Angels and Rainbows-remembering our angels and hoping for rainbows

[Star0909]

New thread ladies. Come in here for support.

Ducky we are 8 weeks now and still have only told 2 people, two very close friends of mine. In the end we even decided against telling my MIL yesterday, I had a strangely sick-free day and was able to act more or less normally so I dont think she suspected anything. It just seems far too early to be announcing it and if I could, I think I would keep it quiet until after the birth. My two friends reacted great, truly thrilled while being cautious and supportive at the same time. But I suspected they would react that way, thats why they're the only ones Ive told. I have had such a bad time with peoples reactions that this time I'm keeping quiet. The first scan - to be truthful there was a millisecond of pure joy then back to plain old worry. Good luck for Tuesday!

Blue oh what a shame my imaginings were so far from reality! I have done absolutely no housework in the last two weeks either, from my horizontal position on the sofa I have a lovely view of big dust bunnies under the other sofa and a huge pile of ironing which is getting bigger by the day. Cant imagine how you manage with children and a job. Really wierd yesterday, I had much less sickness all day(which was good for not fessing up to MIL) but last night I hardly got any sleep at all - spent the whole night with awful sickness. Up till now I have been ok during the night time, its just been during the day. Has that happened to you?

Star dont blame you for the "head in the sand" approach. If things progress for us that might well be mine too.

ATM how are you doing?

star when did you tell work officially? (As in your boss). I'm wondering when I should really. Does anyone know if there's a point by which you have to? I totally get the burying your head in the sand and not wanting to deal with reactions. I realised today that I'm having to loosen my belt, and I was thinking 'I'm still feeling sick, urghhh' and then it kind of dawned on me that I'm actually pregnant. Which is obvious, but I've been ignoring to such an extent it's odd to actually think it.

missalex am I right in thinking you had a scan today? I already have my fingers crossed in any case. To answer your question, yes I had that - randomly sometimes the sickness faded, obviously I worried, then it'd come back with a vengeance also at random times. Only pattern is that its always worse when tired. And how do I manage? We have low standards, generally! But today I discovered that my 7yr old loves hoovering and is very thorough! So I know how I'll manage from now on!

I'm finding it hard right now, I think it's because I had set next week in my head as the time to tell work & start to go public. But I don't want to, what if it's gone wrong since the scan? It's making me think about that possibility more than i otherwise would. My next one isn't for 6wks. But I'll be showing by then, and I think they'll be annoyed if I conceal it that long. I can't remember, do they listen for a hb at 16wks? (I have an appt then with the cons).

Blue yes, we had our scan yesterday, thanks for remembering. We are so relieved, both babies are still snuggled in nicely, both perfect heartbeats and measuring just right. We really were expecting the worst. Seems we have a couple of little fighters onboard. The obstet was quite clear about the risks, that we could have another bleed at any time and lose either, both or neither of them. But for the time being everything is fine and I'm going to cling to that! I have to take things very easy and we have our first appointment with the specialist in high risk twin pregnancies on the 6th, so that is our next milestone...

Totally know what you mean about the not wanting to tell people. I have no idea if there is any legal requirement to tell you employer...I wouldnt have thought so. And to be truthful if concealing it makes YOU feel better then the fact that someone might be annoyed is so irrelevant that I wouldnt worry about it. I'd say do anything to make life as stressfree as possible, you have enough on your plate already. Cant believe your scans are so far apart...that is soooo long to wait. Can you not press for more? Did you not get to listen to the HB at your last one, wasnt it about 8 weeks? Love the idea of your 7 yr old doing all the hoovering!! Just make sure social services never see it - they'll have you arrested for child slavery

Duck did you have the blood test? How are you feeling?

It's very quiet on here last few days - hope thats a sign everyone is having gentle days. Waves to Ruby, Owl, Star, ATM Tulip and anyone lurking x

Very glad the scan was ok missa.

I haven't had the blood tests as they needed to do them while I wasn't pregnant! Woops!

I'm feeling very nervous as I can't work out my dates. I think I'm 5 weeks and midwife thinks 7 weeks, my first scan should be next week or the week after and I'm worried that if I'm right about the dates and my scan is next week there won't yet be a heartbeat?

I return to work in a few weeks and have to tell them when I go back due to my appointments you have to book annual leave a few weeks in advance so won't be able to hide being pregnant. I think it's a legal requirement to tell your employer about your pregnancy no later than the 15th week before your due date? (Not 100% I got the week right tho)

Do you guys think it's possible to enjoy pregnancy after stillbirth? I just seem to be constantly worrying and panic at every twinge

Hi all MissA I have had everything crossed for you. am thrilled your scan went well and I hope it gives you a little bit of peace, even if it's for a short while. Not long till the 6th, I know that cow that's when my 20 week scan is so we can count down together!

Ducky so glad you have your BFP and all is confirmed. We had really early scans 6/7 weeks as we had a bleed and they wanted to rule out miscarriage. It is horrible when you can't see everything you want. At our first they couldn't see a heart beat but they were able to give a rough gestational age for the baby and say they wouldn't expect to be able to see a HB at that point. We went back a week later at 7weeks and they could see the heart beat. Don't know if that helps?

Blue I think you have done really well to keep it quiet and if that's what feels right. I reckon it's whatever gets us through x

AFM it's been an up and down week. I have had a growing panic that I haven't felt the baby move yet (I am 17+ 6) I think I may have felt a Few tickles but nothing definite. I didn't feel H till about 20 weeks but had convinced myself we are going to get to the 20 weeks scan and be told the baby had died. Managed to keep a lid on it for a few days but it all came to a head on Wednesday night and we ended up in maternity triage. They were lovely and were happy to listen to the heart beat and reassure us. It was there and going like a little train. 18 weeks down and 20 weeks to go!

Mistype on the cow thing..... Not sure how that go in there! Attention to detail...must work on it. Will add it to my to do list!

Thanks ruby.

They said il have a scan in a week or two then an appt with a consultant and I will get my aspirin and then I'd have the 12 week scan. Fingers crossed.

Glad everything is ok with yours ruby i hope you feel massive kicks soon (in a nice way!)

Hi everyone,

Blue, you have to tell by 25wks (15wks before dd), I told mine at 18wks as felt I couldn't hide the bump any longer (but still tried). I wore a lot of floaty scarves!

MissA I'm delighted that the twins are hanging on in there, that must have been such a relief (although I know the worry won't go away).

On my phone so can't scroll back....and can't remember if it was Ducky or Ruby, but no, I don't think it is possible to enjoy pregnancy after stillbirth, it's just something to eg through. Having said that, I did have enjoyable moments, like lying I. Bed quietly and feeling him wiggle. Ruby, I hardly felt this little one during pregnancy, despite every scan showing he was a wriggler, the sonographer and consultant said it was because I was so tense and anxious. In a few more weeks I would highly recommend coke to get the little one moving (although not too much obviously)!

ATM hope you are holding up ok

MissA, I've just read back and my comment sounds flippant, I really didn't mean it to be. I'm very very glad that all was well at the scan. I'm cheering on your two little fighters, willing them to stay nice and snuggly and keep on growing x

Hi all. Not a lot of time to post but will catch up with everything soon hopefully.

Doing ok here. Went back to work this week. Had a few tears on Tuesday but it's generally been ok. They've kindly agreed to give me the week off (I only work 3 days) for when we get our pm results which is good.

Hope everyone is feeling ok. X

Ducky when I asked about the blood test I actually meant the beta pregnancy blood test - its great that you obviously have had it and its a definite BFP - congrats!! I wouldnt worry if they dont see the heartbeat at the first scan, some people dont get to hear it till a bit later. I personally doubt very much that its possible to enjoy a pregnancy after stillbirth, but thats only me. I'm almost 9 weeks in and so far its been constant worry, no enjoyment at all. But then I have had 8 years of constant disasters TTC so thats maybe why as well. Hope you can find some enjoyment though! x

Ruby I know what you mean about fretting over not feeling the kicks. With A I had an anterior placenta and that sort of cushions the moves/kicks - dont think I felt her till about 20 weeks either and even then it was always sort of muted. Dont feel silly about needing reassurance, Im sure they'll be more than happy to calm your fears. On first read of your message I thought you must know the consultant I'm seeing and find her a "cow" - I immediately though "oh no not another doc with a crappy attitude" but i see it was just a typo x

Star your comment didnt sound flippant at all, dont worry. Thanks for cheering on the beans x

ATM glad you are managing ok, having the week off for the PM results sounds like a good idea. Maybe you could do something nice with your OH, go somewhere relaxing, just have time to come to terms with whatever you discover x

AFM All is calm here for the moment, sickness seems to be slightly better, Blue I tried your tip on chocolate milk and for the time being its going down a treat (and most importantly staying down)

Waves to all x

Thanks everyone

I'm sure il be panicking on here when I get my scan through.

I don't know how to feel right now, the other week I was made to go to mil house for dinner, she was never happy about the first pregnancy in the first place (she doesn't know about this one yet), she also invited SIL with her newborn, who has had ss involvement due to neglect. I was very upset about having to go and sit in a room with a newborn so soon after my due date and didn't really know how to act. I tried my best to be as normal as possible. All we got from her when we lost our baby was a text message, no visit or anything. She has just called DH and was saying horrible things about me and saying I didn't look comfortable around a baby and she doesn't want me to go round when the baby is there she thinks DH should go alone (which I don't actually mind I just think she's a bitch the way she said it)

DH has always says how she was no mother at all so how dare she think she knows how I feel she also keeps suggesting I'm lazy for not going back to work straight after giving birth. I can't stand her .

Sorry for going on, needed to rant! Lol.

Hope everyone is ok and has had a nice weekend.

X

Oh my goodness Ducky, your mil sounds awful. I think you're pretty amazing for going there and not walking out, particularly with your SIL and her newborn there. Anyone with half a brain would realise that is something you would find hard. Sounds like a blessing in disguise that she doesn't want you to go there anymore. Honestly, what is wrong with some people?!

Thanks star, she is a nutter

Ducky so sorry to hear your MIL is so horrible, how insensitive can someone get, honestly! Like Star says, sounds like youre best keeping as far away from her as possible x

Ducky poor you! Quite frankly I think it sounds as if your MIL needs a hand bagging! Count me in as a volunteer! We found after H that we had the kindest words from the most unexpected places and people you would think would be your backbone just couldn't / didn't want to do it!

I agree with star and MissA, keep away from her. It's her loss not yours. You've been through so much and now you need to enjoy this pregnancy (I know that's wishful thinking). Don't let her spoil anything for you. May be when your little bear is born you could say you don't want her coming round cos she "clearly not comfortable with you". If you are not allowed round at her house when there are babies present and she's not allowed at your house when there's babies present, potentially it could be a win win situation. Quite frankly the woman sounds mad!

Waves to all the rainbow mummies and other lurkers, old and new. You are in my prayers every day MissA. DH even asks how you are now! X

Thanks missa

Ruby that made me chuckle! My mom said the same thing! She always says 'she's not coming near my grandchild! Because to be honest, she didn't look comfortable around SIL baby! And she pulls the scariest faves at her

Hope everyone is doing ok x

Ruby I had no idea what "hand bagging" was so had to look it up on the Net LOL it sounds the perfect revenge for Duckys horrid MIL !!
Thanks for keeping the beans in your prayers. Its so sweet of your DH to ask after me, please tell him thank you from me x

Ducky Perhaps it would be a good idea to alway have your own mum there if you do have to allow MIL round to see the baby - that way she can act as bodyguard or at least be on hand to do the handbagging deed . Have you any symptoms yet? x

Haha my mom has never liked her anyway as she has always been a bit horrible to me my mom will definitely be on guard!

Glad your beans are ok missa how far are you now? Bet it's crazy seeing them on an u/s, one of DH friends has just announced a pregnancy and she's having twins, I hadn't seen a twin scan before! I was fascinated! Do you know if they are identical?

I'm a bit worried as I have had no symptoms, I have a small bit of morning insomnia and that's it, I also wee more often but have been drinking more water. With dd I had very bad morning sickness and sore boobs and was extremely tired but none yet with this one hope that's not a bad sign

ducky I'm sorry you had to put up with all that from your mil. I agree with avoiding her & having someone else there to be on your side if you have to see her. I don't have a handbag, but I could join in with a rucksack if that's any use?! (Not googled handbagging so no idea!)
With pg symptoms, it's still quite early isn't it (according to your dates)? With this one my symptoms definitely started later than previously. Not sure why, but I was doing a lot less & looking after myself, which if you're still off work might be the same for you?
I agree with ruby - people surprise you both ways with how much they support you. One of my new friends since E died - who I really became friends with because of how she was there for us, she was just an acquaintance before - is coming round tonight :) (unfortunately there are obviously people who went the other way :( ).

missalex glad the chocolate milk is helping you too. This baby is mainly made from that and carrot sticks with hummus so far! Oh and Special K .

littletulip, atm, and anyone else lurking, hope the days are gentle x

Meant to say, thanks for the advice everyone. Dh agrees with you all & that we should do whatever makes it easier for me - which right now is not telling people.

Oh my god...... Would just like to clarify.... In my terminology a 'hand bagging' refers to the art of bopping some one over the head with said handbag.... Also see "fighting like a girl". Inspired by MissA I have just googled it and am horrified by other definitions! (Although quite frankly I reckon Duckies MIL probably deserves the internet definition version!) I'd just like to clarify I do not advocate pooing in anyone's handbag! Please do not also confuse this with "tea bagging" which I know for a fact is rude (If Samantha on sex and the city does it it must be!). If it gives anyone any further amusement, when I realised the internet definition and told DH what I'd done he nearly fell off the sofa laughing at me!

If anyone needs therapy let me know! What can I say, I must have led a very sheltered life!

Hahahaha ruby :,) I'm crying!!!! I did not know about the poo in handbag version!!!!!

And thank you for all the kind words about the mother in law from hell

Ruby I have just nearly wee'd myself laughing! I thought I was the only naive one on here that didnt know what handbagging was! I just had another look in the urban dictionary and see there are two more definitions, but neither very pleasant and neither include hitting anyone with the bag. So funny, havent had a good laugh like that for ages so thanks!

Ducky I think next time your MIL is being horrid to you, you should think about the fact that there are various people on here who believe your MIL deserves a big fat caca sneaking into her handbag - theres even one who will offer her rucksack for a bigger sized one! Bet that will put a smile on your face which will annoy MIL suitably

I am 9 weeks and a bit now, I started getting morning sickness between 5 and 6 weeks I think. But I wouldnt worry about not having it, if you dont then just enjoy it cos its awful. Yes its amazing to see the two beans on the ultrasound, on the last one they were starting to look a tiny bit baby-shaped. They wont be identical though, they were made from two seperate eggs/sperm so they will be fraternal twins.

Blue I have also discovered the wonder of carrots. When I cant face anything else a grated carrot with olive oil and vinegar seems to hit the spot. Is your MS still as bad? Glad youve reached a decision for the time being about not telling - it really is nobodys business but yours and DHs.