Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

[Star0909]

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

Thank you

Great news ducky & so good to be put a bit further forward - every day is dragging for me atm I don't know about everyone else. Anyone know how to speed time up a bit?!

Congratulations Ducky! Great to be able to see all is well and what an amazing Christmas present!

I made the huge mistake of watching 'One born every minute' tonight. Was enjoying it until the baby twins that we're delivered at 30 weeks and the littlest twin was the exact same weight as our little 'F'. Lying in bed feeling sad now. Shan't be watching again in a hurry I don't think.

Hope everyone else is well x

Aww I try to avoid that programme ATM hope your feeling a little better x

I'm starting to panick. Haven't been able to get hold of midwife since I was 4 weeks. I don't want to speak to a different one

Ducky that's great news, so pleased baby is well and great to gain a couple of days to help speed things up!

Blue, if you work out how to speed up time the ladies on this thread will make you a very wealthy lady!

ATM, I'm sorry it was so hard. I can't watch it anymore, I tried to the other day but only made it in about 2mins, I can however watch the ads for it now without having to leave the room and have a little tear . How are you feeling today?

I was out yesterday and a single little yellow butterfly fluttered alongside the pram for about 5minutes, I wonder if it was F saying hello to me and his baby brother. Sorry if that is a bit 'woo' for anyone, I just like to think he is all around us and very much part of our lives. Lovely and sunny here today.

x

Quiet in here-hope everyone is ok x

Hi all

Like Earth I hope the fact that it has been quiet on here for the last few days means everyone is having peaceful days.

Ducky how are your feet? Any updates? And wow xmas day what a christmas present for you, you're very own Christmas rainbow x

ATM I am definitely with you and earth One Born every minute is very hard to watch. I managed a bit of it last week but thats been the first time. Its like having hot needles poked in your eyes, why do we even try to do it to ourselves?

Blue Have you found a pregnancy fast forward button yet? Let me know if you do and I think your next project if you manage that, should be to work out how to make a window or porthole in our bellies so we can see what our bumps are up to..... Every now and again I will have a quiet spell and start panicking. So If lying down doesn't help will try and give my belly a poke. Sometimes I get what is probably a disgruntled kick which I am sure is saying, thanks for that I was asleep till you poked me! What is you due date?

Earth Your butterfly story made me cry and no its definitely not too "woo". I think all the mums on here are completely at one with a whole range of concepts others would find "woo". I remember saying to 'H' after she was born that I didn't think hat little souls went too far (cue snivelling from the midwife... who was lovely!) Hope you are enjoy lots of Rainbow cuddles, I'm very jealous but hopefully only 11 and a half weeks to go (not that I'm counting!

MissA How are you doing, hope all is going ok?

AFM not doing too bad, had a rough day last Thursday and cried for most of the day but on Friday was due to go out with Friends which I didnt really want to do but made myself and am glad I did as felt better for it. Ho hum and on we go!

Hi guys

Sorry been a bit quiet, I've been a bit down. It sounds stupid but one of my 'close friends' who didn't even contact or message me when we lost dd had their baby recently and has COVERED Facebook in it, it's all I see if I look on there and it's the only way I can contact certain friends (living over seas etc) I know it's stupid but I can't help but be upset then her husband put a status on saying I can't beleive women can do that, they're so hardcore, and I thought imagine doing it with the outcome we got grim I know. I don't even know why I feel like that and I know I should be happy. Bleh.

Hope everyone is doing well and if you do find that pregnancy fast forward let me know!!!

Oh Ducky, I sympathise. I still feel like that now, although it is getting marginally easier. My SIL is pg though and I cried and cried when I found out and still can't talk about it. It's so hard isn't it? Can you hide her posts so you don't have to see it? Really hope that you start to feel a bit brighter soon x

Ruby, sorry you had a tough day last week. Very well done for going out though, not sure I would have done. So many ladies on this thread are miles braver than me x

Ohhh that's an excellent idea earth thank you and you are much braver than you think!

Seems like we're all having a rough time of it this week. I've really been struggling, today should have been the day I met my gorgeous boy (planned section due to complications in delivery of DD) and my due date is next week. Cried a lot at work yesterday and was doing really well today until I came home to a lovely card from our bereavement midwife saying that's she's thinking of us at this difficult time and I was a mess again. AF due tomorrow too (although cycles been ever so slightly off since losing F) and so far have no PMT symptoms. Really trying hard not to read too much into anything, especially when my yoghurt at work yesterday made me want to heave! So much for the not putting any pressure on ourselves, who was I kidding!

Earth, your butterfly story is so lovely and not at all 'woo'. I have moments like that with little things too and it keeps me going feeling like he's here with us and watching his big sister.

For those of you expecting your rainbows, I really hope the days are being kind to you and that the worry is manageable and if not manageable, that you have the support you need.

For those of you who have your rainbows in your arms, I hope all is going well and they are bringing you infinite joy and happiness.

Sorry not to name check everyone, I'm tired and on my phone! (No excuse really!)

Oh ATM, I'm so sorry. Today must have been incredibly tough. Lots of love to you and your darling F xxx

So sorry ATM these days are so difficult

I said I wouldn't get 'too into' TTC but I went mad when do you plan on testing x

Thanks guys. Will probably test at the weekend if still no sign of AF as I have a week booked off work next week so it'll give me chance to get my head around whatever the outcome is.

Feeling a little better this morning and just one more day of work to get through before a chilled out (hopefully!) week next week.

Hope you all have a good day x

Thinking of you ATM. Fx for the weekend too.

ducky, that sounds really tough re Facebook. I'm not on it myself, but im pretty sure you can mute people. It is hard sometimes, especially when people have avoided speaking to you about your baby, yet seem tobeexpecting you to join in the celebration of theirs. Tbh, i didn't send these 'friends' a card when they gave birth. I'm sure they didn't really understand why (if they even noticed).

Love the butterfly story earth. We often think of our daughter when we see one too.

Hi everyone,

I am so sorry for all of your terrible losses, first of all, and sending thoughts of love to your precious little ones.

May I join you? I 'live' on the TTC 10 plus thread (the long-running one that has been going for about 4 years). My son James, who I conceived via IVF after two years TTC (I had PCOS so wasn't ovulating), died on the evening of the day he was born in mid-January this year. They think some blood vessels leading from the placenta into his cord ruptured. I had a velamentous cord insertion, which was also marginal - this usually doesn't cause problems but I guess we were just unlucky. I had sudden heavy bleeding at 39 +3, and despite an emergency c section he was deprived of oxygen for too long and lost a lot of blood and the resulting brain damage caused his organs to slowly shut down. It was a total shock as he was perfectly healthy and full-term, and I'd been low-risk all the way through - I even saw the midwife the day before he was born for my 39 week appointment and all was fine.

I just found out that I am pregnant with his little brother or sister - we used IVF again, putting back one of our frozen embryos from the same 'batch' he came from - so this rainbow baby is effectively his non-identical twin or 'twibling'. I haven't even had the official blood test yet (that's tomorrow) and am completely terrified already. Hoping that this thread is ok for newly pregnant panicky worriers as well as TTC-ers.

Critter, I am so sorry for your loss

Really hope you find as much comfort from this thread as I have.

How many weeks are you now? I am 14 weeks tomorrow and constantly worrying! The ladies on here are lovely and always putting my mind at rest though (as much as possible!)

Hi Critter, I'm so very sorry to hear about James (what a lovely name btw). How utterly heartbreaking. You are very welcome here for hand holds through the pregnancy.
I lost my first baby, a little boy in Sept 2012 at 27 weeks. The PM found the cord had excessive coiling, but all scans and appointments had been perfect. I have been blessed with his little brother who was born in March this year so I understand how terrifying pregnancy is.
Do you know if you will have extra care this time? Even if it isn't necessary from a medical point of view it might be able to help with your worries.

Ducky I am not even 4 weeks - I'm still only 13 dpo! Getting the blood test to confirm my positive home pregnancy tests tomorrow. Barely dare to type that I am pregnant. Terrified. I hope you are feeling ok, I bet it is some small relief to be past the first 12 weeks, but you must still be very nervous indeed if this is a rainbow pregnancy.

Earth thank you so much and I am so sorry to hear about your little boy. What a terrible thing to happen. I will be seeing the wonderful, kind and experienced doctor who delivered James when I am ready to be transferred to OB care from the fertility clinic (hopefully in a month). He sobbed after he delivered my little boy and came to see us every day in the hospital while I was recovering from my section, and he checks in with me by text. I love him. He's promised that next time I will have high risk care, so lots of scans, non-stress tests etc. My mum had a stillbirth when she was 36 weeks pregnant, nearly 40 years ago (also a little boy - we had planned to name James after him as my mum called her son Jamie, and we thought it would be a lovely thing for her - what a cruel irony). It seems unrelated, but who knows if there could be some undiagnosed thing that has caused this tragedy to happen twice in our family.

HI all
Just wanted to post to say welcome to Critter. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son James. Like Ducky and Earth I hope you find comfort in this thread. Regardless of where we all are on the TTC journey, if that what we choose to do again, we all have our angels in common and I think thats what makes this thread so special.

My own daughter H was stillborn last July at 40+2 after a healthy and uneventful pregnancy. We were floored to be honest.

We are now nearly 27 weeks pregnant with our rainbow (I'll be honest and say your post made me gasp as we have been told this time we have a velementous cord insertion which is on the edge of the placenta and next to my cervix) but as you rightly say this normally causes no problems.

Hope all goes well with your blood test confirmation tomorrow, we are all here whenever you need us.

Ducky Face book is the work of the devil! That all I have to say on that matter. It should be considered a real risk to the nations mental health. Block them, ignore them, do whatever you need to do!

ATM Thinking of you during these difficult days. I think TTC Madness is a real side effect of loss. I admire you for even trying to be laid back. I was so obsessed and read so much I could right a b**y thesis on it. Google can be as evil as face book!

Waves to everyone else, (Betty hope you are ok), hope all is well and also to any new angel mums lurking x

I feel a little better after 12 weeks but we lost dd at 31+2, I think after you have been through what we have all been through you can't relax in pregnancy am just desperate now to feel movement! I haven't had symptoms really so far so am hoping movement will help me chill out! that is awful that it happened to your mother and you, life can be so cruel, has she been coping with your loss?

ruby reading your post that you have a marginal VCI with this baby made me feel physically shaky and teary. Will you be having an elective c section or being induced with this baby? They didn't pick up my marginal VCI at my 20 week scan, and even if they had, as it was high up, they would have just monitored it during labour - as I understand it, it usually only causes problems if the membranes cross the cervix, and my placenta was high up in my uterus. I am so sorry, I don't want to scare you - although I guess that's inevitable. What happened to me was incredibly rare. Of course that means nothing when you've been on the wrong side of the statistics though. I am so incredibly, incredibly sorry about your little girl. There are no words with this, there really aren't.

I am so grateful that this thread exists but so sad for you all. It makes me so sad that you're all here too. I can't believe how many people lose their babies. It is unbelievable and unbearable.

ducky I am so deeply sorry that you lost your daughter. What an awful awful thing. I can imagine this entire rainbow pregnancy will be incredibly stressful and anxiety-filled for you. You are so nice to ask about my mum - both my parents were so worried about me before my son was born, and both of them kept feeling very superstitious about the pregnancy right up until the end, because they were so traumatised by their experience. I wasn't worried at all and assumed everything would be fine. I actually remember saying to my midwife when she asked about whether I was anxious because of my mum's experience that I had had my bad luck already because of the length of time it took to conceive my son and the fact I'd had to go through IVF. I guess bad luck doesn't work like that. But my mum has been a wonderful support to me, because she understands what it is like to go through something like this.

Hi Critter, I've been on this thread for just over a year now and it really has taught me that life really isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people. I'm very sorry for your mums loss too and I'm glad she is a great support for you. How lovely that you have a good relationship with your consultant, I hope he helps you through the emotional journey of this pg as well a the medical.

Ducky, the movement brings it's own worries and stresses

Blue, MissA, how are you?