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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC 10 months + Part 17.

999 replies

MuddyWellyNelly · 25/09/2013 16:49

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

OP posts:
mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:06

Joy, I'm sorry, big hug from me too. I wish I could wrap both you and cos up in my arms right now. So unbelievably unfair. Will the clinic do a debrief with you? They owe you that, I can't help but agree with rabbit about them treating you a bit shabbily. But maybe I've misinterpreted it.

mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:09

And that Isabella Oliver bump advert that keeps popping up in the side of this thread can f right off.

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:11

Oh nelly goddamn seeing things in print. You are not going to be 19 ivf lady. I accidentally wrote 29 ivf lady - you aren't going to be her either! You have plans emerging and ways forward. And things will will will work out. It's just a bugger it takes so long.

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:12

Den me too! Sod her stylish well dressed bump!

mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:16

Seeing it in print is tough nelly. I remember getting the clinic letter saying infertile partnership or something to that effect when translated. Something is going to work for you I know it and it won't take 19 attempts! Has the clinic suggested a way forward? Rabbit, 3 weeks is plenty long enough. My clinic are happy to start straight away once you hit the right point of the cycle. It's so routine for them there isn't much planning.

Original poster
MuddyWellyNelly · 04/10/2013 21:23

Rabbit I did chuckle at 29-IVF lady so thank you Grin. So lets round that up to 30 shots, it would be £120k!!

I usually stay very focussed on the text and have managed to tune out the adverts. It is the strangest things that get to us though.

Den I hope you are feeling excited, just a little bit, about your cycle. I really think you will see a much better response this way. I am quietly optimistic for you :)

OP posts:
mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:23

10 years of pregnancy style. Pah, for 3.4 of those I've been trying and failing to get pregnant, couldn't care less about the stylish bit.

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:28

It's just a cushion in there Smile for me, three years (2.11 - 8 months of surgery not that it would've made any difference) feels better and worse than 1 year in different ways. I like to think I'm more than half way through this redemption tunnel of shit.

Buzzybee123 · 04/10/2013 21:32

joy I have been lurking for your news Sad sorry it was a BFN

Original poster
MuddyWellyNelly · 04/10/2013 21:32

Den that's the annoying thing. They will only suggest donor eggs. I was happy with them at first, but actually they don't seem to give any consideration to what next. The actual text says " you understand your best chance of success is donor eggs". Well, I guess that depends of your definition of success, doesn't it? I was so angry at my last review that the guy was so dismissive and I'm quite short of choices up here unfortunately.
But by the way, it might just be words on the page, but it means everything to me that you guys tell me that something will work. It is so hard to keep positive, and to have you lot give that cheerlead is priceless.

OP posts:
mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:41

It's not just words on a page now, we know each other well enough now that I think it's more than that. I can't allow myself to feel positive so it means a lot that you can feel it for me. I really do think we will get there, maybe not the route we'd planned but what does that matter in the scheme of things? The donor egg option isn't as time sensitive so you will have that option for some time. Are they saying there is an egg quality issue as well as low response? It's just it seems like you are almost getting there, you get an egg and get fertilization so not total doom and gloom. But if they're saying quality means they won't make a viable embryo then I can see why donor is suggested.

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:41

You are spot on nelly with challenging the definition of success there. That is a highly subjective outcome! It baffles me that many docs in this field aren't more detective like in their approach. This isn't a best fit model, it's so more complex than that. We need an 'ok, let's try this or how do you feel about that' approach. I currently feel like I'm in a factory. No one has been particularly unpleasant but I'm definitely on a conveyor belt. My cons has his computer open when you see him. He sees new patients after lunch, current clients next and failed cycles at the end of the day. That is his system. I'm not sure why this makes me feel sad.

EssiesInvisibleLlama · 04/10/2013 21:42

Hi ladies, are you recruiting? I'm on the jsing thread but could do with a bit of extra virtual hand holding these days.

I'm on cycle 11, ttc #1 since dec 2012, and recently found out I have a scarred cervix after several rounds of treatment to remove pre-cancerous cells last year. I'm waiting for a date to have surgery to dilate it, and have also started early investigations, had normal day 2 blood results today, next is day 21 bloods which could be interesting due to my erratic cycle. Just to add to the fun my mother started the menopause at 36, I'm now 32 so just beginning to freak out a bit, but slightly reassured by today's blood test results I guess.

Also sick of seeing the lbd clad bump ad popping up!

So sorry to those who've had such sad news. Sad

mrsden · 04/10/2013 21:45

This business is a conveyor belt. In some ways it gives me a little comfort that it's so routine for them. My dr recognizes me and calls me by name which is nice and I always see him not another dr. But he read a text message in our last consultation which irritated me no end. I wanted to tell him to put it away and concentrate on ME.

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:46

And we will all get our families. I'm so certain of that that I think when we are in good day modes we should revel in lie ins, bladder control, the boobs we know and love, leisurely cooking and freedom to do what we please in spontaneous fashion. Because we can. And for all of the loveliness kids will bring, there will be little of the above!

rabbitonthemoon · 04/10/2013 21:49

Welcome essie. Pull up a pew and settle in with us while you await your bfp. It may be that the sperm and egg are just figuring out how to meet because of cervix issues. If blood tests are all good I feel very positive for you. The waiting is the pits though.

EssiesInvisibleLlama · 04/10/2013 21:57

Thanks rabbit, I'm hoping that's the case, and they can fix my pin hole cervix (yes, that is the actual term for it!) and then all will be well. Not sure how to pin down the day 21 blood test to the right day though as last three cycles were 33, 28 and 35 days respectively? Dr not very helpful and just said come in on day 21. Hmm

You are right, the waiting is shite, but you also have a good point that we should all try to, on the good days, revel in the luxury of lie ins and pert boobs!

eurochick · 04/10/2013 22:22

I'm sorry joy. big hugs. Like rabbit I'm rather cross with your clinic. I really don't think they looked after you as a person at all well. Enjoy your extra-curricular weekend.

Welcome essie. I hope they can find a way through!

Original poster
MuddyWellyNelly · 04/10/2013 22:27

Hi Essie. I was a JSer for a long time, but way back. threads 2 to 11 if I recall!i am a long way past that, but I miss the original JSers that I grew to know. Re your day 21,' it's meant to be7 days past ov. Can you use cheap OPKs to help time it?

Conveyor belt sounds right. Mr N and I can now predict which doc we will see if it is a Tuesday, where we are on the list (ah we are in at 7.30 so therefore 3rd in). And yet despite that, none of the nurses know me, even if they saw me last week. One nurse insists on asking me my AMH every time she scans me. FFS read it before I come in, stop making me repeat it.

It's also true there are good days when we can feel smug, and some very low depressing days. On the good days, I imagine telling people why I enjoy having no children. Regaling them with stories of weekends away and boozy lunches and sporting adventures and lazy Sunday morning shags. The hard part is doing all those things Wink

OP posts:
EssiesInvisibleLlama · 04/10/2013 23:01

Tank you all for the warm welcome. I think I will have to opk this cycle to try and pin point ov and suss out when to do blood test.

I also need to find a way around my pathetic serious needle phobia as I fear there are many more ahead! Have fainted several times, though I managed Thursdays without flaking out, mainly cos she hit a nerve and had to peel me off the ceiling. Perhaps that's the key. Make it hurt and I'll stay conscious!

EssiesInvisibleLlama · 04/10/2013 23:04

Yes I swing from smug and temporarily content to feeling totally inadequate and utterly hopeless, sometimes several times in one day! Whoever would have predicted TTC was like this before embarking on it!

rumisyum · 04/10/2013 23:13

Bollocks. Sad

Cos, I'm so very, very sorry that this one was not meant to be. What utter rubbish news. Thinking of you & MrC.

And joy, how very disappointing. I was so hoping the news would be good. It's just so unfair.

I hope you both have much that is comforting with you tonight.

Welcome, essie! May your time here be short indeed. I was once a JSer as well, way back in the optimistic days of yore. Sorry to hear about the cervix, but hopefully sorting that out will put an end to your TTC troubles!

Sad times.

seamermaid · 05/10/2013 00:19

A quick one to say I am so so sorry Joy. A big hug to you and Roy. I am sad and disappointed on your behalf. It's so unfair! We are here for you...

Cos - How are you doing? I am still thinking of you.

Welcome Essie... sorry to hear about the issues. Must be worrying. You will get a lot of support here.

Nelly - I totally agree. I hate that Isa Oli advert! Not everyone on MN is a mum! Some of us just want to be but can't get there. Grrrrr

Will try to do a proper catch up soon. Waves to Euro, Rum, Rabbit and other ladies x

akuabadoll · 05/10/2013 01:04

Early morning here, checking for yesterday's news. How deeply unfair for both of you cos and joy I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you both.

Welcome back euro good to see you. Welcome essie I know this thread will be of great support to you.

Cosmos1 · 05/10/2013 07:00

Oh Joy I'm just so gutted for you, I so wanted it to work, you really went for it and coped so well with all that the clinic threw at you. I don't think this is the end for you in any way but it's so crap to have to go through yet more shit. I hope you're ok and that this weekend distracts you enough.

I do love this thread. Woke up early as couldn't sleep and just had a chuckle at 29 Ivfs and 'its a cushion' in the bump ads. Crickey 29 Ivfs can you imagine. I think those clothes look crap anyway.

Thanks for all the messages, it really does help to know there's a lovely group of people who understand and are wishing you well. Leaving the clinic with the sympathy stares was the worst part I haven't been too bad since, but am scared about how much the next couple of weeks will hurt and also for the hormone crash. Oddly though both DH and I said one thing we both feel is relief. I think that's because we were told something was wrong. It's so hard to know what to do next, a massive part of me has had enough, but its so hard to let go of that 'maybe next time'.

Nelly I'm sorry about the letter, it does always seem worse seeing it in stark language, and yes I wish these clinics would forget about their bloody stats and concentrate on what's best for the patient.

Mrsden I'm feeling positive for this cycle for you, wishing you all the best.

Rabbit I think exploring options can only be a good thing, but you've still got Ivf options first.