TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

Hello ladies! I?ve finally found time to get on Mumsnet properly, so will attempt a bit of catch up.

Firstly mad, I?m so so sorry the negative was confirmed by the blood test. I?m pleased to hear you are feeling little better and do try to keep away from google if you can. I?m pretty sure IVF fails are just bloody bad luck most of the time. Your plan to keep busy sounds good. I?m so impressed at how you all, including mrsd d and nelly, have picked yourselves up and are getting on with it. It?s such a hard shitty time and I think so much harder, as most of our friends and colleagues have no idea that there?s anything wrong.

Nelly your last message was a little bit heart breaking :( You will get there and when you have your lovely baby in your arms, you won?t care is it?s DE or not, or how you got it. You?ve not yet had 3 bites at the IVF apple, so aren't allowed to give up yet, and you are certainly not old. Big hugs.

Oh euro . I totally understand why you don?t want to go back to that scan room. I really didn?t want to go back the clinic after IVF fail #1, in which they butchered me and bought myself a nice handbag after the first appointment. You will be ok though and soon that room will have different connotations and you will be seeing your growing follicle that may well become your baby on that screen. I hope you have the lovely Frieda, rather than a Dr Doom & Gloom. I always came out feeling much better about things when I?d seen her.

Buzzy hang in there lady. Like euro, I only had my normal pre-AF symptoms in the successful cycle, there is no way I could have told. I know you?ve had strong symptoms previously, but your hormones have been supressed and manipulated a great deal over the last few months, that things may very well feel different. Also, I think IVF embryos implant a little later than normal, meaning that your symptoms may be a bit different, and something like sex of the embryo could make a difference with symptoms. This is a very different cycle to your previous ones for lots of reasons, so please don?t give up hope yet. I know me saying this doesn?t help at all, but I really want to give you some comfort and let you know that it?s not all over yet. I so so want this to work for you, you so deserve it. I can?t even imagine how hard your loss at 10 weeks must have been? just thinking about it makes me tear up at the mo. You know where I am if you need some RL support.

Ramona wohoo for 2 lovely follicles and lots of sechsing! I have my fingers crossed for you. Your new acu sounds lovely and a bit like a therapist :)

sea I think you have made a v. wise decision about getting the TB treated. You really do want to be in the best possible health before putting your body through IVF and to give yourself the best possible chance with having the immunes treated. I?m pleased you?re feeling a bit happier with your decision. The time will fly by.

grouch I?m pleased to hear all is well with you. Did you manage to get your progesterone checked? I am envious of the extra boobage. I think I may have a little extra, but seeing what I?m starting with it doesn?t make much difference.

mrsd how are you and Mr D doing? You asked about coping with work and the nausea. Tbh it is a struggle, but I?ve been taking annual leave to do shorter weeks and doing the odd day working from home. I?ve also got some magic anti-nausea tablets from the drs, which get me through things like meetings and public speaking events (of which I have lots of over the next week, eeek). It?s not pleasant, but having been through so much to get here, it totally makes it more bearable and I?m certainly not one of those I hate being pregnant women. More I wish I knew I was really pregnant women!

Critter I can?t believe how calm you are and how restrained with the pee sticks! I need to get some of your calm. You really are such a lovely, positive person. I will be checking in later to see your result, but I am so hopeful for you. Everything about your cycle has gone so well, I don?t see how it can?t not be good news.

rabbit I agree with everyone else that you are most definitely not peri-menopausal. I quite often get night sweets in the 2ww and thought it was down to progesterone peaking, so is in fact a v. good sign. If you think about it, your temp is higher after ovulation, so you will feel hotter. I really hope that the hospital pulls its bloody finger out and you get your appointment soon. Having something planned really will help I think.

joy I hope the nasty pain has cleared up. I get a lots of period type pains in the 2ww, particularly about a week before my period starts. Sometime they are so bad that I think it has actually started. I hope your pains aren?t indicative of anything more serious and that you are doing ok.

Luffs and waves to everyone else. Things are pretty much the same here, with the fear that something might be wrong getting worse, although for no real reason. I have the date for my 12 week scan (1 June), so we?ll find out then I guess.

Just popping on quickly to say good luck to critter for later.

I can't believe you are heading towards your 12 week scan already gin!

buzzy how are you doing today?

euro I feel calmer today knowing its over, we need to decide whether we should just get FeT over with, I don't want it interfering with the adoption process, work is amnic so no time to think full stop

gin thanks but implantaion happens 72 hours after transfer and that was 48 hours ago. I didn't spend that long dr so don't feel my body is affected by that

well have to get on with babysitting my student

So much going on , so much sadness too

Buzzy ? It sounds like you are having a horrendous time. It?s so weird how different people have different reactions to drugs. I?m sorry the steroids are taking their toll. Plus it?s probably a combination of the sheer stress. I thought Nelly put it beautifully. I for one have admired the massive change after your LC. When do you have to have finished with AC before you can go the adoption route? Is it a 6 month wait?

Sar ? ah thank you for your thoughts on womble pain. I must say i have thought my tummy has never properly shrunk back down. There seems to be a distinctive bump there now. I?m not sure if that?s because i?ve eaten too much (probably!) or whether the lap/hysteos /ivf and pregnancy has done something .

Gin ? 1st of June, wow. Are you not tempted to have any kind of scan before then? Of course it will all be fine but if you really are terrified, I would push for something just to put your mind at rest. Sorry about the nausea. I have to admit that I was so envious of everyone at my clinic who was nauseous. Everyone was looking decidedly sick by week5 and I was desperate to feel sick. And then when I was between 9&10.5wks i started to get nausea and I nearly threw up in Sainsburys but it was still pretty mild and I suddenly realised how unpleasant it was!

Euro ? can?t believe you are going again. Very best of luck. May this be your time.

Critter ? very best of luck today. Poetry slam sounds wacky and wonderful. Very therapeutic!

Mad ? i?m sorry you are feeling so broken. I just can?t believe what you are having to deal with.

Nelly ? your post really resonated. i?m sorry you are feeling so down. Ivf and infertility has a very nasty way of making us feel old beyond our years. It just rots confidence. A few nights ago i lay awake thinking about DE as well and whether it?s a route we would go down. I then read a very good article by some C4News correspondent about it. there?s so much to get your head around but remember you will get your family one day/.

Sea ? you are very well grounded and are dealing with your news brilliantly. Great admiration.

AFM ? pain stopped. I haven?t had it since Sunday. I will see if it happens next month and if it does I will have to speak to a doc about it. My period hasn?t arrived yet. I have been in the most appalling mood so hopefully it will be here soon. I must say I have been quite surprised at the length of time recovery takes from ivf. F*cked Cycles, hormones, moods, weight gain plus I am finding it impossible to shift the extra 10lbs. The overwhelming sense of feeling old, looking crap, feeling emotionally wobbly. Anger. (Or perhaps that?s no change to usual). But most notably my work has really suffered. I?ve been making sloppy mistakes some of them really bad. I got very cross with the manager yesterday (he deserved it but still that?s not me). I?m very reluctant to meet friends, to speak to them (unless they are single or are having a bad time) and i feel my world getting smaller. If I do meet friends, I don?t feel I really have all that much to say for myself. I?m just so utterly consumed by our desperate plight for a child. That?s all I can think about it (hence at work not working again). I worked out that in 3 years there has probably only been 3 months that I haven?t had to go in to the GP surgery, a hospital, a clinic or a gynae room. Clinics and doctors are my favourites on my phone ffs. Sorry, i know you ladies understand, it just sometimes is so overwhelming and hits you. I?ll be on holiday soon and i hope i?ll be able to regroup and find a bit more peacefulness and positivity. It?s the reclusiveness that worries me a lot though as i know there is just one fix and that?s wholly out of my hands.

Joy - I'm glad your pain is subsiding. I think all the AC does take a toll on ones body and mind. I really hope your holiday gives you what you need.

Critter - I'm thinking of you.

Gin - They will not check unless I start spotting, the nurse said that if I don't spot the progesterone levels are probably fine. My first appointment at the OBGYN is on the 28th (almost 9 weeks) and we can discuss getting a private scan to be sure everything is ok. Otherwise, they won't do a scan until 21 weeks which is crazy.

Buzzy - Enjoy the babysitting. It is almost time for the rush of summer students where I work too. I hope this year they actually like doing something other than slacking off and playing video games.

Ramona - The two follies sound promising.

Back to work over here.

sweet most of our students don't get a choice but to be hands on, he was good today.

joy sorry you are feeling llike that, its a min of 6 months but I will not wait that long, so I think it might be an idea just get FET out the way as we are not sure where we will be living soon, so not sure which council to approach

No scan until 21 weeks! Blimey sweet, that's a long time to wait.

joy I've been left with a bump aswell. I think it's just chocolate in my case. Between the crazy hours, the mc, the travel and the headbump removal, I've barely been able to exercise for the past few months. Our bodies have been through so much, I can't really face putting mine on a diet. Not now I'm starting IVF again anyway. I'm so glad the pain has stopped.

buzz cracking on with FET and then moving to adoption, sounds like a sensible plan.

joy I read your post and it has made me cry. I identify with everything you have written. I wish I could reach across and give you a big hug. We have all been through so much rubbish and it's doesn't even feel like it's close to ending. I'm pleased the pain has gone. Is AF late, dare I ask if you've poas? Or is that a totally ridiculous thing to say? I must admit I didn't find ivf physically hard. AF has been more longer and more painful than usual but other than that I haven't noticed any physical effects. Of course it's early days and I haven't had a full cycle yet to know if everythings working. I haven't even put on an ounce of weight. That isn't a boast, because I think it probably reflects the fact that I didn't respond that well to the drugs.

I too am a recluse. I avoid friends and family because I can't cope with questions and baby talk. I feel guilty that I've let friendships slide. I haven't spoken to SIL or PIL in ages because I can't face it. I know that everyone is wondering why we're not having a baby yet. And I haven't even been through the pain of a miscarriage, what you went through was totally wretched and I'm not surprised that you're feeling the way you do. A holiday does sound like a good idea, I've made sure that I'm away lots over the summer just to make it a little more bearable. I hate the thought of a fourth birthday ttc, fourth wedding anniversary since ttc. My ears sometimes prick up when I hear people saying they tried for a long time but invariably they say 1 year, 18 months. It's sad now that I don't even class that as a long time. THe truth is that those of us at the three year mark are very rare. And no one who hasn't been through it understands at all.

Hi there everyone, just dropping in to say a couple of hellos,

Nelly and Mad, I am so sorry your rounds didn't work this time. It's just so heartbreaking when it doesn't work - I think because for a few weeks you're lifted out of the ttc hole and after ET it feels like you're back to the land of normals, so then it's so much further to crash afterwards. For me it took a good 6 months after each fail to really feel myself again, but you do eventually. big hugs.

Critter and Buzzy have got my fingers firmly crossed for you, and am feeling very optimistic for both of you.

Mrsden and Joy you've very eloquently said how I feel a lot of the time too, you're definitely not alone in feeling that way. It just adds to the awfulness of it all doesn't it. It feels like the world around us is shrinking in every way.

Euro very best of luck with this cycle, you always seem to be handling a lot and getting on with it, may this one be your time.

Gin and Art, Sar, Sweet and Doll if you're still about, wow time flies, am so glad everything is still progressing well for you and your little ones. Gin good luck with the scan.

Waves to lemon, pout, all the other ladies.

Rabbit super squeeze for you, you are not over the hill yet, you've just had a very hard time and I'm sure good things must be on their way to you now. Now I always love a little self help plan, and my latest futile effort is green smoothies full of raw green leafy veg every morning for me and DH. At least it feels like something positive to do, and counters those awful tent days where it just feels like ill never be truly happy ever again. Just google green smoothies, there's loads of recipes. Have decided today to book in for FET round, going for appointment next month so probably be 2-3 months time. Think last time I was told about 10% chance for me for FET round, but worth a shot.

Oh Joy and MrsDen I hate to think of you so sad. This is miserable and there is no getting away from it; it just eats you up. Clutching at silver linings and mixing metaphors though, I'm glad the pain has gone Joy but could you get checked out anyway for peace of mind? Not sure what that means in practice?

Gin I hate that you are panicking and can't just enjoy this. 12 weeks seems to be coming around fast! Thank you for your lovely words

Cosmos nice to see you. Those smoothies sound very virtuous and not quite the same as my sugar-laden weetabix . Why are they giving you such a low prognosis on your FET? I can't recall your history now .

Critter where are you??? Oh I so hope you are dancing around the house.

Buzzy you sound very busy. Look after yourself.

Phone about to die so better post just now

cosmos how lovely to see you back, although I'm really sorry you are back if you see what I mean. I love green smoothies - almond or rice milk, spinach, banana, ice - yum. And yay for FET. Did they say why they gave you such a low probability? I've heard FETs are almost more likely to be successful than a fresh transfer. Will be rooting for you - just remember gin's FET.

mrsd oh I am sorry my love, you sound so sad. I don't think you responded badly to the drugs - I think you were an absolute champ during your cycle. They did your EC too early, they didn't give you the right dosage - oh honey I have such high hopes for your next round. Your eggs fertilised, you have just had shitty luck. Hang in there, I know you're exhausted and this whole process is horribly unfair, but I honestly believe you are going to get there.

joy your post was so sad and it is so unjust that you are going through this. You're such a wonderful person and you have just been through the wringer. It's ok to be angry, sad, and not to want to see people. You are such a gentle and kind spirit and there is no justice to what you've endured. Oh honey it's just so unfair. Please keep your hope alive - remember art and sar and gin and doll and princess and all the other grads who have had such a hopeless time before their luck changed. I just wish you weren't being tortured like this in the mean time though.

euro good luck for tomorrow my lovely, you are off to the races! I have a 10 pound IVF weight gain too. I thought you looked beautiful when I saw you and I think the time before starting a cycle is just extremely anxious-making. Be gentle to yourself and go into this with your heart open. Big hug to you.

sweet I am shocked that they won't test you until 21 weeks. That is crazy! I think a private scan is definitely a good idea. If I told that to some of my American pals they would mutter about Canadian 'socialised medicine' . Can't you have a 12 week scan? I thought that was typical? Sorry you've been so messed about. How are you feeling?

gin thank you for your lovely words. 1 June must feel like forever away but it will come around quickly. Are you worried about something specific? I loved what you said about MrG being happier.

nelly Wow. What an amazing post you wrote last night. I wish I were half as articulate and thoughtful. I just think you're incredible. And going to be an amazing, amazing mum. On the DE - one step at a time. From what I've seen of DE babies here in the US, their mamas love them just as much if not more than instadiffers' babies and I also heard that the mother's blood mixes with the baby's, so your genetic material is mixing with the little fella. But lovely nelly, you aren't at DE yet and third time could very well be the charm. I just think of doll and her single egg success in January, that could be you, you had a chemical this time which is utterly heartbreaking but you are so close. So close.

buzzy sweetpea how are you feeling? I have been thinking about you loads and loads. I'm just so sorry you're having such a rough reaction to the drugs, but as others have said, this is not you. This is the chemicals swishing around your body. Remember sar said she didn't feel remotely preggo before her BFP? I think every pregnancy is different and the thing is that we just don't know at this stage what to expect and whether it's worked or not. Hang in there buzz. I hope Barry and Kayla are giving you lots of love and affection to get you through this.

madness I was so sad reading your post. It's an extra pile of crap that you have to deal with your endo on top of the standard IVF. You are a hero. A hero. I truly mean it, you are so bloody brave to be doing this (although I know you'd much rather not have to be brave and not have to deal with the downregging) and I just think you're amazing. I also think an appointment or consultation with another clinic might be another thought too, given that you have to wait anyway - did you say there was another in your and nelly's neck of the woods? And maybe some lovely face cream and highlights - this whole process is not just knackering, it takes a real toll on self-confidence.

ramona clomid made me feel pretty darn mood swingy. Incidentally it's totally normal to be upset by other differ announcements! I think it is actually abnormal not to be shaken by them. Announcements are the worst - much worse than new babies. Anyway Clomid is not nice stuff but if it works, well, I'm sure you won't mind the irrational rages and sweats (which I definitely had)! Good luck with your two egglets - I hope this month has been the charm.

zippy how are you doing lovely?

lemon are you ok? You must be coming up to your first cycle next month?

Much much love to sea, pout, rabbit and all the other wonderful and special, supportive ladies on this thread. I luffs you all so much. Well. My news is that I am pregnant. The clinic called half an hour ago to say my beta is 259 and I have to go in on Sat to check it is doubling. I was shaking when they told me, it felt completely surreal. I had minor cramps this morning and bloating similar to the kind I had post-EC, and was feeling quite tearful that it hadn't worked. I also feel horribly guilty announcing this when I know so many 10+ers have had such awful times recently. I really, really hope I'm not adding to anyone's sadness by posting this.

lovely lovely critter massive hugs girl. xxxxx

critter congrats that is great news

What wonderful news critter. I am very happy for you! And that freezer full of siblings you have.

So sorry for the fabulous four that it didn't work this time. The sadness combined with the joy makes it all bittersweet. Big hugs to you all.

As for me, I am okay, I got a smart phone but not internet on it yet, so have been playing stupid games all the hours I am not either working or running (very proud, upto 5 miles now!) Life is good, except for some tooth trouble and I am shit scared of the dentist, so a root canal is below a lap on my list of things to do. I am a few days of stabbing into my final IUI. Had a massive break down about not wanting to do the whole AC route anymore on Monday, but just got on with it. Very doubtful though about how much longer I can cope with trying. I realised retrospectively that I really enjoyed our months off...

Waves and luffs to all of you!

Critter . congratulations! i bloody knew it! Well this is the least surprising news you know, your eggs are obviously top notch. I am very excited for you and I know how you must have felt posting that after all the other shit on the thread; but it's the good news that keeps us going! Much much love to you.

Congratulations critter! Wonderful news xxxxx

lemon I think its important to recognise the signs and when to call it a day no matter how hard, I don't want this to be mine and Barrys life for much longer, I don't think that emotionally and psychologically it is good. Well done on the running

I have decided to test on Saturday which also happens to be my due date and draw a line under it, i look forward to not being tired at work for a change actually turning up on time

Critter !! That is fantastic! I could not be happier for you . To answer your question: the french system normally does 1 scan (21 weeks). It's just how they do things. The english system gives you 3: dating scan, Mid pregnancy and a final one in the third trimester. I will pay the 60$ to have a scan done at a private clinic, I think my sanity is well worth it. I am still smiling ear to ear after hearing your news.

Doll - How are you?

Lemon - 5 miles is amazing! I hope this is the cycle. I am sorry you're having a rough go of everything.

cosmos - Good luck with the FET.

AFM nothing new. I found a lost puppy running around on the street today, poor thing was terrified. Anyways I managed to catch her and walked her through the neighbourhood for a few hours and found her owners. I thought posting something positive and non-ttc/pregnancy related about my life would be nice for a change. I hope everyone has a lovely evening.

Please don't feel guilty critter, this is fantastic news and its the positive stories on this thread that keep us going . We've had enough shit on the thread recently it's about time things turned around.

Yeahhhh critter . That's fab news and I too knew it would work. that's quite high hcg, could it be two?!. I'm so pleased it's worked for someone, just wish it could have done for you all. Btw, I still get AF type pains so I don't think they are anything to worry about.

Lots of luffs to all.

Oh critter finally some good news!! Well done you I am so pleased that it is all working out. It must feel amazing to be pregnant and to know that there are siblings on ice . Please don't worry about us. I can be sad for me and thrilled for you at the same time. As for getting a second opinion, because I'm getting the treatment on the nhs I can't really move until after we're finished that. I don't think that the other clinic near here would be much different to be honest. I have a friend who has been to both. She got pregnant both times. I will, however, probably get some more opinions before we self fund a third round.

mrsd and joy I am so sorry that you are feeling so isolated. I know that I have to try very hard to continue going to things that I might find uncomfortable because I am afraid of cutting myself off from work colleagues and friends and not being able to join them again. I have told a select few people so there's usually someone there who will talk to me about something else if I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's working for me just now but I am finding it harder as time goes by.

Nice to see you gin. I am willing the first of June to come quickly.

Getting evils from MrM for sitting on the iPad instead of watching a film with him. For the sake of my marriage I will wave to everyone else and pop back on tomorrow for more of an update.

Critter - I am utterly delighted and over the moon for you, congrarulations.

Sorry this is a quick post but sending extra tight hugs to joy, buzz, lemon, euro and mad.

Thanks so much ladies. This thread has been a lifeline to me and I am so grateful for it. I just wish that all of the awesome foursome were with me on the other side. Fingers crossed for buzz and euro next on the IVF train.

buzz so sorry about the impending due date. For what it's worth apart from aforesaid bloat and the odd twingey cramp I don't feel remotely pregnant. I still have high hopes for a good result for you this weekend.

lemon also really sorry you're having wobbles - I can imagine you must be just feeling completely done and worn out with the IUI.

mrsd you are such a special lady. Thank you.

sweet thanks so much for your lovely words.

nelly at 'I bloody knew it'

gin MrC would faint if there were two.

doll love to you. You must be moving soon?

xpost sar and mad I hope the film is good and you are snuggled on the sofa with MrM

Oh Critter that is fabulous and amazing news, huge congratulations to you I've been on Critterwatch all day checking for news, huge hugs