TTC 10 months + Part 17.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

For all the lovely 10+ers, and anyone else lurking, who has been trying for long enough to start worrying. This is a great place to rest until the elusive BFP shows up.

hi congratulations to loveslemondrizzlecake - marvellous news. mrsd good luck for tomorrow. no news here which is why I haven't posted in a while. I also trying to ignore feeling sad so try not to dwell too much. still going to my chinese doctor. I am not at the western medicine clinic at all right now. our insurance will cover part of our IVF costs but not all. we're lucky to get anything covered. Maybe we'll start in the new year with IVF if chinese doctor doesn't work out. I'm going to a fostering and adoption information evening the week after next. DH isn't keen but he's coming. Has anyone else been to one? Or is that not really a topic for this thread? For those who don't know me, I am 35 and I've been trying for number 1 for 4.5 years.

Just popping in quickly to wish mrsd good luck for EC. If you feel sore tomorrow, don't go into work! There's no way I could've worked the day after EC and don't think I was meant to cos of the sedation. I really hope you get a good haul and everything goes well.

Keep going lovely rabbits! The small follies may well do something - my cycles always started with a few biggies and lots of small ones that eventually caught up. As everyone else has said, it only takes one and it's better to have a few decent quality eggs than lots of sub standard ones.

mad not long til Weds now. There is no reason to think that anything would be wrong, but totally understand the fear.

Waves and luffs to everyone else.

Mrsd - best of luck this morning. Just tell your work that you have been sick all weekend plus the days you had off. It makes it sound more dramatic. But I know what that guilt feels like and it is annoying. We are all routing for the little dens. So good luck. We have done karotyoing and we were normal. But we have never done PGD. We did have genetic testing on the embryos that I miscarried and the result was a trisomy - there was an extra copy of chromosome 23 but that is bad luck . I was on short protocol but the dosage was still pretty high and wasn't a mild cycle at all.

Mad - and best of luck on Wed too. It will be all fine.

Rabbit - so sorry about the scan but I hope it is just early days and the others catch up. Big hand hold.

Free - I hope the Chinese doc works his magic. I believe lemon went to an adoption evening.

Cos - hope you are feeling better.

Thanks for the good wishes. You are all so lovely. Alas the wow my scans are shit experiences saga continues. There was only one good follie to be seen and my right ovary (which is apparently the dud, not the left) was hiding again and there were no visible follicles. It was the same scanner I had for the afc one so my heart sank and she gave a very similar message that the ovary isn't working. Which is odd given there was a 4mm follie there on Saturday. Maybe it just died off. There are three or four two millimetre follicles but they've only grown a mm since Saturday and were ruled out today as having potential. My drugs incredibly have been upped. The lovely nurse said we are going to get that egg and see what we can do with it. But I'm no fool, this is going desperately wrong. I will not be putting myself through this again with my own eggs. My ovaries are clearly pretty empty and each scan is just heart breakingly devastating. These past few days I've struggled to see how I will ever fully get over this. I even feel embarrassed to post my news here for countless lurkers to read. I have responded about as poorly as it is possible to respond. As people were coming back in to the waiting room I could hear how many eggs they had and they were smiling and one even phoned someone. I just sat there using all my effort not to cry. Given that one follicle has vanished I can't even rely on the only one I have to be there when I go back on Thursday. What a disaster.

rabbit don't feel embarrassed. we need an outlet. I'm sorry to hear it is so incredibly difficult. If you can cry in private please do so if only to release the tension. sending you big hugs.

Oh rabbit. I am so sorry that it is not going the way you hoped. I hope that Thursday will bring better news. It really does only take one, you know. If that one follie can hang on, it might be all you need. Never feel embarrassed about posting here - we are all here for you.

free good to see you back here. I hope the Chinese medicine works its magic.

joy how annoying about the postponed appointment. I hope you are feeling better now, at least.

mad I hope the scan goes well. That's great about being pain free!

I had a lovely weekend in Ireland (photos on t'other place for anyone who is interested). It was exceptionally boozy, and I planned it to be my last blow out before the next IVF (I won't stop drinking totally but will drop down to the occasional glass of wine). At one point we were getting interrogated by one of FIL's friend's about whether we had children. The next question was how old we were (she is Swedish and very direct). I thought she was winding up for a big lecture on not leaving it too late which would have led to some very sharp words back from me, but someone interrupted the conversation, thankfully. I did seem to be surrounded by the horribly fertile though. The interrogator has 5 children. One of my husband's aunts who was there has 5 girls; another aunt 4 boys.

dear rabbit , what a terrible time you are having. It is clearly very distressing. I can't believe the other follie has suddenly just died off, it must be hiding. I will continue to hope that the other follies will start to make a run for if with more drugs. The front runner can often be greedy and take all the juice and deprive the others. It doesn't mean they are useless. This often just about getting drug dosages right.
Oh and over hearing all the other people is horrendous but just because someone gets 400 eggs does NOT guarantee them a baby.
And please never ever feel embarrassed about writing this down here. We are all here to support you.
When is your next scan? What are your drug dosages?

Euro - boozy Ireland sounds lovely. I am glad someone interrupted those super fertiles. Gees. I said to my mum yesterday that I wish people would stop asking us when we were going to have children and she said it must be horrendous for us . She keeps being asked when she is going to be a grandmother and she finds that bad enough. She then said that she asked a couple if they had kids the other day and she had no idea why she did it and realised her mistake when they said "no we have dogs" and shuffled off. I think people just don't think.

back home now, will read thread and post again shortly. Ec was ok, got 18 egs!! So now at risk of ohss so have huge bag if drugs, clexane, pred etc. still a bit woozy.

So sorry rabbit. Me and my big mouth, I hadn't read yours before I posted. I really am sorry.

mrsd well done on getting through EC. That's the worst of it over now.

joy I agree - I think if it has never been an issue for someone, or at least for someone close to them, they just don't think.

joy why do people ask about kids etc, I have lots of friends who don't have kids, it has never crossed my mind to ask them why not,I have always thought of it as a lifestyle choice, even after all we have been through I still wouldn't ask.

euro glad you had a lovely time, you looked beautiful, yay to lots of booze :)

mrsd ell done, no rest up :)

free I spoke to a friend who had recently adopted and she went through the process with us and gave us some stuff to read, they have recently made some changes to the process so it is quicker, I chat to another lady ho fosters while she is waiting for her final go at de ivf, its worth just seeing what they have to say.

rabbit don't ever feel embarrassed, that is the point of these threads, to share your thoughts and feelings, I am sorry that it wasn't good news, just because they couldn't see the other one doesn't mean it wasn't there, my bowels were always obscuring one of my ovaries. It does only take one golden egg. Even if this doesn't have the outcome you ant, it does bring you a step closer to your baby, it might not have your DNA but you will get your baby, I feel more positive for you as you are getting closer although it might not feel that way.

I was devastated when I had my fertility MOT and the Czech clinic suggested DE, you do initially feel like you have failed, but then I realised I can't control mother nature, and she can be a fucking cow at times, there are still options for you and I do strongly believe you will have a baby and quite soon, just not the way you had thought you would.

When you get pregnant you won't care hat the journey as like just about the destination

I'm a bit more with it now. rabbits, sorry again. I hadn't read your post before I posted about my ec and number. It was insensitive of me. Please don't feel embarrassed, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. I got a good number of eggs today, far more than was shown on any scan so I don't think the scans are always right about the number of follicles. My early scans only showed about four or five. If they can get one egg then you're in with a fighting chance, it has to be good news that they're not trying to get you to cancel the cycle.

I know what you mean about listening to the other women in the clinic. I was sharing a room with 4 others today. It felt like some sort of competition, I never asked anyone what they got and no one asked me thankfully. It was sort of nice though to see that the others were all perfectly normal couples though.

Euro, people don't think. I guess if you've never had problems it doesn't even occur to you that it might be a sensitive topic. I get asked fairly frequently when we might have children. There is a family event happening this spring and I'm dreading all the nosy questions.

I'm on the sofa feeling battered and bruised. I have so many drugs to take because of the ohss risk it makes me want to cry, I hate the drug taking, I've got clexane. Pred, d something, progesterone. Ugh. The doctor said all is good but they were still very different sizes, a couple were very big. I think it's likely that many of them were not ripe. It's a waiting game until tomorrow now.

Just a very quick sneaky post to give a big cuddle and paw squeeze to rabbit, remember, doll only had one egg! It's not the end. Don't ever feel embarrassed, you are going to be a mum and you've been bloody brave during this horrendous sh*tfest.

mrsd well done for surviving EC, I hope you are putting your feet up and being looked after. Crossing fingers and toes for you - I know this part is very hard.

euro a boozy weekend sounds amazing but sorry about insensitive superfertiles. I agree that if TTC woe hasn't happened to you, you wouldn't think about it. Am really hoping for a Christmas BFP for you, goodness knows you deserve it.

madness good luck for your scan this week, will be sending positive thoughts.

free hang in there lovely girl. You're going to get there, I know you are. I wish it wasn't such an exhausting journey.

Waves to everyone else. A couple of lovely friends who've both been struggling just told me they were pregnant yesterday and last week, separately (one was clomid, the other third round of IVF after two failed rounds and two natural mcs). So I'm hoping some of that good luck floats around the thread.

Oh rabbits, I am so sorry the scan was disappointing and you are feeling so shitty. I don't understand how they have decided that the follicle on your hiding ovary has gone, when they couldn't see your ovary? One good quality egg is all you need, but totally understand how disappointing it is to put yourself through it all and to just end up with what you would in a non ivf cycle. If it's any consolation doll has just given birth to her one egg from her cycle. It can happen and at least you know fertilisation is pretty much guaranteed. Ignore the other ladies in the clinic - I had a number of eggs, but the sperm was so shit we ended up with only 2/3 embryos each cycle (and only 1 good quality one), so no.s of eggs do not mean they necessarily have a better chance of it working than you do. I think buzz talks a lot of sense. Lots of luffs and do take care of yourself (and have a good old cry) xx

mrsd so pleased this protocol seems to have worked much better for you! I'm keeping fingers crossed that all is going well in that Petri dish tonight. Sorry about the ohss risk. I was not a fan of clexane. Make sure you drink lots of water and eat lots of protein. Hope you aren't too sore and Mr D is looking after you.

critter how lovely about your friends. It's always fab to hear of ivf working for people after several goes - I was convinced that cos it didn't work for me 1st (and 2nd) time, it'd never work.

joy and euro urgh at the children inquisition. I just don't understand how some people are so insensitive. What really annoyed me was when people didn't get my shut the fuck up signals and just carried on going with the inquisition. But euro glad you had a fab weekend and I agree with Buzz that you looked gorgeous and v glam.

Waves to free. Hope the Chinese meds do their job.

cos I was so sorry to read of how sad you were feeling the other day. I think it'a essential to grieve and you have been through such a terrible thing. It will get easier and I'm positive you will get there x

Waves and luffs to everyone else.

Gin, that's a good point about the number of eggs not necessarily equating to better chance, we have the same issue in that a good number of eggs doesn't get round our primary reason for infertility. Mrdens sperm is crap, I have a deep down concern that even when fertilisation happens then the Sperm is still faulty. I always take much heart from thinking about you because our situations were similar.

I'm trying to drink loads, but the frequent trips to the loo are a pain! It al
So hurts just before a pee, think my bladder might be bruised. I've heard the clexane stings, nice.

I am very glad of you all. I feel like Im in a cave with no friends, just H with no social life just a bag full of needles that sting, a headache and no better outcome than a usual month where I make my own bloody egg.

Den it is very good news that you had a good haul and please don't worry that you were insensitive, I didn't think that at all. We are all on different journeys here and I always knew that my chances were very slim. I can still be happy for you, it is high time you graduated from this board and I will be willing you on.

Critter I could fly over and give you a big squeeze, you always cheer me up. I do often think of doll and popped to have a sneaky look at the grads thread after gins post and I'm so chuffed that tiny doll is in the world. Big love to you doll.

Will post this and check back ..

Gin I don't know what's going on with my crap ovary. It has so far been hidden, obscured by bowel, non functional, hidden by scar tissue and containing a follicle today it was hidden/non functional. The same ultrasound lady said the exact same thing last month. I just don't know anymore. Your picture was very beautiful.

Joyce next scan is Thursday. I'm now on 525 Menopur which is a staggeringly high amount. I think my ovaries just can't tell though that anything is different. I'm bracing myself for yet again bad news. I'd like to think I'll get to ec but it is ever so touch and go.

Free keep going lovely. I really think it's just a matter of time.

Euro I'm so glad you had a good get away weekend, it looked like a lot of fun. Sorry you were quizzed and surrounded by fecundity. I was at work this afternoon with two heavily pregnant women and a child asked me if I had a kid.

I hate this whole thing. It's like I merrily wandered into a house three years ago and I've been trapped in it ever since with every room I go into it getting more scary, more painful, more isolated and hopeless. I just want to get the hell out in one piece and with a baby. Sorry everyone. I just don't know how much more of it I can bear.

After this I really don't know what I'll do. I have one funded round left. They talked about trying again with new drugs. But I don't think so. Will the nhs fund donor treatment? I can't seem to find out on the net.

rabbit I think where it is medically indicated, the NHS will fund donor eggs. I'm pretty sure one of the BESH had premature ovarian failure in her early 30s and will have it. I might have misremembered though. It's probably one of the many things that is subject to the "postcode lottery" though. You're not there yet though - IOTO.

critter it's lovely to hear some good news stories. I hope you are doing well.

gin that really was a lovely photo on t'other place.

mrsd I hope you are being pampered.

Thanks for all your lovely comments about this weekend. It was really good to both let my hair down and also to get some fresh country air into my lungs. I'm glad we enjoyed it - we've added it up and between flights, car hire, hotel, gift and clothes we must have spent about a grand to go! It's probably a good thing we are not going to find the time to fit in a holiday before Xmas.

Just wanted to say sorry for being so bloody miserable yesterday, feel a bit silly now. It's hard to know what is sadness and what is Menopur.

MN ate my post. Here it is again.
Just wanted to give Rabbit a big squeezy handhold. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You have been incredibly brave. We have all been dealt a shitty hand and we are troopers for putting up with all this poking around and endless drugs. You are doing really well. I hope the other egglets are just hiding. It wouldn't be the first time that a doc can't find them... I had exactly the same when I was doing the iui.

Mrsd very well done. I know the wait now is stress making but try to take it easy. Like eggs, you only need one sperm to make it a baybee.

Sorry joy and euro had to put up with nosey uberfertiles. Ugh...

Love to Gin and Buzzy and Critter - our lovely preggos.

Waves to everyone else.

I'm just popping in to add hope and support for rabbit
Also to mrsd and all the lovely 10 + ladies. I have just read the last few pages of happenings and rabbit I totally see how hard it is to push on. As Gin mentioned Tiny Doll is here, well, and cute in a cross old man kind of way he was born last week as I briefly wrote on the other Fred. Unfortunately I become quite ill post birth and am in hospital. It's not life threatening or anything but rather tough. I'm still wishing and hoping for you all though. X

Hello doll. Congratulations on old man doll but sorry to hear you're a poorly lady. Hope they are looking after you well and that you are mending, big love. If I can, I will keep going with my one egg (Boris) but trying to accept that might not happen. Do let us know how you are getting on, I think about you often.

Thank sea. Id be lost without this thread.

Congratulations doll I'm delighted to hear baby doll finally decided to make an appearance but I'm sorry that you're not well. Am I right in thinking the hospital isn't near your home? That must be tough, and being away from little doll too. Has he met his little brother? I hope the nurses and doctors in the hospital are being kind to you and the care is good. Sending you lots of get well vibes.

rabbit this thread is the right place to write down all your worries and innermost thoughts. I'm not exaggerating when I say I don't know what I'd have done without the support of the 10 plussers. You are all a very special bunch of people. I feel so sad thinking of what you're feeling. I really do think you're still in the game though. If they can get that egg then that is a massive thing. I agree with others too that it's not certain that what the scan shows is what they'll get. At no point did any of my scans indicate that I had 18 follies. The highest estimate was 10.

We got the call this morning. Out of the 18 eggs collected, 11 were good enough to use. Out of those 11, 8 fertilised. 5 have now been frozen, I will have 2 transferred tomorrow and one is being destroyed because it's too low quality to freeze. This is the best outcome I think because I always said that my aim was to get something to freeze so to get 5 is wonderful news. I have to remember though that it's not like freezing blastos, these are probably only at the 2 cell stage so not a lot can be said about their quality and it's uncertain if they would survive defrosting. I'm not going to worry about that today though. Please, please can you send good thoughts to my two little chicks that will be transferred tomorrow.

I'm still feeling very anxious, I'm hoping work will take my mind off things.

Den - wonderful news about ec. And like you say, due to sperm issues lots of eggs is reassuring. This feels like your time honey. Will look forward to the reports from the lab.

rabbit- it is heartbreaking, frightening and frustrating when stimming doesnt go to plan. The hidey ovary and any potential follies can not be discounted and there are often follies round the back which are not spotted until ec stage. Keep going, keep stabbing, keep talking on here. Tell us all your fears and worries....,, you have always listened to ours. Sending big hugs.

euro - wow what a pricey trip. But you did look stunning!! Hope you are all geared up for your next cycle. This can and will work for you.

doll - sorry you are poorly. Xx