The BESH Old Skool Gin Palais: if you're name's not down, you're not coming in

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Cream walls? Check
Pit of Doom? Check
Obscene amount of gin in well stocked bar? Check

The BESH Gin Palais is open to those who fit our demanding criteria. Seek out the BESHtionnaire and prove yourselves worthy - under 30s and instadiffers will be escorted from the premises

I just saw a willy. A WILLY!!!!!

The picture of Nimes is making me excited. Almost as excited as a good Yoni massage. We have a hotel there for the second half of our holiday.

I like to imagine we look like TV sexers but in reality we probably look more like this.

Oh thanks Euro! We had a really nice day, Nimes is beautiful but Bordeux still stands as the most lovely French city we've been to to date. Will put them all up when we get home.

rasp if you've never seen a willy before we might need to check whether you've been going about this TTC business the right way

I lived about 45 mins from Bordeaux for a year and never made it there (student so no car and no money).

Ohhhh, I see. So what's supposed to happen once I see the willy? I've been sprinkling baybee dust on my tum tum for nearly four years. is that not what I'm supposed to do to make a baybee?

Rasp I think you're just not wishing hard enough. the dust only works if you clap your hands three times and make a special wish.

Twink FACT: I know someone who grew up on an Indiana pig farm. Pigs don't have sex anymore - the farmer orders frozen pig spunk and then the lady pigs get the baster treatment. This means there is someone in the world who's special job is to wank off man pigs, and someone else who's special job is impregnating the lady pigs. They don't show you that on Countryfile.

I like pigs. They're pre-bacon.

We just had friends here with their baybee, good times had by all and I got so many baby cuddles and a lesson in nappy changing. Also, baybee fell asleep on me twice!

Just make sure the Winkie isn't in your hands when you clap them.

Evening beeatches.

I thought it was Rebecca Loos job to wank off pigs?

Nice whispering draf.

Pliz to be whispering to DNeph2. He's 25 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night. DSis will be most grateful, speshly if you change his nappy too.

Loving the pig facts. Every day's a school day.

I hope you knew my pig fact already, though, Twinks?

Eeeeee! Exciting trailer, Frank! I am SO excited

Noks Arf

Wishing, clapping, sprinkling. Got it. Next month is my month, now Ive sorted the isshoo. Saw some more lesbian action on Spartacus, it's just a big tits/willy fest that programme! With that and Yoni massage I don't know what to do with myself. And before any of you dirty minded filth bags say it - it won't be any of that because there are two very loud frogs outside (the actual green slimey kind, I'm not being racist) and they are distracting MATV terribly. I think the frogs are probably at it though.

I am very very excited about the new Star Trek, and HWCA and I are meant to be off on the day it comes out so I'm looking at booking seats in the imax cinema, BUT I have a trial scheduled to start that week BUT it will probably be well over by Thursday and if I get tickets for the 6pm showing I should be fine to get there, right? Right?

Yes draf I did know that pig fact but I try not to think about it too much, because I love pigs. Darn their deliciousness.

Arf at the rutting frogs putting MATV off, maybe they'll finish soon and rasp can, er, clap and sprinkle?

"Clap and Sprinkle" definitely needs to go into the BESHtionary

Wanking off pigs. Do you think it is a human, a sow or a machine.

Reminds me of the Charlie Brooker Black Mirror episode where the PM had to shag a pig on live TV.

The costume designer for Spartacus obviously went to Allied Carpets and bought a job lot of brown carpet for the mingeroo pieces. No-one's jardin du femme looks.....luscious.

twinks depends in whether you have a thick judge or a particularly wind baggish Counsel. If you do, I fear you may not boldly go to the IMAX for the 6pm showing but may instead be very cross indeed.

I meant to say 'that luscious'. Fucking sausage fingers made me type it all wrong.

norks you are almost certainly correct, and the odds of wind baggish counsel are excellent. You sound like you have some experience in this area. I think I will take the Vulcan Logic option and book for a day I am definitely off. However if the question was "WWKD" - What Would Kirk Do? - then I would risk it.

Don't know about pigs, but the horses use artificial foofs! You either use a dummy for the stallion to jump on, or you give him a real mare and as he mounts her he gets, er, diverted into the collection unit that someone is holding next to her.

It is in no way dignified!

Oh my God