Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

[Star0909]

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

Critter I think a section. Basically at the post mortem meeting for my daughter the consultant very clearly said "the labour and delivery went very well, there is no reason for a section next time".

At our 12 weeks scan and appointment he said exactly the same thing.

At our 20 week scan, whilst scanning me he said "Have you given any thought to how you want to deliver" so I said "Happy to go old school!" at which point he just kept saying that he really didn't mind if I wanted a section I could have one.... I didn't take the hint even after he drew me a picture and I kept asking questions about induction. At the end of the appointment he just lent towards me and said "I think you are heading for a section" .

Secretly I had been still hoping they would let me try for a VB but after your story I'm going into my 28week appointment and saying I want that section!

I guess the positive I can take is that its been spotted and we can make a plan. The plan was for me to deliver at 38 weeks anyway as they wouldn't let me go to term. If anything I feel more at one with the idea of a section now so thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry about your little one. We all know nothing is certain and I guess we just take one day at time.... am I convincing anyone here! Hahaha!

Ruby I'm glad that my story has made you feel more ok about a section. I know it's not ideal but the recovery from mine was actually ok, and it does take some of the uncertainty out of things - it's such a personal decision but especially if the vci is near your cervix I would assume that there is a good reason that your consultant is not encouraging you to have a vaginal birth. It sounds like you're in excellent hands.

Thank you all so much for welcoming me so warmly, I really appreciate it.

Welcome from me as well CritterPants - and thank you for the support that you have given me on other threads. When I read that you were pregnant last night I was so happy for you (I love the idea of a 'twibling'!)

Hi Ruby, thanks for asking after me, I am still lurking and doing ok. Found out that my neighbour was pregnant this morning (she was almost apologetic about it, but wanted to tell me before she started showing), and it really sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Having to hold off TTC for another couple of months to make sure I'm properly recovered, but its frustrating waiting as I really just want to get started and be pregnant again.

Waves at everyone else.

Critter sorry its a bit late, but welcome to our thread. I am so very sorry to hear about your lovely son James. I hope posting on here gives you some support, at the very least you know you are with people who have lived through the same nightmare and understand how you feel. We lost our daughter A at 34 weeks on Xmas eve 2012 after 8 long years of TTC. I am now 18 weeks pregnant with our rainbow.

Sorry not to namecheck everyone. Been really struggling these last few days, feeling overwhelmed with fear and just resigning myself to something going wrong. Hugs to all, and sorry for the pessimistic post.

Thanks missalexandra and betty -

missalexandra I understand those tailspins, I think that grief and fear just work themselves through you in waves, and sometimes there's nothing to do but just ride them out. So sorry to hear about your little girl, what a terrible thing to happen after your struggle ttc. I understand that all too well. Sending you a tight hug.

betty thank you for the welcome. The wait is horrible, the urge to have another baby to fill your arms is so powerful. What I did to 'pass the time' while waiting until it was safe - I scratched out days on a calendar and tore off the months as they passed, tried to keep myself as busy as possible with 'distractions' and travel to try to make the time go faster, exercised, took my prenatal vits and started making clothes for the twibling - all things where I felt I was at least doing something 'productive' to prepare for the next baby. It's been a rough 5 months though to say the least. How are you doing? I hope you've had good follow up care from your medical team.

Thinking of you MissA, it's so tough isn't it? I also really struggled around the 18wk mark. I did manage to pull myself out of the despair and I really hope you do too. No denying it though, the next 20 weeks or so will be hard. (((((Hugs)))))

Sending hugs to you missa.

Betty, I find it very difficult hearing of pregnancies even though I am pregnant. I don't know why maybe because we do not have the same innocence as most other pregnant people.

Sorry I can't name check as my stupid phone won't let me!

CritterPants - thanks for understanding. Am keeping pretty busy, am back at yoga trying to get myself back in shape before trying again. I am also on the verge of finishing a doctoral thesis that I really should submit before getting pregnant again (it was supposed to be finished before my daughter was born). Concentration not always brilliant, but am making progress at least, although I do wonder whether I might be expecting too much of myself. Other than that, am trying to spend some quality time with DP, with camping trips to the coast and a holiday booked for early september. Met with consultant last week, and feel very reassured that I will be well looked after in a subsequent pregnancy. They've given me blood tests for a variety of things that might have contributed to an abruption, but they have all come back negative, so it seems like it was just down to really bad luck. Hoping that means that is less chance of it happening a second time.

Hi all. Struggling to keep up with all the posts that have happened in just a few days!

Critter, so sorry you find yourself here. It is certainly a place I never believed I would find myself but the support you receive from the wonderful ladies on this thread is so comforting, you are not alone. Congratulations on your rainbow news! I also love the idea of a 'twibling', so sweet.

Betty, you sound like you're keeping yourself pretty busy which I think definitely helps. Also the yoga sounds like a great plan, for body and mind!

Missa, sorry you're feeling so low recently. The anxiety must be unreal. Really hope over the last few days you've been feeling ok.

Ruby, sounds like you have a supportive consultant who is recommending the very best outcome for you and bump. I was heading for a section with F and although scared, it was going to be the safest option for both of us which is all that mattered.

Ducky, Earth, anyone else I've missed, how you doing?

As for me, I got my bfp last night! Was going to try and hang on till the weekend but I kind of already knew I was pregnant, so tested anyway. I could just feel it. DH (as usual) is very calm and is taking the 'let's just wait and see what happens' approach which is totally the right way to go about it but sadly not how my brain or heart is wired. I am at the GPs on Monday anyway so will tell her then and see where we progress from here. I am naturally an incredibly anxious person so the next 8 months (if we get that far) are going to be awful. (As you all already know!).

Waves to anyone I've missed or any lurkers x

ATM!!!! So happy for you!!!! That's great news. Had a smile reading that (look like a loony because I'm sat on a bus!)

ATM, that's fabulous news! Totally with you on the anxiety front, I am naturally the same. But you will manage and we're all here to help you x

ATM Really happy for you and your DH! Congrats and welcome to the Constant Worriers Club!

Thanks for the hugs ladies x

Thanks for the congratulations ladies. I'm not feeling unwell yet so managed to ignore the fact for most of today. Give it a few more weeks and the constant nausea will make it harder to forget.

Pleased to have a place to come and have a meltdown when needed as you all understand!

Congratulations ATM! Fantastic news.

Huge congrats ATM, it sounds like we might be around the same stage! I understand the heart wiring thing, it's all a lot of confusing emotions.Thanks also for the warm welcome. had you been ttc long? May I ask your 'story'?

Betty, yoga and exercise is a great plan. As are camping trips. Being in nature is good, taking care of your body and soul and being really kind to yourself. Planning nice things that aren't too strenuous. Any way that you can have the time broken into manageable chunks to get through it will help a little. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - if you're getting through each day, you're already doing brilliantly. You will have time to finish your thesis before your next little one arrives. My blood tests came back negative too. It's frustrating that there's no answer and so unbelievably awful that we have all been sideswiped like this. Big hug.

Hi Critter. We have a DD who has just turned 3. We lost our baby boy at 20 weeks in February. Everything was going really well, healthy scans and heartbeat then one day at work I had some spotting so popped to the EPU for reassurance to be told that his heart had stopped beating. It was such a shock as I felt so well and had had such a healthy pregnancy first time round.

The PM results suggested that the placenta had stopped working but I understand a lot of people are told that. DH and I decided last month to stop trying not to get pregnant and just see what happens (rather than actively ttc) and three weeks later bfp!

Already terrified and dreading the next 8 months. How you feeling? X

Hello everyone & a belated warm welcome to critter. I'm so sorry you need this thread too, but congratulations on your rainbow & I hope you find this thread as helpful as I have. My little boy was stillborn in April 2013 due to a placental abruption. It was totally out of the blue at 36weeks and tbh I'm still pretty traumatised by how it happened - sudden loss of a lot of blood whilst asleep at night. I am blessed with other children who have been wonderful in keeping me going, but they struggle themselves with their own grief at times & I feel so sad for them having to deal with all of this too, including the unhelpful attitudes that we sometimes have from people. I am now 23weeks pregnant with my rainbow and a definite member of the Constant Worrier Club!

Congratulations too to atm that's lovely news :). No tips for keeping the worry at bay unfortunately, I kept thinking it would get a bit better when I got to [insert random no. of weeks] but now I've accepted I'm just going to have to live with it! One day at a time... Xx

Sorry I've been silent for a bit, I've been struggling too. So thankful for this thread, I was feeling very alone in this. I am constantly on alert 'listening' out for movements and evaluating whether they're ok & how do I feel etc. It's so stressful with no time where I'm able to relax properly - all the responsibility is mine, to try to catch whether something might be wrong early enough to get to a hospital half an hr away. It's got harder as everyone knows now (&i can't live in denial, avoiding thinking about it), & as I approach a time when this baby 'ought' to be able to survive its getting harder again as before I always had the thought that there was nothing anyone could do anyway. But now... If I catch it early enough, if I'm really alert to changes of pattern, if.. If... Does anyone else relate to this??

I have two people close to me who are also pg, saw one last weekend & was expecting it to help as she has been one of my most supportive understanding friends since E died. But she doesn't get it - has had her 12wk scan & just isn't worried any more. They've organised to build an extension for space before the baby's born. I can't imagine being so sure I'll actually end up with a baby that I could spend tens of thousands! I feel bad for having struggled as a result -it's not like I want her to be worried too. But it just highlighted the isolation of dealing with this pregnancy :(.

betty good to hear from you again, glad your results came back clear although obviously it's hard to have no answers. That waiting to try stage was so hard, but I think focussing on getting healthy and doing positive things like you are is a good way to help the time pass & heal our hearts a little bit as well as physically getting healthier. I really wanted to be pg ASAP but now that I'm dealing with this pg I'm glad I've had a bit more time.

(((Hugs))) to missalex sounds like we've been feeling similar recently.

Waves to all - sorry not to name check I think this post is long enough & it's taken ages to write!!

ATM I'm so so sorry for your loss. How horrible, what an awful shock. I hope you and your DH have had support from those around you. I am glad you got your BFP so quickly. Struggling ttc after losing one's child would be just the absolute pits in terms of adding insult to injury - it's why I was so grateful that we were able to pop back a twibling. I'm feeling fine so far, just tired and anxious. I remember with James I didn't feel sick until about 6 weeks. First scan is in two weeks and just hoping it sticks and we see a heartbeat. Trying to forget about it until then. Seems like the worrying doesn't end until we have healthy babies. Good luck at the GP on Monday, I'll be thinking of you.

Blue thanks for the welcome and I am so sorry to hear about your terrible loss. There are no words. I can imagine that it must be very painful indeed to see your other children struggle with their grief. And people can be very insensitive because they don't get it. The whole thing is just so wrong and so unfair. I had a sudden heavy blood loss too, and thought it was early labour, or my waters breaking. Our midwife when I called didn't tell us to come in straight away and I will always wonder what if. It is totally traumatizing and wrenching. Congrats and a sympathetic squeeze on your rainbow. I'm sorry this next pregnancy is so fraught with fear, although I suppose it's inevitable given what you've been through.

Just a quick post, Blue, I too felt that responsibility of having to get to hospital "in time" before something might go wrong. I kept a diary on my phone in the notes section, every single day I wrote down how I felt and every time I felt movement and what sort of movement etc. It helped me, if I thought I'd had a day of not much movement I could scroll back and see if I had just forgotten some, or if it was a bit slower that day and maybe go in for monitoring. I found the worry often distorted my memory of the pattern of movement so having it written down in black and white really helped me.

And yy to other people just not understanding. My SIL is pg and has it plastered all over facebook. Even though I've got my rainbow I find it so hard that she is just so sure she will get her baby. I'm not dealing with it very well tbh

Ps....does anyone mind me still being here? I know I don't strictly belong....I shall slope off if my posts are unhelpful/annoying

Of course you should stay earth!!! Your posts have been very helpful

I was wondering about doing something like that earth - keeping a record so I can compare day to day. I do think that E didn't move much, so I wasn't worried that he didn't move much iyswim. But in hindsight it might have been a very gradual decrease - so if I keep a record I would notice this time. And yes - please stay! It's so encouraging hearing from you and owl :) x

Hi everyone - I don't really belong on this thread but wanted to give you all some gentle congratulations and hope everything goes well for you. We lost our 4th baby, a boy almost 5 years ago at 37 weeks - we went on to have another boy 18 months later so understand what you are all going through.

Keep talking to each other, it helps keep you sane (sometimes) knowing someone else feels the same. It is a good idea to record things and remember, at any stage you are worried then go to the hospital x

Your support for each other is great x

Hi all, can i join you please? Our baby boy Ben was born asleep 15/4/14 at 34+1. We have been given the all clear to try again, which is a relief, but i'm worried all the same x