Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Hope you managed to stay awake for George gum and greetings from a very rainy UK.... What day of your cycle are you?

Day 13 of Buserelin injections for me and I am kind of getting used to them. I think I might be getting off lightly on the side effects so far - I feel fat, knackered, my CM has dried up as has my desire for sex but no headaches, no hot flushes or big mood swings to report. Obviously this makes me think it might not be working! This stage in the treatment is to block my hormone surges and baseline me - our donor is doing the same so we can line up with each other.

I am off on holiday tomorrow (yay!) for 10 days so will be having a scan and dummy embryo transfer on 10 June (exactly one year after my ERPC ) when I get back. I think the plan is that our donor starts stimulating then I start on the oestrogen to build up my uterine lining.

How is everyone else getting on? jbrd hope you are doing ok and getting through.

Hi Green, it is very exciting that you will soon be having an embryo transfer, I so hope it works for you. Where are you going on holiday?

I did manage to watch George Gently. I do like him, he seems a very genuine bloke.

My temperature had a nice rise this morning, and I must admit to feeling quite pleased. I am about 5 or 6 dpo.

Keep us posted with what's happening for you. Have a lovely holiday.

Wow green it's going super quick! Very excited for you xx
Gum glad to see good temps. I don't think they were so good last month were they? That must make you feel hopeful for sure.
Yes, super busy here which I generally thrive on but I will admit is taking its toll at the moment. I tend to drop ds 2 and 3 (baby and toddler) at nursery, then dh does the school drop offs mon to weds. He usually does the collections (ds1 and dd3) from the childminder, and then nursery as I'm not back till 7ish. Luckily the two older dds (11 and 12) come home on their own after school. Looks crazy written down!
Love to all - this is such a great thread (and fireflies I am definitely finished!!! I am living vicariously through you all ). Sod's law I have ewm to die for around ov time

green Just a quick note to say Good Luck! Will have everything crossed for you!
You have actually gotten me thinking about donor eggs now... I'm sure my head is going to explode one of these days!

Grizzer Your poor DD, and poor you - it sounds to stressful! But hopefully, they will sort it out at GOSH - from what I have heard, it is an amazing place.

I've had a lovely weekend - it was DS's 3rd birthday, and it was so nice to just focus on him and enjoy it. I did my best not to think about what is going to happen in the future...managed it for most of the time. The results from the post mortem will be the turning point to decide on a plan of action on how to go forward. It really scares me sometimes

Quiet on here!!! Where are you Gum??? A two day absence requires at least a medical note Hope all is ok xx
Jbrd glad ds's birthday went well. I have been thinking of you and wondering how things were going. Can I ask when you get your pm results? I can understand how hard it would be to make an decisions etc until you get some answers
Hope everyone else is ok xxx

Hi diege. It's been madly busy this week - exam marking. I think I marked about 200 essays in three days. God - it's exhausting. Sometimes I really don't like being a teacher.

I've been so tired, and wondering if there might be a good reason for it, but after a couple of reasonable temperatures they've been pretty shit,hovering around 36.65, 36.66...a bit depressing.

Makes me cross that I have other "symptoms" (which I shall start putting down to peri-menopause, or pmt instead of thinking of as possible preg symptoms) - I have felt sick a bit in the evenings, particularly when hungry, gagging on anything I put in my mouth and having the metallic taste again. And the breast tenderness is increasing. I feel tearful too - but that's probably just being tired and overworked and ticked off that I got a BFN tonight. I am only 10 dpo, but I thought maybe...

I just want to get off this endless roundabout of ttc and actually graduate with a take home bub. As much as I want it, I also know it is very unlikely as each month goes by.

Jbrd I can understand you are feeling scared. I hope the PM results can give you what you need - whether it be an answer, or as part of the healing process. I can't imagine how hard it will be, so I'll send love your way.

If you want to share it with us, I will be here.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing ok. xxx

Hi all, we are out of hospital. Not bad - all done in 24hrs. They won't have results of biopsy for a week or so so we didn't need to stay in again but may have to go back depending on what the results are. Every dr or nurse that we spoke to asked dd if she had a brother or sister. #failed mother.

I'm not sure what's happening with me. I had, what I thought was, an almost positive ov stick on Wednesday. That was 13dpo so slightly earlier than normal. Dtd that day. Tested the next day fully expecting to see the 2 lines & there was only a faint one. Don't think I've dtd enough this month & with the stress of dd being in hosp & total lack if sleep all round I'd be very surprised if there is a bfp for me this month. Having acupuncture tomorrow though so hopefully I'll feel more relaxed if nothing else.
Hope you're enjoying your holiday Green things are really moving for you now - so exciting.
Glad you had a nice weekend Jbrd hope the results of the pm make things a little clearer for you.
Gum I feel your pain! I have been madly trying to get reports written inbetween everything else that's been going on. Needless to say I've failed miserably & have now left myself an enormous amount to do from Monday. Ah well, dd is home & hopefully improving and that is all that matters.
Have a lovely weekend all x

Grizzer, glad to hear things are going well with your DD. Hopefully the biopsy will bring good news.

Reports will be the next huge undertaking in a week or so. Ugh! Sometimes I love my job, but not when there's a mountain of marking and reports to write.

Please don't feel you are failed mother! You are trying to give DD a sibling, hang in there, it could happen any day If your opk wasn't quite + on Wednesday, then faint the next day, you may have caught the tail end of the surge. Which is fine. If you DTD any time around then, you will be in with a chance.

I did a test this am, it was BFN I'm not really surprised as my temperatures seem to be stuck at 36.65 or 36.66, it is four days running now. It has been quite cold, but I think it is a sign of lower progesterone, perhaps it is estrogen dominance?? Goodness knows. Honestly can't be bothered with more tests etc, so will just have to leave it in the lap of the Gods. The month after my last chemical I had nice high temperatures, and I wonder if it was somehow related to being pregnant - the progesterone was boosted or something?

It's a long weekend here, some friends will come over for dinner tomorrow and I plan to do some tidying up. The house falls into complete chaos over the five day work week. I absolutely hate how it does, but I simply don't have the time and energy to do anything about it during the week. I wish I could afford a maid...Sigh...I shall try to get out into the garden too - that should boost my mood.

I watched "Call the Midwife" last night and cried and cried wishing I could just give birth one more time and hold my darling newborn in my arms.

Hullo ladies, may I join please? I am 41 and as AF has reappeared for the first time since having ds1 14 months ago we are going to start trying to conceive dc2. Must admit I am feeling apprehensive about reports on here about how much harder it is post 40 but forewarned is forearmed and all that. JBrd we too would consider adoption if we don't conceive. Gumblossom your post about call the midwife made me well up. Grizzer, i feel your pain about trying to give dc a sibling. I keep trying to remind myself of all the additional time and opportunities we will be able to give him if he is an only.

I would love three but must remember to count my blessings to have one lovely ds. Can't believe I spent so much of my life thinking I didn't want kids. Almost missed my chance altogether as the maternal urge came so late!

Justpick, welcome and there is no reason why you shoul dnot conceive easily at 41 if you did so at 39. At 40 your ovaries do not suddenly go belly up, the decrease in fertility is very gradual and also very individual. I think of long timers on this thread there are very few who have not conceived when already on the wrong side of 40 - miscarriages can happen more often at our age, but the sad stories of some are more prominent here as those who easily conceive just move on and do not become a permanent featire on MN:-)

Welcome just I agree with jass - there is nothing to say that you won't get pg really quickly and have no problems, plenty of examples from this thread!
I sometimes also think I wish I had started ttc sooner in my life - but then again, I simply wasn't ready at all (didn't meet DH until I was 32, didn't not want kids at all until I was about 38!), and I believe that there is nothing worse than having children just because you think you should... So in that respect, I'm glad that I waited.

Diege They told us we'd get the post mortem results about 6 weeks after the miscarriage, which is coming up next week. In fact, I had a call from the bereavement midwife last week to discuss the arrangements for the baby (cremation, coffin, do we want to be present, scattering of ashes, memorial service etc.), and she said that she would follow up on the appointment being arranged. We are going away on holiday for 2 weeks on the 15 (I cannot wait!), so I doubt we will see anyone before that.

I am currently not in a very good place, emotionally... I really had started to think quite seriously about adoption, or even the possibility of looking into IVF with donor eggs, because I honestly don't know if I can face ttc anymore. But then DH said that he is not keen on either because we'd 'be opening ourselves up to a lot of heartache'. As if it's been a walk in the park so far!
So I now have to face the fact that unless we try 'naturally' again, I might not have a chance for any more children, and the sense of loss is tearing me apart. DH keeps saying how happy he is with DS and that he would not have a problem if it just stayed like this. In fact, he was gushing about it all to the PILs at the weekend, when we visited.
I know he doesn't mean to be insensitive, but I feel incredibly alone - it's been barely 4 weeks since we had the mc, and it's all hunky-dory for him - whereas I am desperately trying to climb out of this hole I am in and fail miserably every day.

I think I need to dig out that leaflet about the free counselling sessions that I am now entitled to...sigh.

JBrd I'm really sorry to hear of everything that you are going through. It must be really tough, especially if you feel your husband isn't really understanding what you are going through. If he is worried about going through heartache with adoption or IVF do you think this might mean he isn't finding it as easy as appears?

I know there is nothing I can say to make all the pain go away but I am sending you tea, cake and hugs down the virtual highway.

Hello, may I bite the bullet and join too? I have been lurking shyly in the undergrowth for a little while, but thought I might as well take the plunge. I had DS nearly two years ago at the age of 42 - I should have been 43 but everything conspired to make him early by two months. He is now a hale and hearty 22 month old who has very little about him to make anyone think of him as prem, not least his 91st centile height... And now, despite my advanced and geriatric standing of being 44, we have decided to try and provide him with a sibling. Just started the TTC stuff. More hopeful than anything I think, but holding my grandma up as my role model as she had her youngest at 48!
JBrd so sorry about your loss, and for the decisions you have to make. Tough stuff.

Hullo Grinch!
Wow 48, now that is inspirational!

Hello Justpick and Grinch, and welcome. Grinch, it is inspirational to read that your grandma had a baby at 48. Perhaps I might still have a slight chance?

My mum's mum had her last at 42. However, it always amazed me that she did at all as she had so many health issues. She was diabetic and epileptic, her nutrition was terrible as they were very poor. But still she had 13 kids and her last at 42. I am not sure about my nonna - she had five, but I think it was all done and dusted by the time she was 35.

Hi Jbrd, it is nice to see you (read you? ). I am not at all surprised that you are in a tough place, you are going through a horrible ordeal, and it must be very difficult for you and DH to make decisions. And I know it seems to add insult to injury when DH isn't feeling it as keenly as you are. Give yourself time to think it over, and perhaps the holiday,and the PM results will help you both come to some sort of agreement, when you know more? I know it doesn't help to have DH tell the inlaws it is all great with just one, but perhaps he is trying to make you feel better about not having another baby? I think men are odd creatures at the best of times, and don't really understand the immense emotions we feel.

Jass, how are you? Where are you at in your cycle?

I am just waiting for AF to turn up. I've had low temps the last two days and the boob tenderness has disappeared. It is just as well, as I think I have an infection in my gum (that's not related to my nickname by the way!) from a stupid tooth that has given me trouble for years. So I'll bet that will mean another x-ray and antibiotics, not what I'd want in very early pregnancy. I just hope I can get hold of my dentist today as I don't want a fully blown systemic infection, besides the discomfort I feel. Fortunately it is above a root canal, so it is not a throbbing toothache as there is no nerves left, but my cheek and jaw hurt a bit.

Anyway - have a nice day everyone.

JBrd, I think (hope) your DH is fighting his own feelings by trying to talk up the current status quo, not that he is not on the same page with you. IVF can scare menm of course, and his rationale probably is that you can get pg yourself, so why bother.....Same for adoption maybe? Also, I hope your PM will tell you something to point to right direction. Hard facts may change hubby's mind as well maybe. I hope you hold up through all this difficult period, and that the pain will start gradually fading when PM and farewell ceremony is over.

My great grandmother had baby at 46. But She did not live in polluted world of 21st century......

JBrd I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. It's still really early days & unfortunately that sadness of loss never goes away but I do think the counselling is a good idea. I'm 18 months on from an 18 week mc & I still think I should go for more counselling even now. Enjoy your holiday & perhaps talk to dh when you are a few days in & both starting to feel relaxed. My dh won't even consider any kind of testing on his part & would not be up for any kind of intervention that involves him in any way! Happy for me to do it all though!
Welcome Grinch, sounds promising that you come from good breeding stock!! 48! Wow!
Gum hope the pain is ok & you get things sorted soon.
Justpick you are right, I am so lucky to have dd & I can give her more time as it's just her but I know she would be an amazing big sister & I would love to give her that.
I think this is going to be a long month for me! I'm only about 4 or 5 dpo & already I'm convinced my abdomen is doing weird things & I'm getting odd sensations. Nothing to do with the terrible diet of bread bread & more bread that I've had during all the various hospital sagas in the last month & everything to do with things stretching & moving in preparation for my baby obviously.
Is it really only 8 o'clock. I feel like it's time for bed. Oh another symptom maybe.....?

Thanks Grizzer. I am now on antibiotics, and already feel much better. My dentist thinks the tooth is fine and the problem is my sinus, which I think is probably right as I've had an awful head cold for a couple of weeks now. Hopefully the antibiotics will do the trick.

...And right on cue, AF turned up yesterday...not at all surprised, I knew this wasn't my month. Anyway, it is ok. I am so busy and stressed at work at the moment, that I am probably better off without the distraction of early pregnancy 9but would take it in a heartbeat )

Work is really a bit of a challenge of late - can I have a whinge on here? Apart from the huge marking load from exams last week (thanks to a colleague who decided to take stress leave during that week and got a drs note saying she couldn't do any marking at all, we had to pick up her slack ), we also have to have reports done by Tuesday, and now this week we are giving the year tens their exam, which will have to be marked too! On top of that I have an ongoing problem with a particular student in year 10. He is clearly a misogynist who cannot respect me, and the behaviour management coordinator (who is also a misogynist) will not follow the porcedure with this boy. He keeps telling me how the boy will do what he says, implying the problem behaviour is mine! It means he keeps getting sent back to me, with nothing done and he continues the same behaviours. It's doing my head in. And it is more frustrating that the behaviour management guy isn't doing his job. I am going in to work early today just to sit down with my head of English to see if he can do something about it. ARGH!

And to top all that off my DD and DS are both sick with the same cold I had. Winter has only just started here and I am worried it will be long and full of illness....Silly, I know, I need to get into a more positive head-space.

Anyway, Grizzer, I hope your early twinges mean something Those early twinges can be a sign.

I am 5dpo, the dsys are flying by and i have run a half marathon in Luxembourg night run last Saturday. Also participated in team run and handed my first leg over at 32 place out of over 300 teams, so top 10 percent result. then slowed down and finished half marathon just in time to see marathonwinner come in to the finish! But am now fighting a vold and imagining it is my immune system regulating down to accommodate pregpnancy. Thank you very much my obsessed brain:-)

Hope grizzer your twinges are there for the good reason! And Gum, hang on there with all the home/workstruggles! Life has its habits, dammit, to throw us stuff into face....

Wow! Jass Congratulations on running a half marathon. What an amazing woman!

So where are you in your cycle? Perhaps your body is doing just as you said - 'regulating down". I have to admit that when I am in the tww and if I have hayfever, I always think it's my body doing the wrong thing and trying to reject an emby. Then if I get sick at all I think - that's ok, my body will be too busy fighting the illness to reject a baby...Oh the way our minds work...

Yes - I will hang in there, but it is bloody hard. I can't help being a bit self indulgent at times, thinking, 'If Louis had been born, I'd be a stay at home mum with him...", of course the reality might be less than perfect : struggling to pay the bills, which would cause a lot of marital stress. Anyway, after the next couple of weeks, work won't be quite so frantic, and soon after that, I'll have a 2 week break. Hurray!

As it turns out, my head of department is very, very supportive, told the behaviour management guy that we need to suspend the student, and it happened. It really bugs me that it had to come from HoD instead of me, but the end result is good and I'll go with that.

So, who will have the next BFP on this thread? I think it might be time for another...

Hi ladies, you probably won't remember me, I joined the bus back in February, haven't really posted much. Anyway I came off the pill in February, started ttc #3 in March, in April I started using cough medicine for my lack of cm, used clearblue digi opk's and thought I'd give softcups and conceive plus a go as I'd read good things about them and TADA!!! It worked, got my BFP on May 3rd, I'm 8 weeks and 2 days now. Just thought I would share my story, especially about the softcups as it had to be them that helped because I was 37 before I ever managed to fall pregnant with ds1, then it took a year with ds2 and only 2 months with dc3 and I'm now 43. Can't praise the softcups and conceive plus enough

JBrd I am so so sorry for all that you are going through and I'm just as sorry for my totally self indulgent post without taking time to read back, I do apologise

Thank you for the welcome. I have been fighting major sleep deprivation (think BabyGrinch is teething) so couldn't string two words together coherently before now. There seem to be a few teachers here? I commiserate...
I am impressed with the half marathon too. Wow. And congratulations lindamagoo on your pregnancy.
Grizzer I have the same thoughts about BabyGrinch (henceforth BG). I can give him lots of time and attention (and buy him things!) that he would have to share with another, but he just loves little babies, it's so cute watching him be careful with them, give them gentle hugs. And there is literally no one else in the family for him - at 40 DH is his next youngest relative!! I would like him to have someone else to share a history and a life story with even if the thought of organising four of us panics me completely .

Oh Linda that is wonderful news. I knew it was time for some good news. I hope the pregnancy continues to go well.

What are "softcups', I can't say I've ever heard of them. Perhaps I should "google"???

I've done the cough medicine, and the sperm friendly lubricant (is that what "conceiveplus" is?) and a myriad of other things. Unfortunately none of them did the magic. However, perhaps I left it a bit late.

Not sure what I'll do after this AF is done. I'm running out of steam. I can't even seem to manage to remember my vitamins lately...

Thank you Gumblossom Softcups are used for af, you insert it instead of a tampon, I read people used them to aid conception and thought what the hell I'll give it a go. Are you ready for the TMI part? lol. Instead of putting it in after dtd I got my OH to deposit his little swimmers into it, mixed in a little conceive plus (yes it's a sperm friendly lube) rubbed it all around the inside of the cup and the rim, inserted and left it in all night, you can leave them in for up to 12 hours so it keeps the little swimmers right up where they need to be