cos I can imagine how terrifying and stressful this wait must be for you. The days must feel very long as you wait for your scan. I'm so sorry about the horrible anxiety dream - I do think that is your body's way of processing the stress. I will be thinking of you on Thursday (and before then) and will have everything crossed that you get some good news.
devon I hope you get the round soon - hopefully they will pleasantly surprise you and the timing will come quicker than you expect. Waiting is so hard, when you have waited so long already. And it's the not knowing that is hard - it will help if you have a defined timeline and goal to get to, so I do hope they tell you soon when you can start. Then you can start ticking off the days on your calendar.
euro I hope you're not feeling too sick and that work isn't too exhausting - I remember the first trimester being completely knackering. I know how full-on your job is - make sure MrEuro is looking after you in the evenings!
ray Great news that the tests are done and everything showed up normal. Did you have the chat with your lovely doctor yet? I have heard people often have better success with FET, so I am really hoping this will be the lucky break you so deserve. You have been so patient.
sea Sending sympathetic nausea-calming thoughts your way. Do take it as easy as you can - your body is working incredibly hard right now.
lemon MrC and I have tentatively started online research to try to see if there's somewhere in the Caribbean we could go for a few days, some time in early March, before I go back to work. We wanted to go to his parents' place in Florida as it's free, warm, and beautiful and wouldn't require any organisation beyond booking flights and a rental car, but it's rented until mid-April. Does anyone have a favourite hotel or particular place they have stayed that they loved? It's overwhelming how many options there are.
nelly It would be a pain to go to Greece twice, but maybe you could just go into full-on holiday mode and book somewhere really nice to stay and treat both trips like a long weekend with some ancient monument sightseeing and lovely Mediterranean sunshine thrown in? Definitely try to get as much done in the UK as possible in terms of blood tests etc.
buzzy mini bee is so precious. I really hope it's all going well with breastfeeding - I hear it can be very painful in the early stages - and that you are getting some sleep and recovering physically.
It's been great having my mum here. We've got out of the house every day and been for coffee and long chats, which has been really nice. Talking things through with her has been good - I guess partly because she is 38 years ahead of me with losing her son so it shows me there is light at the end of the tunnel. I can see that she is still sad about him, still visits his grave on his birthday every year, still says it was the worst thing that ever happened to her, but she has had a happy life and she remembers him with love as her first child. That makes me feel the future will be ok.
Missing James doesn't feel rational - the grief feels more animal than logical. I only held him for less than a day, and all my other memories of him were when he was inside me moving around or hiccuping, but it still feels like something is clawing me from the inside. But there's also something else which I know everyone else feels here - the grief for lost time, time passing without being able to start a family. I have spent the first half of my thirties longing for babies and not being able to have them. I know every single 10 plusser has that exact same grief. It's exhausting, and it feels like snakes and ladders - every test, failed month or IVF round, we move forward or slide backwards. And yet we keep going, and keep hoping. I do still think we're all going to have children, and that this will make the experience of motherhood sweeter when it does come. But I wish we didn't have to go through it.