Eggcellent Egg Buddies! Come and join us if you're IVFing in August, September or October!

[nobeer]

Share your experiences, worries, recipes, holiday recommendations. Swearing welcome.

Oh dear, sorry so many people are feeling generally low and finding this all a bit difficult at the moment Hugs and kisses to all of you that need them. I think it's inevitable that there will be days, weeks, months (!) that we just can't rise above the desperate want we have for a baby, especially when all around us are stark reminders of how damn easy it is for some people. I think that can be the hardest part to be honest. I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer infertility, not even my worst enemies, but at the same time, I want to have it as easy as them, by having sex and getting pregnant, then feeling relaxed for 9 months!!! But that is never ever going to happen and the only way I can accept that is to express my darkest feeling to my Dh and you lovely ladies, go wth the low mood and sadness until I can gather my strength again to come back fighting. It's not fair on any of us, it's just bloody not, but we can get through this, we can.

res, you sound similar to me. I am my worst judge and critic too. If I do it first, no one else can do it Silly and can be self destructive, but hey we are who we are. I hope you are having a fab PE experience...free prosecco sounds fab and then you can pay for a second one after. LOL!! Hugs Hun xxx

I can't see back as on ipad, grrrr, phone is half dead as eve had a vomiting big in this house and my phone was unfortunately in the vicinity! Urgh!!

Love to all of you who are feeling the weight of it all right now.

What about the song by Daft Punk 'get lucky'? "We've come too far, to give up who we are, so lets raise the bar, and our cups to the stars" or "good things come to those who wait"!! Probably rubbish, but just thinking out loud.

Pram, hey, snap!! But I LOVE yours for the dancing.....groove baby!

Fabbie! He,he. I have also sported a wicked perm in my distant past Me & my friends quite often fall around laughing at the state of ourselves back then! I think we may have to take responsibility for the hole in the ozone layer too. Talk about back-combed & hair-sprayed within an inch of our lives. Oh, what fun!

I don't believe god sends these things to the strongest people. I agree with Roy from Corrie: life is a series of practical jokes and I'm it's latest victim.

I can remember feeling quite devastated when the whole ozone issue came to the fore and thinking - but how the hell will I do my hair now????? And then having to use that really shitty spray that first came out that was ozone friendly...and then thank god it was ok to use normal hairspray again!

That's the one prambo - I can't decide which couple we are - or indeed who I said first time round but this time I think we are couple no 4 or 6 - I just love this clip

Pram I love it! You and stars, great minds alike

Happy birthday res xxx

While we are on the subject of songs I heard bird inside a cage by Emily Maguire last week, it really is the song for all of you with good DHs, get the tissues ready x

Oh god. I've had a major wobble this evening

In laws came round and we were discussing when we would start our next cycle and they are lending us the money so they said to let them know when we want the cash.

It suddenly struck me like a massive blow in my chest....if this doesn't work, I've wasted their money.

I can't do this. I really dont think I can do it again.

Tame is it the money making you feel like this or just everything?

I'd try and put the money thing to one side, presumably they want to help? They know there are no guarantees? If it doesn't work YOU haven't wasted the money, you've used the money for something very important.

If you went and spent it on something frivolous then yes, but on the chance of a baby, no. Xxxx

I think it just suddenly struck me that, if its a bfn, its 5 grand just gone. Feel really guilty

Oh tame you poor thing, I guess you feel like you're gambling their money away, that's how I feel but at least it's our money. It's a loan, right? So you have every intention of paying it back, don't you? And I guess they know the risks and they've seen you go through previous cycles so they're not lending the money without understanding what might or might not happen.
What does DH say? I think at the end of the day you both need to talk about it and choose what you feel is the right thing to do.

Sending you big hugs because I know you need them. xxxx

I just feel wretched I think. In general. And now I feel awful for taking their money. It would absolutely be a loan- would pay it back asap. Its just that we are saving for a bigger house as well and can't do both.

Oh god, this is so hard.

Oh Tame poor you The money will be repaid so you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I'm sure they wouldn't lend it if they weren't 100% supportive. It sounds more like you're worrying about the risk of a bfn to me. All of these emotions are completely understandable & normal. We are all so out of control during this ridiculous ttc process that we wouldn't be human if we didn't have these wobbles from time to time. You are so strong & I just know you're gonna get though this. I'm sending you a huge hug to keep you going xxx

Who's actively cycling at the mo? C'mon ladies, give us some follie growth action or similar to help keep us going! drizzle llw & anyone I have shamelessly missed - looking forward to the updates this week
wish it's good to hear that AF has finally rocked up x

Tame I feel the same: if the next round doesn't work, it's a waste of £5k and I can't afford to go again. What the hell will I do then?

It's interesting that you use the word wretched. That's what I said to the counsellor after BFN. So I know exactly how you feel.

Hello all

I am having egg retrieval tomorrow so I thought I would join you guys in the September IVF bus if you all don't mind. I have low AMH and my first IVF was a dismal failure - only 2 large follicles but doctor forgot one and only retrieved 1 egg which died at day 2. I have now done everything possible for this round - high protein diet, lots of supplements, protocol designed for poor responders, so I feel like this is do or die. If this round doesn't work, nothing will. So I am a bit nervous. I have 9 follicles but all at different sizes (2 less than 10mm) so not sure how many eggs they will get. I am in need of some hand holding and I am happy to hold yours too!

Tame, sending a big squeeze your way. Someone said quite sensibly that it's not 'wasting' their money rather trying to achieve something amazing, a baby, which they want you and Dh to have too. But, I do understand the feeling of money wasting though, when I get a bfn at the end of a 'good' cycle, I feel like I may well have chucked the money in the bin! There's no getting away from that disappointment with a bfn though, is there? Some friends reminded me, when I asked why I even bother trying anymore, that when you want something, something so important, if you don't try, you'll definitely not get....as the lottery says 'You gotta be in it, to win it'!!! Still, it's all fucked up I know and sucks!

Shell, welcome It sounds like you've got a nice number of follicles there this cycle. Can't believe they 'forgot' to collect one egg last time. Shocking. Looks like the 'throwing everything at it' approach is working well

Hi to everyone else. The sun is shining, lets try and find some PMA ok deep within

Happy birthday res!
I wonder what effect infertility will have on the rest of my life if IVF doesn't work. When I was briefly pregnant it was like a weight had been lifted. I hadn't realised how much infertility was dragging me down until it wasn't anymore. I'm worried that I will become bitter about my husband making me wait and annoyed at myself for not pushing the issue.

Tame I understand. I feel bad about wasting our own money! £10k so far and only one 8 week pregnancy to show for it.

shell good luck for EC!

nobeer we're in a similar situation. BIL has just got a job in London but doesn't live here, so he is going to stay with us in the week until they move somewhere more practical. Not being able to be a miserable cah in the evenings might be a good thing.

shell welcome and good luck with EC tomorrow. hope you have better luck than last time.

euro you calling me a miserable cah ? haha! it'll stop me from unnecessary googling!

Ok I have spoken with my clinic about starting with dh being away and feel better about it.

But it turns out my parents are away the day of likely egg collection and they were my childcare plan so perhaps October is not the best month. Maybe it's fate. Perhaps we are supposed to wait until November. That's what I'm telling myself. I actually just want to get started now, whether it works or not. Having it hanging over me and worrying is worse than just getting on with it.

Shell that is terrible about them getting it wrong with the follicles. I hope you have a much better time this time round!

Tame, your optimism when you returned from Switzerland and after your consultation with the doc who is treating your cycle so seriously and with such thoroughness was real and we all felt it. This stuff you're feeling now is not real: you can not know that this money will be 'wasted'. Your inlaws can afford this loan and they know it is for something which may not work. IVF is never money wasted. You must rethink that word. This cycle is your best chance ever, ergo the most justified for borrowing money. Go back through your notes from that excellent consultation. Look at all the angles that will be covered. Try to feel blessed that this fantastic doc is tailoring your cycle in this way X

Sorry if that sounded bossy but you are in a dark place and there is light if you look for it x