The BESH Old Skool Gin Palais: if you're name's not down, you're not coming in

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Cream walls? Check
Pit of Doom? Check
Obscene amount of gin in well stocked bar? Check

The BESH Gin Palais is open to those who fit our demanding criteria. Seek out the BESHtionnaire and prove yourselves worthy - under 30s and instadiffers will be escorted from the premises

Twinks in over a decade of practice, I have never known a court judge sit past 5pm so I reckon you should be safe.

Twinks You are brave...nay, foolish almost. I admire your optimism but you may as well chuck the forty odd quid in the River Thames. I am a wind baggish Counsel myself but opted for the quiet life and work as a lawyer for the Government.

HORSE FLESHLIGHTS

Go for the compromise, Twink, and book a later showing - there's bound to be another around 7pm, which should give you a bit more breathing space?

hest just imagine the consultant's face when you take it off after dildocam action and pop it back in your bag. Please PLEASE do it.

And for IUI purposes obv. Duh!

Artifoof!

BE once got shown round some Sheiks London pad, where they bred horses. The mares were too expensive to risk a rough mounting, so they had a special horse lift. They put the stallion into a box behind a cheap mare in season, got him all excited and frisky, then just as he was about to go for it, the lift would go up replacing the cheap one with the expensive one and plonk him on that instead.

Noks you've got me wondering, as an ex-costume designer, whether merkins come under the wigs or the costumes remit.. I never had to supply any..

Personally, I'd get one wish flashing lights and bows and stuff. A multi-sensory glam fanjo. Yes, yes, I shall start to sketch some ideas now.

Next showing isn't until 9pm, and as I live in the sticks, with a shit-tastic train line, I wouldn't be able to get home. No, I shall book for the week after as I am afraid of throwing £40 into the Thames.

AIBU to wrap HWCA's birthday present in Thomas The Tank Engine Wrapping paper?

hest I have kindly linked to a FauxFoof. I note the website also has a Wedding Gifts section. Given the rows that develop in AIBU on even the most normal wedding gift threads, I can only imagine what would be said should some happy couple request these delights from Great Aunt Ethel.

Moll the Merkin - wig or costume? question is very like the Jaffa cake - cake or biscuit? question. The answer, of course, is which of the two attracts less tax.

cap'n heehee artifoof. To be fair, these could have doubled-up as both. They could also have been used in Springwatch as field mice extras.

You're a wig jockey too, Noks? Interesting -I bet we know people in common.

(Sozzles for interrupting the artificial foof, merkin and horse shagging chat. As you were.)

How are we hags? everyone bearing up under the grief of the occasion?

Doing fine, thanks Hest.

Watched the procession pass from one of our conference rooms, whilst keeping an eye on the armed police on the rooftop opposite.

Blimey!

Had a riding lesson and getting my hair done, forgot all about it!

The woman next to me in the hairdressers has so far shared with everyone how much weight she put on with both pregnancies, the effects of breastfeeding on her boobs, and precisely what happens and how it feels when the cervix dilates in labour. FFS shut up!

Has she got one of those dryers over her head Twinks? You could always turn it up a notch

euro I am. Don't hold it against me. . What time is your appointment tomorrow ? All set with questions, questions....questions ?

twinks any more of that and you can show her what happens when wimmins bore everyone to fucking death about being preggers. They get a smack in the face with an artifoof and boot up the chutney with a riding crop. I know we haven't put in the group order for our individual artifoofs yet so you may have to improvise with some faux fur, hard back plastic and a couple of bits of bacon.

hest it's been so hard

Massive smirks at "smack in the face with an artifoof"

Incidentally, the suggested spelling for artifoof is Aeroflot.

I love the Aeroflot artifoof.

I hadn't noticed any funeral going on. I am wearing an NHS t-shirt today for no particular reason though.

I have missed the whole thing. I did enjoy copious horsage when pedi-commuting through Westminster this morning though. And lots f men with shiny boots.

noks the appointment is at lunchtime. I don't have any questions apart from "can I do another cycle after my next period?" I tried to get an answer over the phone but couldn't and so ended up making an appointment! It's a complete waste of time and money but we were just going round in circles.

euro fuckers. How can they not give you a straight answer to that ? I am aggrieved on your behalf.

This is me today. My blood pressure is in orbit. I fear I may kill someone.

Pliz tell me this is progesterone induced and not me turning into a psycho hose beast.

Euro I am on your behalf too. wankers.