TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

Fox - how frustrating that the head mess rumbles on. You have done so well this last fortnight . sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. Hang on in there, still hope for you and I really dont think they got your protocol right. I wonder if oestrogen / progesterone balance can get tweaked with meds or homeopathy?

Cos - well done for going for the job. Always, always, always do stuff regardless of ttc. Houses, jobs, cars etc. These things can and do work out and ttc or pregnancy can and does fit alongside. Well done for soldering on and heres to a successful 2014 and new cycle. This year you took a massive leap towards reaching your goal.

coco - gosh you have had an awfully stressful year. You poor thing. Sounds like the opks are the way to go next. Sorry if im going over old ground but you know about pre-seed etc? Can tip things in to your favour, especially when regular dtd is involved.

euro- great news about the scratch and good luck with the next stabbings. How exciting to enter this new and promising protocol.

joy - so sorry you have been feeling low. Christmas is not just for children, if anything they can be an irritant. You are entitled to a rest, a celebration and a few cheeky mulled wines. Allow yourself this and sod the rest of them joy. See this year out and the next year in with a bang. The nhs round may just suprise you. And you have so much knowledge and awareness to help you steer the cycle in the direction you need.

pout - you go grab that new cycle girl. Why the hell not, have fingers and toes crossed for you. Sorry mr p isnt always switching in to your feelings. That must be hard. I haveino doubt that he would do anything to makeyoy happy, im sure he is a good'un.

Sweet - wow 35 weeks!! How have you been feeling?

lemon- delighted to hear you are entering the less scary Second trimester. How exciting.

Hello to nelly and anyone I have missed. I do think about you all so much. Wishing like hell we were all on the other side. Long term ttc does change your view of general pregnancy in that you try to remain accepting of pregnancy niggles and remember too well the pain of ttc. One strategy that use to work for me on occasions was the 'sod it' strategy. It didnt have a permanent effect but sometimes saying piddle off world, I am going to turn my back on ttc just now and I will get pissed / go on a crazy holiday / enjoy Christmas gave me a bit of respite.

Well I am almost 37 weeks and mat leave has started. Feeling heavy and achey but nothing to complain about. No nesting instincts but I have been cleaning cupboards out of pure shame at the state of them. Darent say too much here for fear of outing myself but home birth is on the cards.

Need to check out princess new thread, what a fab idea. Luffs to all.

Euro - I hope stabbing goes well tonight.

Fox - surely it wouldn't be in your system at 15 days past trigger. I thought 20 days max. Otd at my clinic is 15dpo so I am sure they wouldn't test then if chance of trigger still being in system. I know there is a whole psychological process here but are you not tempted to do an hpt to give you more of a definitive answer rather than this wtf situ? I would be going crazy wondering what is going on but I know I know that's easy for me sitting on sidelines. Oh rabbits foxes and chickens- I am so desperate for this to happen for you!

• yes I know because I've been pregnant before that should give me hope and may give people the impression that it will happen but oddly it does just the opposite for me!

Sea - it's scary the unexplained thing. Although being explained can be just as bad. I agree about the numbers. And as my nhs gynae told me , she said she has seen so many people who had terrible numbers and she would have thought had no chance of having a baby yet she sees them conceiving naturally. Strange all this!

Sar - any day now wow! 37weeks is mind boggling to me. We've got Gin, you and buzz all flying the plussers flags very soon and hope the next exciting stage goes smoothly. Sweet words from you as always. Look after yourself.

I'm a believer opk as hpt

Fox I say if you're peeing on sticks and having the hf anyway then may as well do an hpt one. Get thee to tescos!

Ooh cheeky mulled wine did I hear? Is it time for the thread Xmas party?

Sar very best of luck hope it all goes smoothly and if not it'll be a good story once you've forgotten the feelings! Thanks for your lovely words as always.

Sar I'm so glad you are 37 weeks and with your plan all taking shape nicely. I'm really excited on your behalf enjoy this last quiet bit. Your posts always make me feel better.

Joy, cos, doll I feel like a nob about the opks. The plan in my peabrain was as thus. Wee on opk and if negative feel prepared in small steps that of course you are as unpregnant as always. So when it was white (no1) I thought but didn't feel surprised. Like a twat I did another one on Sunday and there was another line but pale and so I just kept on weeing on them! It is stupid as it could be lh washing round my system and this is the most likely scenario. I don't want my period or to have to face the inevitable until I really have to so I'm going to remain in my bubble til my period comes or until the otd I was given. I don't even know if there was an egg in that follicle so I'm trying to keep it real! We have booked to see a counsellor so are waiting for that to come through. I really do have my head firmly in the donor egg camp now.

I hope no one thinks it out of order for me to share a concern I have that if I was to get pregnant with my egg I would be quite concerned that there might be something wrong with the baby. I can't help but feel that if I'm on the last last scraping of the barrel there might be chromosomal issues. This is quite a major factor in me not wanting to pursue my own eggs anymore. It's really been playing on my mind. I feel I've been so unlucky that I'm just going to keep getting pelted with curveballs. Sometimes the thought of adoption is appealing in that no one gets to touch/cut/prod me or break scan news or tell me something else that is defective about me.

Have found several places online saying that lh surges just before your period too. That's told me! I'm a bit worried this is going to be a beast of a period because of all that progesterone.

Rabbit - you aren't a nib! We all do our own things which work for us. Chromosome issues tend to become evident in the first trimester like they did for us and nature normally takes the decision for you. God forbid anyone here ever having to make an actual decision and I just don't think you can worry about that if you are pregnant. It can happen with super douper young eggs too. And I can understand your concerns- I have the same. But it's still a guessing game as to whether your eggs are as poor as you think and I guess you have to weigh up evidence and chances and the emotional toll decisions take. Hand hold. Keep airing things here.

Uuum desperate for some mulled wine but scared of songbird returning !

I keep calling you rabbit sorry! I'm going to get myself a new name for new year. This name has a depressing history now.

euro great news that can get going. Good luck with the stabbing.

Wow sar 37 weeks. So exciting! Do you have to warn the hospital of a home birth preference far in advance?
I've not tried any super lube yet. I waved some at MrC this weekend but he said we should save that for the next step if the opk didn't yield results.

fox I'm so sorry for the headfuckery. I really really hope the fertility gods have seen sense and this isn't left over drugs.
I too have had the fear of chromosomal deficiencies but you really can't dwell on it. It'll drive you crazy. Like joy says, there's no knowing what the quality of eggs are. Big hand hold for you.

Thanks joy and coco. I think I am a rabbit in fox clothes . I had a similar feeling of wanting a new name as a change. I know I shouldn't worry about what hasn't and might not ever happen. I am ok about all of this. I'd like to not have to go through the inevitable slump, picking myself up again and mega period but then I can start the next wave of trying to have a baby. Which hopefully won't last another three years.

fox I think it's normal to worry about those issues. If you ever dare venture onto the pregnancy boards, you see a lot of women who haven't been through what we have worrying about their 12 week scan. But even when you are older, you are still more likely to have a completely normal pregnancy than not, so the stats are on your side.

sar that's amazing. I love it when 10+ers graduate and you just have the ceremony to go!

well my slow starting period has caught up! I had a lovely flooding incident with some lovely liver-like clots earlier that left me feeling rather wobbly for the journey home from work (when helpfully the trains went completely up the spout so I was standing for an extra-long journey). Hopefully the worst is over now. 1st stab is due in about an hour.

Oh Euro that sounds grim. I hope you feel better soon. Hope stabbing went well.

Fox I understand the test nervousness, I've had various strategies previously and not sure I can recommend any, but that's because none if them ended in BFPs. But like you have been scarred by previous experiences and totally get the need to stay in your bubble. No news is good news? I am quietly cheering for you over in the corner.

I am still waiting on AF here, day 45 I think. I did another OPK which had a line but not as dark as control so there is no way that translates into taking a test. The way I figure, if I am pregnant (unlikely, to put it mildly) I will find out soon enough. So I am taking my folic acid but otherwise treating it for what it probably is - very late ovulation - and trying not to think about what could or would or should be. And I did think it would be nice to find out quite late so that the early MC worries were behind you! like when you go into labour

MrsDen are you about? I just wanted to say you looked blimmin gorgeous in your recent pics :)

Partial catch up, sorry! Must go to bed as MrN has a 5am alarm. Ugh.

Nelly - day 45! It must be driving you nuts. Do you have anything else suspicious going on?

Euro - poor you that does sound grim.

Fox - no the next phase won't last another 3 years.

Roy has just told me that my SiL is pregnant again. If you recall they had been exoecting their 3rd and had a m/c and Roy'a bro said a few weeks ago how hard it was for them as all their friends were expecting. They are over 3 months already so why he had to say all that when they knew they were expecting is very strange . Can't believe how quickly they fall- even after a m/c. For some people it is as easy as making a cuppa. Makes me feel pretty sick actually. I just find it so hard to be happy for these two - cant quite put my finger on it. [nasty bitter joycep]

nelly that is a properly long cycle now. I don't think I'd be able to hold off taking a proper test but understand why you wouldn't. 5am alarms should not be allowed!

fox all your worries are perfectly normal. I am standing on the sidelines with nelly cheering you on.

euro woohoo for stabbing (not so much so for icky horrible AF). I'm sure the scratch must be responsible for your altered cycle.

joy could your bil have been under the misguided impression that telling you they'd had a miscarriage would make it easier for you to then accept the pregnancy? Because to them it was difficult? Understanding a miscarriage is one thing but they obviously don't understand your situation so pertly reasonable to struggle with feeling happy for them. I find I am less stabby now but a recent second preg announcement that I thought I was fine with still left me in tears. MrM said it's just because it is a reminder that lots of people can just do this. It doesn't become the entire focus of their whole lives and they don't have to put themselves and their relationship through trauma in order to do what should be completely natural. Rambling.... Sorry.....

Nice to see you sar 37 weeks is brilliant. Home birth would terrify me but I think it suits your outlook perfectly.

Off to work but big waves to all.

Just wrote a long post to all but it got eaten by phone or mn grrrr.
No time to re write now but it was a big handhold to fox and more.
Will be back later to rewrite.

Mad nicely put, couldn't agree with you and MrM more.

Euro sorry for the awful AF. Any chance the scratch has dislogdged something and cleared the way for a nice shiny womble?

Fox big hand hold, not long now, you've done so well to get through this month, and I agree with Joy. Also I agree with Euro. I think especially for people who've struggled the worry never stops. A friend who's just had hers after an mc has admitted that they worried the entire 9 months. Unless you're incredibly chilled like Doll!

Speaking of which, here Doll have a get well soon banner wave.

Nelly umm how odd,........about time someone got an ironidiff

Joy my heart goes out to you and massive squeeze. Ones in the family are worse cos you can't get away, and I agree they've handled that badly. Things'll turn around you'll see. In a few years you'll have your family and they'll be having some other nightmare and you can give yourself a wry grin that you made it through.

Coco I agree charting might be a step forward - it helped me with DH to explain things about women's cycles to help get him interested in the what's going on question and therefore possible treatment questions.

Waves all round.

Joy no nothing going on. I suspect the menopause to be honest . But if it's not that, I had EWCM last week. So I predict spotting by Sun/Mon. I was ok until about 5 1/2 weeks as I was expecting a long cycle, but now I'm a bit confused/frustrated/fed up. I doubt very much I'm pregnant though which is why I'm in no rush to test.

Fox how are you holding up?

Sneaky work post so gotta go!

Morning Ladies

Long time no post, but as always reading and cheering from the sidelines.

Sea About bloomin time! I am so happy for you that you got the go ahead to cycle, and from what the ladies here say it sounds like Christmas will be a less stressful time at the clinic. Also I guess maybe with work as well? Although you like me will not be joining in the festivities over the next few weeks I expect….worth it if the result is the right one!

Fox You have had a total nightmare, I am so sorry the clinic were so awful during your round. Quiet hopeful hand hold, don’t want to add to head fuckery though.

Euro Hope the evil witch has arrived and stabbing goes ok, if you are on antagonist protocol, I didn’t find it that bad (even though I got OHSS), here’s to a Christmas day BFP??

Grouch 35 weeks – amazing! Yes I know the disappointment feeling, along with a bit of shame (and our is male factor). It is for that reason I just cant bring myself to tell anyone including family (I REALLY hate pity it make my skin crawl).

Cos Sorry you didn’t get the job (its always nice to be wanted) but probably not a bad thing given you weren’t that bothered.

Nelly That is a loooong cycle, is that normal for you?

Joy The thing I find weird about some peoples preggo announcements is when you have known for so long and then they tell you and expect you to be all excited…..for at least two of my friends I have known since they did and then found the lying a bit weird. I understand about lying about reasons for not drinking but I found conversations where they were saying they weren’t sure they even wanted kids and certainly weren’t trying a bit odd. Surely just say ‘maybe one day’….

Pout Heres hoping the plan comes off!

Lemons Hurrah for good 12 week scan!! This is brilliant news!

Coco I take my hat off to you for attempting the dtd everyday route, I just couldn’t manage it (and on occasion we did attempt it). I am not sure how anyone manages to that has a job and a life etc. I found it took MrT a bit longer to realise there was a problem, especially given that he knew we were trying, but as I just sneakily jumped on him at the right times he had no idea we had actually ‘been trying’ if you get what I mean?! Also remember we are on these boards and read all this information from the other ladies, whereas they have no idea about this world.

AFM I am day 1 and this cycle will be a FET given that we had to put everything from last cycle into the freezer due to OHSS. I have to have a scan on day 7 but no one has really told me what happens other than that! I have two weeks until I finish work for xmas (woop for taking not much leave this year) but I do have a few days away with work that I am hoping wont fall on crucial cycle days between now and then but what will be will be. What I am most concerned about is finding a way through Christmas without drinking! And OTD given my standard cycle will be Christmas day…………this could be a good or a bad thing!

Apologies if I have missed anyone - I am in the office on a crazy busy new project.

Mad it's definitely the scratch - my period basically always follows the same pattern but deviated this month!

joy how bizarre that they said that when she was already up the duff again!

Did I mention on here that I think SIL had a chem preg/early mc last week. They weren't trying and BIL is away Monday-Friday for work.

sar I think home birth sounds brilliant. We briefly talked about it (getting ahead of ourselves!) when I was duffed, and mr euro wasn't keen, but I hope with a bit more research he would come round, if we ever get to the point where we need to think about that!

ten yes, it's antagonist protocol. It's very similar to what I had on my "natural modified" round back in the summer - I'm using the same drugs (gonal F and cetrotide), just starting on day 2 rather than day 6. I found that all fine. I reckon my ovaries are too decrepit for OHSS to be a risk, so hopefully I will avoid that!

We will be almost cycle buddies! I'm on day 3 now.

cos I missed your post about the job. I still haven't heard, but as it has gone on so long, I have given up on them. I'm not that bothered anyway.

I don't envy you the 5am alarm nelly. Although we were up at 1.30 as one of our loos wouldn't stop refilling and the water was making a helluva a noise going down the overflow. We managed to switch off the water supply in the end.

I completely agree with you regarding mrsd's latest photos on t'other place - gorgeous!

sar and sweet I can't believe that the stork will be coming to you both soon I say it every time but the time really has flown by. It cheers me up no end when you come back on here to give us an update.

fox Oh jeez at the OPK headfuckery. Whispers that the proper positive does sound interesting though I have read too that LH can surge before a period though to be honest from what I have read it is unusual to surge to the degree that an OPK gets that dark. I get a little surge before my AF but the line has never been a true positive IYSWIM.
BTW you are not a nib for testing. I used to use the OPKs to break me in for disappointment. Somehow in my pea brain using the OPKs wasn't as dellusional as using a pregnancy test I will bethinking of you today and willing the fertility Gods on to give you what you deserve.
I also understand totally your fears about issues with a potential baby. I was very worried that somehow IVF would bypass my body's natural filter process and even asked a rather surprised fertility nurse that question. I came to the conclusion that actually getting pregnant was the first hurdle and it did no good worrying about these things prematurely (and I guess having a hope that surely the universe wouldn't be doubly a bastard to me!).

euro so sorry about the period from hell. Hope you feel better. Good luck with the stabbing and FX that you have the perfect Christmas gift this year

ten it is good to hear your news and to hear that you are embarking on the FET cycle. Likewise here's hoping for that amazing Xmas pressie for you in your stocking It is great that you have the leave booked this cycle.

nelly is all I can think! Will say no more....

mad MrM is very wise and summed that all up brilliantly.

coco at superlube. We have some of that. It's super because it costs a fecking fortune! I was forever screeching at MrP not to drop any, not a drop. Kinda killed the moment at times.

Waves at Cos and Sea

Weirdly talking of my Plan B I got a letter with a date for my appointment this morning. It's the beginning of Jan. I am now bricking it that we only got the referral because for some reason they think that MrP lives at our old address which is in their PCT. Anyway, despite this it is nice and comforting to know that if I get the New Year doldrums which I usually do, I have the referral next year to hold onto. Well I've got a spectacular migraine today so will say toodle pip for now.

Two words Pout: Post Redirection

pout agree with nelly

Hello everyone,

Resurfacing from a crazy few weeks at work - it's Thanksgiving tomorrow so I'll have a couple of days off, can't wait.

fox I don't want to contribute to any mentalling but it would make my year if you got a BFP this cycle. It really would. And now I will shut up and just quietly hope for you.

euro good luck with the stabbing honey. You have shown your mettle during this miserable period and you're going to get through this. Keep going, don't give up. You've had some bad luck but your BFP showed that you can get there, and I really think that it's a numbers game for you.

nelly hope you're doing well my love, what a stress about the absent AF. I hope she either turns up or doesn't but in a good way. I wonder what your hormones are up to?

sea I agree you have the patience of a saint and have been amazing at dealing with this horrible long tortuous wait. I have really high hopes for you. I so hope that this round brings you the baby you so deserve.

lemon wow at entering the second tri! Glad you're feeling a little better. Like you I have been loving the cat chat but am sadly allergic.

pout it's so nice to have you back, everyone missed you loads! Great news about the January referral. It's often such a crap month, it'll be nice to have something solid happening then.

sweet you're having a boy, aren't you? I think there's a whole clutch of 10plus babies due fairly soon. Now we just need another clutch. Come on fat finger! Do your job!

den agree that you're looking absolutely beautiful.

mad hope all's going well with you - I agree, I still get annoyed by instadiffers. It's crazy. It's just the blase-ness. Some preggo at a party I was at last week was banging on about conceiving her baby on her wedding night and her husband (cheeky bugger) asked me directly if it took me long to conceive. I just told him straight out that it was an IVF baby and that fertility was about luck more than anything (as they were going on about older mothers etc). There was another woman there with her baby (who I know is an IVF baby, euro you actually met her I think in March) and I caught her eye when they were going on about it and she sidled away wisely from the conversation. Gah.

Waves to everyone I've missed. All well here. It's very cold and miserable outside, I keep having Guns N Roses November Rain in my head