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Conception

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Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

998 replies

Star0909 · 29/10/2013 09:27

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

OP posts:
Ducky23 · 29/06/2014 17:41

August and Kayleigh, so sorry for your losses Sad

Kayleigh did they give you any reasons for what happened?

ThanksThanksThanks X

kayleighferrie1985 · 29/06/2014 17:45

Thank you Ducky23 i had a placental rupture. I had all the clotting disorder blood tests done and all came back clear. My consultant has explained everything as best as he can x

Ducky23 · 29/06/2014 20:04

At least there is something they can monitor very closely next time. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant after loosing our first child, a little girl in feb this year at 31+2. This pregnancy has been the most stressful thing I have ever done but the people on this thread are amazing and have helped me through the worst time of my life Smile I hope you get the same comfort from it as I have Thanks

kayleighferrie1985 · 29/06/2014 20:31

Sorry for the loss of your little girl, and congratulations on your pregnancy. I did go on the mini-pill for 5 weeks as i was wary of falling pregnant before i'd had my test results, but been off it for 2 weeks now, just hoping my rainbow happens soon as it took lots longer to conceive Ben than our older children x

Ducky23 · 29/06/2014 20:39

Are you currently TTC? I fell pregnant before they were able to do my tests which is worrying but I have very long very irregular cycles so thought I should start TTC ASAP. Luckily it happened the first month of trying

kayleighferrie1985 · 29/06/2014 20:47

Yes, we started TTC as soon as we got the all clear, purely because it took so long for Ben to be on his way so to speak

Ducky23 · 29/06/2014 20:55

I really hope it happens quickly for you Smile

kayleighferrie1985 · 29/06/2014 21:01

Thank you, and i hope you have a smooth pregnancy x

liane123 · 30/06/2014 12:33

Hi star,

Just wanted to say congratulations and good luck :0)

X o x o x o

missalexandra · 01/07/2014 13:07

Kayleigh so sorry to hear about Ben, and hope that you get your rainbow as soon as possible

August so sorry to hear you lost your little boy. Its great to hear that you went on to have your rainbow, thank you for posting

Earth Dont go!!! More often that not its you that keeps the thread going when the rest of us are off having our meltdowns and I personally love reading your posts. I vote you stay :)

Blue hope you are managing to cope with the anxiety, it is just so damned hard isnt it? I know how tough it is to have pregnant freinds/family around, and the fact that they just ignore that there is no guarantee they will get their baby seems so wierd. I never gave it a thought either, but then I had never known it happen to anyone, whereas our friends/family unfortuantely DO know someone (us) yet still the penny doesnt seem to drop. I suppose its easier to just ignore it, as statistics say they will be fine Hmm. Why dont you check out this page: www.countthekicks.org.uk you can buy a wristband that helps you to count the movements, I'm going to get one I think. And also there is an app (free) you can get to do the same. Set up by women who have lost their LOs to stillbirth.

Ruby I'm glad to hear you are a bit happier about the possibility of a section. Did you go on a shopping spree for little Bear?

ATM how are you feeling? Are you managing ok with the anxiety?

Ducky hope youre feeling ok. Did your feet stop hurting so bad?

Critter hope youre feeling ok too. Will you be able to have a different midwife this time?

Waves to Betty, Owl and anyone who might be lurking x

AFM Had our latest checkup last night, everything seems to be fine and at last we got a look at the "bits". We're having a boy this time. Still in the grips of total fear and sadness. The further along I get the more I want A back, I just yearn for her with every breath (like we all do our LOs). Have the 20 week anomoly scan in 2 weeks, hoping that will help with the fears. Yes I know, who am I kidding?

CritterPants · 01/07/2014 18:07

kayleigh hello, so sorry that you are here and lost your precious little boy. I love the name Ben, it's always been one of my favourite boy's names. Good luck with TTC, it's great that your doctor has given you the green light, although I know it will be an extra stressful time for you. I lost my little son James in January and am just now pregnant with his brother or sister - it's super early and I am worrying but from reading about the other ladies on this thread, I reckon that is going to be par for the course.

earth I love reading your posts and don't want you to go. It's so nice to hear from someone who has been through the stress of a rainbow pregnancy and survived - all the emotions and fear that go along with that.

missalex A boy, how lovely. It's hard with the gender thing because basically we all just want our lost babies back (although we also fiercely love and are terrified about the safety of our rainbow babies) and I'm sure it underscores that this is a different baby to your son. I have a gender preference for a boy with this pregnancy (although what I want most is just a healthy baby - please, God) and I know I will have complicated feelings about a little girl, just because of James. What I really want is him and I can't have him. My mum went on to have two girls after losing her son and she said she's always felt a little wistful about not having another boy, even though she adores me and my sister and wouldn't swap us. It's so complicated isn't it.

I won't be seeing the midwives again - just our wonderful obstetrician. I'm in the US where obstetricians are more normal, but I had specifically chosen midwife care with my first pregnancy because I wanted a natural birth . The (very young) midwife on call the night James was born didn't tell us to come in straight away when I told her I had had heavy bleeding. I know she feels guilty about it. It meant we delayed by about an hour. The doctors have told us it probably wouldn't have made any difference, but I will always have that 'what if'. And the chief midwife, whose caseload I was on, took three days to come and see me, got our baby's name wrong, and clearly hadn't had a conversation with the obstetrician about what exactly happened. So I just don't trust them.

blue hope you're doing ok and managing the anxiety. I can imagine it'd be incredibly stressful, the stage you are at. I am looking forward to feeling my baby move but also will be terrified because of the sense of responsibility.

atm how are you feeling? Any MS yet?

betty thinking of you and hope you're managing ok. Flowers

august how lovely of you to post, so sorry you lost your little boy, and glad that you've survived and had another little son, although it doesn't make up for what you went through.

ducky the period in between 12 weeks and 20 weeks must be dragging I am sure.

ruby did you have your 28 week appointment yet? What sort of monitoring are they giving you - non stress tests? scans?

Hope everyone else that I've met on this thread is doing ok.

CritterPants · 01/07/2014 18:11

Gah - just re-read post - sorry missales I meant to say 'this just underscores that this is a different baby to your daughter'. Sorry. Foot in mouth! I was trying to say that it may be hard to have a rainbow of a different sex to the lost baby. Blush Flowers

kayleighferrie1985 · 01/07/2014 18:50

Thank you missalexandra, we're trying not to put too much pressure on ourselves for our rainbow, as my consultant said- if my body's not ready it won't happen, although my body usually seems to have a mind of it's own so we'll see. How nice that you found out that you're having a boy also.

Thank you critterpants. We had picked Ben as his name because it's very much a family name on my DH's side. I'm fully preparing myself for the next pregnancy to be stressful, luckily i have a very close support network to help me through it. Also would like to say sorry for the loss of James.

BlueSkyandRain · 02/07/2014 20:42

kayleigh I'm sorry you find yourself needing this thread but glad you've been given the all clear and you have a good support network round you. My son was stillborn just over a year before Ben (lovely name :) ) also due to the placenta coming away, & like you there was no cause or anything found, my blood results were normal. I still can't quite believe it actually happened tbh, when there just didn't seem to be anything wrong. I hope you find this thread as helpful as I have in not feeling alone.

Sorry not to namecheck, am on my phone in hospital having got checked out again... everything seems ok now but I had some uncomfortable braxtons followed by no movement for a while. (Obviously she's wriggling for England now). Just waiting to be discharged by a dr, but have seen the mw I was under last time who's been lovely.

kayleighferrie1985 · 02/07/2014 20:51

Thank you BlueSkyandRain. I know what you mean about the doctors not finding anything wrong- when we went for the test results i think it was more of a shock to be told nothing was wrong with my bloods because we automatically thought the worst. A lady at my local SANDS group had said to me how many times she had heard that getting the all clear had been the shocker.

BlueSkyandRain · 02/07/2014 20:55

critter blimey I'm not surprised you're not going for mw care this time after all that. Although it's true, it probably wouldn't have made a difference it doesn't inspire confidence for this time round. Hope you find an Ob you feel comfortable with.

missalex funny you should mention the ctk website I downloaded the app a few days ago&had been finding it really helpful - just kept it open whenever I could and clicked foreach movement. It's really good - been counting over 100 a day! Hope today has been gentle for you xx

AllTerrainMammy · 02/07/2014 22:19

Hi all. I'm really struggling to keep up to date with everyone's news, the thread seems to be moving so fast, so apologies to those I don't name check.

Kayleigh, sorry you find yourself here too. Wishing you all the luck in the world with ttc.

Critter' really hope you find an ob you can feel comfortable with and trust. I'm so sorry for the way your delivery of James was handled.

Earth you absolutely must stay. It's so nice to have the support of rainbow mammies to keep us going and we enjoy hearing your news.

Blue, how you feeling? You home from the hospital now? Scary times, hope all is ok.

Ducky, Missalex, how are you both?

Anyone that I've missed (sorry) how are you?

Afm, due date came and went yesterday and I was surprisingly fine about it, no tears, just got on with my day. Not to say that it won't catch up with me another time though. I'm ok anxiety wise, just very aware that it's incredibly early days and who knows what the weeks ahead hold. Weirdly/worryingly though I have no symptoms whatsoever. With previous pregnancies I already knew I was pregnant days before my af was due as my boobs were just so sore and then morning sickness followed at about six weeks. But this time, nothing at all, I just feel normal. Anyone else experienced similar?

Hope everyone is having a peaceful evening x

kayleighferrie1985 · 02/07/2014 22:36

Thank you ATM. Like you when it was Ben's due date i surprised myself with how i dealt with it, although i think it possibly helped that my older children were off school/nursery as it was a bank holiday, although we did take flowers to the grave for Ben.
In response to your question about not having any symptoms, with my older son Brian if it wasn't for having a conversation with a good friend about not being able to remember when my last af had been and her telling me to do a test goodness knows when i'd have found out as i had no symptoms either x

Ducky23 · 03/07/2014 06:25

Hi everyone Smile

Wow it's moved fast!

How is everyone?

ATM I was the same. So much morning sickness with dd but with this one absoloutely nothing. Maybe something to do with you becoming pregnant so close to your last pregnancy so your body is used to the hormones? I don't know it's just a thought Grin The amount of times I have convinced myself it is over due to the lack of symptoms!Blush I'm glad the due date was easier than you thought, I felt that with dd's.

Missa a boy! I have a feeling I'm having a boy too. We have a private scan two weeks on Saturday so will find out then. Te only thing I'm worried about is if it's a boy id have to finally put all of dd things away and that will be very difficult for me Hmm am 15 weeks today and feel a bit lost like I haven't seen anyone in ages to check that bean is ok Confused (in reality it was only 3 weeks ago!)

Waves to everyone x

missalexandra · 03/07/2014 11:36

Critter dont worry I knew what you meant. I can imagine what it must have felt like for your Mum, however much she loves you and your sister. I think part of what I am feeling is that time has basically run out for me so if I am lucky enough to eventually get this little man I know he will be my only child and my dream of a having a daughter is over. If A were here we would celebrating having the "pair" and I wouldnt be having all these complicated feelings. But the most important thing is that he arrives fit and healthy! Seems like everything about a rainbow pregnancy is complicated.

Kayleigh totally agree about leaving time for your body to be ready. We tried twice after losing A (with IVF) and they both came to nothing, I wonder if we were trying too soon. I too love your little boys name.

Ducky Wow 15 weeks already? Seems like yesterday you were overdosing on peesticks! Probably felt like longer to you though. Enjoy not having morning sickness this time, whatever the reason. I had it from 6 weeks till about 14 weeks and it stinks. I know what you mean about packing away your DDs stuff if its a boy, I feel the same. Dont think I will do it till the very last minute. In fact we were speaking about at what moment we would buy the pram/car seat (we didnt get round to buying one for A as we were waiting for the January sales) and we reached the decision that we probably wont buy it till the baby is actually here. Sounds a bit pessimistic I know, but for the time thats what we're thinking.

Blue thank goodness youve been checked out and everything is ok with your LG x Must be scary to have Braxtons hicks although apprently its quite normal I think. Its great that youve go the kicks App and are finding it useful. Im so careless with my mobile that I dont have it with me all the time and often lose it, so the wristband is probably a better option for me. Wow 100 movements is a lot, must be reassuring. There is no pattern to this babys movements yet but then I think its quite early yet so I'm trying not to worry (of course AM worrying)

ATM glad you managed to cope well with the due date, its a tough one isnt it. For me its a double-whammy as its also the anniversary of my Mums death. I think its very common to have totally different experiences with two different pregnancies, so try and just "enjoy" the not having sympstoms although I totally understand they might be reassuring. Like you say its very early, you still have plenty of time to start!

AFM getting nervous about the weekend at its going to be the big "reveal" to DHs family at his birthday party here. Cant hide the bump any more so they will see what the surprise is as soon as they walk through the door! Ive had nothing but negative/insensitive reactions from them since losing A, so not expecting anything else really. Just dreading the "oh well that makes everything ok then" reaction.

Waves to all x

kayleighferrie1985 · 03/07/2014 13:20

Thank you missalexandra. I've been off my pill for 3 weeks now, and had no sign of af but as i said i'm not putting too much pressure on myself, as i had given up smoking but started again due to other stresses, so i'm going to kick the habit again.
I really hope your DH's birthday party goes well, and that your big reveal isn't too difficult.
Waves to all xx

Ducky23 · 03/07/2014 22:08

Well I spoke to soon! Haven't had ms as such but have ha severe nausea when traveling Confused work then decided to move me to another office further away and I had a breakdown Sad was crying my eyes out down the phone to my gp Blush

They have prescribed me some tablets to take for the nausea and have wrote a sick note saying I need to work at the closest location to me, I'm just terrified of telling work Blush

kayleighferrie1985 · 03/07/2014 22:16

Hope the tablets help a little Ducky23 x

CritterPants · 04/07/2014 13:54

kayleigh take it slowly and go easy on yourself - I had to wait for five months after my c section before it was safe to think about pregnancy so I tried to focus on getting healthy and fit, taking my prenatals etc. I hope AF shows up soon for you… and then buggers off for nine months!

missalex I can completely understand that sadness, having been through IVF too (I have PCOS and my periods never came back after stopping the Pill - ironically, they did return after James was born). Is your little guy IVF too, and if so is he from a fresh or a frozen round, and do you have more frozen embies? The awfulness of losing such a hard-won baby is pretty spectacular, so I can totally relate. I am so sorry you have to deal with insensitive and thoughtless, unkind people. I hate the thought that people have about 'that makes it ok'. Babies are people. They are not replaceable. It's not like a goldfish FFS.

ruby how did your 28 week scan go?

ducky sorry about the breakdown. I hope you're feeling better. Big hug.

ATM I don't have any MS yet either, but like you it didn't start until around 6 weeks last time. We can worry together!

Got to dash. Waves to everyone else.

kayleighferrie1985 · 04/07/2014 14:37

Thanks CritterPants. Luckily i didn't need to have a c-section with Ben as i'd already started with contractions at home, although had i needed a section the consultant would most probably have told me to wait a while too. I kept taking my pregnancy multivitamin after i'd had Ben because it had all my iron in the tablet and i was slightly anaemic after the birth, and i'm making a concious effort to quit the cigarettes after the weekend

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