Fab Forty-Plus! Where are the BFPs...

[JBrd]

To keep this thread going, proving support to all of those of a 'riper vintage' wishing for a baby...

I have received so much help, advice and support here, so although I technically have graduated, I thought I'd get the next thread going to keep the momentum.

Thank you Green and Gumblossom for your comments.
Gumblossom: I do have one other child, yes. I conceived him within two months of trying (aged 38) and was a v healthy pregnancy etc. I then started trying again at 42 (I would have started earlier but my partner was not ready for a second soon after first!). And it has taken well over a year. However I got my FSH results a few weeks ago and they are very good - so doc says I have every chance. But I wonder why it would have been so easy at 38 and so difficult now. I feel like the clock has almost ticked, but will give it a few more months ...

ps and best of luck with your paths - sound very wise choices ...

Hello ladies!
Alice was born yesterday through caesarean section, she weights 3.210 kg and as to now is doing fine and likes mummy's milk!..As some of you know this was a very difficult pregnancy due to some issues related to her health and development with still unknown outcomes.. However we are overwhelmed by the joy of havinhg her with us and will try to take life day by day..
I want to thank especially all thethe old friends on this thread lovely and understand who helped me through the difficult time after Sofia's loss and during this pregnancy.. I am really grateful.
Sofia will be always in my heart and I hope she will protect in some special way her little sister.. as well as his whole little family..
Many hugs to everybody here :-)
Xx Ale

the Newbies I lost Sophia at 24 wks through TFMR.. she is my much loved angel baby..

Thank you, Gumblossom and Greenlizard, for your comments and sharing; I wish you both much success in your quest for a baby.

Mozzarellamummy, congratulations on the birth of your daughter and how dreadful to read about your loss. Wishing you every happiness..

I really don't have any confidence this will work; I have been told by my consultant that, at the age of 43, only 1-in-6 eggs are viable. What if that viable egg is released from the 'wrong' side and doesn't get picked up by my one functional tube? Would it take another six months for a viable egg to come around?

Congratulations Mozza what lovely news. A healthy weight & it sounds like all seems well. Health & development are unknown quantities for all babies is some ways so just enjoy every moment. My advice would be to try not to compare Alice to anyone else - all babies are different & will do things in their own time. My dd barely lifted her head up during tummy time & didn't walk til she was almost 2!! It's easy to look at other children & start to worry but they all do it when they're ready. I very much believe our lost babies look out for their siblings so I'm sure Sophia will be with her little sister every step of her life journey x

Mozza Congratulations to you and a warm welcome to the world for Alice! So happy for you, you have come through so much heartbreak and worries - but now she is here! How fantastic! Enjoy those precious first weeks of getting to know her
Sofia will always be in your heart and memory, watching over you and your family.

green Good luck with the IVF! Will be watching and waiting how you get on, fingers crossed!

Welcome, Rita and zest May your stay on this forum be short and sweet! You will find lots of support and handholding here.

Rita I have read many stories on MN from women who had successful pregnancies with one tube, there is no reason why it shouldn't work for you! Have a look around on the other threads, it is definitely not uncommon.

Zest I'm also 42, had my DS at 39, very normal and unproblematic pregnancy. But now struggling to have DC2 - I've just had my 4th miscarriage in a row. Nothing 'obvious' wrong with me, test have been/are being done. Progesterone is good, AMH is low (normal at my age...), chromosomes all good for me and DH, no clotting problems. I have no problems getting pg, but can't seem to stay pg. Will get more test results in 6 weeks, when they have analysed my most recent loss.

I am a bit all over the place at the moment - on one hand, I want to have a break from ttc and being pregnant, on the other hand I feel very panicky and anxious about time running out for me and DH. I honestly don't know if I can face ttc again, but my heart just breaks at the thought of not having another child
I want to look into NK cell testing, I have heard very encouraging stories about it. I don't hold much hope that the mc tests will give any results, they didn't last time... And I had so many drug treatments in my last pregnancy, I honestly don't know what else they could do (apart from steroids, which is the NK cell theory).

Don't shoot me down, but I am (quite seriously) thinking about adoption... Never ever thought that this could be something for me, but now it could certainly be an option. Really need to find out more about it, but some reading around on MN has at least not discouraged me (yet).

Mozarella, congratulations and so far, so good - all the best to little Alice! I can imagine how good it feels to hold the newborn.....

Welcome, newcomers, and may you move on quickly! I am 44 and between 41 and 44 have fallen pregnant more than 10 times, so I do n ot buy the 1 egg in six is OK to fertilise. Good luck!

I must have immune issues, as I have lost all these pregnancies before getting to heartbeat, either empty sacs or just chemicals. My immune issue,s however, have not shown up on rather complex palette of immune testing (this for you, JBrd - unfortunately these tests being clear does not say you have no immune issues....but I almost hope NKcells are your answer, they are treatable).

This month, Gum, I have tested and it is bfn. Am 11DPO and tested today, so I feel its over for this month.

Congratulations Mozza on the safe arrival of little Alice! I hope you make a quick recovery from your caesarian. I know you'll never forget Sophia, our little lost babies will stay in our hearts forever.
Hi "Rita" and "Zest" ,you'll find this thread is very supportive through the good times and the bad! It's certainly possible to have a baby in your mid forties, though the chances of miscarriage are higher. I found I was pregnant unexpectedly at 44 but sadly miscarried at 11 weeks. We then decided to actively ttc, not to replace what we'd lost ,but we now felt our family was incomplete and there was definitely room in our lives for another child. My AMH level was over 6 . I was told though that at my age any pregnancy had a 50% chance of success. I went on to have several more losses , one after seeing a heartbeat a couple of times on early scans. We decided to give up as it's heart breaking losing baby after baby so had I stopped using OPKs,temping etc when we found out I was pregnant again, and this one stuck. DD3(DC4) was born a few weeks ago, a few months after I turned 46!
We're doing fine,thank you for asking Gum and Jass, our littlest girl is a joy though DH is feeling very outnumbered, even our dogs are female!
Sorry about your BFN Jass.
Hope your DS's cough settles quickly Gum ,did you manage to stay home?
Grizzer ,you've really been going through it, hope your DH is better soon!
Green how exciting that the IVF is going ahead so quickly you could be pregnant very soon!
JBrd I've been thinking about you. It is a difficult decision to make whether to take a break or continue to ttc straight away after all you've been through and while everything is so raw. It sounds like testing for NK cells could be worthwhile though, and your upcoming test results may give you some answers too xxx
Hi to CaliBee , Diege and everyone else

Ooo, Irishmammy, congratulations on having a baby at 46! How wonderful.

Jass, the consultant agrees with you that women in their forties have little problem getting pregnant, but I think his point was (and research agrees) only a small number of eggs will result in a baby. Science puts the figure at 1-in-6 for women of 43 and 1-in-10 over 45. The rest, I suppose, would result in chemicals or miscarriage (if they were fertilised at all)

I think I will pay for an antral follicle count, which is supposed to be the best indicator of ovarian reserve. Would you agree? At least then I can be more informed and not allow myself to get my hopes up each month if the count shows a rubbish number of eggs..

Thanks Irishmammy and wow - yes, congratulations at your new baby at 46. That is very inspiring to hear! And bug congratulations to Mozarella too

BIG that was meant to say ...

Hi everyone! Dh been in hospital for a week suspected, inflamed colon ? So not been able to update Gum ! A WTF cycle I think, af didn't come in its usual way, as I said earlier started spotting 8dpo and it didn't stop until 25 dpo? Dp said he didn't think its gonna happen now. I agreed, and i havent bothered temping. But this morning when i awoke I was feeling for my thermometer ! Took too long to find so i didn't start today, however it is in position for the morning ! New chart new start !
Congratulations! Mozza- great timing , lifting my hopes!
Welcome new ladies !

JBrd - forgot to say that I think adoption is a great idea. I have a friend who is doing the same (she also has one child, but can't conceive a second). I would only not go down that route myself because I am very happy with one child and I think would be ok with that if a second one is not meant to be ... (though I hope it is!)

ps or rather I have spent a year or so coming to terms with the fact that it MIGHT not happen.

Welcome to the hospital club mumalah! I've got a named parking space & waiting room seat in our local hosp ha ha. Hope dh is ok though, it's exhausting & stressful when men are ill - if he's anything like my dh they are not the easiest patients (& I am not a patient nurse!) hope he gets well so

Sorry, posted mid sentence yet again. Hope he gets well soon, I meant to say.
I am going through my monthly 'am I aren't I?' stage. I thought I was due AF tues possibly weds. My first day last month was fairly brownish & although it filled a pad, I don't know if I count that day or start on the next when it was redder. Even so, Tuesday would have been either cd 30 or 31. I had a small brown spot that day & thought AF would start weds. Nothing. A lot of twinges but nothing else. Was going to test when I got home from work but when I wiped I think I saw a little bit of gloopy discharge (sorry) so assume again that AF is still coming so I didn't bother wasting a test.I hate it when it's late - it's just so cruel.
Gone back through diary & I had a 33 day cycle in March so that's probably what I'm doing again. I'm annoyed because on Tuesday I was sure AF was coming, on Wednesday, I was still being realistic & thought she'd show. Today hope has crept in. Tomorrow disappointment. Oh well, Friday night wine then I guess.

Thought I'd have a go at this thread....Hellooooo!! Im FFW, 43, married, and mum to 5.
DS 21, DD 17, DS 14, DS 11 and DS 4

We are TTC number 6 at the moment. I put it off, saying 5 was enough as people had/have such horrid/shocked/disbelief reactions to saying I wanted more, and it put me right off.....

I always knew my family didnt feel complete, but I'm a terrible wuss at rocking the boat and I worry if people think bad/less of me, so i pretended that I was happy to leave it at 5......but after my mum needing and having unexpected, urgent heart surgery I decided that I didn't want to wake up one morning when it was too late, full of regret for something I wished I had done, and with my kids only having one grandparent (my mum) it really put things into perspective for me, and we decided to go for it.

Came off the mini pill in mid Dec 2014 and have been TTC since then with no contraception, sex about 5/6 nights a week, but still no luck as of yet. A bit disheartening ( I keep having to remind myself that Im not in my 20s any more and a lot of my eggs are probably hard boiled by now which is why, tonight, I decided to have a look for some like minded women on a forum to share/swap experiences with or just to lurk, and realise im not alone in this, and im not odd, or abnormal, or downright mad as a box of frogs as some people think I am.

so that's me in a nutshell for my first post :) I don't know how regularly I will be able to post, but I will try to pop back as much as I can....so please don't think Im ignoring you if it takes a day or two to reply or acknowledge your post.

If you want to know any more, just give us a holler!

Hi everyone.

Congratulations mozza . It is so nice to hear that baby Alice has arrived. It is good to her she is feeding well, and is a good size. Keep us posted on her progress.

mumalah, so hear of your DH being ill and in hospital. I hope they can find out what is wrong and sort him out.

Hello, Fattyfishwife and welcome. I'm in a similar situation to yours, though I am older. My eldest child is now 23, and others are 21,17,14 and 5. I'd dearly love one more to make it 6, but there isn't much I can do other than keep trying.

Ds's cough has gotten a bit more barky and his nose is very snotty, so I am at home today with him. It is good, I've had a chance to tidy up and put on some laundry, which makes life a bit easier to cope with.

Hmm..I found a site called Fertility Friends and searched for women over 42 who have conceived with only one fallopian tube. There were five They took an average of 24 months to conceive If it is going to take this long to get pregnant I am not going to fuel the madness by joining ttc forums or charting ovulation. Either I will get pregnant having sex during my fertile window or I won't, but throwing obsession into the mix will only bring me sadness and frustration, I reckon.

So, thank you for the welcome, ladies, but I will bow out here. I wish you all health, happiness...and a baby!

AF for me. At least the waiting is over & on to the next month x

Sorry Grizzer. Are you having a nice glass of wine to make up for the lack of bfp? Hang in there, maybe next month will be the golden egg you've been waiting for.

Rita, sorry to see you go so soon. But if that's how you need to do it, I wish you all the best. I know being in a support group can fuel the obsession, and I tried to bow out for a while (but I'm an addict and couldn't stay away ). For many of us the thread offers support whilst going through a difficult journey.

I can see how the "stats" on fertility friend may have felt a bit negative, but to me it shows that you can get pregnant with one fallopian tube over age 42, and although the average time was 24 months, that doesn't mean it will take that long for you.

It's a weird thing, but I thought for sure I wouldn't handle going this ttc thing for years. I also thought I wouldn't have to. I was always Mrs Fertile Myrtle, getting pregnant whenever I wanted to. Well, this ttc over 42 has been an eye opener for me, and I think it's been really good for me too in a lot of ways.

TTC for a long time, and experiencing losses has:
*helped give me perspective on how easy I had it before
*allowed me to appreciate how difficult it is for many women
*helped me realise how lucky I have been to have five healthy children
*introduced me to some really wonderful women online
*given me the opportunity to know my body better
*given me the gift of acupuncture, which I would never have looked into without ttc
*given me a glimpse of what it is really like to experience loss, to now understand how it feels to lose a pregnancy, something I really had no inkling of before, which I think has given me compassion that I never had before.

What it hasn't given me, though, is a baby. But I think I can live with that. As long as I know I do what I can to get the sperm in the right place at the right time, I can live with it.

Speaking of which, I am a bit that I haven't had sex with my DH since ovulation time last month. It is terrible, I know, and not done intentionally - I have just been so tired and busy. I wonder if that is why less "older" women get pregnant (not the ones ttc, but others), not just due to waning fertility, but just because they don't have sex as often. I so wish I had more energy for it. I'm CD9, so must try to get my passion on, but with DS sick and keeping me awake at night, plus all the other commitments, I fall into bed and fall asleep so quickly!

Any suggestions (besides, "just do it"?!)

I hope you are all well this weekend. I have DD's netball game this morning (I'll have a lovely swim in the first half of her game), then I have to make a cake to take to a wake this afternoon, plus a cake for DS who turns 21 today . If you'd told me, when he was born, that I'd still be trying to have a baby when he turned 21, I would have told you were completely loopy! Ha, ha, but here I am....

As with most things in life Gum just do it . Your dh won't question the waning enthusiasm as the month goes on; if he's anything like mine he'll just be grateful .
I have been reading the thread when I'm up first thing in the morning and will try and keep popping in to wave my pompoms. All is good here. Ds3 (dc6) (who I had at 43 for those who don't know) is 7 months now and a little chunk. He is quite a serious baby but has lots of chuckles too, esp when provoked by his siblings which he adores. Ds 1 (age 4) is especially good with him which has come as some surprise!
Thinking of you jbrd and hoping you can find some answers over the next few weeks
Love to all, and a big hello to the newbies - this is the best thread on Munsnet

Hello Diege, lovely to hear from you.

Yes, I will "just do it", but not tonight. We've been to a wake and DH has drunk an awful lot of red wine, and he's not at all attractive right now!

We were at a wake of a friend's father whose funeral was today, but actually in Scotland (Scoraig). It was quite amazing to skype the family in Scoraig from our corner of Australia. Technology is incredible.

We just had a feed of lasagne and Nigella's chocolate cloud cake for DS's birthday dinner. He's such a sweetie: he was so pleased I'd made lasagne as it is his favourite. I am full as a goog now. Might go and stretch out on the couch...

Here's a picture of my DS (the birthday boy) with his baby brother - not very recent, they're both about 5 years older now.

cute, Gumblossom! I am sure these pics are nice memories now and help to be more or less over ttc, even if not given up!