Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

No jass, definitely not over ttc! Wish I was. But the last few days I have felt more determined - or should I say, more desperate than I have in a long time. I know I must come to terms with it all, and I am in my own way, but a few thing just keep that desire bubbling away.

For example, I took DS to a birthday party last weekend and two of the mums were pregnant. I felt that pang of envy. So wishing it were me with the bump. Then, at the wake yesterday, there was a little one toddling around - so adorable, just wanted one of my own. Then today, at another birthday party and a mum there had her 9 month old. He was fussy and teething, but it did nothing to cure my broodiness, I just wanted one of my own.

So, I'm ready for ovulation time, giving it my all.

Good luck with OV then!

Do any of you/have any of you gotten those...'are you stark staring bonkers' looks (or even comments) when you tell them you want or ar trying for another...and youare over 40?

I find it really rude tbh...like people coming out and saying you are past it.

I havent told anyone we're trying for that very reason. My eldest is almost 21 and everyone thinks I should be looking forward to being a granny... but im not done being a mum yet!

Fatty, it never ceases to amaze me how rude people are, and they feel they have any right to comment on your reproductive status. It makes me .

I know exactly how you feel. All my mates are glad to be heading towards an empty nest, or getting the teen years over and some of them are grandparents. But,like you, I still want to be a mum to another baby. Just ignore the looks of disbelief and look forward to telling them when you are pregnant. Now that's a look I want to see when It happens for me.

Hm. i never tell anyone IRL that I am still trying. I told my mum when we started out the quest for number 5, but She acted so stupidly around my miscarriages that I stopped telling her that we still did. I can not tell my daughter who is 25 and soon ttc herself, in order to not scare her. A few real life friends know and my secretary at work (well, someone has to cover when you get this your hcghasnotrisen again phone call), but I have to say I have got 0 negative reactions. True, some may secretly think I am crazy, but as far as they are kind enough to not say so I really do not mind! 2 years ago my then 19 yo DS1 found accidentally a positive pg test and inquired about it, but told him it was a neg with a drying line on it. Was worried though that he could recognise a hpt test and read it - even weak line - from afar. Why does he know all this? Well, its his business, so....i did not tell him my business of all these mc. Will maybe tell in 10 years time, when it will not be acute sadness so much!

jassS, I am a bit like you. I don't say much about it at all. Some of my close friends know that I've have my first two miscarriages, but since then I've said nothing. They know I'd love another, but I don't actually discuss it. My parents don't know anything about it. My mother would make it all about her somehow, so it is better left unsaid.

So Jass, did AF turn up for you?

I was surprised to find that I had ovulation pain yesterday - CD 12. I suppose that means ovulation is happening, happened yesterday, or is imminent? I did an opk yesterday which wasn't quite positive. It doesn't really matter, because I have had SWI last night and two days before, I will do another opk tonight.

Even if I only DTD once around O time, I am happy, it means I am in with a chance, albeit a slim one, still a chance.

How's everyone else going??

Just barging back in after a bit of a break. Well, I just couldn't be bothered to reset my password after the Heartbleed excitement. How lazy is that??!!

Currently waiting for AF to turn up. Should be any second now! But, of course, secretly hoping that all the blindingly obviously PMS symptoms are in fact early pregnancy symptoms. I didn't pick up on ovulation though this month so not sure what that means. Hopeful that ovulated before testing (I use the Clearblue monitor) and that we DTD in good time. I would expect early ovulation to mean shorter cycle, in which case.... It's not quite agonising waiting, but is close on it. Have had lots of distractions these past few days so haven't been able to completely obsess.

Hope everyone else is all good. I guess I should hang around a bit more and get to know all you newbies. . Here's a bit about me: I've been here on and off since 2011, am 44, DS, nearly two, is sleeping like an angel at the moment. I have a blocked tube, x2 failed IVF cycles, DS was a 'spontaneous' conception.

Well, that's taken my mind off it a bit. Will go and do some more idle surfing housework. FFxx

So tempting to POAS... Haven't got any in the house. But am going to Boots this afternoon. Or well, I could pass Boots if I plan accordingly....

Did someone say 'blocked tube...?'

Yes, you did read right!

Fireflies, I so like the stories of spontaneous conceptions by women otherwise deemed sub- or infertile:-) It confirms my belief that even if all medications and interventions have failed, no amount of chinese medcine or food supplements has given results, one day it may simply just happen because you had some unprotected sex!

yep, my AF turned up and is almost over, next week II half is the shag period, I guess.

Fireflies, how long did it take to conceive with one tube?

I'm so bored of sex.

Yes, JassS, so do I. :-) It did seem pretty unbelievable at the time. It happened two weeks (or thereabouts) after the second round of IVF failed. And we only did it the once, fairly half-heartedly, just before he went to work, as the ov predictor (and a racy dream!!), said so!!!

I will disappoint you and admit to having taking so many supplements I was rattling. Also, some people have, anecdotally, wondered whether the IVF drugs kick-started something. I was actually undergoing tests for immune issues when I was preggers as it looked like the embryos weren't sticking for some reason. I've only ever been preggers once before though.

Rita I'm not sure what the real time was. I had a laparoscopy in the summer of 2010, during which the blocked tube was diagnosed, and had a light 'scrape'. (Sorry if TMI, but the gynae thought it was significant that I was having heavy periods, on the clotty side. A polyp was removed in the process.) He recommended starting IVF if no success 6 months after that. We did one in June and another in August and conceived in September. Honestly though, I am not sure that we were really trying that hard, nor that our timing was quite right so I can't really say how long we had been trying. I had been waiting, and mourning for the children I didn't think I was going to have for the best part of a decade though. We got married and then DP clearly didn't want kids. Thankfully he woke up and smelt the roses before it really was too late.

I read an article some time back that said that a blocked tube didn't equal 50% conception chances. Even if the egg is released on the wrong side, the receptors between the fallopian tube and egg mean it can travel to the open side. Wish I could find that article again. Have tried googling a couple of times but can't find anything. Must try harder. ;-)

Rita you could always take a break from shagging and get DP to fill a syringe. I am certainly tempted, esp as my fertile window seems to be moving close to AF. Could do with another day or two to recover!!

No sign of AF here, but haven't checked for a while. The PMS symptoms are there good and strong though so I don't hold out much hope, and I think I saw just the merest smudge of AF earlier.

Hello Fireflies, it is lovely to see you. How is baby FF ? Any news on the AF front?

Rita, are you having SWI (sex with intent) all month long, or sticking with the fertile window? I know Zita West and others recommend every second day just in case you ovulate early or late or something, but I think using a fertility monitor or just the OV prediction sticks can take away that awful feeling of "Must I have sex again? Sigh..."

Not that I am any shining example, as my sex only at fertile times hasn't yet resulted in the prize. However, I have been charting since April 2007, and can see the patterns of SWI on my pregnancy charts (there are five). Each time I got pregnant, I had had sex on ovulation day, either one or two days before and either 3 or 4 days before. Last time I got pregnant it was O day, 2 days and 4 days before. (Having said that, the patterns of intercourse are very similar all the other months too which didn't result in pregnancy )

This month I've only managed a couple of times, because I think I ovulated yesterday, and didn't DTD on that day, but did the day before and two days before that. So perhaps my timing isn't so great this time.

I had O pain the day before yesterday, then got a positive opk yesterday, but there was no way we were going to DTD as I have a fresh headcold, complete with very sore throat,and DH was very tired and had an early night (by himself!). Anyway a temp rise this morning means it was probably sometime between when I had O pain, and now (which means probably yesterday).

I tell myself if we can't find the energy to have sex, then how on earth do I think I'll have the energy for a newborn

However, I think the sperm may have survived long enough? Who knows, maybe I'll get a nice surprise? Where's there's life...

Thanks for sharing your story, FF, what a great result!

Gumblossom, we have sex regularly but I go for it like a nympho when I see the stretchy clear mucus in my knickers (far too much info, but what the hell)

FF, I couldn't entertain the syringe; I'd never be able to look at a turkey again...

Hi Gum! Fingers crossed this is your lucky month!! Baby FF, or maybe I should say, Toddler FF is doing extremely well. He is little superstar - very happy and loving and extremely lively. I am knackered every night, but he's worth it!! We did some al fresco painting this morning which was great fun, and he also gate-crashed the local nursery's football training, and caught three pigeons while we were feeding the ducks, just to add to the fun.

No AF yet. I haven't POAS yet either. I will get some this afternoon. I tried this morning but they're all behind the counters here and I really couldn't take the embarrassment of having someone I know behind me. V tight-knit community round here so I know a lot of people one way or another. (not actually embarrassed about being pregnant, or wondering if I am, but am quite a private person in RL. Not keen to overshare unless I really know people.) I am a day late already, according to my usual cycle, but I wonder if things are just a bit mixed up and it's pre-menopause. I think my Mum's menopause was quite early too. She said it was just like the tap had been switched off, so I am quite paranoid about sudden menopause.

Rita you go ahead and share the gory details. Makes it more interesting. Now look, I didn't say anything about turkey basters... Impressed if your DP could fill one though!!

It is now pissing down here, so not in the mood for going out, but all this wondering and head spinning wondering whether it's our month is probably enough to make me brave the showers.

Oooh good luck fireflies I can't believe your teeny baby is a toddler! You need to get some internet cheapies in so queuing in chemists isn't needed. Shame you don't live next door, I'm sure I still have a few lurking around
Gum sounds like your timing was pretty good - has ff given you a 'rating'?
I have to say - as purely a cheerleader - that dtd holds pretty much no appeal for me...that's awful isn't it? . I sort of like it when I get into it , but the thought of it feels like someone's asking me to climb a mountain in the rain after 24 hrs of no sleep, at 3am
I'm furiously waving the pompoms for everyone!!!

btgw Gum meant to say, posts back now, that your dcs are gorgeous. I can see why you want another!

Hello Diege! I think he falls between your last two in age. I find it funny looking back at old photos. Makes me realise he's not quite so small these days!!

POAS and got a BFN. Am almost less concerned about that than change in cycle, unless genius fertility specialists can reverse menopause? Does anyone know so I can cling to that if it is possible? If AF does turn up it's going to be nasty.

I'm not absolutely convinced the test is right, but it's supposed to be 99% effective even if used 4 days prior to when AF due, and my uterus has been grumbling away for a couple of days now. As I'm already almost 2 days late I guess the chances of it being wrong are very slim. Fortunately I did a large internet shop last night so I can look forward to that tomorrow.

Diege are you absolutely sure you're not going to have another one? Have one for me, maybe??

Morning everyone, still have everything crossed for you Fireflies, my only successful pregnancy didn't show til I was over a week late so you never know. My mum's side of the family all had early menopause & I've been worried as I've had a few very light periods. This last one was quite normal though so who knows what our bodies are up to!!

I am seeing a new acupuncturist today after a very good recommendation. I'm so looking forward to relaxing for an hour after all the illness & hospital trips. Sadly, that's not over yet - dd is going to GOSH on Thursday to be monitored ready for a kidney biopsy on Friday. She is now peeing blood. She is fine in herself though so I'm hoping once they've done the biopsy they can diagnose the issue & give the right treatment. What a worry!
I will be trying to muster up some enthusiasm for sex the day before we go as I'm due ov while she's in. Not sure sleeping in a chair by her bed is that great for baby making!!
Please send lots of positive thoughts for her on Friday x

Hi Grizzer thanks for keeping everything crossed. You can uncross them now though. The painters are in. Although, at least I am less worried about the menopause. Was obviously getting myself into a Pre-menstrual frenzy worrying about it!! Am thinking about getting myself booked in for some blood tests and maybe even another scrape. If we had the spare cash I'd be booking myself in for some more IVF. Trouble is, I think we can only scrape together enough for one, possibly two rounds, and if that doesn't work, it will be agony. It's quite an addictive process. Anyone who's been through IVF will know what I mean. You really get built up - counting the eggs as they develop, then you get a harvest count, then daily updates on the number of embryos, quality.... And then it fails, and you have the worst period ever.

I hope your acupuncture hour is wonderfully relaxing, Grizzer. And lots of positive thoughts for your DD for getting her kidney looked at, and lots of positive vibes for you and the rest of your family too. Hope you manage to get in the mood for a bit of BD too!!

Hope everyone else is well and enjoying half term. FF

Sorry to hear AF got you fireflies. It always seems worse when she leads you on for a few days.
Acupuncture was lovely. Shame I had to come home, tidy up & cook dinner! Oh well x

The sheer exhaustion that comes with AF makes it even worse. I feel like I've been run over by a bus. Still, better start thinking positive... only a few more days before time to start DTD again!!

I'll try to keep up with you all a bit better, but am going to set myself a limit on the laptop every day so I can get some more chores done. Going away for a few days anyway, so will be offline for a bit. Hope the rest of the bank holiday is good for you all. FF

Hi everyone, nothing new to report here, although my temperatures aren't very inspiring, so I reckon it will be another month without luck.. sigh...My boobs are not very sore either, usually I have tenderness by now. Feeling worried that I'm getting very close to the dreaded menopause.

Anyway, I am marking my place so I don't lose the thread.

Calibee - how are things for you?

Green are you starting your treatment soon?

Deige, nice to hear from you. Thanks for the compliment re: my DC's. I think they're lovely. Would so love just one more. You must be so busy now that you're back at work. Do you have to take baby to childcare, or do you have someone come in? What do you do when the other DC's are on holiday? Do you get he same holidays?

It's been very cold today but I managed to get out for a walk. It felt great, despite the wind and rain. Now I am ready to snuggle up by the fire and watch George Gently. Hopefully I'll actually stay awake and watch it. I usually doze off after ten minutes

Happy days!