Thanks for all the kind words, ladies.
Right, so we called the clinic last night and cancelled the cycle. I knew I would have a sleepless night sleeping on it, so we just made a decision. The plan is to try to get in somewhere for a colposcopy in the next three weeks. If that confirms there is nothing more sinister than a mild abnormality lurking, we tell the clinic nothing and go ahead in June. If something more than a mild abnormality is found, then we will have to put off for longer and treat or wait and see if it goes back to normal after a few months as it did before. I think technically you are supposed to have a clear smear before IVF, but god knows how long that could take, and the risk of a mild abnormality turning into cancer is miniscule (less than 3% I think, and then it takes years; 97% chance that it just normalises itself), so if it is confirmed to be no more than that, we would just want to plough on. Plenty of women get preggo naturally with an abnormal smear and it's just followed up afterwards.
There is a chance that it could be mc-related. When I turned up for my smear, I was turned away because the nurse saw on my notes that I was just post-mc. The policy is not to do them for 3 months post birth or mc because they can cause changes to the cervix. I discussed the upcoming IVF with the nurse, and she spoke to the screening folks, and it was agreed that i should do it before the IVF because otherwise it would be 18 months without one if the IVF worked and I am supposed to be on 6 monthly recalls. So I had it just under 2 months after the mc.
So, I have a plan (and I think you all know how much I like a plan) but I just feel heavy-hearted and like I am at the limit of how much I can take.
rabbit I cannot believe you are back to the start of fertility snakes and ladders. FFS.
nelly I hear you on Aintree-sized hurdles! I am reading the new Stephen King at the moment which is about time travel (I'm not going to put in any spoilers by the way, I'm only a little way in). One thing the protagonist discovers is that when he tries to change stuff in the past, the bigger the thing he tries to change, the more obstacles get put in front of him. I feel a bit like that - I'm fighting against the tide.
cosmos it's good the "see" you. I echo the others - FET usually has higher success rates - because the embies have been through so much they are toughies!
drizz I hear you on enjoying the time off. I am getting to the point where I just want an end to all of the fertility crap. Ideally that end would be a baby, but if not I just need it to stop.
There's so much sadness on the thread at the moment. Critter we really needed the boost of your super BFP!