TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

I suppose the costs of surrogacy are so high because you have to cover loss of earnings for the surragate in addition to other expenses. Rabbit, your womble is good, and where there is a womble there is a way.

Joy, that is quite depressing that two men can become parents faster than we can.

What colours should a light spring wear then critter?

Hurrah for being PUPO mrsd! I was told to think of it like two tiny seeds in a jam sandwich - they are not going anywhere!

critter that must be a hard thing to do. But well done to sister critter for thinking ahead and biting the bullet.

mrsd what a great result! I'm so hopeful for you. And no worrying about the frosties not being blasts - you're in the best position you possibly could be where you are. Make sure you take it easy over the next few days.

Aww rabbits, I wish I could make it all better for you. Even if this cycle comes to nothing and you decide to pursue DE, there is no reason why DE wouldn't work for you. However, like you I had started wondering about surrogacy. Compared to what we paid out on ivf, to be guaranteed a baby the costs didn't seen that bad...

2 turkey baster goes joy?! FFS. How can that possibly work..

doll so sorry to hear you are poorly. Hope tiny doll is doing ok and that you make a swift recovery x

Waves to everyone else.

critter well done to your sister for being proactive, it couldn't be easy but a good decision. Its hard to know what the future holds

mrsd I had my colours first done when I was a teenager and then again when I was in my 30's as my hair colour had changed, she also did styles that suited your figure, I loved it and well worth it.

Surrogacy costs cover the basics, ivf, check ups, travel, clothes etc, loss of pay would depend on what their terms of contract with their employers are regarding sick leave, most jobs don't mark it against your record and is usually covered, she would also be entitled to mat leave too like any preggo. I suppose her job is a key factor when deciding who to choose.

joy she must of had bloody expensive tastes, even with overseas IVF, private immune appointments, private scans, clothes and time off sick, I am nowhere near that price tag,

euro how long till your scratch ?

cos I hope this is a nice break away for you and not work related

rabbit how was it?

buzz my scratch is the week after next. And then the week after that I will probably start stimming. I had a blood test for TSH and AMH levels today. I am quite worried about the AMH one. My previous one two years ago wasn't awful by any means, but already put me in the "low fertility" category at 35 and AMH only really moves in one direction. So I don't really want to hear the result. I'm pretty sure the TSH will be fine. I've had it tested before. It's just something they wanted to rule out before the next round. I got my coeliac screening test result from my GP too, and that was normal, which is a relief because I love bread and pasta! It still means we are unexplained though. I was thinking that perhaps I had finally found a reason, but nope.

Mad. - how was yesterday's scan?

Rabbit. Any news?

Buzz - maybe they were exaggerating??

Euro - tell them not to tell you about the amh results. Perhaps they haven't gone down but best to be blissfully ignorant if they have!

Cos - hope you are somewhere nice

euro some women do find their amh does go up, but can undersand the worry, I felt sick waiting for mine

joy i am sure that is what they paid, and they got what they wanted in the end which is what matters, it just seemed like a lot to me

Euro you can make four follies on a mild cycle so really don't stress about the amh, I'm sure it will be fine. Great news about the pasta!

God I can't remember anyone's posts I'm operating on one brain cell at the moment so apologies for lack of personals.

Scan reveals that Boris lives on at a measly 11mm but growing steadily and of a good regular shape that the ultrasound lady thinks is a good sign and womble is looking nicely on track. Best grab the positives that I can from the complete unmitigated disaster that this experience is proving to be! I now have many many small follicles but there is no way that they can catch up now apparently. Loads of ewcm today which for some reason made me feel cheered.

I was given the choice to a) up my drugs to an extreme level and keep growing Boris or b) cancel the cycle. Given that this is funded we have chosen a. I am worried that my brain will never be the same after this as the drugs, whilst not making me hormoney feeling are making me a bit dense. We have been given a picture of Boris to will him on. It is not as exciting as a scan photo of a baby! But still, I'm trying to not give up hope that they might extract an egg. It is a bit of a struggle though. There are glimmers of hope that I will be able to convert my NHS funded go to donor.

I do wonder, after reading, if cetrotide on day 5 was a bit early for me and has inhibited growth of my lesser eggs. I can see them (they are on both ovaries) but they are stubbornly staying at 2-3mm. I guess that egg growing has probably been a problem all along, with them popping too late/not developing which may well explain spotting. The hardest thing I'm finding is that nurses keep commenting on how unusual this is for my age. Having a prematurely older part of myself feels horrible. I have felt the youngest person in the waiting room at every scan by quite a long way. I guess these things just happen but I will never understand why I was already infertile at 33. Oh well. I suppose that isn't exactly young in fertility terms. Critter I think your sister has done a very sensible thing and I wish I had done the same in my twenties. I'm also struggling with the fact that I would have got this far with no drugs. Bums.

Thank you everyone for your supportive words. I'm checking often at the moment and it really helps. As for 25k for a surrogate well that is a lot of money isn't it? I thought about 15k. However, it is a pretty huge thing to do for someone and if I knew I could pay that and have a newborn baby in my arms, I'd think that was a pretty good deal. Remortgage!?

Loves to everyone.

Soz euro that sounded a bit casual about the amh, I know result waiting is vile. The clinic have mine and I have declined to see it and have asked that I am not told. The evidence that it is probably in minus numbers is quite clear!

That's sounding like good news that Boris is still there and growing. I reckon he's a strong one. I also wouldn't write off the smaller ones because some of my smaller ones definitely caught up in the last few days. I'm not a fan of cetrotide, my dr is of the view that it halted growth of my eggs last time and the fact that this protocol worked much better seems to back that up. I'm a slow grower and needed 14 days of stimming to get a decent haul.

I do wonder den if I could have squeezed out another with it a bit later as I was in no danger of ovulating early. What were you on this time?

Evening ladies from a cold and damp scotland. The nights close in so fast up here - it's hard to remember that summertime it's daylight until after 10pm.....

rabbit I am willing Boris on. I have faith that he might pull through for you yet but that's good news that you could combine nhs funding with donor eggs. I know that it was easier to see our failed cycle (not that yours has failed!!) as a learning experience because someone else was paying for it. When is the next scan?

euro I don't know about all these numbers either. One more thing to worry about. That said, I would struggle not to know it if I knew that they had done the test. Good luck for the scratch. I've never had one but it sounds quite sore???

mrsd hope you're holding up and feeling ok despite the onslaught of meds. It really is a strange feeling when you are otherwise healthy to be putting so much into your body. It will all be worth it though xx

critter big wave to you. Still hoping that we can meet up if you're in this part of the world after mini critter makes an appearance.

cos I hope that you're someplace lovely as well and not working.

joy I have lesbian friends who have two kids thanks to the turkey baster method and a willing donor. They didn't have money for ivf so I'm glad it worked for them but it was a bit of a kick in the teeth that two women could get pregnant and we couldn't .

afm The scan went well. Typically I panicked when I couldn't see a heartbeat straight away (at 7 weeks I spotted it immediately) but the sonographer pointed it out and reassured us that everything is fine. Thank you for all of the good wishes.

Big waves to all I've missed. MrM has walked in the door and I need to dash.

Mad - great news about your scan. I hope you can now begin to enjoy it??

Rabbit - argh it does make me cross these people making flippant comments about how this is unusual for your age. That is not helpful on any level. Please ignore them. Can I ask, did you have a scan the day you started stimming? Because if you recall I had one back in jan and they spotted a follicle already growing on day2. So they did a cyst aspiration and drained it. They said they had to because if a follicle has started to grow , it is very likely that will take all the drugs from the other follicles preventing the others to grow. I think Boris is doing very well but the fact that you have lots of follicles surely suggests boris is taking the drugs AND lots of fillies is surely a good sign?? And now they are visible on both ovaries??

I don't know Rabbit, I wish I knew more but I really don't think your ovaries sound as bleak as may have been painted. X

Thanks joycep. No the comments make me feel like some kind of freak show. I didn't have a day 2 scan. It is puzzling as to why the other follies aren't growing more quickly. Maybe Boris is a greedy thief. I'm presuming at the end of this I'll be presented with a well we could try x but your best chances will be with donor. From the bad afc day I have sworn I'd not try my own eggs again if this cycle was a shitfest. But in reality that decision is difficult when there are wonderings about cetrotide, drug type etc. I am going to have some counselling I think to thrash it all out. Mostly I can think very positively about it but I keep having winded feelings about not making me and hs genes combine and make an us and that I can't have children. It's a ghastly, don't know where to put myself feeling. But it passes.

rabbit I'm cheering on Boris for you! When is your next scan?

mad hurrah for a good scan.

mrsd how are you doing?

buzz I won't be able to resist finding out the result, but it would probably be in my best interests to ask the clinic to keep it to themselves.

Hello all

Quick phone post to offer a paw squeeze to Rabbit. I'm quietly cheering you, H and Boris on. I keep remembering what my consultant said about the first IVF cycle being diagnostic and a learning curve about what works in terms of drug doses etc. the fact you have one uber-follie and lots of small ones suggests your ovaries might not be a write-off but may just need a different drug protocol? Especially given Joy's experience. I guess it's too early to speculate on that at the moment (and it's horrible to think you'd take all those drugs just to see what they do) but is just a thought. In the meantime I'm in the hang in there camp. Boris could yet be The One. I have everything crossed for you. We had counselling during our cycle and it really helped. Paradoxically I found my infertile feelings/fears were at their strongest then, perhaps because with actual hope in the equation there seemed to be more to lose.

And for Mrsden too - congratulations on being PUPO. I hope the wait passes quickly.

Congratulations to Lemon and Mad on positive scans. Lovely to have some good news to cheer the fred on.

Waves and tail feather shakes to all the other lovely ladies. I am thinking of you all.

Sorry, that was a bit illiterate, I meant to say I had everything crossed for Mrsden too! Brain is a few steps behind itself at the moment.

Rabbit - I second everything joy and art have said. Cant help but think the clinic were a bit trigger happy with the centride. Keep going, keep focusing on the lively boris and all that potential. The ewcm is a good sign and glad it makes you feel a bit better.

mad - wonderful news about the scan. This is it my lovely!!

Euro - I can understand the need to know the amh. But just remember whatever the outcome, you do make good eggs without much help.

den - hoping your now blastocysts are settling in nicely.

Just a very short post to say I am thinking happy egg laying thoughts for rabbit and sticky thoughts for MrsD.

So happy to read that Madness had a good scan. Excellent news.

Good luck with the scratch Euro.

Waves to lovely Joy. Hope the songbird has flown away.

And hi to everyone else.

Deadlines are preventing me from reading and posting too much but I am thinking of you all.

Rabbit, the donor option isn't going anywhere so you really can take your time to think about whether it's right for you and hare. I still think Boris has every chance of being the one.

Euro, sometimes there are things we don't want to know and it does us no favours to know it. However, I find the medical culture here quite difficult because they really don't give patients the details, they think we don't need to know because we can't interpret it which I find quite patronising. I've had all sorts of tests done and never been told my results. Amh was one that I didn't want to know though because I question how useful it is. The dr let slip that my level was very good and yet I still didn't respond well to short protocol.

When I had the transfer the doctor said he was very pleased with my response to this protocol. It's really fascinating how different we can respond so I'd say to anyone who has a poor cycle that it's defiantly worth trying a different protocol if funds allow.

I'm on strict instructions to be on watch for ohss. So far, I have no pain and I'm not unusually bloated. Does anyone know when ohss would likely start?

Art - it is so lovely that you drop back in. Hope motherhood is going well. It must be amazing to be on the other side!

Rabbit - drug protocol is so important and can make such a difference. Also don't forget our hormone profiles can be very changeable every month and that can make a huge difference too. It's exhausting thinking about it all though. And annoying finance dictates things as well.

Mrsd - ohss is a risk up to a week after EC I believe. No pain and no bloating is good. I was on ohss watch as well and I'm sure I had it mildly in Jan. doubled over for days - god it was painful . And actually you don't need tonnes of eggs to get ohss. The key is to keep drinking and not to leave an hour go by without water in the early days after EC. I was setting my alarm every 3 hours during the night this time around. Sounds like you are fine though.

I am back from scan 4. Well Boris is 15mm, my womb lining is 9mm and my other mini follicles have done sweet fa and are just sitting and watching, there are 8 small ones around the 3mm mark. We are just keeping going and hing that we can;

Grow Boris to 18mm
find that Boris holds an egg
And that the egg is usable
That the egg fertilises and divides
That they can access my womb
I can't even think about beyond that!

I feel that at any of these stages there is huge potential for failure but let's see. It is a tightrope walking act shoved in amongst work commitments and various lies to all the untold people. We had a long chat with the nurse today. The last doctor had written on my notes 'possibly move to donor eggs' which felt like a slap around the face, he had also written cycle 2 could try higher dose of Menopur from day 2 with a mixture of Gonal f. How I will choose between a) donor and b) trying again - maybe with dhea, I really don't know. I have to say that my ovaries are pretty much asleep and whilst I'm surprised at how many small follies are there given my afc (I was told that they would never see more than 4) I think the chances of round 2 being significantly different are small.

At this stage I feel OK. But I think that is because the reality of option A being the next stage hasn't quite materialised. I have thought of all the things I would like not to see passed on to my child (including premature ovarian failure) and oddly that was quite helpful. I found myself thinking that they might not need years of braces or factor 50 in the winter. It is a most surrea thing. I am trying not to think of the fact that even donor eggs aren't a guarantee but I am terrible at not looking gloom in the face. The price of donor cycles in the UK is truly shocking, especially if you want to be an exclusive recipient for an altruistic donor, we were quoted 13k today. Ouch.

Anyway. Madness with my Menopur brain I cannot remember if I said how pleased I was to read that your scan went well. This is happening!

Artemis I like to see your posts on here and thanks for all of your encouraging words. I love that photo. And your wallpaper rocks!

Den how are you feeling?

Euro you are a hero for squeezing in a round before Christmas and I here you get the most amazing Christmas present ever.

Doll I'm not sure if you are reading but I hope you are feeling better and getting to snuggle smallest doll.

Wave to Sar, Joycep, Nelly, Buzzy, Lemon, Gin, Critter, Cos and everyone else. Please root for Boris.

Hurrah for bigger Boris! He's so close now, rabbit. I really hope he is holding your magic egg.

Go Boris go! Rabbit you're being really brave and you're nearly there with this cycle. Don't make any decisions about the future yet, just keep outing one foot in front of the other.

Den hang in there too, I am so hopeful for you this cycle and it's awesome that you responded to the different protocol so well. Springs wear warm light bright colours with a bit of yellow in them - light coral pink etc. I wish we didn't live in different countries, I'd take you to see my colour analysis lady who is hilarious and very New Jersey.

Euro you're a legend for squeezing in another cycle. It is a numbers game for you my lovely and I will have everything crossed.

Thanks euro and critter. Tonight was my 13th day of injecting and the first time there was blood since the first one. I hate it it's fine when there is no bleeding but we got a little vein today. I think talking about my blood phobia which no doubt has a name is probably for another thread. I think I need to get it sorted really as I'm already stressing about the back of the hand canula after the bad blood explosion last year I was rubbish in the classroom when children cut themselves and one way or another I'm going to have children so I need to be able to not have to lie down if I see a speck of blood. Oddly I can cope with my periods but do find heavy ones scary. I will take mental worries away now, sorry! I might see if mn has had a thread on it...