TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

Euro - Sounds like it's going well. Very quick too. You obviously respond really well to stimms.

Ten - Having to deal with difficult work people on top of this is the last thing you need. I read that FET is meant to have higher success rate than fresh. I am really hopeful this will work for you.

Foxy - How are you? Thinking of you and hoping you are okay.

So it's confirmed... I will start DR next Sunday. Just cancelled all Xmas plans and will be bringing families over here instead. Does anyone know how long DR usually last? I read 2 weeks. Does that seem about right?

That's all sounds very positive euro. I am a slow grower and I only had a handful of follicles at the first scan. It sounds like you respond really well to stimms.

Ten, I do that thing when I'm in waiting rooms too. On ec day the other women all looked reassuringly normal. I'm curious about the fet process too. I've been sent the protocol for mine and it basically involves estrodil capsules from day two and a scan on day 7, not quite sure what happens after that.

Sea, great news about having a start date. That's a shame you've had to cancel Xmas plans though. Last year we thought we'd be starting over Xmas so we deliberately chose to stay at home and then tube/cyst saga started and we didn't cycle and had a miserable and lonely Xmas.

Rabbit, any news? Lines sound very promising.

Nelly, you have great stamina not to have tested. Can you do one to satisfy my curiosity?

Joy, Ffs re. Your bil. I bet he thought making out they'd had a tough time would make you feel better or something, it shows that they have no idea. I do the same thing as you and fixate on certain people. One was my best friend and I just can't stop thinking about how easily not happened for her and how she has this wonderful toddler now and it's not fair.

Thank you so much for the nice things you said about my photos. I have had a good time but there was a bit of sadness for me because I'd imagined I might be pregnant on this trip of Ivf had worked. I've also been feeling totally grotty so not sure why you think I looked gorgeous! Post Ivf af turned up on a day when I had a long train journey, not nice thinking the world is falling out of you every time you move. And in not the biggest fan of train toilets. Af was sore too and I felt a bit miserable with it. I don't know if you remember last time after Ivf I got some sort of urinary tract infection? Well, it's happened again, so it must be due to the progesterone or something. I feel rubbish, so tired and stingy and burning. I'm currently curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle.

Waves to everyone else x

sea on my NHS round I downregged for 15 days, had my scan and was still bleeding very slightly, so they wanted me to keep going for another couple of days (and then changed that to another week to fit with the clinic's timing, which is when I lost my shit and we stopped). The drugs can often delay your period by a few days.

Oh mrsd that is miserable! I can't believe it has happened again. I hope you can just relax on the sofa for the weekend.

Right, I'm off to stand in a freezing cold field all day shooting. Back later!

This is a short fox post, apologies for lack of personals, I will post properly tomorrow. I am spotting quite heavily and have been oddly besides myself in spite of knowing how utterly unlikely a pregnancy would have been. I have not tested, the spotting really is quite heavy. Also I've felt quite different since Tuesday evening and puked Thursday morning (at the sight of a partially dissolved pessary ) so had started to feel hopeful. However, it must have been a peak in progesterone as yesterday all of the vommy tingly boob feeling vanished so hormones must have dropped off a cliff. I have no idea what happens next but the thought of a fourth birthday and Christmas empty wombed is more than I can bear today. Will say proper hellos when I've stopped crying.

Coming on to give Fox a big hug. I wish I could be there in real life to give you a real non Mumsnet hug. There are no words that can make it better. I know that. Just know that we are all here for you.

foxy i am so sorry, big hugs x

Thank you both. It's so helpful just knowing people get it. We only told my mum and dad so it's felt really isolated. Even though I tried to brace myself against inevitables, I fail. Knowing that THIS feeling is coming is one of the worst aspects, like flailing in the sea and being smacked by a bloody big wave again and again.

fox big hugs. I'm so sorry

Fox - oh no, it sounds like something has happened again. Are you spotting brown or red blood? Progesterone shouldn't make you throw up. Would a positive hpt just make you more upset if it didn't amount to anything or would you prefer to know if sperm met egg? I am so sorry this is all so stressful and traumatic. Massive hug.

Fox - im so sorry. Cant help but feel you have been a bit pregnant but I know it all feels rubbish if af comes along. So sorry. We do understand and wishing things were different. Take care sweetheart, xx

We definately do get it, it's just so bloody hard. You got through a very tough round and still had an open heart, that is as much as you can do. Things always seem bleaker for ourselves too than what we feel about other people's chances. I have so much hope and faith you'll have your family eventually.

Fox, im sorry. I was were you are two weeks ago. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will feel brighter. All you can do now is let yourself cry.

I second every word joy said.

Just coming on to say I am so so so sorry fox, it must be devastating. Think of you.

Thinking

Another huge hug for Foxy. You have been on my mind all week, I've been watching for news and fervently hoping this would be your time. It's so not fair. The waves seem crushing now but they will get smaller again and you have friends here here to help you ride the storm x

Just popping in quickly to say lovely fox I'm so so incredibly sorry. It's just not fair. I don't know that it's any comfort, but I never felt sick on progesterone (apart from when diffed) and I'm a sicky person - the pill used to make me puke. Would it be worth asking the clinic to do your bloods? I'm wondering if extra progesterone might stop the spotting? I know buzz had some spotting... Sorry I don't mean to drag this out for you and this probably isn't at all helpful. Thinking of you and so sorry you're having to go through this. X

Came here to check on you fox so sorry about the spotting, this is all so unfair. Thinking of you.

Fox. Just wanted to see how you are. I haven't been through nearly as much as you have but I do know how gut wretchingly painful it is to have the little hope you dared to feel being taken away. I hope so much that it is not the news you are fearing. Just really wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. A big handhold.

Fox I am secretly hoping the spotting was a cruel joke from Mother Nature and that it has all gone away again. But I understand that for us it's rarely the way it works so I proffer baked goods in every form, a big wide shoulder, and some fur balls for the best cuddles. You are in my thoughts, lovely Fox.

So sorry fox. What day are you on now? I am hoping for you, as I spotted on 12 and 13dpo, week 6-8 of this diffment Thinking of you. Have a huge hug. All the sensible stuff has been said.

Thank you everyone for all of your loveliness. I feel buoyed by the understanding on here. Proper bfn for me so that is that. Given the state of my ovaries I really do think that any more treatment from here on in would be touch and go at best and SUGGEST DONOR EGGS is written in big biro capitals on my notes. It's a bit like I've been getting the message 'you cannot have children' in drip form for a long time and for me, this feels like the door has closed. I don't really have the finances to try again given how expensive donor egg is and that I may well need more than one go. There is a big jar of dhea to start in the new year to see if I can rustle up a good egg on my own. Mild ivf does not seem available at my local clinics. I am imagining organising the donor process will take me to summer at least. I want to do a lot of reading, counselling etc and might go on a donor network workshop. This has been another milestone in the uphill trek. What a shitty feeling.

In my own self absorption I'm pretty scatterbrained with where people are up to. Euro things sound like they are going really well, I so hope you get an amazing Christmas present. Sea did you decide to go for it? Quiet sounds good to me. Den I hope you're feeling ok. I feel shocking now I've stopped the prog, v weepy and I have raging cramps though no bleeding for now.

Love to everyone, will become more personable from now on

So sorry, fox! The combo of a BFN plus the progestetone crash are awful. Be kind to yourself! The plan to take things forward sounds sensible, esp the counselling and info gathering. Take your time to grieve this terrible round, look after yourself, have a fun-filled January and take it from there. You will be a mum, and a blimmin amazing one too. Hugs for you.

Tight hug fox. I felt shocking the last few days of the cycle and even once af started which isn't usual for me. But, two weeks later and I'm ok. I'm sure you will be too but I know that in these early days it feels like you'll always feel this devastated. I wish there was something to say to make it better. We do all understand. I haven't told anyone in rl about all this and so without the thread I wouldn't have had anyone to talk about it with. Even if I had told rl people they wouldn't have understood in the way you lot do. Something I've realised is that I actually don't have any friends that are good listeners. I'm the person in all of my friendships that does the listening and offers the sympathetic ear. I've started to notice how one sided many of my conversations are with friends, a quick how are you and then they move onto themselves.

Oh Fox, no-one deserves to go through this shitfest and least of all someone as lovely as you. I agree with den two weeks is about what it takes to start recovering from a round. Massive hugs and there will be a way forwards.

Den sorry about the friends who offload onto you all the time without listening back - thats not fair! Do you ever try to share and they dont ask enough questions? Has being abroad affected your friendships do you think?

Euro sounded like things were going ok, good luck, when is next scan.

Waves to everyone else, sorry I've missed loads out.