Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

[Star0909]

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

HI all
Sorry I've been missing in action again. Sometimes I just find it easier to put my head down and keep going. I think when our rainbow is born (because it will be, all is well, there is no reason t think otherwise) we are going to fall over with shock at having a live baby because we are in complete denial!

MissA Sorry you've also been having a difficult time. It comes and goes in waves doesn't it? when is your 20 week scan? My 28 week is next Tuesday, keeping everything crossed for both of us. Will be thinking of you this weekend at the big "reveal". Completely get your anxiety and sadness. With this pregnancy I love that people are happy for us but I find the implication that "its alright now, cos you've got another live baby, we don't need to think about the dead one". Its probably just in my head but I feel so disloyal to 'H'.

Betty Glad your tests all came back OK although it doesn't help with an answer does it? Hats off to you for finishing your thesis and definitely agree with the focusing on feeling well and getting out and about. After we lost 'H' we walked miles, we walked if we were sad, we walked if we were less sad, if we were tired of talking.... we just walked. When we went away after the funeral and took the dog to PIL she practically staggered over the doorstep as if to say "christ I'm knackered, they've gone mad, we've walked miles lately!"

ATM Belated woohoo! Congrats to you! Am thrilled about your rainbow news. Fingers crossed for a bumper crop of rainbows on here this year!

Blue Sorry yu've been struggling x Completely get the need to be super aware of everything (the pressure is immense isn't it?) and I'm glad your local midwifery team are being supportive about checking you over whenever you need it. I think from what they said to me they completely expet ot after a loss like ours. I have been twice so far but watch this space!

Earth I'm with everyone else. Definitely vote that you stay! One of the things I found most comforting when we first lost H was reading bak this thread. I remember reading posts by Greengoose! it was comforting to see how everyone goes through those emotions and fears and then see there journey. I think it was what gave me hope. We need you because you've been there and you are still standing!

Kayleigh Welcome to the thread and I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy Ben. April is no time at all. Hope all goes well with TTC and go easy on yourself. (Easier said than done though, its all consuming isn't it?)

Critter Hope you and your bean are doing OK. I can't believe the way you were treated by the midwives! Thats appalling! Glad you have confidence in your OB, trust is so important when you've been on the wrong side of the statistics.

Ducky Hope the morning sickness is OK. Good luck with your employers and hope they surprise you! At the end of the day the only thing that matters is you and your rainbow, any element that those around you find difficult then quite frankly they just need to man up and deal with it!

AFM doing OK now..... yes Critter I did go shopping, not a spree really, I'm not feeling that brave but we bought some lovely "lovebug" baby grows from NEXT. Have promised myself if 28 week scan is all OK we are going out to but the "rainbow" sleep suits from JOJO. Has anyone seen them?

Thank you RubyShoe. We're just trying to be gentle on ourselves right now. I'm sure when the time is right our rainbow will happen.
The "rainbow" sleepsuits sound lovely btw x

Ruby those sleep suits are adorable, just took a look. Good luck for your scan. Will be thinking of you. Walking is such a good meditative and healing activity, I remember walking round the park with MrCritter in the weeks after James died, well more hobbling than walking- but it did help to just walk, sometimes saying nothing.

Kayleigh well done on the not smoking, that isn't easy in such a stressful situation - you should be proud of yourself!

Thanks CritterPants it helps that i know i can do it as i've quit before and i'm determined by nature, although i'm now going through packs of chewing gum like nobody's business haha

I lost my baby in February at 21 weeks. I just had an embryo transfer and will find out on Friday if we are pregnant again. Over analysing everything!

I have a blog about everything which you may want to check out: wwww.wakeupsurvivesleep.com

Wishing you all good luck, positive thoughts and happy endings xx

DRS so sorry to hear you lost your baby, I havent had time to look at your blog but crossing my fingers for you for Friday, let us know

Ruby will be thinking of you tomorrow, hope everything goes really well. Cant believe you are only 10 week away from meeting little Bear! I know what you mean about being in denial, I still cannot believe I have our LO growing inside, even when I see him on the scan screen!

Ducky hope youre managing the MS and feel a bit better after your meltdown at work. Did they move you cos of the paint smell?

Critter hope youre feeling good and the MS is still holding off. Yes our little boy is IVF, its been IVF all the way for us apart from the first year of trying "naturally". We have some frosties but if anything goes wrong this time I dont think I'd have the strength to go back yet again.

Kayleigh good luck with stopping the smoking, did you stop at the weekend?

AFM we had the big reveal at the weekend, as expected it was a mixed bunch of reactions. While everyone was saying how happy they were for us DHs sister piped up with "Oh we definitely shouldnt even think about celebrating the news - look how excited we were last time and then what happened?" I know she is totally right, but FFS surely she could have kept that pearl of wisdom to herself? Also DH's daughter informed us of "how disappointed she is that it's a boy, she would have by far preferred a girl" another comment that I think should have been kept to herself. Oh well, thats in-laws for you, mine at least.

Waves to everyone else x

So sorry for your loss DRSLondon and good luck for Friday x

missalexandra didn't manage to fully stop smoking, but managed to cut down by a lot, so it's progress, and i'll keep plodding on with it. I can understand your feelings about the comments from your in-laws, i'd probably feel the same, but comments like those are the exact reason only certain people will be told when we get the BFP.

Hope everyone's doing ok xx

Hi everyone, I lost my DS at 17 weeks in February this year. Had a PM but he was perfectly normal, he just died. His due date is the end of this month which I am dreading.

I have my follow up appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic tomorrow (had 2 early miscarriages in the past 12 months too) and I am hoping that they will give us the go ahead to TTC. Want our little rainbow. Though will be very scared, multiple miscarriages and being 40 make the odds slimmer (but not impossible! ).

Hi Homelander, sorry to hear about your DS and early MC. Will keep everything crossed for you tomorrow xx

MissA I'm raging on your behalf, what stupid things to say. I hope that on reflection they realise they were insensitive .

A warm welcome to the newcomers, so sorry you need to be here.

I'll read back and reply properly later x

I'm sorry I haven't replied properly yet, I just need to vent. My SIL is 24weeks pg with a boy. She told us when she was 9weeks and has been harping on about it ever since. When she found out it was a boy she sent a text "guess what... X will have a playmate" with zero consideration for the fact that might be hard for us, because of course he should have his big brother here. She has been texting my DH all evening asking about car seats. He doesn't mind but I do, I find it so so hard. Why is she even buying stuff like that now???! I realise that most people do, I can't articulate why I feel the way I do about her and this pregnancy, I'm just finding it incredibly hard to cope with. Of course things are slightly easier now I have my gorgeous rainbow boy, but I miss my big boy more than words can say and I'm so sad that I can't have him too. I've been missing him more than ever these last couple of days x

Sending hugs EarthWindAnd9 xx

Thank you Kaleigh, sorry I haven't introduced myself properly yet. I'm having a wobbly night. So terrified my rainbow will die too

Welcome homelander and DRS, sorry for your losses.

Earth some people just incite the rage! I am sorry she was so insensitive. Its that blithe, cheery lack of consideration that is hard to deal with. Of course your little boy should be here with his wee brother.

Missalex sorry about thoughtless relatives. Grr. My son was IVF too.

AFM bad news, I miscarried today. It was early, only 5 + 4, but still miserable. It is compounding my grief for James. Feels like I am back at square one again, 3 and a half years after starting TTC with nothing to show for it but a whole lot of pain.

Critter are you still awake? I'm also having trouble sleeping and came on for a lurk and possibly a rant and then read your message. I'm so sorry. I can imagine a little as when we were 5 weeks with this rainbow I started to bleed and bled for 12 days in total but luckily it turned out OK. I remember though feeling so heart broken, we've already lost a baby how can another be taken? The whole process of conceiving seems to take so long ..... Sending you loads of love and hugs, always here if you need a chat / rant / sob / any of the above x

Welcome to DRS and Homelander so sorry for your losses and that you find yourself on here but glad you found us too! Homelander I'm definitely with you on the "not impossible" thing. We lost our beautiful daughter 'H' at 40+2 when i was 37, I'm now 38 and 28 weeks pregnant with our rainbow but remember reading all the stuff about fertility "plummeting" after 35 and it scaring the Jesus out of me. It's all individual isn't it? We can hold each others hands to day as I have an appointment too! I'll try to be brave if you will!

MissA Quite frankly my Flabber is gasted. I am most severely affronted on your behalf. Where do these people get their crass genes from? I don't know how old your DHs daughter is but his sister should definitely know better. I'd love to know what goes on in their heads. If our angels had survived and lived a few more years and say for example we then (god forbid) lost them in an accident or something similar, would people still think it appropriate to say "don't have any more you know what happened last time"? NO! of course they wouldn't. What is it about the fact that they didn't ,make it past birth or the early days that makes their lives count less! Quite frankly I'm in the zone to give it someone both barrels between the eyes, if you would like to volunteer your sister in law please forward me her address and I'll start with a strongly worded letter and move on from there! Grrrrrrrrr!

Earth I'm hoping your not still awake as your post was last night but I'm so sorry you are struggling at the moment. You made me cry. Grief isn't finite is it? Do any of us remember the heady days of being pregnant and being 'sure' it would turn out well. I remember them vaguely but it feels like its a different person. I know where you are coming from as I am struggling at the moment with the label of "well your pregnant agin so thats OK". When you have been on the wrong side of the statistics I think it changes our view forever.

AFM well I came on for a rant as can't sleep worrying about todays appointment but after everyones news, particularly lovely Critters I think I should probably count myself lucky to be pregnant at all and shut up! I think I'm just having a bit of a "groundhog" moment. Went in to the hospital today for my glucose test and mentioned I was seeing the Consultant tomorrow. The lovely midwife informed me her is on holiday and it would be his registrar. Only problem is only time we saw a reg with 'H' was when I was sent in 10 days before she died as was measuring big for dates. The registrar then, while lovely clearly wasn't that senior and didn't inspire confidence. The next time I saw her was in hospital when H had died and was being born. when I type it it looks a ridiculous thing to worry about. I think we were just really hoping we could get some things clarified today with he Consultant and make a plan but I doubt thats going to happen now and I just feel a bit in limbo....... i need a plan!

Sorry for not name checking everyone, I think I've rambled for long enough. Waves to all x

Critter I am so so sorry, my posts seem completely self indulgent in light of your sad news. I think it is perfectly understandable that miscarrying compounds your grief for James. I think you said you love abroad so I hope it wasn't 2am when you posted and that you managed to get some sleep. Sending you strength and support

Ruby-i think I understand how you feel, pg is so hard and you have little things to focus on to get you through but when they change it throws you for a bit.

Homeland, DRS and Kaleigh, very warm welcome to our thread and I'm so very sorry to hear about your LOs. I lost my first son, F, in Sept 2012 at 27 weeks and am very very lucky to have his Rainbow brother here with me now, born 4mths ago. As you can see from my wobbly posts last night, I still need the ladies here sometimes as only you all know the complicated mix of emotions we have to deal with.

Hi guys

Sorry have been away. Me and DH hae been having some problems

Ruby the rainbow sleep suit sounds lovely my employers have been terrible

DRS and home lander, so sorry that you find yourself on his thread

Earth, your SIL sounds very insensitive, I wish people would think before opening their mouth I also fear for my rainbow too, on a daily basis! Il always find something to worry about!

Critter, so sorry about the miscarriage how are you feeling?

ATM how are you?

Very quick post as am off out. Waves to everyone x

So so sorry to hear your news CritterPants, sending hugs to you xx

Thank you for the welcome EarthWindAnd9 xx

Waves to all xx

Finally I'm off the app so I can reply properly.... Sorry that some of what I'm replying to is so old...!

Ruby I had a planned section and whilst I was scared as I have never had an Op before, it was the right decision for me and it was a calm and controlled experience. From what I've heard EMCS are the scary ones that you want to avoid, but a ELCS can be a positive experience. Hope you are feeling ok about heading that way and hope your appt goes really well today.

ATM how are you feeling?

MissA how are you after the weekend? And how are you feeling about your LO being a boy? It's so complicated isn't it? If I was honest with myself I had a preference for a boy with my rainbow (but I wasn't honest!) I convinced myself I was having a girl. I think I had similar feelings to you, what if I would never have another boy. To be honest I tried not to dwel on it because I found it too difficult to sort through my feelings. It did help me to know before the birth, so I hope it has helped you to find out too. How is your DH feeling after telling his family?

Blue so sorry you had a scare last week but I'm so glad you got checked. Is everything ok now? How are you feeling? I hope she is wriggling lots for you.

Ducky how is the sickness? Have the tablets helped? V sorry to hear about problems with your DH, I hope it's nothing too serious?

Homelander good luck for your appointment today! I hope they can give you some answers.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, lots of activity since I last posted properly.

AFM-after my mini meltdown last night I'm feeling a bit better after sleeping on it. Still a bit emotional, but I'll get over it. Having a lazy sofa day today because the weather is rubbish.

Hey everyone,

earth and ruby you are not self-indulgent at all! Not in the slightest. I don't think you can be self-indulgent given what you've been through, that isn't a word that can apply to you!

I am in the US, so my post was at a normal hour (for me). Sorry for the insomnia ruby. I too have heard that an ELCS can be a calm, beautiful experience.

missalex just wanted to toss another grrr in there about your DH's relatives. FFS.

One of the crappy things about all this is that I know that any pregnancy/new baby after a loss like ours is going to be fraught with fear. I was really anxious already before I lost this pregnancy, and having been through what I (and we) went through already, this miscarriage is manageable. I'm just glad that if it was going to happen, it happened now, and not when I was further along. It is nothing like the pain of losing my full-term newborn son. I just feel really sad that it's taking so bloody long to have a family, and exhausted by the emotional rollercoaster of long-term TTC. But wallowing isn't going to get me anywhere so I have to get back on the horse.

No idea what the next step is. I had a blood test yesterday and should get the results today. We have 4 more frozen embryos so I don't know how long we have to wait before doing another transfer, or whether we should take our chances with a couple of my (crazily long 50 day) natural cycles. Love to all.

Homelander So sorry to hear about your little boy, and I hope you get some answers at the clinic today, hopefully a green light for TTC again. Dont lose hope, so many of the ladies on here have been to hell and back and now have their rainbows in their arms

Critter oh I'm so sorry to hear your news. I know how it feels after having various miscarriages myself, and although like you say it is not the same as losing a full term baby its still terrible and you have to go through the grieving process just the same. Will you be giving yourselves some time or are you planning on jumping straight back on the rollercoaster? I've always been told to wait 2 full cycles after a MC. I always felt the best thing for me was to get a new plan made straight away, but we're all different. Hugs for you and DH

Earth totally identify with you being upset with your SIL, she sounds like an insensitive b**ch...simliar to mine in fact! Like you say, she obviously thinks that everything is all hunkydory just becasue you have your rainbow (if she thinks at all) sounds like she needs a good slap. How these peoples's perspectives would change if they could only live one day of what we have all been through. I am now feeling a lot calmer about the gender news, and starting to feel excited about little-boy-things. But it is very, very complicated and not easy to put into words. I do feel blessed to even have the opportunity of having these complicated feelings though! Glad to see from your later post you are feeling a bit better, hope the lazy sofa day did its trick

Ruby am thinking of you and DH today and hoping everything goes well at the scan and you get your plan worked out. I can totally understand your being a bit upset about not seeing your normal consultant, I think that in this whole process we all feel like we have lost 100% control over everything, and even the slightest glitch in what we have "planned" can throw us off a little. Thanks for the offer of sorting out my SIL I'm sure she would be shocked that anyone would infer that she had said anything offensive. And DHs daughter is 26, so she definitely should know better! What made me even crosser was that DH stuck up for her and said "oh she's only being spontaneous" Gggrrr.

Ducky sorry to hear you and DH are having problems. This whole thing is such a strain on any relationship and if there are other things going on it all gets very complicated. Hope you can work things out.

Kayleigh well done on cutting down, just keep trying till youve given up 100%. I know its so hard though.

AFM Just plodding on towards Monday's 20 week scan. I was posting a bit on a pregnancy thread, as after all there is normal stuff you want to ask about even during a rainbow pregnancy, but in the end I have abandoned it as I just cant bear the fact that they ALL seem to think they have a guaranteed happy healthy baby at the end of the nine months. I know that sounds very bitter, and I truly, truly hope thats how it works out for them, but I just dont feel comfortable pretending that I too believe the same thing and dont want to bring down the "happy vibe" on the thread by insinuating they should even consider thinking about things going wrong. Does that sounds awful? On the other hand I ask myself if we have some sort of "moral" obligation to wake them up to even the remotest of possibilities. Do any of you ladies-with-bumps post on "normal" pregnancy threads? Earth, did you?

Hugs to all

MissA- ggggrrrrr to your DH from me too! I didn't post on pg threads, like you, I couldn't pretend I was "normal" but didn't want to bring everyone down either. I did follow the antenatal thread for my month though and actually found that because it was a busy one at least one other person asked my question for me! Have you tried the Sands forums? They have pg threads for 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimesters so everyone is pg but they have all lost a baby, might be worth considering?

Thanks MissAlexandra i'll manage it again. and you don't sound bitter- just realistic i suppose after everything you've been through. Personally i had experience of child loss, as my cousin lost her DS2 at 37weeks, and i had an early miscarriage between my DD and DS1, but i do think what i went through has opened a few of my friends eyes to the reality.

Just delurking for a moment to say Critter read your news this morning and I have been thinking of you all day. You have been so generous in offering your support to me and others on various threads - it's so unfair that this pregnancy didn't stick for you. You seem amazingly strong and proactive; I get the sense that you will have the strength to carry on until you get your rainbow. Big hugs.

Welcome to Kayleigh, DRS and Homelander, and sorry that you find yourselves here. I haven't posted much as I'm not quite ready to ttc yet (my baby died two months ago today), but I have found this thread a great comfort.

Ruby if you're still worried about the section - I've had two now after planning for a natural birth both times, and they're really not been that bad to recover from - and as has been said already on this thread, several of my friends had had planned ones and really enjoyed the experience.

And MissA, grr to your in laws, how insensitive. Good luck with your scan on Monday, and I can very much identify with what you posted about other pregnant women just assuming they will have a healthy baby - I now know that nothing can be taken for granted, and feel quite shaken by other people's assumptions that nothing can go wrong once they have passed the twelve week point.

Hugs to all x

Thank you Betty and so sorry for your loss also xx