TTC 10+ months Part 13

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Euro - you know italy well then. I am going to Sicily soon for a short break. Central wise I think Tuscany is obviously v nice. Umbria is nice too. Less glam and impressive but nice nonetheless. The North is also worth checking out esp if you like grand historic cities.
Can you remind me of your TTC history? Has Mr Euro had many tests done too?

Once we drove from Brussels (where we lived) all the way down through Italy tot eh South, and the mountains in the North were amazing. There is so much of the place I haven't seen and would like to visit. I love Italy. Mr Euro loves Spain. But the PiL have a house in France, so we usually end up there instead!

I'm I guess on my 29th cycle of ttc now (#28 was our first IVF round). We've tried 3xsuperovulation (Letrozole), 2xIUI, one cancelled conventional IVF cycle and one successful natural IVF cycle. He's had 3 SAs, none of which have been great (all low end of normal with one or two characteristics dipping under normal each time) but none of the drs we have seen have paid much attention to them and gone back to prodding and poking me . However, as I surfaced from EC sedation, ICSI was suggested for the first time ever, based on his relatively poor sample. We declined ICSI and got fertilisation from IVF. I've long wondered about that side of things though. The volume has gone down noticeably and (TMI) it is really thick (one SA picked up on viscosity, but on the other two it was deemed normal). I've been worried about this for health and TTC reasons. He has finally gone to see a dr about it and is having some tests soon. Maybe they will reveal something.

euro I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that the worst is over.
MrP were having the exact same discussion today about why IVF can work for unexplaineders. No real conclusion was reached. Italy sounds lovely, sunshine and good food. What could be nicer!

free Here's hoping that this is a shock BFP. That would be fab. BTW you did make me laugh when you said about popping boozy chocs in your gob

sea I too am miffed that you lose your NHS go if you go private. I can understand wanting to get moving though. I think that you get to a natural point where you are fed up of the endless testing and just want to actually get on and do something.

lemons I can totally understand how you would feel apprehensive about another pregnancy. An MC sounds like a thoroughly horrible experience physically. I admit that I too didn't realise how physically awful it was. I guess I always focussed on the mental anguish. Big hugs.

gin Oh how I love this thread. Yes, like you I started out constipated and may have taken a laxative because I had some fangled notion that if I had to do a big poo after ET I might dislodge the embie?! and of course surprise, surprise went to the other extreme! Our hospital policy is to do EC under GA and that made me horribly constipated when I had my lap. Thanks also for your advise RE the Cyclogest. You are absolutely right. The clinic confirmed that it is absorbed in 20 minutes. Phew!

critter Here's hoping that you caught the egg. A full force shag fest sounds horrific

mrsd Much giggling at eggs always come in sixes. Thank you for making me see the funny side!

joycep I am sorry that you missed your course but a lovely holiday sounds like a nice consolation. Absolutely go somewhere away from other peoples offspring. I hate other people's kids. It's all snot and screaming. I saw the trailer for the Piers Morgan thing and wondered why she was crying. I had no idea that she went through this heartache. I was telling MrP that if we ever succeed in the baby lottery I will tell everyone how long it took and the lengths we went to. If it just gives a crumb of comfort to one person it will be worth it.

ET didn't happen today. We were in the car, half way there and got the call to say that I have "a lovely batch of eggs" and they want to take them to Blasto stage. Apparently 4 of them at at the 8 cell stage. He said some other stuff but I was concentrating on trying not to cry soft ollie that I am So all being well, and assuming that something catastrophic doesn't happen in the meantime, ET will be Saturday. Today is a good day and I treated myself to stupid amounts some 10p Mothers Day flowers that Asda were trying to get rid of. My house now looks like a funeral parlour

Love and waves

What lovely news pout. I am so happy your embies are doing excessively well and that your house looks like a funeral parlour as a direct result.

Sorry about the headfuck sea. Keeping everything crossed.

You can call on me for Italian tips too euro. Love the place and been too many times. Can do The Critter-sister list for Florence :)

Agreed about the frustration with unexplainedness sea. I just don't know how far I want to move to investigations, when I know IUI can work. It is a difficult choice.

Sorry I shocked so many of you with my natural MC description. It was not meant that way. But I am happy it helped euro a little, and hopefully neither of us, nor anyone else on this thread, will have to go through it again.

Waves, I am going to gather some food now. HUNGRY!

The headfuck comment was for free of course. And I do hope it turns into a proper BFP!

Woo hoo pout!

Free - oh god that is a headf*ck. You will have to remind what you are up to as I've also lost track.

Euro - glad you are feeling slightly better at the moment. Unexplained is bloody awful. I just wish I knew what i was dealing with. The thing is they have found bits and pieces with you , like they have with me, i.e. immunes , hidden C - all of which may be a problem but may not be. For the life of me, I cannot get my head round that I conceived on our 2nd month of trying. It baffles me everyday. I do wonder whether your issue is more male factor i must say. I still think it's jst amazing that you got pregnant on your first round of natural ivf and it does bode very well for the future. Sometimes ivf really is just a very simple answer to many people's problems of sperm just not being able to meet egg.
Oh and that's why m/c is so bloody awful, it ruins the excitement of pregnancy for life. There is no way you can relax if you have had a m/c before. but then again, I don't think any of us long term ttcers and ivfers could ever relax during pregnancy, m/c or not.

Sea - aren't we in the same pct? Where would your nhs round take place? Waiting a year seems utterly ridiculous. And yes please PM whenever. Unless money is of no option , then working out the costs of somewhere like the argc is very important. I realised today that actually if money was no option, I would want to be going for another round quite soon. I thought I wanted a great big break a few days ago but i'm not sure anymore. I now realise how some people can't get off the ivf treadmill. If you go with them, it's probably best to go fully with them and do things like the immunes. And there is a huge school of thought that immunes cause infertility and it's not just a m/c thing. Interestingly people who get their immunes tested and find they have high cytokines are put on to humira and many people apparently do fall pregnant when they are on humira.

Critter - i hope you caught that golden egg!!

Dropped in to the Baby White Company this lunchtime to find a present for some friends' new born and I had to leave after a few minutes because I just welled up and very nearly started sobbing when i picked up a furry bunny teddy. It was totally out of the blue as i had been feeling quite cheery. There is something about Easter and kids and fluffy bunny rabbits that just totally hit me. The thought that many of my friends can now throw Easter egg hunts for their kids was a thought too far. And seeing all those diddy clothes....

Anyway Roy and I are having karotyping tests tomorrow. I just feel trapped in one long nightmare that I can't get out of , i'm just in a world of tests, clinics and hospitals.

Pout - that's absolutely fantastic news but I can't stop giggling at your funeral parlour comment!

I was in the bath and thinking about things how to freak you all out and realised that I didn't ask you free about what happens now. Do you have to do a test?

joy So sorry that you got upset today. You were much braver than I to have even gone into the Baby White Company (I get all antsy just going down the baby aisle at the supermarket to buy dog poo bags nappy sacks). I can't believe how kind you are to be buying for a friend's newborn right now.
Good luck with your testing tomorrow. How long until you will get the results?

lemons It's funny I really want to know what the problem is. The unexplained tag bugs the life out of me.

Evening all,

Sorry for your wobble today joy . You have been coping so well and it is totally understandable. I am okay most of the time just now (especially on the downregging drugs because I have been able to let go of the hope of pregnancy at least temporarily) but every once in a while a song will come on the radio or I'll run through a scenario in my head and that will set me off. You asked about how many tries we get on the nhs - it is two rounds up here, which means you can go through the stimming process twice and they will fund any attempts with your frosties if you're lucky enough to get some.

sea I think that we would have gone private rather than wait if I hadn't had to have so many investigations (including waiting flipping ages for an icky colon cam) and then the lap with subsequent recovery time. It has worked out quite well that we are now finally at the top of the waiting list. MrM has a theory about the private goes cancelling your nhs ones that may be accurate. He thinks that the chances of conceiving through ivf decrease depending on the number of failed attempts you've had (although I think that three attempts is a perfectly reasonable number) and the nhs can't justify funding treatment for couples who have already had several failed rounds privately. Hence you can still do a second round on the nhs (in my area at least) if you've self funded the first round. That doesn't really help if you're stuck waiting around with an unexplained diagnosis and a long wait though, but I did find it an interesting debate......

free so hopeful for you but sorry that yet again it isn't a clear cut yes or no. I don't think boozy chocolates will do too much harm

pout hooray for the blastos!!!! That is wonderful news. Does that mean that they expect you to have some frosties? I love fresh flowers so think your cut price bouquets sound lovely - if perhaps slightly macabre .

I go for my last decapeptyl injection tomorrow which I am very pleased about. It almost feels like the start of ivf because this is the final downregging stage before the stimming starts next month. Now that I am properly off the hrt though the hot flushes are getting more and more annoying. I keep having to strip off all my layers and open the car windows. Given the weather we've been having other drivers must think I am a bit odd .

Off to sort dinner. Big waves to lemon, gin, critter, euro, mrsd, art, nelly and the elusive doll.

Ooh and sar - how could I miss you? Hope the waiting isn't driving you completely round the bend!

madness, I'm here and reading you all. pout great news, really excellent. Massive hugs for euro and joy . sar how is the terrible wait today? free god poor you, fingers crossed for good news. Thinking of you all.

Free -aaaaagh, I really really feel for you. So hoping for a bfp for you.

Joy -oh honey I am sorry for the tears. I wish there was a way I could take away the sadness and fast forward you to happier times. The holiday sounds immense. Throw yourself in to planning and buying a holiday wardrobe and good books to bring.

Pour - fantastic news, so thrilled for you. Today is a grest day. Its certainly a roller coaster isn't it.

I like all this italian talk. Any ideas for a budget may time trip to italy?

The longest 2ww in the history of the world is still rumbling on. Today is 12 dpo. Otd is wednesday but my period is due Sunday. Still doubt I am preggo. I did have mild nausea / indigestion for an hour after my evening meal on 10 dpo. But I had eaten some jelly babies which I found at the bottom of my bag earlier that day. I knew I shouldnt have eaten them but it does explain the sickyness. I have no desire to test and just want to get the probable period over with really. Not bring negative just sensible.

Gosh sarlat I can't believe that you are 12DPO already although I'm sure that you have felt every one of those days! Pants to the second guessing over indigestion and sickness. It's so draining BUT not long now until D day. I can't tell you how much I hope this is your time and am keeping everything crossed
You made me laugh about the jelly beans. MrP got some fancy ones for Xmas. 32 flavours.....apparently. I made him share them with me under the guise of doing what I deemed the Jelly Bean Challenge whereby we had to compete to guess the flavour first Saturday nights here are just all go!

madness Hurrah for the last injection and onwards with the stimming. Are you excited? The flowers are lovely. If I ever won the lottery I would have fresh flowers delivered every few days. I keep blathering on to MrP how they only cost £1.30 and how that included a metal bucket too. He keeps looking at me like I have finally gone insane.

Hello doll How are you doing?

euro We went round Italy last year and loved every minute, Turin, Florence Venice and Rome were all great. Glad you are feeling a little better.

sar you never know, sickness could be something else not jellybabies

joy big hugs, you were brave to think about shopping for a baby stuff, look after yourself not others

madness yay to moving on with IVF

free my fingers are crossed for you

pout wahoo go the poutlets, will you put one or two back, you should have some to freeze too

well I have been on the most boring course known to man bumped into my old boss with her gorgeous little baby, he is so cute

I've got a bit of a cold, my nose is already raw and i'm feeling a bit chesty, I've also had spotting today cd 20 too early for implantation so I think AF is going to arrive early so better get on with getting my drugs

The thread is nearly full .

Joy I am so sorry about the tears, but have to question your sanity going in to Baby White Company!! I don't think I could face it even when not right in the middle of a hugely sad MC. You are a good friend. Hope you feel better soon.

Pout woo hoo on the blasts! Fingers crossed for frosties. See - worrying for nothing . How did you feel when you saw the number come up on your phone? I know when I was in that limbo land between EC and ET I felt sick every time my phone rang. Even when we got to the clinic, I kept expecting them to tell me nothing was left and to go home.

Mad I think MrM talks sense on the NHS policy, but still not sure I fully agree with it! I pay a lot of tax and want to get something back, not have to pay even more to go private. Grrr. Anyway the consultant at the East coast hospital told me there was a possibility that might change soon, that he had seen a proposal to that effect.

Glad you are still about Doll. Don't stay away on our behalf will you? We want to hear all about being pregnant!

Sar, no way are you 12DPO, where did that go. Huge huge fingers crossed for you. I am willing that BFP so much.

Lemon I am glad you shocked me - how could I not have realised MCs were quite so horrible? I just imagined they were like a big period. . Thank you for educating me.

I am really getting into knitting and loads of the things I see that I want to try are baby things. I have to keep shaking my head and getting the wallowing thoughts out of there. I can't let that start, it's too painful. The ostrich approach continues. I want a baby so so much it hurts. So I am keeping ridiculously busy to ignore it. I fear it's not healthy but it's the best I can do just now.

Luffs and paw squeezes to everyone I've missed x

thanks for your good wishes. it's IUI #5.

Oh buzzy how could I forget you as well! For one more month I will blame it on the drugs . I hope you're wrong about the arrival of AF but def best to get the drugs ready for the next stage. Are you getting excited?

pout I am excited but also frightened. I know that in a way I am lucky to have a proper diagnosis and not to be left in limbo as "unexplained" but I don't think they know enough about why endo causes infertility to make me feel confident that this is going to work. By all accounts my insides are a bit of a disaster zone so I fear that implantation might be difficult but lots of others with stage IV (severe) disease have had success with ivf and I have the benefit of relative youth although hot flushes are making me feel 54 not 34 so onwards and upwards it is.

nelly I can be philosophical about the nhs funding because I'm lucky enough to be getting it now. Getting the diagnosis is what pushed things forward and being pushy about getting the referral backdated when they mucked it up means we didn't have to try as long as we would have had to if we were unexplained. No way I could have waited until we'd been trying for three years before they put me on the list.

Off to watch Shetland.....

Free -how are things this morning?

Euro -how are you getting on?

Joy -do you feel better after the tears, I think you are very very brave.

Buzz-I am looking forward to your next journey. This is going to be a very special spring indeed.

Madness -you are so close and I am excited for you. Just focus on the here and now. You are right, ivf has got good sucess for those with severe endo.

Warning, self indulgent post coming up. I had an awful night last night. Couldnt sleep and turning things over in my head. I can sense af is on her way, my 3rd ivf cycle is failing. Dh says he doesnt want to do more ivf, to be honest our chances would be low anyway after all these failed cycles. My consultant tells me my natural chances are no better post lap. I fear we are heading for game over. I don't know what to do with myself. Just feel rotten. Sorry.

oh god sarlat I am sorry you feel it hasn't worked out with ivf #3. it's not over until it's over. do you think you need a rest and a break before trying again or do you think you want to draw a line under it? don't be sorry. Of course you feel rotton if these are your thoughts and what you are going through. I send you a big hug.

Thank you free. I really needed that hug. I dont actually want to draw a line under it. But I don't know what else to do. Before when I felt rubbish there was still hope as there was always ivf or fet left to try. Now it feels we have run out of options. My little embryos just wont take. Not looking forward to work today and a family party tonight. I just feel hard done by. I am 33 and probably will never have a baby. Sorry again. Thank you for being kind.

Morning lovely sar. Sorry you had a rubbish night. BUT it is not over yet. First of all this cycle hasn't failed. Secondly, I once read here the following quote: "it will be fine in the end, if it is not fine, it is not the end". So you're not done. Whether that is a break, more treatment, talking with mrsar and planning or grieving, talking to a professional, whatever. It is not over.

On other news according to my not lying boobs I am 15dpo. According to my random dampness, I might only be 10dpo. I had spots in the middle of my LF exactly like when I got diffed. But of course I am not, and it is my cycle playing post-flu head-fuckery.

Unlucky 13 Fred is full (this has been a crap one for lots of us), so I've created a new un here - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1708579-TTC-10-months-part-14-eek

Hope the link/fred work. Am a bit confused by it all....