TTC after MC - nice people in crap times, full of posifrickingtivity

[WillSantaComeAgain]

Welcome aboard ladies (though obviously sorry you have to be here). We're a friendly bunch so come in and plump up a cushion for POAS Fridays and lots of posifrickingtivity. With a few (gentle) fish slaps thrown in for good measure.

FUCKING FUCKETY FUCK FUCK FUCK! Looks like Tge evil red tide of doom has turned up. I'm so fucking gutted. I was so sure! I just can't get my fucking head round this. Fuck!

Oh no saggy
after feeling so many symptoms and all... what a shit-fuck.
slap that bitch around the face

Oh saggy - that is crap hun - I had my fingers tightly crossed for you. Lots of hugs xxxx

Hello just catching up on all the news.

So rubbish saggy, hope you're ok. Totally unfair. Sending a big hug and hope you have someone with you to give you a big hug too.

emki, I'm three weeks post erpc and waiting for AF to turn up at some point in the next month (really irregular cycles at the best of times so I'm sure they won't play ball this month either). Have had to retreat to the loos at work three times this week to bawl my eyes out and the same at the end of the day. So unless I'm losing it too, I'd say that still being really emotional is completely normal (and am reassured to hear others have had the same experience). In my case it's not been helped by the fact that my boss is also pregnant with exactly the same due date I would have had (and we both knew about each other's pregnancies before anyone else in the office did, and we get on really well so before everything went to shit it was very exciting that we were both pregnant at the same time). She had a miscarriage herself with her first, and mine would have been my first, so she completely understands what I'm going through, but as I sit next to her it's been really tough hearing her announce her news to people and have people come over and talk to her about it. I want to shout it should have been me too! Me too! But can't, so go off and cry instead. I'm hoping this will get easier with time but at the moment every time I think I'm doing really well something else will suddenly blindside me. Sorry, not very positive thinking - must work on that...

On a better note, congratulations santa! Awesome news!!

And I so agree with all comments about casual questions on pregnancy etc - DH and I went to bank last week to do some boring bank admin and the guy who served us thought he was a real joker - asked if we had children as part of the details we had to give him - we both said 'no' - he said 'ooh you said no very quickly' and proceeded to joke for 10 minutes about having children - ending with, as we left, 'see you in 9 months with a pram'. GREAT. Seriously regretted not having said something - think I would if sth like that happened again. People just don't engage their brains do they?

Anyway sorry about super long message and massive rant. Clearly should post more often and get this off my chest in smaller bite size pieces than all at once! X

Hi guys mummy and saggy I totally understand where your coming from, I turn 30 in July and I'm petrified about the clock being against us, I too have net my destiny with AF and I tested last night and convinced myself it was too early and it should have really been a morning test...I'm completely devastated and to too it off I thought I'd gut out my cupboards to take my mind off it and discovered all the baby's clothes, toys shoes etc and my maternity clothes I've been upstairs sobbing into little ones things for hours... I'm not religious but tonight I even prayed for something positive, anything good to come our way...I really don't know if I can handle all this, I want to run off and be on my own somewhere

I feel exactly that (all alone, stranded on a island and no one has even noticed I'm missing ;,(

Oh fod - bless you hun - we would notice if you were stranded alone on an island xx

I am trying to avoid all things baby but its hard as they are everywhere. I also find it hard not to do the 'if I hadn't had he miscarriage I would be xx number of weeks now' as that's just mental torture.

I don't know what's going with me in all honesty - last cycle my LP was 10 days - I'm current 12dpo and if I go with a standard 14 LP then AF due on Tuesday - so far I have horrendous back ache which I have had so since Tuesday / Wednesday and loads of white / milky coloured cm (sorry if tmi) - I have no pregnancy symptoms :-( xx

Sorry saggy that is pants.

BDI I would so have said something to the bank guy. Absolutely none of his business and what an insensitive arse!

Mummy without wishing to raise your hopes too much, copious white CM has always been a pregnancy symptom for me.

As for me, AF due tomorrow or Monday and no preg symptoms whatsoever.

There's a lot of people really struggling here and I just wanted to say, it really is totally shit, this whole thing .

I have only been here and few weeks and am in awe at how you ladies who have been here a long time keeping going and getting up after being knocked down again. The whole thing is so hard and emotionally draining.

It's ok to feel crap and have a good cry when you need to and then we'll pick you up again to get back on the TTC rollercoaster.
xxx

Oh fod don't cry! Or rather do cry but don't despair. It's so horrible isn't it. But at 29, time is definitely still on your side - loads of people I know had their first in their thirties. Though I do know it doesn't help to think that when really you're just so sad for the one that didn't make it. Big hug. I hope you had a good sleep and are feeling better this morning.

Looking back at my post last night, sorry about lack of posifrickintivity (which my phone's predictive text now recognises, brilliant, it's become an official word!) - I always seem to crash a bit (or a lot) in the evening.

saggy how are you doing? And santa?

topslou Rome sounds fab, am very jealous! We're off to a nice hotel on the coast for the bank holiday weekend - not quite Rome but still can't wait! Also trying to persuade DH to book a fun adventurous outdoorsy holiday that we couldn't have done if pregnant - though slightly stymied by what if I do get pregnant again? Hmm. What have other people done about this? Any genius ideas? Scuba diving obviously out if I'm up the duff...However am unwilling to settle for a week in Normandy with DH's extended family ( who are really lovely, and it will be great fun, but sunshine hardly guaranteed...also, there will be babies).

Ps. guffsmuggler I agree, totally in awe of those people who have been dealing with this for a while and still keeping it together. I'm 3 weeks post-ERPC and not even properly TTC yet (just doing it when the fancy takes us, and god knows when AF is due to turn up, trying not to think about it too much) so still very early on this somewhat crappy journey and I'm already finding it pretty exhausting! You're all amazing. Thank goodness for this thread.

Sitting in my work van, got to start in 5 minutes, crying and trying to get my shit together.

Smile pinned on, apron tied. Here goes...

Ok folks so this is my second cycle post mc (if you can call it that) I'm passing what can only be described as pink water, I'm getting really worried I think sonethings really wrong down there

Saggy - I think you are awesome - I know that doesn't help get a BFP but I hope it helps generally my lovely :-) xxxx

I am an idiot :-( I POAS and it was a massive bfn - why oh why did I do it - all hope I had has evaporated!! I am only 12dpo and didn't use FMU but I just feel this is turning into a wtf cycle - just when I felt like I was getting into a rhythm and recognising what my body was trying to tell me.

On a more positive note I am going to start the couch to 5k today - I'm going to be brave and get out there and not worry about whether people are looking at me or what I look like doing it (well try not to anyway!!) xxx

BDI thanks for your comment it's really really tough and it's made so much harder by people that just don't understand thats the hardest thing, it's still a bereavement at the end of the day and if we had lost someone close to us people would understand that, however it seems so insignificant to everyone else and that's whats really soil destroying.
saggy I really feel for you I really do, it's horrible this putting a face on for the world whilst we are crumbling away inside, your just left with this feeling of longing and emptiness
mummy my body is exactly the same, I'm going to see the dr on wed I think because I simply can't carry on thinkin ' it will return to normal eventually' simply because I don't believe that to be true. Plus after my awful post op experience I'm pretty sure sonethings gone wrong down there

Oh saggy, fod sorry she appeared :(

Seems like everyone's having it tough at the moment!

Well I failed on my first day of eating healthily after eating fruit, veg and only drinking water and a herbal tea we ended up going out and getting drunk! Back on my fruit for breakfast this morning and a run later. Good luck with the run mummy!

I too failed my diet last night and had Chinese followed by two slices of cheesecake

I'm throwing myself into 5:2. I've done 2 weeks so far. It's brilliant! I find the fast days really easy, and I know that the next day I can eat normally, so I don't get the usual dieting obsession for all if the things I can't have. I do have an idea that it might have contributed to the queasiness, but I'm going to ignore it and just keep going.

Thanks for that Mummy. I think we are ALL awesome.

Saggy well done for having a mission and well done for going to work and totally agree - all on this thread are amazing!

I'm sitting down to prep for tomorrow at work - DH and DD have gone out for the day, still savage PMT and crying but did make myself a bubble bath last night and put a face mask on etc to try and make myself feel better - it did work and felt a bit more in control last night.

birdsdoit I'm so sorry you're surrounded with pregnancies, its so hard to have any self preservation - my boss's wife is pregnant too - same EDD as last mc and the woman across the road has the same edd as my last mc - they weren't even trying... it was an accident - just want to lock myself away and then appear when I have a baby. I know people at work are wondering when they will see a bump as I had my first mc at 20 wks last year so they all know that I was pregnant and want to have another.

Ladies - this is not going to be forever! This is a shit time and will be over - its just taking longer than any of us expected. We're also grieving so must be kind to ourselves..... Around this time next year would be lovely to give birth - it will be sunny and warm so anytime in the next few months to get a BFP would be great even though i want it to be asap but must relax like everyone says

love and hugs to you all and here's to BFP in June, July and August ASAP-

Tough days here, really sorry ladies who are having a tricky time. sag so sorry the bitch got you. In one of my first cycles after mc I was convinced I was pg. had all the symptoms. Nature is so bloody cruel. 5 cycles on I now know that no 'symptoms' are reliable for me- I think the only thing I will [hmmm] at is if my boobs get sooooo sore that even looking at them hurts.

fod yep I've had the pink water, I've had most colours, textures, you name it. Back to 'normal' now though. I reckon it is still things settling down.

Ps any more talk of it being too late for second children at the age of 30 and I will properly sob!!

Fod - if you do go to the drs will you report back to us? DH wants us to go this month if there is no BFP but I'm so worried about being fobbed off :-( I might write all my info down (as I find you spend most of the appt giving them your history) and all the questions I have and see if that works - I almost feel like you have one appt to get through to them before they write you off as a hypochondriac!! X

fod missed your post sorry AF arrived and I totally understand, I think to myself often that I feel alone, no one understands, I feel people think it all happened so long ago she must be fine now.... I just think to myself that I never understood what people felt like, I probably said insensitive things too without realised it - fod it will happen and I promise you that the fact you're turning 30 is nothing to worry about - I didn't have DD till I was 35 - make sure you do something nice today. Maybe that's the way - all have something, a massage, acupunture, somehting to look forward to each week ....

emki that is very good advice. Maybe we should all post on a Sunday a good thing for the week ahead?

I'm going to sound weird but mine is my blood test this week- more information about blood levels is a good thing for me, and it's the only thing I work towards until I get them to the right place.