TRC 10+ months. Part 15...

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread for the lovely 10+ers. 14 was awesome so another like that please!

mad sorry it has been confirmed, big hugs

critter I wish I had your restraint, I think working from home on Thursday is a good idea, either way you are in the privacy of your own home to deal with it. I know I'll cry either way but as most of work know it won't matter if I cry there or I can just come home which is what I think they would prefer.

Mad ? i am just so so sorry. This is just brutally unfair. You need to give yourself some time to come to terms with it. I?m just horrified that you will have to stay down regulated again for so many more months. Is this the only way to control the endo?

I?m just so sorry for all you lovely ladies who have had bfns. It is totally crap.

Critter ? i don?t think it?s weird at all and I didn?t test before blood test. I thought it was over anyway and i just wasn?t even tempted. I wouldn?t have seen a positive anyway. It?s such a horribly nerve wracking time. Most people don?t feel pregnant so soon. I would definitely try and work from home on Thursday pm. Oh Critter hang on in there, it will be here shortly. No more bfns allowed.

Gin ? it was lovely to hear that Dave is much happier now. I found that with Roy. He was just so much more cheerful and happy whilst i was pregnant. Even when I thought it was going wrong, he wasn?t having any of it. He?s now slipped back. We?re not a miserable couple at all but his Work is a drag, long hours and i think these troubles just emphasise that and sadness is always very close.

Rabbit ? you aren?t perimenopausal. Just remember fsh would have to be up in the 60s if you were. Buzz has a good theory and /or you could have been fighting a bug. It?s horrible because we are ttc and if i get a hot sweat (which i seem to get at 4pm most days), I fear the same thing. But none of us are peri-menopausal. STERN. And you can throw that back at me when I next come on here worried about that.

Art ?, this is why i love this thread. I find so much more reason from people who have been through it on here than i do from doctors. I?ve just read your post twice because it just fills me with hope as our situations do sound similar. So thank you. I do sometimes need a talking to or to keep remembering positive stories. I need to rewire my brain in to thinking this was just bad luck and nothing sinister but when I was told it was egg quality, it just rattles and confirms fears.

Nelly ? i?m just so sorry you are so down. It?s only to be expected. I wholeheartedly agree about the planning next steps. You will feel better in due course. It?s finding coping mechanisms in the mean time but you will come out. We all will be stronger one day, I?m sure of it.

Buzz ? that?s great you have one for the freezer. Yippee. A sibling! Hopefully cramps are a sign that your embies are bedding down for the long haul.

Euro ? i?m glad the head is getting better.

Sorry if I?ve sounded dejected recently. I?m not really. I do think i have wacky hormones at the moment. But I?m very prone to panicking as well and am dealing with a non ttc stressful situation for the last week which doesn?t help.

joy I think its more bowel issues than anything else, I'm sorry you are having other things to deal with, it can all become a bit much, you mind is trying focus on different things.

I am still worried about Kayla and her furrless puku I might get another one of those Feliway things and see if that helps. Barry has had some goodish news, he had a phone interview this week and they have asked him to go and work with them for a couple of weeks, its in the west midlands but if he likes them and they like him it could be a job :) Barry has been having LC too and it really showed in his interview today, I felt really proud of him :)

euro did you get to call the clinic

mad oh bums. Battle not war, I'll keep on saying it. The downregging must be really tough for you. But it will pass and you will get there. Hug.

euro I'm all for wacking a dressing off. But follow the advice of your doctor.

art yay to bladder kicks and wise words. Remind me is it August for your due date? I often think of your crash/bfp day when I ponder on life! When I finally get in the realms of bump/sproglet we all need a northern reunion in exactly the same place.

joycep thank you for being stern. I cried today about my fsh again out of nowhere. I feel young in loads of ways but elderly on the inside and just can't figure out why me when both my grannies are fit as fiddles in their mid nineties and had no probs popping out babies older than me. My entire family is oozingly fertile. Pah. I'm glad art reassured, it all makes good sense that you've been unlucky.

nelly sorry for the glums. This too will pass. And keep thinking if your sister. Tis an odds game. Big loves.

critter I can see how one day of news feels better than a few. But I think my stick devil would get me. Sometimes when I poas it is genuinely like a demon possessed me. Feeling full sounds promising?

buzzy yay for the interview and job prospects. Might you have to move?

Why am I miserable today? I'm cd 7 but feel like a pmt mad cow. Is it because we've had a year long winter? They turned the heating off at work two weeks ago I'm in a pit of what is the point in naturally trying anymore. Can it actually happen after two and a half years and no meds/ops? I do wonder if I shunned any treatment if I could get lucky. But there are so many stories out there. Increasingly I feel convinced that post ivf seems to throw up a fair few bfps. Sorry ladies, I imagine it happening for all of you but when I look inwardly I just see my barrenness like the surface of the moon.

Euro a ! fell off my message then. How public health I sound

Mad, I'm so very sad for you. The awesome foursome are not doing so well. You will feel awful for a while, crying helps. I wish I could say something to make it better, I'm sorry that you can't cycle until August.

I have a banging headache and still have period pain so I'm off to bed with a hot water bottle. Night all x

rabbit your post is heart breaking, is there any news from pals, would moving onto IVF instead of IUI help. Yes we will have to move, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow, really want wag but can't

Evening all. Have tried several posts and they have all been lost so I will make this quick. Have abandoned phone and ipad and resorted to the old laptop. Talk about a first world problem.....

Thanks again for all of your kind words. Knowing that so many of you have bounced back from similar disappointments really helps. MrM and I have had a good chat about ourselves and our families (parent issues on both sides just now) and it hasn't left me feeling optimistic but it's good to have it out there nonetheless.

buzzy I am so happy you have one for the freezer and I hope the crampiness is a very good sign.

critter working from home Thursday and taking the call privately sounds like a good plan to me. Hopefully you won't have to worry about the disappointment because you'll be preggers and saving those frosties for siblings.

mrsd when will you be cycling again? Do they not make you wait as long? I think they always want you to have about three periods here before you can go for another round. joy and critter the decapeptyl is the best way of shrinking whatever endo has grown back thanks to the stimming drugs and avoiding any large endometrial cysts developing that would lead to another lap. I really think that a third lap in two years would break me.

Nelly i went to the shops and bought comfort food which I enjoyed with a large glass of . Will resume circuit training classes on Wednesday and may just join the nearest gym. I have three months to get back to feeling better about myself before stimming again.

So sorry you're feeling low rabbit. My mother fell pregnant at the drop of a flipping hat and in almost three years I haven't had even a hint of a bfp - I've never even seen a flipping evap line on a pee stick.

Really tired and premenstrual so please forgive me for not namechecking you all. Do know that your wonderful posts have been a real comfort today.

Missed a lot... will take me a while to catch up.

Just wanted to say I am so sorry it's a bfn for you madness. It's so shitty and unfair. I feel really sorry it didn't work. Please be gentle to yourself. Love to you and MrM.

Joy - sorry about the asherman worries and pain you are experiencing. Are you still being seen at St Marys. Strong pain like that isn't normal. It is worth getting seen to and understand why you are having these pains.

Critter & Buzzy - I am excited and nervous for you both. Hope you are both taking it easy and not feeling too anxious.

Hope to catch up properly over the next few days.

Love and waves to all.

rabbit I am sorry you are feeling low. It's natural to have up and low days in our ttc journey. I hope you feel brighter soon.

buzz yes, I managed to call. I've got my first scan on Friday (CD5 by clinic counting, CD6 by the calendar). I think that'll be too early to see any action, but at least it gets the call rolling.

Sorry about the pains, mrsd. It just seems cruel to have those after the BFN.

rabbit I know what you mean. I wasn't even upset about our sechsfails on the two post-mc cycles. I just don't believe it's worth the effort anymore.

joy I think that pain sounds worth investigating. I hope the lowness passes.

Thanks sea. Have you made any decisions about your treatment?

Glad you are on your way euro. I'm excited for you xx

Af has arrived, sparing me a long wait. It is good to draw a line under the cycle so that we can move on. MrM going for drinks with a lovely friend with lots of experience of this crap so I'm hoping that will make him feel less adrift. I wish the men had as much support as we do.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

So sorry madness that the cycle didn't work out for you. It is crap and unfair and I am thinking of you.

rabbit Sorry about your menopause worrying. I'm sure that you are a long way off that yet and the sweating incident was just one of those things. I second what euro said about getting the sweats at certain points in our cycles and it not being anything sinister.
I think that we can all relate to the optimism felt towards other peoples chances of getting pregnant and utter pessimism when it comes to ourselves. I don't think it means anything, I just think that for some of us pessimism is a form of self protection. You will get there I'm sure

Good luck for your scan on Friday euro.

joy I am sorry that you are so afraid of what your pain might mean. I agree that you ought to speak to a professional about it. Not least to put your mind at rest about Ashermans. Can I just add that I have had two incidents in the last 3 years of TTC where I have had ridiculous period cramps (just before AF arrived) that have been like nothing I have experienced before. The kind of pain sounds very similar to what you described, a pain that radiates from the womble area & around the hips and back around to the small of the back. I remember rubbing deep heat in & flailing about on the couch because it hurt that much. Since then I have had the lap and nothing horrible was found. I just wanted to maybe try and reassure you a bit...

buzz did you go into work in the end? I am intrigued by what the hell a puku is

pout I am here at work wish I wasn't though, so much crap to sort out, my laptop won't work either then I have this meeting, I haven't even looked at the agenda yet
I have toilet issues today and serious wind issues I have also spent time listening to a 79 yr old tell me how handsome the physio is,

puku is your stomach Kayla has a much rounder one now although so do i

Buzzy I hope you are not too uncomfortable.
Mad. I'm glad AF at least didn't mess you around. I hope you are feeling better. I agree that men don't get nearly as much support as us ladies do.
Fertility treatment is on hold for me for a while. I have been referred to a lung specialist for TB assessment. Unfortunately they can't fit me in till end of the month. I'm taking it as it comes and avoiding stressing about the delays. Trying to enjoy my life as much as I can and not think too much about fertility.

sea gawd the waiting. I have fits of anger every day the postman doesn't bring my referral. But you are right, life is short and whilst these waits feel long when you're in them, they do pass. It seems so unfair that you have to work through this and I send you a big love.

joy I had somehow missed you are in pain, is it feeling better? I have lots of pelvic pain and have had my uterus and surrounding area scrutinised and nothing was there. The womb is a mysterious place. I also think hormone fluctuations effect me more than others and I get odd cramping and bowel oddness a lot. I know that everything is quite squashed in there for me - do you have a tilted womble?

mad a big squeeze for you having to manage non ttc difficult times right now.

buzzy back to work sympathies.

Sorry for posting a gloomy post. Don't know what's up with me at the moment. It's like my pmt has taken up residence!

sea care to join me in trying to ignore ttc related blessing over the next three months? I know we are in different situations but both playing the waiting game. I am determined not to let the downregging get me down this time. I shall focus on healthy eating and exercise and throw myself into crafty projects (not all related to gifts for other people's babies) and generally see this break as an opportunity to get in a good place for the next phase.

Oh rabbit this grumpiness will pass. Have you chased up your referral? When i finally got fed up and rang i always ended jp with an appointment by the end of the day. I think i got some cancellation appointments for my icky flexible camera up the bum treatment.

pout any more news on the fet? Forgive me if you've already said and i missed it.

Off back to work for an afternoon of meetings....

sea Sympathetic grrrr noises at lung clinic referral wait & fertility treatment delays.

rabbits sorry about the low mood. Proffers eviction notice to lingering PMT.

madness I like your plans. It is great that you are planning on being proactive especially with the healthy eating plan. I feel ashamed that I haven't been more diligent and ignores the pistachio and chocolate cake in the kitchen No news on FET time. I have my IVF follow up appointment on Thursday so will know more then, I hope. Although that said, I have come down with some 'orrible lurgee today (sneezing, banging headache, dizzy and feeling sick) so I am panicking a bit that I won't be able to keep the appointment.

Mad -I am truely sorry for the bfn, and i understand the further frustrations of endo and downregging worries. I am glad you have a plan and af made an appearance. So many women get bfn the first, second or third cycle or more. This doesn't mean it wont work next time. You should feel immensley proud of yourself for going for it. Stay strong sweetheart.

Joy - I am sorry for the nasty womble pain. I understand how scary that must be and how ashermans must be on your mind. I agree with everything rabbit says about hormones or tilted wombs playing silly beggers. I also think that the recent loss of an 8 week pregnancy with twins must have a part to play. Maybe the womb is still shrinking and adjusting, I feel like my womb is enlarged with a singleton at 8 weeks so I imagine yours may need time to settle. Are there any gynae drs and nurses from the ward you can speak to where you had your op? I am sorry too for this fear of egg quality. In the words of victor meldrew, I don't believe it. Art speaks much much sense on this subject. Wish I could meet you for drinks, buns and hugs. How about a new treatment to get the energy flowing? I was going to try cranial sacral therapy before my bfp or maya massage maybe?? Just some food for thought.

Rabbit - aw sweetheart it makes me terribly upset to think of you worrying about your fsh, peri peri menopause, night sweats and instadiffer grannies. You are fertile but the disappearing cyst slowed things down. Nothing a little nudge from modern medicine cant help with. And even then you absolutely can get pregnant naturally. We know that from the cp. I know all too well that regardless of what we read, do, say, think, that horrid nagging painful deep urgent feeling of wanting a baby just goes on and on and on. I would be very tempted to ring the clinic and give them a little kick up the behind about that referral. It absolutely will help to get it out quicker.

Sea - goodness I am sorry that you now have to attend lung clinic uuugghhh. But I am impressed with the speedy response. Once step at a time, like buzz said at least you know you gave conception the best possible chance, big hugs.

Buzz - I have this tingley feeling that life is about to go in a whole new direction for you in more ways than one. Well done that boy on the job! Sorry your work is a big draggy - know exactly what you mean. Sit tight sweetheart and glad kayla has forgiven you.

Critter - I agree a full feeling is a very promising sign. I am impressed by your no stick nonsense. I would have been chasing the bin men to get it back.

Euro - right here to whoop and cheer you on. Round 2 here we come. You know you can conceive with no problems, just need a sticky bean. Sorry for the scar, I agree with critters vitamin e top tip.

Nelly, pout and den - thinking about you all loads. I usually feel odd and in limbo for the first 2 weeks post ivf bfn. But I assure you things get brighter, new treatment plans and ideas emerge. Just be super super lovely to yourselves, you are all such brave special ladies. Don't lose sight of your goal.

Sorry to all those I have missed. Big waves everywhere.

urgh I have come to moan about my wind issues, and general crapiness and moodiness almost lost the plot with the BT guy on the phone today, I mean how many times can you tell me the same bloody thing!!! 7 is the answer.

sea I hope the two weeks fly by for you so you can get on with things

pout I think there are some nasty lurgees out there, I went into the main office and so many people seem to have hacking coughs etc, I feel a bit dizzy today but perhaps because I hadn't eaten as much as my body wanted, I am like a bottomless pit on these drugs. Hopefully you will be able to get on with FET asap

madness sounds like a good plan, you will feel like a new woman :)

critter how are you

ramona are you still around

nelly how are you doing, I have some arse bullets ready to send you

work was long and painful today, stupid work laptop doesn't work, had to see patients, man have we got a right bunch in right now, staff changes and boring meetings only 4 more days to go. I seem to lurch from tearful to full on rage I feel like one mother trucking crazy lady right now

forgot what else I was going to say . .

Oh buzzy sorry you're feeling a little unhinged. Your poor body is feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully the crazier you feel the better your beans are doing ;)

pout the cake sounds lovely. I am pretending that my oven chips are a healthy option because i bought the low fat ones. I just feel so flabby and unfit since ivf. I want to feel happier about my body next time i put myself though it. I'm sure you won't have to miss your appointment. Frustrating that you don't have a date but will all be clearer after Thursday I'm sure. My clinic don't do follow ups as standard . I might ring and ask for another appt before i start downregging again though.

Feeling any better sar?

buzzy I agree that moodiness and bloat sound promising. Incidentally I don't have self restraint normally, I ate an entire family sized bag of salt n vinegar Kettle Chips on Sunday . I think your body's been through a lot and hopefully these feelings and sensations are signs that the embryo(s) are settling into their new environment.

madness I am so sorry again about how rotten this has been, I do think that taking these next three months as a chance to have a bit of a break and to get yourself into tip top shape emotionally and physically are good. Meditation, lovely creative hobbies, long walks, maybe some sort of exercise you enjoy, un-baby friendly long weekends away with MrM - that sort of thing.

nelly and mrsd I'm thinking of you both. What crap luck the awesome foursome has had.

sar hope you're feeling better my lovely.

pout that's odd you don't have an FET date yet. The clinic told me that I could go again as soon as next month... is it an NHS thing? Bloody annoying to have it drawn out like this.

rabbit sorry you're feeling so terrible and I agree with sar about hassling the clinic for a referral, this is really not on. You've really been let down over your treatment and it's unacceptable that they are making you wait like this.

sea the end of the month is close but maybe you could ask if they get a cancellation could they move you up? I'm just so sorry about this TB crap. Talk about one more thing you don't need. I agree that non-TTC related distractions are the way forward. Lots of lovely yoga, maybe?

euro I can't believe your scan is Friday, that seems to have come quickly! Although I'm sure it doesn't feel that way to you.

No news here, just waiting until Thursday. I will be at home in the afternoon so that's good. Not feeling different at all, boobs aren't even sore. Tired and finding it hard to concentrate but that isn't unusual for me, especially with all the obsessing I'm doing. So am thinking it's going to be a negative. Although never having had a sniff of a pregnancy I honestly have no idea what you're meant to feel. Hey ho. These last two days are just dragging. On the plus side I am going to see a pal compete in the finals of a slam poetry contest tonight, which will be a bit different and fun. And it's a beautiful afternoon here, sunny but not too hot.

pout chocolate and pistachio cake sounds like heaven.

critter you never know until the test :)

if I wasn't on the drugs I could convince myself that it had worked already, the lack of sore boobs unless I really poke them makes me realise that it hasn't

madness the crazy behaviour is exhausting