Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

[Star0909]

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

AFM doing OK. Just pootling along from one day to next. 24 weeks on Saturday, so 10 weeks from Mat leave and 14 from the day we get to hold our little bear!

Had a bit of a run in with my boss a few weeks ago. Another boss at work asked how everything was going, and it was just after my scan so it was on my mind, so I told her. It was a brief chat and all very calm. My own line manager overheard and clearly felt left out, so she came and asked how I was, so I told her! Next thing I know we are in the office and she wants more detail..... which I gave her.....as requested. Only to be given this little nugget of wisdom which I am sure all us angel mums will derive great comfort from (NOT!), when she said "Darling, don't worry about this, some children are born with Liver problems you know!" !!!???* So there we are, our babies may be dead, but you know girls it could have been worse, they might have survived and had something wrong with them!

I don't mean to belittle the experiences of any parents whose children have been born with serious illnesses but....

anyway rant over.....oh except a couple of weeks ago whilst visiting family in the West Midlands I noticed Bears movement were very much reduced. So I rang the local hospital whose advice was "well.... see how you go and if tomorrow you have gone all day with nothing then pop into your own local hospital".... so after 6 hours of reduced movements just wait till you've had 24 hours of nothing and then see someone! Needless to say I rang my local hospital who said everything is probably fine but come on in and we will check. So we got in the car at 11pm and drove an hour and a half to be checked and all was fine!

Sometimes however mad I feel, I have a think and realise I am surrounded but far greater nutters than me and actually we are probably the sanest people we know!

Apart from that all is well! x

Ruby people really have no idea some of the things they say are soooooooo heartless.

And the hospital!!!!!! I can't beleive they would say that!!! Makes me sooo mad .

Has anyone tried acupuncture while pregnant? I am waiting for confirmation if I am able to get it done In the hope it will help me relax a little more.

How are you doing ATM?

X

Hi Ruby, I can't believe your manager but even worse the hospital, they really should know better. What a pain to have to drive all that way so late at night, but I'm glad you did and I'm very glad that Bear is ok.

Ducky, I had acupuncture to help get my cycles back on track after F died and then I continued all through this pregnancy. It really did help me to relax (once I got over the panic of wether it was safe or not). You definitely need someone who is experienced in women's health and pregnancy (and registered with the BAC).

Owl, really hope your daughter's grave is ok x

Sorry I haven't name checked everyone, I can't scroll back.

MissA, how is your BP? Have you decided what to do re the meds? Hope you are ok x

Blue, I ended up buying new maternity clothes as I just couldn't face getting the old ones out, too many memories for me. It sounds slightly more extravagant than it was, I was big during the summer with F but over winter with M so needed some new things anyway. Can't believe you are managing in normal clothes still anyway, that's amazing!

Final cluster post I promise!

Sorry for those who are worrying in the night, everything seems worse at night as doesn't it? Like you are the only person in the world who is up and you are alone with your thoughts. Keep posting, it can help to rationalise The Fear (TM). Hope everyone is fast asleep now.
We're moving house tomorrow so I've got lists whirling through my mind...!

Hello earth sorry to see you're on the early morning shift too! I gave up on sleep a while ago! Hope the house move goes smoothly - are you moving far or just upsizing locally?
I'm not properly in my normal clothes btw, I'm wearing normal trousers plus a bump cover thingy that I bought that means I can hide the unzipped trouser-top. And my tops look stupid and short on top of my bump. Not the most stylish of pg women around! Funny you should say about the winter/summer thing, I was just thinking yesterday - whilst feeling hot - that actually pg-wise I've only really got winter clothes due to previous timings, so maybe I could buy a few summery things cheap and avoid the loft completely...

ruby I don't have words... What on earth goes through some people's minds when they're talking to us?! I know they don't know what to say, but really! (& why liver in particular - just so random?). Sorry to hear about your experience with the hospital, but glad your local one is good. I've had a similarly crap experience which has knocked me back a bit emotionally - my own hospital has been great, I've now been in & got checked with the Doppler several times and they've always stressed that its fine, just come in, we'd always rather see you, etc. and I've always been in& seen within a few minutes. But where I work is extremely close to another antenatal unit, so this time I went there... and they were crap. After 2hrs of waiting (which is so stressful, I was finding it hard to hold it together, it's the worst I've been all pg) I asked how long it would be & was told another hour! I actually left - had started feeling a little bit of movement - and called in to my own hospital on the way home to make sure. The thing is, the way I'd been coping was to be reassured that if anything went wrong whilst I'm at work, I'm so close to somewhere that can take care of me. And now I've got a new fear instead of that reassurance, that I might end up being treated there! It just felt like no one gave a shit tbh, it was so upsetting. Or is my experience actually normal - how long have others had to wait to be checked?

ducky I've never tried acupuncture - cant say I fancy it much! - but I am wondering if there's anything more I can do for anxiety, so do post about how it works for you! Hope work's been ok this week & your supervisor hasn't said anything else utterly callous & unhelpful.

missalex how did the bp monitoring go? I know we can't help worrying about everything, but high bp is really common in pg - if there were any problems with the meds they would know about it by now and not say it was safe. Hope you're managing ok & they're being nice to you.

Waves to all, hope there's only me & earth awake ;)

Hi. How's everyone doing? Sorry I've not been around for a while, there seems to be so much happening and the days are blurring into each other.

ducky, I can't believe how insensitive your boss was about you going home early! Have things settled down a little now?

owl, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to the memorial garden, it's truly appalling. Did you decide to go and visit at the weekend, I really hope all was ok.

missa, how are you feeling? What's the situation with your bp?

star, ruby, earth, blue how are you all?

Afm - like I say, things just seem to be crazy busy! DH and I had a long chat last weekend though and have decided not to actively start ttc but to stop trying not to get pregnant if that makes sense. We don't want the pressure of the waiting anxiously every month for the bfp, we'll just wait and see what happens. I'm just so desperate to be pregnant again but terrified! Maybe I'm kidding myself that it won't be an anxious wait every month!?

Hope everyone is well and all bumps are happy and healthy x

Ahh ATM that's great

They have settled down a little although I don't know what to do, they are havig building works done and the building smells VERY strongly of paint all the time even with windows open, this is making me worried I don't want to seem like a whinger and all the other offices they would send me to are a very long travel. What would you do?

Hope everyone is ok x

Oh ducky that's a difficult one. I am the queen of over thinking things and worrying (DH regularly tells me off for this!) so I would probably be asking to work elsewhere. I know it would be a pain perhaps for you and/or your bosses to travel to another office, but depending on how long the work is going to take, then it's potentially many days of you spent worrying which won't do you or bump any good.

Hi ATM, I'm glad you and your DH have come up with a plan. Sounds like a good idea to hopefully try and take the pressure off.

Ducky-I would ask to move (or can you work from home with your job?) they have to take you seriously and make suitable adjustments to keep you and baby safe (and that includes safe from worry). I am lucky and can work from home with my job (and i have a boss who just nods and mutters "yes" when any remotely female topic is discussed) so spent a lot of my pregnancy at home because I was worrying about one thing or another. I hope they can come up with a solution you are happy with x

Blue, I'm so sorry that hospital wasn't more understanding. Have you considered making a complaint/suggestion to the PALS office? It might just be more hassle than you need right now though. Surely it is obvious that if someone goes in for reduced movement they should be seen ASAP? Try not to worry too much though (if that's possible!) you can always leave work and go to your hospital, is it far away? I worked about an hour away from mine and ended up just having a couple of afternoons off so I could go and get monitored. Or maybe your consultant could speak to someone at the hospital near work so if you need to go back there you can ask for someone specific who will hopefully look after you? Sorry if these are all stupid ideas.

I do have to see a consultant at my hospital about my blood and he is a complete tool. I will be putting in a complaint, he doesn't explain anything properly and every time I've seen him he has been completely dismissive of F dying and refers to it as a "symptom" of the blood condition.... Eeerrrrmmmmm, NO you moron, if you read my notes you will see that is not why he died and if you refer to the death of my son as a "symptom" one more time I'll punch you in the face.... I'm not a violent person but he makes me MAD.

Earth that's awful!!!!!

earth, you've done well to restrain yourself, he sounds like such an ignorant moron. What an awful way to speak to you x

Does anyone know when the consultant will discuss when they will induce you?

I have an appt at 26 weeks with him (my next appt) do you think it will be then? I'm constantly worrying

Hope everyone is ok x

Hi Ducky, I think it is different everywhere. My consultant said not until 34 weeks because before that it's irrelevant, if they need to get baby out then they will just do it in the quickest and safest way for the circumstances. BUT he did say if I was feeling anxious or worried about it then we could talk about it earlier. I have a friend who was at a different hospital and she got given her section date at about 20 weeks I think, so everywhere is different. If it's playing on your mind though I would just ask the question.

Not sure if that was clear. My consultant said he wouldn't discuss it until 34 weeks. I think that's quite late tbh.

Yea that sounds quite late I always just worry about things like this you see. I want to be induced at 37 weeks

Hi, can I join in? I'm not ready to start ttc yet, as our loss was only six weeks ago (a sudden placental abruption at 35 weeks), but I'd like to follow the thread as we'll be trying again once a little time has gone by. It's been comforting reading down the thread and following other people's stories.

Hi Betty,

Sorry you find yourself here it's still very early days for you

I'm quite new to the thread and lost dd in feb, this thread has been a massive support to me and I hope it will do the same for you x x

And I'm very sorry for your loss x

Hi Betty, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here. If you would like to tell us about your baby we would all love to know about him/her. This thread isn't just for ttc people, so if you just need support to make it through the coming months then we will be here. 6 weeks is no time at all, how are you managing? I hope you have lots of real life support.

I lost my beautiful first baby boy in September 2012 at 27 weeks due to an undetected umbilical cord abnormality. I felt like my world had ended and to be honest I still don't know how I've survived (I know this thread and my local Sands group played a big part in pulling me through). I have been blessed with another son who was born in March this year, he is a total blessing and has brought happiness back into my life.

Ducky, if I were you I would def mention it at your next appt. If you have a plan you can tick it off your worry list x

Hi guys, lots had been going on. blue, sorry the hospital were so slow, I'm glad you managed to see someone in the end.

ducky I was in a slightly different place to you in that it was decided I would have a c section pretty much straight away (it was about 16 weeks when we first saw the consultant) but the date wasn't actually set until about 37 weeks, I then had him at 39 weeks and 4 days. So the important thing i think is that you have it on your notes that you are being induced early.

Hope everything is ok owl?

Did you decide to leave it that long? Or was that the hospital? Don't think il manage over 37 weeks, I'm only 11 weeks and I'm already going insane!