I will go far away from capital for next week, so my follow up is on Monday 25th. This gives my body also a chance to decide to do sthi tself, if it realises this pg is failing. Or, in unlikely case, if this baby is. still able to pull through, it can do so without being prodded or disturbed. it is highly unlikely as i well know, but mothers are irrational beings when things come to their kids:-). I have to say I much prefer mc without fetal pole, as then I could say there was no baby to grieve at all, it never formed. Now i get occasionally sad and think about the little being who did not make it, but I still can rationalise it never had a heartbeat. I do not think it is as bad as Cloud is/was going through at all, because 6w3d does not look like baby really. it is 3mms of cells rather.

Hi all, hope I can join you I posted here a couple of years back trying desperately to conceive, had an early miscarriage in 2011,since then tried but decided to let nature take its course. Didn't use companyontraception as always kept that sliver of hope. Anyway now 45 and decided that was it for me was going to get contraception and move on,been enjoying the hols and now realising period is late,funny feeling down there and funny taste in mouth. Haven't tested and petrified I am 45,would be 46 if it has happened. Scared any support advice welcome,its all I wanted for so long but had just accepted that it was to late.

Hi Kiwi, you might as well test, then you will know either way. It certainly isn't impossible at age 45 or 46 or even older.Why are you scared? Is it because you don't think you can do it at your age?Or is it because of your miscarriage? Anxiety is perfectly normal in both cases.

My advice would be to take one day at a time,find out if you are pregnant, then cross every hurdle as you come upon it.Fingers crossed for good news.

Jass, how are you?

My temperature dropped this morning, and I would like to think it is implantation, but I have serious doubts about that.More likely that progesterone is low. I was feeling a bit hopeful, but now,not so much. I have started to think that I will have to face up to the truth: I am no longer fertile, and I will have my 48th birthday in November. It's hard to admit to it, but I suppose after so long,I need to face this. I realised this morning, that I have got 69 cycles on fertility friend. That includes the 7 it took to get pregnant with DS, but the other 62 include all the years of ttc another, and the 4 miscarriages (and it doesn't include the 18 months when I didn't even have cycles while breastfeeding DS). I guess I have become a bit resiliant to the despair of trying for so long, but every cycle brings me closer to the end of my fertility, that's if I have any fertility left I still have an appointment with my lady doctor, and depending on how I feel will maybe get some blood work done to check hormones, maybe it will help me face the reality.

DS is on the mend, though the cough he has sounds awful. I suppose I will have to send him to school on Monday, because despite the yucky cough, he seems fine, and he's had a week off now.

Busy day today: scoring at DD's netball game, dropping DS off with my Dsis, then I suppose we'll catch up. And DH should be back from his trip away today.

Have a nice weekend...

Nice weekend, Gum! I totally understand when you say it repeatedly and more often crosses tour mind it is time to stop ttc. I guess we all have that a bit. Good DS is on the mend.

Welcome (back), kiwi, and do not torture yourself without knowing - do the test and then be happy! Scared feelings are normal, i think. But so many get their baby just when they have given up, so it might be that the boring cliche has worked for you!

I am still spotting, no bleed, no cramps, which makes it difficult to keep the understanding that it is over.... I am off to island, for fishing and sailing for 9 days today:-) There is a hospital on that island though, it is a big one, 10000 habitants almost.

Thank you your right I should just test,I'm scared because of both things you mentioned,I had finally accepted it w as s too late for me, just gone back to work and starting to move on in the journey,I have a five year old. Also yeah thought of another miscarriage scares me, took me a while to get over the last one. Lastly it's silly I know but SCARED off what people will think to,I have been called grandmother a couple of times with the five year old!!lol That's why I came here for support, your right I NEED to take it at day at a
time and test. Sorry for capitals not very computer minded.

Signing out for 2 weeks - leaving in an hr for hols...or whatever they call it with 6 dcs and a grumpy dh
I will be thinking of you next week Jass xx
Gum hold on in there, early days with the temping. I've always had dips after/before returning high when pregnant.
kiwi just test woman! Being pregnant or not isn't going to change through not testing, though I get 100% where you are coming from and would probably be the same
Love to everyone else - background noise increasing here so better go! xxx